for New Ones 



^'^Charles Dickens 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



Chap. Copyright No.. 

ShelL...._...i 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



^^ ^:e&^ , yj^. ji^^ s^^^ 4. 



Letter, written on the day before his death, by Charles Dickens 
to Charles Kent, appointing to meet him on the morrow. 



From the original in the British Museum. 



OLD LAMPS FOR 
NEW ONES 

AND OTHER SKETCHES AND ESSAYS 
Hitherto uncollected. 

By CHARLES DICKENS 



Edited, with an introduction, by 

FREDERICK G. KITTON 

AUTHOR OF 

"A Bibliography of Dickens," " Dickensiana," "Dickens by Pen 
and Pencil," Etc., Etc. 




NEW AMSTERDAM BOOK COMPANY 
156 : FIFTH : AVENU E^^-^NfLW : Y O R K 




'S''- 






Copyright 1897 

BY 

N:RW AMSTERDAM BOOK COMPANY 

All rights reserved. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

Introduction, v 

Old Lamps for New Ones, 5 

Extraordinary Gazette : Speech of His Mightiness on Opening 
the Second Number of "Bentley's Miscellany, " Edited by 

"Boz," 13 

Address on the Completion of the First Volume of "Bentley's 

Miscellany, " . . . 17 

" The Ballantyne Mystery Handled ; in a Letter to Sir Adam 
Fergusson. " By the Author of " Memoirs of the Life of Sir 

Walter Scott, " 19 

Macready as " Benedick, " 36 

Report of the Commissioners Appointed to Inquire into the Con- 
dition of the Persons Variously Engaged in the University 

of Oxford, . . " 41 

" Narrative of the Expedition sent by Her Majesty's Government 
to the River Niger in 1841, under the command of Captain 
H.;D. Trotter, R.U." By Captain William Allen, R.U., 
Commander of H. M.S. " Wilberf orce, " and T. R. H. Thom- 
son, M.D., one of the Medical Officers of the Expedition. 
Published with the Sanction of the Colonial Office and the 

Admiralty, 47 

The Chinese Junk, 70 

"The Drunkard's Children. A Sequel to The Bottle." In 

Eight Plates. By George Cruikshank, . . . .75 
The American Panorama, .,..,... 81 
"The Poetry of Science, or Studies of the Physical Phenomena 

of Nature. " By Robert Hunt, 85 

Court Ceremonies, 91 



IV CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

The Agricultural Interest, 95 

Crime and Education, 99 

"The Rising Generation, a Series of Twelve Drawings on 
Stone. " By John Leech. From his Original Designs in 

the Gallery of Mr. Punch, 106 

An American in Europe, Ill 

Capital Punishment, 123 

"A Preliminary Word, " 154 

The Amusements of the People. — L, 158 

The Amusements of the People. — II., 167 

The Guild of Literature and Art, 178 

Whole Hogs, 185 

Trading in Death, 194 

That Other Public 204 

Our Commission, 214 

The Worthy Magistrate, 223 

The Sunday Screw, 226 

A Few Conventionalities, 237 

Lively Turtle, 245 

A December Vision, 254 

To the Editor of " The Times, " 260 

The Friend of the Lions, 263 

The Demeanor of Murderers, 269 

Curious Misprint in the " Edinburgh Review, "... 277 

Personal, 287 

"Allthe Year Round, " 289 

A Last Household Word, 291 

Occasional Register, 292 

Five New Points of Criminal Law 295 

" The Tattlesnivel Bleater. " 298 

The Election for Finsbury, 309 

The Young Man from the Country, 310 

An Enlightened Clergyman 318 

Rather a Strong Dose, 321 

The Martyr Medium, 332 

Explanatory Introduction : the Rev. Chauncy Hare Towu- 

shend, 343 



mTEODUOTIOK 



The fact that the Essays, Eeviews, and other papers here 
collected for the first time, have never (until now) been re- 
printed, will doubtless surprise even those who claim famil- 
iarity with everything which emanated from the prolific pen 
of Charles Dickens. Many of the fugitive pieces included 
in the present volume were apparently unknown to bibliog- 
raphers as the productions of the great novelist, and it is 
only by means of careful research among the manuscripts 
in the Forster Collection at South Kensington Museum and 
elsewhere that I have been enabled to identify several of 
the more interesting of these occasional contributions to 
journalistic literature. 

A few of Charles Dickens' earliest efforts in this direc- 
tion may be discovered in Bentleifs Miscellany, laimched 
by Richard Bentley in 1837. His clever " Sketches by 
Boz" were then delighting the world with their freshness 
and originality, while the immortal "Pickwick Papers," 
then in course of publication, abundantly proved that the 
author possessed a sense of humor, combined with a power 
of expressing it-, which far exceeded that of the average 
writer. No wonder, therefore, that Mr. Bentley was desir- 
ous of oboaining the services of one so eminently fitted for 
his art, and of securing his assistance as editor of the new 
venture. Dickens agreed to accept the position of con- 
ductor of the Miscellany for a fee of twenty poimds per 



VI INTRODUCTION. 

month (a desideraUmi in those days), while at the same 
time it was stipulated that he should furnish the magazine 
with a serial romance, and thus it happened that the " Life 
and Adventures of Oliver Twist" first appeared in its pages, 
embellished with George Cruikshank's powerful etchings. 
The third part of the Miscellany contained a curious produc- 
tion by the rising young novelist; it appeared as a leaflet 
among the advertisements, and was designated " Extraordi- 
nary Gazette." This remarkable literary composition was 
rendered in a style parodying a Eoyal speech, and additional 
interest was imparted thereto by means of a humorous, and 
now almost historical, wood-engraving, designed by Hablot 
K. Browne (" Phiz"), representing the youthful editor lead- 
ing by the lapels of his vest a burly, perspiring porter, who 
is laden with a monster package containing copies of the 
Miscellany, stray copies of which are being rapturously 
seized by an eager throng of spectators. Charles Dickens 
occupied the editorial chair nearly two years, and so valu- 
able was his influence, even at this date, that Mr. Bentley, 
anxious to avail himself of "Boz's" popularity, offered him 
an honorarium equal to twice the amount of his editorial 
stipend merely for lending his name to the magazine for a 
brief period, an arrangement which gained the consent of 
the novelist. 

In the earlier days of The Examiner, the pages of that 
now defunct journal were enriched by contributions from 
such distinguished writers as Leigh Hunt, William Hazlitt, 
and Charles Lamb. During Mr. John Forster's editorship 
Charles Dickens supplied its columns with several articles 
on. various subjects, the majority of which have been 
hitherto undetected by bibliographers. Although the au- 
thorship of these ephemeral papers has never been acknowl- 



INTRODUCTION. VU 

edged or recorded, there can be no doubt as to tbeir origin, 
for the original manuscripts, in Dickens' autograph, are 
still extant. Of he more important articles contributed by 
him to The Examiner^ special interest attaches to his not- 
able criticisms of, and comments upon, the work of his 
two famous contemporaries, George Cruikshank and John 
Leech, partly reproduced in Mr. Forster's biograi)hy, and 
now reprinted m extenso for the first time. The admirable 
description of the Chinese junk was the result of a visit 
by Dickens to this curious Oriental vessel when anchored 
in the London docks; its strange appearance in English 
waters so much impressed him that he was compelled to 
give an account of it in a letter to Mr. Forster, who tells 
us that he " could not resist the temptation of using some 
parts of it at the time" ; hence its appearance in The Exam- 
iner, while other portions are printed in his Life of the nov- 
elist. It is, perhaps, unnecessary to suggest that the mys- 
terious "Eeport of the Commissioners," etc., is intended as 
a burlesque piece of writing, marked by a sense of humor 
so characteristic of the author. In his emphatic remarks 
« x>'>'opos of the pamphlet entitled " The Ballantyne Hum- 
bug Handled," Dickens expresses "his hearty sympathy" 
(to quote Mr. Forster) " with Lockhart's handling of cer- 
tain passages in his 'Life of Scott' that had drawn down 
upon him the wrath of the Ballantynes." 

In a letter dated March 10th, 1844, addressed to his 
solicitor friend, Mr. Thomas Melton, Dickens intimated his 
intention to furnish an occasional leader to The Moiiiing 
Chronicle, the identical newspaper in which some of his 
" Boz" sketches were originally published. It is impossi- 
ble to say whether this intention was realized ; but a clew 
to one of these anonymous productions is afforded by the 



Vin INTRODUCTION. 

above-mentioned letter, where the novelist wrote : " I send 
you a paper with my first article in it, the second leader. 
When you have r6ad it send it me back, as I have no other." 
A reference to the Chronicle of the day preceding enables 
the reader to trace the leader in question, which, treating on 
matters agricultural, is written in that trenchant manner 
favored by Dickens when actuated by a strong sense of in- 
justice or wrong. It will be observed, by the way, in many 
of the present collection of papers, that his political views 
are at once made manifest, and that a vigorous form of lib- 
eralism animates his forcible censures of the Tory party, at 
which he rather enjoyed poking fun, both in The Examiner 
and Household Words, whenever the opportunity offered and 
the occasion justified. 

Several of the articles in this volume, written anony- 
mously for Household Words and All the Year Round, are 
of more than secondary interest, and are really worthy of 
the pen of " Inimitable Boz" ; it is, therefore, strange that 
they have never been included among his "Reprinted 
Pieces." In some instances the original manuscripts have 
apparently been destroyed ; but this proof of authorship is 
rendered unnecessary when internal evidence sufiices to in- 
dicate their origin. Dickens' peculiarity of style and his 
marked originality of treatment is apparent in all these 
productions; in certain cases where the slightest doubt 
presents itself in this respect, I have advisedly refrained 
from reprinting. It should, however, be explained that 
the latter remark merely applies to a very limited number 
of papers in Household Words, for, as regards All the Year 
Round, I have fortunately obtained access to an " office set" 
of that journal, in which the names of the authors are re- 
corded (in manuscript) against their respective contribu- 



INTRODUCTION. IX 

tions. It is probably well known to my readers that 
Dickens sometimes collaborated in the writing of an article, 
thus imparting to it his own literary individuality, which 
has not unfrequently led to the assumption that such essays 
were entirely composed by him. As an instance of this I 
may refer to a paper in Household Words, entitled " One 
Man in a Dockyard, " the initial portion of which, descrip- 
tive of Rochester and Chatham (a locality ho knew so well), 
■was from the novelist' s pen, while the remainder was writ- 
ten by Mr. R. H. Home, author of " Orion," etc. 

Peculiar value attaches at the present time to the paper 
on " The Guild of Literature and Art, " which gives an ac- 
count of a scheme intended to benefit necessitous authors 
and artists. Charles Dickens, Lord Lytton, and others 
distiaguished in literary and artistic circles, were most in- 
defatigable in their endeavors to promote the success of so 
excellent a project, and a fund for the purpose of founding 
and establishing this society was raised, principally by means 
of a series of dramatic entertainments both in London and 
the Provinces, the cast of characters in the selected plays 
including the names of Dickens and such intimate friends 
as John Leech, Augustus Egg, R.A., Mark Lemon, John 
Forster, Douglas Jerrold, and other famous wielders of the 
brush and pen. A considerable sum of money was thus 
raised, and the financial aspect of the new society looked 
promising ; but it unfortunately happened that the '' Guild" 
project itself was not favorably received by the public. 
Strenuous efforts were made to resuscitate interest in the 
well-intentioned movement, which, however, proved insuffi- 
cient to overcome popular prejudice, and the result was 
failure. There is, at the time of writing, a Private Bill 
before Parliament, the object of which is to provide for the 



X INTRODUCTION. 

winding up and dissolution of the " Guild, " and, the House 
of Lords assenting, to transfer the value of existing stock, 
etc., in which the income of the Society was invested, to the 
coffers of the Eoyal Literary Fund and the Artists' General 
Benevolent Institution. The melancholy fate of "The 
Guild of Literature and Art" amply suffices to prove that 
the best of schemes, notwithstanding the support it may 
receive from persons of eminence and influence, courts dis- 
aster unless it is based upon absolute practicability and the 
keenest insight into human nature. 

It will be seen that the article bearing the striking des- 
ignation, " Whole Hogs, " assumes the form of a protest 
against the extreme views of the so-called Temperance Party 
and of those who advocate Vegetarianism. This pa^jer ex- 
cited considerable indignation in that section of the com- 
munity to which it had special reference, and the author 
was severely handled in a pamphlet (published at Middles- 
borough shortly afterwards), entitled "Mr. Charles Dickens 
on the Temperance Reformation," the denunciations in 
which, if he ever read them, doubtless provoked more merri- 
ment than irritation. In the paper headed "A Worthy 
Magistrate," criticising the action of an occupant of the 
bench at the Bow Street Police-Court, we are reminded of the 
novelist's famous attack upon a Mr. Laing, who, some fifty 
years ago, occupied a similar position at Clerkenwell; this 
particular magistrate enjoyed an unenviable reputation for 
coarseness and brutality, whereupon Dickens introduced 
him into the story upon which he was then engaged, and 
we are assured that this portrait of him as Mr. Fang, in 
" Oliver Twist, " was more or less responsible for the dis- 
missal of that imworthy official from a position for which 
his personal traits rendered him obviously incompetent. 



INTRODUCTION. XI 

Charles Dickens' retort upon a trenchant criticism of 
" Little Dorrit" in the Edivhurgh Bevieio, is a very spirited 
performance, concerning which he thus wrote to his friend 
Macready, the actor : " I hope you have seen my tussle with 
the Edinhurgh. I saw the chance last Friday week, as I 
was going down to read the ' Carol ' in St. Martin' s Hall, 
instantly turned to, then and there, and wrote half the 
article, flew out of bed early next morning, and finished it 
by noon. Went down to Gallery of Illustration (we acted 
that night), did the day's business, corrected the proofs in 
Polar costume in dressing-room, broke up two numbers of 
Hoiisehold Words to get it out directly, played in 'Frozen 
Deep' and 'Uncle John,' presided at supper of company, 
made no end of speeches, went home and gave in completely 
for four hours, then got sound asleep, and next day was as 
fresh as you used to be in the far-off days of your lusty 
youth." 

In the October number of the Edinburgh Revieto there 
appeared the following " Note on His Answer" : " In an- 
swer to some of the remarks contained in our review of 
'Little Dorrit,' Mr. Dickens states in the Household Words, 
of the 1st of August, that the catastrophe of that tale 
formed part of his original plan, and was not suggested by 
a contemporary occurrence. The coincidence we pointed 
out was therefore accidental." It will be observed that the 
writer of this paragraph was silent concerning the "mis- 
print" which constituted the principal feature of the attack. 

The statement which appears under the title " Personal" 
was intended as an indignant protest against an anonymous 
libel that had been circulated respecting the novelist's sep- 
aration from his wife — a libel which implicated others as 
well as himself. Mr. Forster considered the publication of 



Xll INTRODUCTION. 

this paper as most injudicious, and held that the novelist 
had altogether exaggerated the public importance of the 
rumor as well as the extent of its circulation. Dickens 
agreed to suppress the statement if a certain distinguished 
man whom he named should disapprove of his proposal to 
priat it; imhappily, the novelist's views were indorsed, 
and the protest appeared accordingly. A few days after 
the number containing it was issued, the printers and 
part proprietors of Household Words, Messrs. Bradbury 
and Evans, were informed that Dickens had resolved to 
cease his connection with them for the reason that this 
statement was not printed in Punch, a journal with which 
they were also associated. This proved to be correct ; the 
novelist was aggrieved and determined to dissolve partner- 
ship. The result of this unfortunate quarrel led to the 
disposal by auction of the rights in Household Words on 
May 6th, 1859, the purchaser being Mr. Arthur Smith, 
acting on Dickens' behalf. It was then determined to dis- 
continue the publication of Household Words, and to substi- 
tute for it (or, to be more exact, to incorporate with it) a 
similar periodical entitled All the Year Round, the initial 
number of which was launched a month prior to the final 
issue of its predecessor, so that during this brief interval 
the journals bearing these resiDCCtive titles were co-existent. 
The editor of the Edinburgh Review (Mr. Macvey Napier), 
as proved by a letter included in the novelist's published 
Correspondence, where he expresses a belief that he " could 
write a pretty good and a well-timed article on the ' Pim- 
ishment of Death,' and sympathy with great criminals, 
instancing the gross and depraved curiosity that exists in 
reference to them, by some of the outrageous things that 
were written, done, and said in recent cases." The pro- 



INTRODUCTION. XIU 

posed paper was approved and accepted by Mr. Napier, but 
was never published in the Review, apparently because 
Dickens found it impossible to Avrite it for the ensuing 
number, owing to the many insuperable obstacles which, at 
the time, crowded into the way of his pursuits. A few 
months later the subject was treated by him in the form of 
letters to the editors of the Daily News, and I may add 
that nearly four years afterward (viz., in November, 1849) 
capital punishment and its degrading effects upon the peo- 
ple constituted the theme of two very forcible letters to the 
editor of the Times, which have since been reprinted. 

The brief missive addressed to the Metropolitan Drapers' 
Association, having reference to the early closing of shops, 
is not Avithout interest at the present day. It was received 
by the secretary of the Association in answer to an applica- 
tion made to Dickens to take part in the proceedings at a 
meeting of its members, and to accept the office of vice- 
president. 

It may justly be said of the letters, now reprinted for the 
first time, that those on " Crime and Education" and " Capi- 
tal Punishment" are among the most valuable contributions 
to the many discussions on important social questions. The 
subject of educating young people of the poorest class 
(which is now giving rise to much controversy in London) 
was one in which he took a deep interest, and this spirit 
impelled him, observes Mr. Forster, "to give eager wel- 
come to the remarkable institution of Kagged Schools, 
which, begun by a shoemaker of Southampton and a chim- 
ney-sweep of Windsor, and carried on by a peer of the 
realm, has had results of incalculable importance to so- 
ciety." Writing to his biographer in 1843, he says: "I 
sent Miss Coutts [now the Baroness Burdett-Coutts] a 



XVI INTRODUCTION. 

there with real honest tears for his memory, and I feel it 
very much. I never, never, never was better loved by man 
than I was by him, I am sure. Poor dear fellow; good, 
affectionate, gentle creature." It is interesting to add as a 
further proof of the sincere friendship existing between 
them, that Dickens presented to Mr. Townshend the original 
manuscript of " Great Expectations, " which, according to 
the terms of the reverend gentleman's will, was deposited 
at his decease in the Museum at Wisbeck, in Cambridge- 
shire. 

F. G. KiTTON. 

St. Albans, England, October, 1897. 



OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES, 

AND OTHER SKETCHES AND ESSAYS. 



OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 

The Magician in " Aladdin " may possibly have neglected 
the study of men, for the study of alchemical books ; but 
it is certain that in spite of his profession he was no con- 
juror. He knew nothing of human nature, or the everlast- 
ing set of the current of human affairs. If, when he fraud- 
ulently sought to obtain possession of the wonderful Lamp, 
and went up and down, disguised, before the flying palace, 
crying New Lamps for Old Ones, he had reversed his cry, 
and made it Old Lamps for New Ones, he would have been 
so far before his time as to have projected himself into the 
nineteenth century of our Christian Era. 

This age is so perverse, and is so very short of faith — in 
consequence, as some suppose, of there having been a run 
on that bank for a few generations — that a parallel and 
beautiful idea, generally known among the ignorant as the 
Young England hallucination, unhappily expired before it 
could run alone, to the great grief of a small but a very 
select circle of mourners. There is something so fascinat- 
ing, to a mind capable of any serious reflection, in the no- 
tion of ignoring all that has been done for the happiness 
and elevation of mankind during three or four centuries of 



6 OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 

slo-w and dearly bought amelioration, that we have always 
thought it would tend soundly to the improvement of the 
general public, if any tangible symbol, any outward and 
visible sign, expressive of that admirable conception, could 
be held up before them. We are happy to have found such 
a sign a,t last; and although it would make a very indiffer- 
ent sign, indeed, in the Licensed Victualling sense of the 
word, and would probably be rejected with contempt and 
horror by any Christian publication, it has our warmest 
philosophical appreciation. 

In the fifteenth century, a certain feeble lamp of art 
arose in the Italian town of Urbino. This poor light, Ra- 
phael Sanzio by name, better laiown to a few miserably 
mistaken wretches in these later days, as Raphael (another 
burned at the same time, called Titian), was fed with a 
preposterous idea of Beauty — with a ridiculous power of 
etherealizing, and exalting to the very Heaven of Heavens, 
what was most sublime and lovely in the expression of the 
human face divine on Earth — with the truly contemptible 
conceit of finding in poor humanity the fallen likeness of 
the angels of God, and raising it up again to their pure 
spiritual condition. This very fantastic whim effected a low 
revolution in Art, in this wise, that Beauty came to be re- 
garded as one of its indispensable elements. In this very 
poor delusion, Artists have continued until this present 
nineteenth century, when it was reserved for some bold 
aspirants to "put it down." 

The Pre-Raphael Brotherhood, Ladies and Gentlemen, is 
the dread Tribunal which is to set this matter right. Walk 
up, walk up; and here, conspicuous on the wall of the 
Royal Academy of Art in England, in the eighty-second 
year of their annual exhibition, you shall see what this new 



OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 7 

Holy Brotherhood, this terrible Police that is to disperse 
all Post-Eaphael offenders, has "been and done!" 

You come — in this Eoyal Academy Exhibition, which is 
familiar with the works of Wilkie, Collins, Elty, East- 
lake, MuLREADY, Leslie, Maclise, Turner, Stanfield, 
Landseer, Roberts, Danby, Creswick, Lee, Webster, 
Hebert, Dyce, Cope, and others who would have been re- 
nowned as great masters in any age or country — you come, 
in this place, to the contemplation of a Holy Family. You 
will have the goodness to discharge from ,your minds all 
Post-Raphael ideas, all religious aspirations, all elevating 
thoughts; all tender, awful, sorrowful, ennobling, sacred, 
graceful, or beautifiil associations; and to prepare your- 
selves, as befits such a subject — Pre-Kaphaelly considered — 
for the lowest depths of what is mean, odious, repulsive, 
and revolting. 

You behold the interior of a carpenter's shop. In the 
foreground of that carpenter's shop is a hideous, wry- 
necked, blubbering, red-headed boy, in a bed-gown; who 
appears to have received a poke in the hand, from the stick 
of another boy with whom he has been playing in an ad- 
jacent gutter, and to be holding it up for the contemplation 
of a kneeling woman, so horrible in her ugliness, that (sup- 
posing it were possible for any human creature to exist for 
a moment with that dislocated throat) she would stand out 
from the rest of the company as a Monster, in the vilest 
cabaret in Prance, or the lowest gin-shop in England. Two 
almost naked carpenters, master and journeyman, worthy 
companions of this agreeable female, are working at their 
trade; a boy, with some small flavor of humanity in him, 
is entering with a vessel of water; and nobody is paying 
any attention, to a snuffy old woman who seems to have 



8 OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 

mistaken that shop for the tobacconist's next door, and to 
be hopelessly waiting at the counter to be served with half 
an ounce of her favorite mixture. Wherever it is possible 
to express ugliness of feature, limb, or attitude, you have 
it expressed. Such men as the carpenters might be un- 
dressed in any hospital where dirty drunkards, in a high 
state of varicose veins, are received. Their very toes have 
walked out of Saint Giles'. 

This, in the nineteenth century, and in the eighty-second 
year of the annual exhibition of the National Academy of 
Art, is the Pre-Eaphael representation to us, Ladies and 
Gentlemen, of the most solemn passage which our minds 
can ever approach. This, in the nineteenth century, and 
in the eighty-second year of the annual exhibition of the 
National Academy of Art, is what Pre-Raphael Art can do 
to render reverence and homage to the faith in which we 
live and die! Consider this picture well. Consider the 
pleasure we should have in a similar Pre-Raphael ren- 
dering of a favorite horse, or dog, or cat; and, coming 
fresh from a pretty considerable turmoil about desecration 
in connection with the National Post-OfBce, let us extol this 
great achievement, and commend the National Academy ! 

In further considering this symbol of the great retrogres- 
sive principle, it is particularly gratifying to observe that 
such objects as the shavings which are strewn on the car- 
penter's floor are admirably painted; and that the Pre- 
Raphael Brother is indisputably accomplished in the ma- 
nipulation of his art. It is gratifyuig to observe this, because 
the fact involves no low effort at notoriety; everybody 
knowing that it is by no means easier to call attention to 
a very indifferent pig with five legs, than to a symmetrical 
pig with four. Also, because it is good to know that the 



OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 9 

Kational Academy thoroughly feels and comprehends the 
high range and exalted purposes of Art; distinctly per- 
ceives that Art includes something more than the faithful 
portraiture of shavings, or the skilful coloring of drapery 
— imperatively requires, in short that it shall be informed 
with mind and sentiment; will on no account reduce it to 
a narrow question of trade- juggling with a palette, palette- 
knife, and paint-box. It is likewise pleasing to reflect that 
the great educational establishment foresees the difficulty 
into which it would be led, by attaching greater weight to 
mere handicraft, than to any other consideration — even to 
considerations of common reverence or decency ; which ab- 
surd principle, in the event of a skilful painter of the figure 
becoming a very little more perverted in his taste than cer- 
tain skilful painters are just now, might place Her Gracious 
Majesty in a very painful position, one of these fine Private 
View Days. 

Would it were in our power to congratulate our readers 
on the hopeful prospects of the great retrogressive principle, 
of which this thoughtful picture is the sign and emblem! 
Would that we could give our readers encouraging assur- 
ance of a healthy demand for Old Lamps in exchange for 
New Ones, and a steady improvement in the Old Lamp 
Market! The perversity of mankind is such, and the un- 
toward arrangements of Providence are such, that we can- 
not lay that flattering unction to their souls. We can only 
report what Brotherhoods, stimulated by this sign, are 
forming ; and what opportunities will be presented to the 
people, if the people will but accept them. 

In the first place, the Pre-Perspective Brotherhood will 
be presently incorporated, for the subversion of all known 
rules and principles of perspective. It is intended to swear 



10 OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 

every P.P.B. to a solemn renunciation of the art of per- 
spective on a soup-plate of the willow pattern ; and we may 
expect, on the occasion of the eighty-third Annual Exhibi- 
tion of the Royal Academy of Art in England, to see some 
pictures by this pious Brotherhood, realizing Hogarth's idea 
of a man on a mountain several miles off, lighting his pipe 
at the upper window of a house in the foreground. But 
we are informed that every brick in the house will be a 
portrait; that the man's boots will be copied with the ut- 
most fidelity from a pair of Bluchers, sent up out of North- 
amptonshire for the purpose ; and that the texture of his 
hands (including four chilblains, a whitlow, and ten dirty 
nails) will be a triumph of the Painter's art. 

A Society, to be called the Pre-Newtonian Brotherhood, 
was lately projected by a young gentleman, under articles 
to a Civil Engineer, who objected to being considered bound 
to conduct himself according to the laws of gravitation. 
But this young gentleman, being reproached by some aspir- 
ing companions with the timidity of his conception, has ab- 
rogated that idea in favor of a Pre-Galileo Brotherhood 
now flourishing, who distinctly refuse to perform any an- 
nual revolution round the Sun, and have arranged that the 
world shall not do so any more. The course to be taken 
by the Royal Academy of Art in reference to this Brother- 
hood is not yet decided upon ; but it is whispered that some 
other large Educational Institutions in the neighborhood 
of Oxford are nearly ready to pronounce in favor of it. 

Several promising Students connected with the Royal 
College of Surgeons have held a meeting, to protest against 
the circulation of the blood, and to pledge themselves to 
treat all the patients they can get, on principles condem- 
natory of that innovation. A Pre-Harvey Brotherhood is 



OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 11 

the result, from which a great deal may be expected by the 
undertakers. 

In literature, a very spirited effort has been made, which 
is no less than the formation of a P.G.A.P.C.B., or Pre- 
Gower and Pre-Chaucer Brotherhood, for the restoration of 
the ancient English style of spelling, and the weeding out 
from all libraries, public and private, of those and all later 
pretenders, particularly a person of loose character named 
Shakespeare. It having been suggested, however, that 
this happy idea could scarcely be considered complete while 
the art of printing was permitted to remain unmolested, 
another society, under the name of the Pre-Laurentius 
Brotherhood, has been established in connection with it, 
for the abolition of all but manuscript books. These Mr. 
PuGiN has engaged to supply, in characters that nobody on 
earth shall be able to read. And it is confidently expected 
by those who have seen the House of Lords, that he will 
faithfully redeem his pledge. 

In Music, a retrogressive step, in which there is much 
hope, has been taken. The P.A.B., or Pre-Agincourt 
Brotherhood has arisen, nobly devoted to consign to obliv- 
ion Mozart, Beethoven, Handel, and every other such ridic- 
ulous reputation, and to fix its Millennium (as its name 
implies) before the date of the first regular musical compo- 
sition known to have been achieved in England. As this 
Institution has not yet commenced active operations, it re- 
mains to be seen whether the Eoyal Academy of Music will 
be a worthy sister of the Eoyal Academy of Art, and ad- 
mit this enterprising body to its orchestra. We have it 
on the best authority, that its compositions will be quite 
as rough and discordant as the real old original — that it 
will be, in a word, exactly suited to the pictorial Art we 



12 OLD LAMPS FOR NEW ONES. 

have endeavored to describe. We liave strong hopes, 
therefore, that the Eoyal Academy of Music, not wanting 
an example, may not want courage. 

The regulation of social matters, as separated from the 
Fine Arts, has been undertaken by the Pre-Henry-the- 
Seventh Brotherhood, who date from the same period as 
the Pre-Kaphael Brotherhood. This Society, as cancelling 
all the advances of nearly four hundred years and reverting 
to one of the most disagreeable periods of English History, 
when the Nation was yet very slowly emerging from bar- 
barism, and when gentle female foreigners, come over to 
be the wives of Scottish Kings, wept bitterly (as well they 
might) at being left alone among the savage Court, must 
be regarded with peculiar favor As the time of ugly re- 
ligious caricatures (called mysteries), it is thoroughly Pre- 
Kaphael in its spirit; and may be deemed the twin brother 
to that great society. We should be certain of the Plague 
among many other advantages, if this Brotherhood were 
properly encouraged. 

All these Brotherhoods, and any other society of the like 
kind, now in being or yet to be, have at once a guiding star, 
and a reduction of their great ideas to something palpable 
and obvious to the senses, in the sign to which we take the 
liberty of directing their attention. We understand that it 
is in the contemplation of each Society to become possessed, 
with all convenient speed, of a collection of such pictures ; 
and that once, every year, to wit upon the first of April, 
the whole intend to amalgamate in a high festival, to be 
called the Convocation of Eternal Boobies. 

[1850.] 



EXTKAOEDINAEY GAZETTE. 

SPEECH OF HIS MIGHTINESS ON OPENING THE SECOND 
NUMBER OF " BENTLEY's MISCELLANY." 

Edited by "Boz." 

On Wednesday, the first of February, "the House" (of 
Bentley) met for the despatch of business, in pursuance 
of the Proclamation kiserted by authority in all the Morn- 
ing, Evening, and Weekly Papers, appointing that day for 
the publication of the Second Number of the Miscellany 
edited by "Boz." 

His mightiness the Editor, in his progress to New 
Burlington Street, received with the utmost affability 
the numerous petitions of the crossing-sweepers; and 
was repeatedly and loudly hailed by the cabmen on 
the different stands in the line of road through which 
he passed. His mightiness appeared in the highest pos- 
sible spirits; and immediately after his arrival at the 
House, delivered himself of the following most gracious 
speech : 
"My Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen: 

" In calling upon you to deliberate on the various impor- 
tant matters which I have now to submit to your consider- 
ation, I rely with entire confidence on that spirit of good 
will and kindness of which I have more than once taken 



14 EXTRAORDINARY GAZETTE. 

occasion to express my sense; and which I am but too 
happy to acknowledge again. 

" It has been the constant aim of my policy to preserve 
peace in your minds, and promote merriment in your hearts ; 
to set before you, the scenes and characters of real life in 
all their endless diversity; occasionally (I hope) to instruct, 
always to amuse, and never to offend. I trust I may refer 
you to my Pickwickian measures, already taken and still 
in progress, in confirmation of this assurance. 

*' In further proof of my sincere anxiety for the amuse- 
ment and lightheartedness of the community, let me direct 
your particular attention to the volume I now lay before 
you, which contains no fewer than twenty-one reports, of 
greater or less extent, from most eminent, active, and in- 
telligent commissioners. I cannot but anticipate that when 
you shall have given an attentive perusal to this general 
report on Periodical Literature, you will be seized with an 
eager and becoming desire to possess yourselves of all the 
succeeding numbers, — a desire on which too much praise 
and encouragement can never be bestowed. 
" Gentlemen of the Reviews : 

"I have directed the earliest copies of every monthly 
number to be laid before you. They shall be framed with 
the strictest regard to the taste and wishes of the people ; 
and I am confident that I may rely on your zealous and 
impartial co-operation in the public service. 

"The accounts and estimates of the first number have 
been made out; and I am happy to inform you that the 
state of the revenue as compared with the expenditure 
(great as the latter has been, and must necessarily continue 
to be) is most satisfactory ; in fact, that a surplus of con- 
siderable extent has been already realized. It affords me 



EXTRAORDINARY GAZETTE. 15 

much pleasure to reflect that not the smallest difficulty will 

arise in the appropriation of it. 

*' My Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen : 

" I continue to receive from Foreign Powers, undeniable 
assurances of their disinterested regard and esteem. The 
free and independent States of America have done me the 
honor to reprint my Sketches, gratuitously; and to circu- 
late them throughout the Possessions of the British Crown 
in India, without charging me anything at all. I think I 
shall recognize Don Carlos if I ever meet him in the street; 
and I am sure I shall at once know the King of the French, 
for I have seen him before. 

" I deeply lament the ferment and agitation of the public 
mind in Ireland, which was occasioned by the inadequate 
supply of the first number of this Miscellany. I deplore 
the outrages which were committed by an irritated and dis- 
appointed populace on the shop of the agent; and the vio- 
lent threats which were directed against him personally on 
his stating his inability to comply with their exorbitant de- 
mands. I derive great satisfaction from reflecting that the 
promptest and most vigorous measures were instantaneously 
taken to repress the tumult. A large detachment of Mis' 
cellanies was levied and shipped with all possible despatch ; 
and I have it in my power to state, that, although the ex- 
citement has not yet wholly subsided, it has been, by these 
means, materially allayed. I have every reason to hope 
that the arrangements since made with my agent in the 
Port of Dublin render any recurrence of the disturbances 
extremely improbable, and will effectually prevent their 
breaking out afresh. 

" I view with heartfelt satisfaction, the loyal and peace- 
able demeanor of the people of Scotland; who, although 



16 EXTRAORDINARY GAZETTE. 

they experienced a similar provocation to outrage and rebel- 
lion, were content to wait until fresli supplies could be 
forwarded per mail and steam. 

" I feel unfeigned pleasure in bearing similar testimony 
to the forbearing disposition and patriotic feeling of the 
hardy mountaineers in the Principality of Wales. 

"I have concluded treaties on the most advantageous 
terms, not only with the powers whose names are already 
known to you, but with others, to whom it might prove 
disadvantageous to the public service to make any more 
direct reference at present. I have labored, and shall 
continue to labor, most earnestly and zealously for your 
pleasure and enjoyment; and, surrounded as I am, by tal- 
ent and ability, I look most confidently to your approval 
and support," 

[1837.] 



ADDEESS ON THE COMPLETION OF THE EIEST 
VOLUME OF BE^^TLEY'S MISCELLANY. 

" At the end of a theatrical season it is customary for the 
manager to step forward, and, in as few words as may be, 
to say how very much obliged he feels for all past favors, 
and how very ready he is to incur fresh obligations. 

" With a degree of candor which we managers would 
display, we cheerfully confess that we have been fairly in- 
undated with orders during our six months' campaign ; but 
so liberal are we, notwithstanding, that we place many of 
the very first authors of the day on our free list, and invite 
them to write for our establishment just as much paper as 
they think proper. 

" We have produced a great variety of novelties, some of 
■which -we humbly hope may become stock pieces, and all 
of which we may venture to say have been most successful ; 
and, although we are not subject to the control of a licenser, 
we have eschewed everj'thing political, personal, or ill-na- 
tured, with perhaps as much care as we could possibly have 
shown, even had we been under the watchful eye of the 
Lord Chamberlain himself. 

" We shall open our Second Volume, ladies and gentle- 
men, on the first day of July, One thousand eight hundred 
and thirtj^-seven, when we shall have the pleasure of sub- 
mitting a great variety of entirely new pieces for your judg- 
ment and approval. The company will be numerous, first- 



18 ADDRESS ON BENTLEY'S MISCELLANY. 

rate, and complete. The scenery will continue to be supplied 
by the creative pencil of Mr. George Cruikshank ; the whole 
of the extensive and beautiful machinery will be, as here- 
tofore, imder the immediate superintendence of Mr. Samuel 
Bentley, of Dorset Street, Fleet Street; and Mr. Eichard 
Bentley, of New Burlington Street, has kindly consented 
to preside over the treasury department, where he has 
already conducted himself with uncommon ability. 

"The stage management will again be confided, ladies 
and gentlemen, to the humble individual with the short 
name, who has now the honor to address you, and who 
hopes, for very many years to come, to appear before you 
in the same capacity. Permit him to add in sober serious- 
ness, that it has been the constant and unremitting en- 
deavor of himself and the proprietor to render this un- 
dertaking worthy of your patronage. That they have not 
altogether failed in their attempt, its splendid success suffi- 
ciently demonstrates; that they have no intention of re- 
laxing in their efforts, its future volumes, we trust, will 
abundantly testify. 

•'London, June, 1837. Boz." 



"THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED; IN A 
LETTER TO SIR ADAM EERGUSSON." 

BY THE AUTHOR OF "MEMOIRS OF THE LIFE OF SIR 
WALTER SCOTT." 

When the Refutation, to whicli this pamphlet' is a reply, 
was put forth, we took occasion to examine into the nature 
of the charges of misstatement and misrepresentation which 
were therein brought against Mr. Lockhart, to point out 
how very slight and unimportant they appeared to be, even 
upon the ref utor' s own showing, and to express our opinion 
that the refutation originated in the overweening vanity of 
the Ballantyne family, who, confounding their own impor- 
tance with that of the great man who condescended (to his 
cost) to patronize them, sought to magnify and exalt them- 
selves with a degree of presumption and conceit which leaves 
the fly on the wheel, the organ-bellows blower, and the as- 
piring frog of the fable, all at an immeasurable distance 
behind. 

Much as we may wonder, after an attentive perusal of 
the pamplet before us, how the lad, James Ballantyne' s 
son, can have been permitted by those who must have 
known from the commencement what facts were in re- 
serve, to force on this exposure of the most culpable neg- 

1 "The Ballantyne Humbug Handled ; in a letter to Sir Adam Fer- 
gusson. " By the Author of " Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter 
Scott. " 



20 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

ligence and uselessness on the part of the men who have 
been paraded as the victims of erring and ambitious genius, 
it is impossible to regard the circumstance in any other 
light than as a most fortunate and happy one for the mem- 
ory of Sir Walter Scott. If ever engineer were " hoist with 
his own petard," if ever accusations recoiled upon the heads 
of those who made them, if ever the parties in the witness- 
box and the dock changed places, it is in this case of the 
Ballantynes and Sir Walter Scott, and the proof, be it re- 
membered, is to be found — not in the unsupported asser- 
tions of Mr. Lockhart or his ingenious reasoning from as- 
sumed facts, but in the letters, accounts, and statements of 
the Ballantynes themselves. 

Premising that Mr. Lockhart, in glancing at the " unan- 
swerable refutation" and "the overwhelming exposure" 
notices of the Ballantyne pamphlet in other joiiruals, might 
fairly and justly have noticed this journal as an exception 
(in whose columns more than one head of his vei^ly was an- 
ticipated long ago), we will proceed to quote — first, Mr. 
Lockhart' s statement of his reasons for introducing in the 
biography detailed descriptions of the habits and manners 
of the Ballantynes, which we take to have been the head 
and front of his offence ; and secondly, such scraps of evi- 
dence bearing upon the allegation that the Ballantynes were 
ruined by the improvidence and lavish expenditure of Scott, 
as we can afford space for, in a very brief analysis of the 
whole. 

With regard to the first point, Mr. Lockhart writes 
thus: 

" The most curious problem in the life of Scott could re- 
ceive no fair attempt at solution, unless the inquirer were 
made acquainted, in as far as the biographer could make 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 31 

him so, with the nature, and habits, and manners of Scott's 
partners and agents. Had the reader been left to take his 
ideas of those men from the eloquence of epitaphs — to con- 
ceive of them as having been capitalists instead of penniless 
adventurers — men regularly and fitly trained for the call- 
ings in which they were employed by Scott, in place of 
being the one and the other entirely unacquainted with the 
prime requisites for success in such callings — men exact 
and diligent in their proper business, careful and moderate 
in their personal expenditure, instead of the reverse ; had 
such hallucinations been left undisturbed, where was the 
clue of extrication from the mysterious labyrinth of Sir 
Walter's fatal entanglements in commerce? It was neces- 
sary, in truth and justice, to show — not that he was with- 
out blame in the conduct of his pecuniary affairs — (I surely 
made no such ridiculous attempt) — but that he could not 
have been ruined by commerce, had his partners been good 
men of business. It was necessary to show that he was in 
the main the victim of his own blind overconfidence in 
the management of the two Ballantynes. In order to show 
how excessive was the kindness that prompted such over- 
confidence, it was necessary to bring out the follies and 
foibles, as well as the better qualities, of the men." 

Does any reasonable and dispassionate man doubt this? 
Is there any man who does not know that the titles of a 
hundred biographies might be jotted down in half an hour, 
in each and every one of which there shall be foimd a hun- 
dred personal sketches of a hundred men, a hundred times 
more important, clever, excellent, and worthy, than Mr. 
James Ballantyne, the Printer of Edinburgh, and whilom 
of Kelso, regarding which the world has never heard one 
syllable of remonstrance or complaint? 



32 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

Of Mr. Jolm Ballantyne, tlie less said the better. If he 
were an honest, upright, honorable man, it is a comfort 
to know that there are plentiful store of such characters 
living at this moment in the rules of our Debtors' Prison, 
and passing through the Insolvent Court by dozens every 
day. As an instance of Mr. Lockhart's easy mode of asser- 
tion, we were given to understand in the Refutatmi that 
Mr. John Ballantyne had never been a banker's clerk. 
Mr. Cadell and another gentleman bear testimony that he 
used to say he had been (which seems by no means con- 
clusive evidence that he ever was), and if he were, as Mr. 
Lockhart tells us he has since learnt, a tailor, or superin- 
tendent of the tailoring department of the father's general 
shop at Kelso, a previously unintelligible fragment in one 
of Scott's letters becomes susceptible of a very startling 
and simple solution : " If it takes nine tailors to make a 
man, how many will it take to ruin one?" 

The descendants of Mr. James Ballantyne charge Sir 
Walter Scott with having ruined him by his profuse ex- 
penditure, and the tremendous responsibilities which he 
cast upon the printing concern. Mr. Lockhart charges Mr. 
James Ballantyne with having ruined the business by his 
own negligence, extravagance, and inattention. Let us see 
which of these charges is the best supported by facts. 

Scott entered into partnership with James Ballantyne in 
May, 1805. James Ballantyne's brother John (being then 
the book-keeper) enters the amount of capital which James 
had invested in the concern, at £3,694 16s. lid.; but of 
these figures no less than £2,090 represents "stock in 
trade," which it appears from other statements that the 
same John Ballantyne was in the habit of valuing at most 
preposterous and exaggerated sums; and the balance of 



THE BALL ANT YNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 23 

£1,604 16s. lid. is represented by "book debts" to that 
amount. Scott came in as the moneyed partner — as the 
man to prop up the concern; even then his patrimonial 
fortune was £10,000 or £12,000; he possessed at the 
time, independently of all literary exertions, an income of 
£1,000 per annum; he advanced for the business, £2,008 
" including in the said advance the sum of £500 contained 
in Mr. Ballantyne's promissory note, dated 1st February 
last" — from which it would seem pretty clear that the 
affluent Mr. James Ballantyne ran rather short of money 
about this time — and £40 more, also advanced to Mr. Bal- 
lantyne previous to the execution of the deed. Scott, in 
consideration of this payment, was to have one-third of 
the business, and James Ballantyne two; his extra third 
being specially in consideration of his undertaking those 
duties of management, for the neglect and omission of 
which, throughout the long correspondence of a long term 
of years, we find him apologizing to Scott himself in every 
variety of humble, maudlin, abject, and whining prostra- 
tion. 

The very first entry in the very first " State, " or state- 
ment of the partnership accounts, is a payment on behalf 
of James Ballantyne, for "an acceptance at Kelso,^^ — at 
Kelso, observe, in his original obscurity and small way of 
business — "£200." There are advances to his father to 
the amount of £270 19s. 5d., there are his own drafts 
during the first year of the partnership to the enormous 
amount of £2,378 4s. 9d., his share of the]}rofits being only 
£786 10s. 3d. ; Scott's drafts for the same period being 
£100 and his share £393 5s. Id. ! At the expiration of five 
years and a half, the injured and oppressed Mr. James Bal- 
lantyne had overdraion his share of the profits to the amount 



24 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

of £2,027 2s. 5d., while Scott had underdrawn his share by 
the sum of £577 2s. 8d. Now let any man of common 
practical sense, from Mr. Eothschild's successor, whoever 
he may be, down to the commonest light porter and ware- 
houseman who can read and write and cast accounts, say, 
upon such a statement of figures as this, who was the gainer 
by the partnership, who may be supposed to have had ob- 
jects and designs of his oavu to serve in forming it, and in 
what pecuniary situation Mr. James Ballantyne — the needy 
and embarrassed printer of Kelso — must have been placed, 
when Scott first shed upon him the light of his counte- 
nance. 

" Scott, in those days, " says Mr. Lockhart, " had neither 
bought land, nor indulged in any private habits likely to 
hamper his pecuniary condition. He had a handsome in- 
come, nowise derived from commerce. He was already a 
highly popular author, and had received from the book- 
sellers copy-moneys of then unprecedented magnitude. 
With him the only speculation and the only source of em- 
barrassment was this printing concern; and how, had the 
other partner conducted himself in reference to it as Scott 
did, could it have been any source of embarrassment at all? 
He was, I cannot but think, imperfectly acquainted with 
James Ballantyne' s pecuniary means, as well as with his 
habits and tastes, when the firm was set up. He was 
deeply injured by his partner's want of skill and care in 
the conduct of the concern, and not less so by that part- 
ner's irreclaimable personal extravagance; and he was sys- 
tematically mystified by the States, etc., prepared by Mr. 
John. In fact, every balance-sheet that has been pre- 
served, or made accessible to me, seems to be fallacious. 
They are not of the company's entire affairs, but of one 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 25 

particular account in their books only — viz., the expendi- 
ture on the printing work done, and the produce of that 
work. This delusive system appears to have continued 
till the end of 1823, after which date the books are not 
even added or written up." 

In 1809, the bookselling firm started, Scott having one 
moiety for his share, and the two brothers the remaining 
moiety for theirs. He put down £1,000 for his share, and 
LENT Mr. James Ballantyne £500 for his; (!) and by the 
month of June, 1810, he had embarked £9,000 in the two 
concerns. Mr. James Ballantyne, even now, had no capi- 
tal ; he borrowed capital from Scott to form the bookselling 
establishment; he rendered the system of accommodation 
bills necessary by so egregiously overdrawing so small a 
capital as they started Avith; and not satisfied with this, 
he grossly neglected and mismanaged the business (by his 
own confession) during the whole time of its superintend- 
ence being entrusted to him. 

In 1815 (the year of Mr. James Ballantyne' s marriage) 
the bookselling business was abandoned; there were no 
resources with which to meet its obligations but those of 
the printing company, and Scott, in January, 1816, writes 
thus to him 

" The burden must be upon you and me — that is, on the 
printing office. If you will agree to conduct this business 
henceforth with steadiness and care, and to content your- 
self with £400 a year from it for your private purposes, its 
profits will ultimately set us free. I agree that we should 
grant mutual discharges as booksellers, and consider the 
whole debt as attaching to you and me as printers. I 
agree, farther, that the responsibility of the whole debt 
should be assumed by myself alone for the present — pro- 



26 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

vided you, on your part, never interfere with the printing 
profits, beyond your allowance, until the debt has been 
obliterated, or put into such a train of liquidation that you 
see your way clear, and voluntarily reassume your station 
as my partner, instead of continuing to be, as you now must 
consider yourself, merely my steward, book-keeper, and 
manager in the Canongate." 

Now, could the dullest and most addle-headed man alive 
be brought to believe — is it in human nature, in common 
sense, or common reason — that if Mr. James Ballantyne 
had the smallest ground of just complaint against Scott at 
this time, he would have listened to such a proposition? 
But he did listen to it, and eagerly embraced it; and in 
the October of that very year this same Mr. James Ballan- 
tyne, whose besotted trustees have dragged the circumstance 
to light from the concealment in which Mr. Lockhart mer- 
cifully left it — this same Mr. James Ballantyne, the plun- 
dered and deluded victim of Scott, announces to him that, 
being pressed by a younger brother at Kelso for a personal 
debt' — not a partnership liability — a personal debt of X500, 
he had paid away to him a bill of the company, and, but 
for this bill being dishonored by an accidental circum- 
tance, Scott would, in all human probability have never 
heard one word of the matter down to the day of his 
death. 

Does Mr. James Ballantyne brazen this proceeding out, 
and retort upon Scott, " I have been your tool and instru- 
ment. But for you I should have been by this time a man 
in affluent circumstances, and well able to pay this money. 
You brought me to this pass by your misconduct ; it was 
your bounden duty to extricate me, and I had a right to 
extricate myself by the use of your name for my own pur- 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 27 

poses, when you have so often used mine for yours"? 
Judge from the following extracts from his letters on the 
subject: 

" It is needless for me to dwell on my deep regret at the 
discreditable incident which has taken place. . . . I tvas 
not aware of the terrible consequences arising from one acting 
2')artner's using the coimrtnery signature for his jjersonal 2nir- 
poses. I assure you, Sir, I should very nearly as soon fokge 
your own signature as use one which implicated your credit 
and jyrojjerty for ivhat belonged to me persenally" 

And then he goes on in a tone of great humility, en- 
deavoring to excuse himself thus : 

" I respectfully beg leave to call to your recollection a 
very long and not very pleasant correspondence two years 
ago, on the subject of the debts due to my brother Alexan- 
der, and I may now shortly restate, that the money ad- 
vanced by him went into the funds of the business, and 
at periods when it was imperiously wanted. No doubt it 
went in in rny natne^ to help up) my share of stock equal to 
yours; but I honestly confess to you, that this considera- 
tion never went into my calculation, and that when I agreed 
that the name of James B. and Co. should be given to the 
bills for that money, I had no other idea than that it was 
an easy mode of procuring money, at a very serious crisis, 
when money was greatly wanted; nor did I see that I 
should refuse it because the lender was my brother. His 
cash was as good as another's. Fersonally, I never re- 
ceived a sixpence of it." 

Personally he never received a sixpence of it! Oh, cer- 
tainly not. That is to say, Mr. James Ballantyne paid 
the money to the partnership banking account towards his 
share of the joint capital, and immediately set about draw- 



28 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

ing private checks as fast as he could draw for three times 
the sum. 

In 1821 Mr. John Ballantyne died, and Mr. James Bal- 
lantyne, petitioning Scott that a termination might be put 
to his stewardship, and that he might be admitted to a new 
share in the business, he comes, under a deed bearing date 
on the 1st of April, 1822 (the missive letter, in Scott's 
handwriting, laying down the heads of which, is given by 
Mr. Lockhart at length), once more a partner in the busi- 
ness. The circumstances under which his stewardship 
had been undertaken, — and this request for a new partner- 
ship was conceded by Scott, — are thus stated by Mr. Lock- 
hart; and the statement is, in every respect in which we 
have been able to examine it, borne out by facts : 

" For the preparation of the formal contract of 1822, Sir 
Walter selected Mrs. James Ballantyne' s brother. We 
have seen that this Mr. George Hogarth, a man of busi- 
ness, a writer to the Signet, a gentleman whose ability and 
intelligence no one can dispute, was privy to all the trans- 
actions between Scott and James, whereupon the matri- 
monial negotiation proceeded to its close; and that Mr. 
Hogarth approved of, and Mr. Ballantyne expressed deep 
gratitude for, the arrangements then dictated by Sir Wal- 
ter Scott. Must not these Trustees themselves, when con- 
fronted with the evidence now given, admit, that these 
arrangements were most liberal and generous? Scott, 'the 
business being in difficulties,' takes the whole of those diffi- 
culties upon himself. He assumes, for a prospective series 
of five or six years, the whole responsibility of its debts 
and its expenditure, including a liberal salary to James as 
manager. In order to provide him with the means of pay- 
ing a personal debt of £3,000 due to himself — and wholly 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 29 

distinct from copartnery debts — Scott agrees to secure for 
him a certain part of the proceeds of every novel that shall 
be written during the continuance of this arrangement. 
With the publishing of these novels James was to have 
no trouble — there was no risk about them — the gain on each 
was clear and certain, — and of every sum thus produced 
by the exertion of Scott's genius and industry, James Bal- 
lantyne was to have a sixth, as a mere bonus to help him 
in paying off his debt of £3,000, upon which debt, more- 
over, no interest was to be charged. In what respect did 
this differ from drawing the pen, every five or six months, 
through a very considerable portion of the debt? Scott 
was undertaking neither more nor less than to take the 
money out of his own pocket, and pay it regularly into 
James', who had no more risk or trouble in the publica- 
tion of those immortal works than any printer in West- 
minster. The Pamphleteers must admit that James, pend- 
ing this arrangement, was not the partner, but literally the 
paid servant of his benefactor, and that while ' the total re- 
sponsibility of the debts and expenditure of the business ' 
lay on Scott, Scott had the j)erfect right to make any use 
he pleased of its profits and credit. They must admit, that 
after the arrangement had continued for five years, James 
examined the state of the concern, and petitioned Scott to 
replace him as a partner ; that so far from finding any rea- 
son to complain of what Scott had done with the business 
while it was solely his, without one word of complaint as 
to this large amount of floating bills so boldly averred in 
the Pamphlet to have been drawn for Scott's personal ac- 
commodation, James, in praying for readmission, acknowl- 
edged that down to the close of that period (June, 1821) he 
had grossly neglected the most important imrts of the busi- 



30 THE BALLAXTYXE HUITBUG HA^^)LED. 

ness whereof lie liad had charge as Scott's stipendiary ser- 
vant; — acknowledged, that notwithstanding his salary as 
manager of the printing-office, another salary of £200 a 
year as editor of a newspaper, and the large sums he de- 
rived from novel-copyrights given to him ex mera gratia, — 
he had so misconducted his own private affairs, that having 
begun his stewardship as debtor to Scott for £3,000, he, 
when he wished the stewardship to terminate, owed Scott 
much more than £3,000; but that, acknowledging all this, 
he made at the same time such solemn promises of amend- 
ment for the future, that Scott consented to do as he 
prayed; only stipulating, that until the whole affairs of 
the printing business should be reduced to perfect order, 
ddjts discharged, its stock and disposable funds increased, 
each partner should limit himseK to drawing £500 per an- 
num for his personal use. They must admit that James 
made all these acknowledgments and promises ; that Scott 
accepted them graciously ; and that the moment before the 
final copartnership was signed, James Ballantyne was Sir 
Walter Scott's debtor, entirely at his mercy; that down to 
that moment, by James' own clear confession, Scott, as 
connected with this printing establishment, had been sinned 
against, not sinning. 

'•'The contract prepared and written by ISIr. Hogarth, 
was signed on the 1st of April, 1822. It bears express 
reference to the ' missive letter dated the loth and 22d of 
June last,' by which the parties had 'concluded an agree- 
ment for the settlement of the accounts and transactions 
subsisting between them, and also for the terms of the said 
new copartnery, and agreed to execute a regular deed in 
implement of said agreement;' and * therefore and for the 
reasons more particularly specified in the said missive let- 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 31 

ters, whicli are here specially referred to, and held as re- 
peated, they have agreed, and hereby agree to the fol- 
lowing articles.' Then follow the articles of agreement, 
embodying the substance of the missive. Scott is to draw 
the whole profits of the business prior to Whitsunday, 
1822, in respect of the responsibility he had undertaken. 
Ballantyne acknowledges a personal debt of £1,800 as at 
Whitsunday, 1821, which was to be paid out of the funds 
specified in the missives, no interest being due until after 
Whitsunday, 1822. Sir Walter having advanced £2,575 
for buildings in the Canongate, new types, etc., James is 
to grant a bond for the half of that sum. It farther ap- 
pears by the only cashbook exhibited to me, that James, 
notwithstanding his fnujal mode of living, had quietly 
drawn £1,629 more than his allowance between 1816 and 
1822, but of this, as it is stated, as a balance of cash, due 
by James at Whitsunday, 1822, Scott could not have been 
aware when with his own hand he wrote the missive letter. 
Sir Walter, I have said, was to be liable for all the debts 
contracted between 1816 and 1822, but to have the exclu- 
sive right of property in all the current funds, to enable 
him to pay off these debts, and as the deed bears, ' to in- 
demnify him for his advances on account of the copartnery ' 
— i.e., from 1816 to 1822. Finally, James becomes bound 

TO KEEP KEGULAR AND DISTINCT BOOKS, WHICH ARE TO BE 

BALANCED ANNUALLY. Now, ou lookiug at the import of 
this legal instrument, as well as the missive which it cor- 
roborated, and the prior communications between the par- 
ties, whom would an unbiassed reader suppose to have been 
the partner most benefited by this concern in time past, — 
whom to be the person most likely to have trespassed upon 
its credit, and embarrassed its resources?" 



-Di THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

How did Mr. James Ballantyne perform liis i^art of this 
contract? From January, 1822, to May, 1826, when the 
affairs were wound up, he was entitled to have drawn in 
all about £1,750. He drew in all £7,581 15s. 5d. Of 
whose money? Assuredly not his own. 

For Mr. Lockhart's explanation of the Vidimtis, and of 
the refutor's construction and distortion of certain impor- 
tant items which go a long way towards accounting for the 
great increase in the accommodation bills, and show how 
improperly, and with what an appearance of wilful error, 
certain receipts and charges have been fixed upon Scott, 
which might with as much justice have been fixed upon 
the Chancellor of the Exchequer, or the Bank of Scotland, 
we must refer our readers to the pamphlet itself, and 
merely state these general results : That, in 1823, the ac- 
commodations of James Ballantyne and Co. amounted to 
£36,000; that there is no shadow or scrap of evidence to 
show that any of these accommodation bills had been issued 
for Scott' s private purposes ; that it is made a matter of 
charge in the Refutation pamphlet that in 1826 they had 
increased to £46,000; that we now find that of this addi- 
tional £10,000 Mr. James Ballantyne himself pocketed (cal- 
culating interest) more than £8,000, and that all the ex- 
penses of stamps and renewals have to be charged against 
the remaining £2,000; finally, that Scott, who is asserted 
to have ruined these Ballantynes by his ambition to become 
a landed proprietor, invested in all, up to June, 1821, 
£29,083 in the purchase of land, having received since 
1811 an official income of £1,600 per annum, and gained, 
as an author, £80,000. Let any plain, unprejudiced man, 
who has learnt that two and two make four, and who has 
moved in the world in the ordinary pursuits of life, put 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 33 

these facts together, read this correspondence with ac- 
knowledgments of error and misconduct on the part of the 
Messrs. Ballautyne repeated from day to day and urged 
from year to year — let him examine these transactions, and 
find that in every one which is capable of explanation now 
the parties are in their graves, the extravagances, thought- 
lessness, recklessness, and wrong have been upon the part 
of these pigmies, and the truest magnanimity and forbear- 
ance on the side of the giant who upheld them, and under 
the shadow of whose protection they gradually came to 
lose sight of their own stature, and to imagine themselves 
as great as he — let any man divest himself of that lurking 
desire to carp and cavil over the actions of men who have 
raised themselves high above their fellows, which unhappily 
seems inherent in human nature, and bring to this subject 
but the calmest and most plodding consideration of facts 
and probabilities — and say whether it is possible to arrive 
at any conclusion but that the Messrs. Ballantyne and the 
Messrs. Ballautyne' s descendants owe a deep and lasting 
debt of gratitude to Sir Walter Scott as the originator of all 
the name, fame, and fortune they may possess, or to which 
they can ever aspire — and that this attempt to blacken the 
memory of the dead benefactor of their house would be an 
act of the basest and most despicable ingratitude, were it 
not one of the most puling and drivelling folly. 

That Mr. James Ballantyne did not know at what time 
Abbotsford had to stand " between him and ruin," — that 
he did not know, and well know, that Sir Walter Scott had 
made the settlement of it which he did upon his son's mar- 
riage, is next to impossible. All Edinburgh rung with it 
for days; the topic was canvassed in every bookseller's 
shop and discussed at every street corner ; gossips carried 



34 THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 

it from door to door ; advocates discoursed upon it in lo- 
quacious groups in tlie oviter house; and the very boys at 
the high school bandied it from mouth to mouth. To Pro- 
fessor Wilson, Mr. Sheriff Cay, Mr. Peter Robertson, all 
the known men and women of Edinburgh, and all the un- 
known men and women also, it was notorious as the exist- 
ence of Arthur's Seat and Holy rood. Is it to be believed 
that Mr. James Ballantyne alone, shut up in his printing- 
office in solitary admiration of his old critiques on Mrs. 
Siddons or his improvements in Scott's romances, was in 
ignorance of the fact while it resounded through the city 
from end to end, or that he could have remained so for the 
space of nine long months? The insinuations put forth by 
''the trustees and son of the late Mr. James Ballantyne 
respecting his marriage, and his throwing his wife' s portion 
into the partnership fund at Mr. Scott's command, are no 
less monstrous. How stands this fact? Why, that but 
for Scott's kindness and goodness he never could have con- 
tracted it. — "I fear I am in debt for more than all I pos- 
sess — to a lenient creditor no doubt; but still the debt ex- 
ists. " — " I am, de jure et de facto, wholly dependent on you." 
— " All, and more than all, belonging ostensibly to me, is, 
I presume, yours." — " God be praised that, after all your 
cruel vexatio7is, you knoiv the extent of your loss. It lias 
been great, hut feto men have such resources." Such are the 
terms in which Mr. James Ballantyne addresses his " dear 
friend and benefactor " when, being deep in love as well as 
in debt, he solicits that aid from his lenient creditor, which, 
after all the cruel loss and vexation, the latter did not 
withhold. 

Euin ! ruin brought upon the Ballantynes by Scott — by 
Scott, who aided and assisted them at every turn, from the 



THE BALLANTYNE HUMBUG HANDLED. 35 

first hour when he found Mr. James Ballantyne, a poor and 
struggling tradesman in a small Scotch town, down to those 
later days when the same patronage and notice enabled him 
to affect criticism and taste, Shakespeare and the Musical 
Glasses, and to get a good business — which would have 
been a better one if he had minded it — and to leave it to 
this very son, who is made to talk about his father having 
cast his bread upon the waters, and so forth, in a style not 
unworthy of Mr. James Ballantyne' s own extravagant so- 
lemnity! Euin! Where are the signs and tokens of this 
ruin? Are they discernible in the position of Mr. James 
Ballantyne at any one time after he had fluttered, butter- 
fly-like, into Edinburgh notoriety through the influence of 
Scott, but for whom he would have lived and died a grub 
at Kelso? Are they manifest in the present condition of 
his son, who has acquired and inherited an honorable 
trade which he will do well to stick to, disregarding the 
promptings of weak and foolish friends? Good God! How 
much of the profits of the last edition of the Waverley 
Novels has gone to the schooling, apprenticing, lodging, 
washing, clothing, and feeding of this very young man, 
and in how different a manner would he have been schooled, 
apprenticed, boarded, lodged, washed, clothed, and fed, 
without them ! 

There is nothing in these transactions, which, to our 
mind, casts the smallest doubt or suspicion upon Sir Wal- 
ter Scott, save in one single particular. His repeated for- 
giveness of his careless partners, and his constant and 
familiar association with persons so much beneath a man of 
his transcendent abilities and elevated station, lead us to 
fear that he turned a readier ear than became him to a 
little knot of toad-eaters and flatterers, [1839.] 



MACEEADY AS "BENEDICK." 

" Much Ado about Nothing" and " Comus" were repeated 
on Tuesday to a crowded house. They were received with 
no less enthusiasm than on the night of Mr. Macready's 
benefit; and are announced for repetition twice a week. 

We are desirous to say a few words of Mr. Macready's 
performance of Benedick; not because its striking merits 
require any commendation to those who witness it — as is 
sufficiently shown by its reception — but because justice 
is scarcely done to his impersonation of the character, 
as we think, by some of those who have reported upon it 
for the nobility and gentry (not quite so limited a one as 
could be desired, perhaps), who seldom enter a Theatre un- 
less it be a foreign one ; or who, when they do repair to an 
English temple of the drama, would seem to be attracted 
thither solely by an amiable desire to purify, by their pres- 
ence, a scene of vice and indecorum ; and who select their 
place of entertainment accordingly. 

There are many reasons why a tragic actor incurs consid- 
erable risk of failing to enlist the sympathies of his audi- 
ence when he appears in comedy. In the first place, some 
people are rather disposed to take it ill that he should make 
them laugh who has so often made them cry. In the sec- 
ond, he has not only to make the impression which he seeks 
to produce in that particular character, but has to render 
it, at once, so obvious and distinct, as to cast into oblivion 



MACREADY AS "BENEDICK." 37 

for the time all the host of grave associations with which 
he is identified. Lastly, there is a very general feeling 
abroad in reference to all the arts, and every phase of pub- 
lic life, that the path which a man has trodden for many 
years — even though it should be the primrose path to the 
everlasting bonfire — must be of necessity his allotted one, 
and that it is, as a matter of course, the only one in which 
he is qualified to walk. 

First impressions, too, even with persons of a cultivated 
understanding, have an immense effect in settling their no- 
tions of a character ; and it is no heresy to say that many 
people unconsciously form their opinion of such a creation 
as Benedick, not so much from the exercise of their own 
judgment in reading the play, as from what they have 
seen bodily presented to them on the stage. Thus, when 
they call to mind that in such a place Mr. A. or Mr. B. 
used to stick his arms akimbo and shake his head know- 
ingly ; or that in such another place he gave the pit to un- 
derstand, by certain confidential nods and winks, that in 
good time they should see what they should seej or in 
such another place, swaggered; or in such another place, 
with one hand clasping each of his sides, heaved his shoul- 
ders as with laughter; they recall his image, not as the 
Mr. A. or B. aforesaid, but as Shakespeare's Benedick — 
the real Benedick of the book, not the conventional Bene- 
dick of the boards — and missing any familiar action, miss, 
as it were, something of right belonging to the part. 

Against all these difficulties, Mr. Macready has had to 
contend, as any such man must, in his performance of 
Benedick, and yet before his very first scene was over on 
the first night of the revival, the whole house felt that 
there was before them a presentment of the character so 



38 MACREADY AS "BENEDICK." 

fresh, distinct, vigorous, and enjoyable, as they could not 
choose but relish, and go along with, delightedly, to the 
fall of the curtain. 

If it be beyond the province of what we call genteel 
comedy — a term which Shakespeare would have had some 
difficulty in understanding, perhaps — to make people laugh ; 
then, assuredly, Mr. Macready is far from being a genteely 
comic Benedick. But as we find him — Signior Benedick 
of Padua, that is, not the Benedick of this or that theatrical 
company — the constant occasion of merriment among the 
persons represented in " Much Ado about Nothing ;" " all 
mirth, " as Don Pedro has it, from the crown of his head 
to the sole of his foot;" and as we find him, in particular, 
constantly moving to laughter both the Prince and Claudio, 
who may be reasonably supposed to possess their share of 
refined and courtier-like behavior; we venture to think 
that those who sit below the salt, or t'other side the lamps, 
should laugh also. And that they did and do, both loud 
and long, let the ringing walls of Drury Lane bear witness. 

Judging of it by analogy ; by comparison with anything 
we know in nature, literature, art: by any test we can 
apply to it, from within us or without, we can imagine no 
purer or higher piece of genuine comedy than Mr. Ma- 
cready' s performance of the scene in the orchard after 
emerging from the arbor. As he sat, uneasily cross- 
legged, on the garden chair, with that face of grave be- 
wilderment and puzzled contemplation, we seemed to be 
looking on a picture by Leslie. It was just such a figure 
as that excellent artist, in his fine appreciation of the finest 
humor, might have delighted to produce. Those who con- 
sider it broad, or farcical, or overstraiaed, cannot surely 
have considered all the train and course of circumstances 



MACREADY AS "BENEDICK." 39 

leading up to that place. If they take them into reason- 
able account, aud try to imagine for a moment how any 
master of fiction would have described Benedick's behavior 
at that crisis — supposing it had been impossible to contem- 
plate the appearance of a living man in the part, and there- 
fore necessary to describe it at all — can they arrive at any 
other conclusion than that such ideas as are here presented 
by Mr. Macready would have been written down? Refer 
to any passage in any play of Shakespeare's, where it has 
been necessary to describe, as occurring beyond the scene, 
the behavior of a man in a situation of ludicrous perplex- 
ity ; and by that standard alone (to say nothing of any mis- 
taken notion of natural behavior that may have suggested 
itself at any time to Goldsmith, Swift, Fielding, Smollett, 
Sterne, Scott, or other such unenlightened journeymen) 
criticise, if you please, this portion of Mr. Macready' s 
admirable performance. 

The nice distinction between such an aspect of the char- 
acter as this, and the after love-scenes with Beatrice, the 
challenging of Claudlo, or the gay endurance and return of 
the Prince's jests at last, was such as none but a master 
could have expressed, though the veriest tyro in the house 
might feel its truth when presented to him. It occurred 
to us that Mr. Macready' s avoidance of Beatrice in the 
second act was a little too earnest and real ; but it is hard 
dealing to find so slight a blemish in such a finished and 
exquisite performance. For such, in calm reflection, and 
not in the excitement of having recently witnessed it, we 
unaffectedly and impartially believe it to be. 

The other characters are, for the most part, exceedingly 
well played. Ckmdio, in the gay and gallant scenes, has 
an efficient representative in Mr. Anderson; but his per- 



40 MACKEADY AS "BENEDICK." 

feet indifference to Heroes supposed death is an imputation 
on his good sense, and a disagreeable circumstance in the 
representation of the play, which we should be heartily 
glad to see removed. Mr. Compton has glimpses of Dog- 
berry, though iron was never harder than he. If he could 
but derive a little oil from his contact with Keeley (whose 
utter absorption in his learned neighbor is amazing), he 
would become an infinitely better leader of the Princess 
Watch. Mrs. Nisbett is no less charming than at first, 
and Miss Fortescue is more so, from having a greater share 
of confidence in her bearing, and a somewhat smaller nose- 
gay in her breast. Both Mr. Phelps and Mr. W. Bennet 
deserve especial notice, as acting at once with great spirit 
and great discretion. 

Let those who still cling to the opinion that the Senate 
of ancient Rome represented by five shillings' worth of su- 
pernumerary assistance huddled together at a rickety table, 
with togas above the cloth and corduroys below, is more 
gratifying and instructive to behold than the living Truth 
presented to them in "Coriolanus" during Mr. Macready's 
management of Covent Garden, — let such admirers of the 
theatre track the mazes of the wildwood in " Comus, " as it 
is now produced 5 let them look upon the stage, what 
time — 

"He and his monstrous rout are beard to howl, 
Like stabbed wolves, or tigers at their prey, 
Doing abhorred rites to Hecate 
In their obscured haunts of inmost bowers, " 

and reconcile their previous notions with any principle of 
human reason, if they can. [1843.] 



BEPOKT OF THE COMMISSIONERS APPOINTED 

TO INQUIEE INTO THE CONDITION OF THE 

PERSONS VARIOUSLY ENGAGED IN THE 

UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD. 

It can scarcely be necessary for us to remind our readers 
that a Commission under the Great Seal was appointed some 
months since, to inquire into the deplorable amount of ig- 
norance and superstition alleged to prevail in the University 
of Oxford; concerning which, the representatives of that 
learned body in the Commons' House of Parliament had 
then, and have since, at divers times, publicly volunteered 
the most alarming and astounding evidence. The Commis- 
sion was addressed to those gentlemen who had investigated 
the moral condition of the Children and Young Persons em- 
ployed in Mines and Manufactories ; it being wisely con- 
sidered that their opportimities of reporting on the dark- 
ness of College, as compared with Mines, and on the 
prejudicial atmosphere of Seats of Learning as compared 
with Seats of Labor, would be highly advantageous to the 
public interest, and might possibly open the public eyes. 

The Commissioners have ever since been actively engaged 
in pursuing their inquiries into this subject, and deducting 
from the mass of evidence such conclusions as appeared to 
them to be warranted by the facts. Their Report is now 
before us, and though it has not yet been presented to 
Parliament, we venture to give it entire. 



42 REPORT OF THE COMMISSIONERS. 

The Commissioners find : 

First, with, regard to Employment, 

That the intellectual works in the University of Oxford 
are, in all essential particulars, precisely what they were, 
when it was first established for the Manufacture of Clergy- 
men. That they alone have stood still (or, in the very few 
instances in which they have moved at all, have moved 
backward), when all other works have advanced and im- 
proved. That the nature of the employment in which the 
young persons are engaged is, by reason of its excessive 
dust and rust, extremely pernicious and destructive. That 
they are become shortsighted in a most remarkable degree ; 
that, for the most part, they lose the use of their reason at 
a very early age, and are seldom known to recover it. 
That the most hopeless and painful extremes of deafness 
and blindness are frequent among them. That they are 
reduced to such a melancholy state of apathy and indiffer- 
ence as to be willing to sign anything, without asking what 
it is, or knowing what it means ; which is a common cus- 
tom with these unhappy persons, even to the extent of 
nine-and-thirty articles at once. That, from the monoto- 
nous nature of their employment, and the dull routine of 
their unvarying drudgery (which requires no exercise of 
original intellectual power, but is a mere parrot-like per- 
formance), they become painfully uniform in character and 
perception, and are reduced to one dead level (a very dead 
one, as your Commissioners believe) of mental imbecility. 
That cramps and paralysis of all the higher faculties of the 
brain are the ordinary results of this system of labor. 
And your Commissioners can truly add, that they found 
nothing in the avocations of the miners of Scotland, the 
knife-grinders of Sheffield, or the workers in iron of Wol- 



REPORT OP THE COMMISSIONERS. 43 

verhampton, one-half so prejudicial to tlie persons engaged 
therein, or one-half so injurious to society, as this fatal 
system of employment in the University of Oxford. 

Secondly, with regard to the Prevailing Ignorance. 

That the condition of the University of Oxford, under 
this head, is of the most appalling kind; insomuch that 
your Commissioners are firmly of opinion that, taking all 
the attendant circumstances into consideration, the Young 
Persons employed in Mines and Manufactories are enlight- 
ened beings, radiant with intelligence, and overflowing with 
the best results of knowledge, when compared with the 
persons, young and old, employed in the Manufacture of 
Clergymen at Oxford. And your Commissioners have been 
led to this conclusion, not so much by the perusal of prize 
poems, and a due regard to the very small number of Young 
Persons accustomed to University Employment who distin- 
guish themselves in after-life, or become in any way healthy 
and wholesome — as by immediate reference to the evidence 
taken on the two Commissions, and an impartial considera- 
tion of the two classes of testimony, side by side. 

That it is unquestionably true that a boy was examined 
under the Children's Employment Commission, at Brinsley, 
in Derbyshire, who had been three years at school, and 
could not spell "Church;" whereas there is no doubt that 
the persons employed in the University of Oxford can all 
spell Church with great readiness, and, indeed, very seldom 
spell anything else. But, on the other hand, it must not 
be forgotten that, in the minds of the persons employed in 
the University of Oxford, such comprehensive words as 
justice, mercy, charity, kindness, brotherly love, forbear- 
ance, gentleness, and Good Works, awaken no ideas what- 
ever j while the evidence shows that the most preposterous 



44 REPORT OP THE COMMISSIONERS. 

notions are attached to the mere terms Priest and Faith. 
One young person, employed in a Mine, had no other idea 
of a Supreme Being than " that he had heard him constantly 
damned at;" but use the verb to damn, in this horrible 
connection with the Fountain Head of Mercy, in the ac- 
tive sense, instead of in the passive one; and make the 
Deity the nominative case instead of the objective; and 
how many persons employed in the University of Oxford 
have their whole faith in, and whole knowledge of, the 
Maker of the World, presented in a worse and far more 
impious sentence! 

That the answers of persons employed in the said Uni- 
versity, to questions put to them by the Sub-Commissioners 
in the progress of this inquiry, bespoke a moral degrada- 
tion infinitely lower than any brought to light in Mines and 
Factories; as may be gathered from the following exam- 
ples. A vast number of witnesses being interrogated as 
to what they understood by the words Religion and Salva- 
tion, answered Lighted Candles. Some said water; some, 
bread ; others, little boys ; others mixed the water, lighted 
candles, bread, and little boys all up together, and called 
the compound Faith. Others again, being asked if they 
deemed it to be matter of great interest in Heaven, and of 
high moment in the vast scale of creation, whether a poor 
human priest should put on, at a certain time, a white robe 
or a black one ; or should turn his face to the East or to 
the West; or should bend his knees of clay; or stand, or 
worm on end upon the earth ; said, " Yes, they did :" and 
being further questioned, whether a man could hold such 
mummeries in his contempt, and pass to everlasting rest, 
said boldly, ''No." {See Evidence of Pusey and others.) 

And one boy (quite an old boy, too, who might have 



REPORT OP THE COMMISSIONERS. 45 

Tmown better) being interrogated in a public class, as to 
whether it was his opinion that a man who professed to go 
to church was of necessity a better man than one who went 
to chapel, also answered " Yes;" which your Commissioners 
submit is an example of ignorance, besotted dulness, and 
obstinacy, wholly without precedent in the inquiry limited 
to Mines and Factories ; and is such as the system of labor 
adopted in the University of Oxford, could alone produce. 
(See Evidence of Inglis.) In the former Commission, one 
boy anticipated all examination by volunteering the re- 
mark, "that he wasn't no judge of nuffin;" but the persons 
employed in the University of Oxford, almost to a man, 
concur in saying "that they ain't no judges of nufl&n," 
(with the unimportant exception of other men's souls) ; and 
that, believing in the divine ordination of any minister to 
whom they may take a fancy, "they ain't answerable for 
nuffia to nobody ;" which your Commissioners again sub- 
mi ., is an infinitely worse case, and is fraught with much 
greater mischief to the general welfare. {See the Evidence 
in general. ) 

We humbly represent to your Majesty that the persons 
who give these answers, and hold these opinion, and are in 
this alarming state of ignorance and bigotry, have it in their 
power to do much more evil than the other ill-qualified 
teachers of Yoimg Persons employed in Mines and Facto- 
ries, inasmuch as those were voluntary instructors of youth, 
who can be removed at will, and as the public improvement 
demands, whereas these are the appointed Sunday teachers 
of the empire, forced by law upon your Majesty's subjects, 
and not removable for incompetence or misconduct other- 
wise than by certain overseers called Bishops, who are, in 
general, more incompetent and worse conducted than them- 



46 REPOET OF THE COMMISSIONERS. 

selves ; wherefore, it is our loyal duty to recommend to your 
Majesty tliat the pecuniary, social, and political privileges, 
now arising from the degradation and debasement of the 
minds and morals of your Majesty's subjects, be no longer 
granted to these persons ; or at least that if they continue 
to exercise an exclusive power of conferring learned de- 
grees and distinctions, the titles of the same be so changed 
and altered, that they may in some degree express the 
tenets in right of which they are bestowed. And this, we 
suggest to your Majesty, may be done without any great 
violation of the true Conservative principle : inasmuch as 
the initial letters of the present degrees (not by any means 
the least important parts of them) may still be retained 
as Bachelor of Absurdity, Master of Arrogance, Doctor of 
Church Lunacy, and the like. 
All which we humbly certify to your Majesty. 
Thomas Tooke (L.S.) 
T. SouTHWooD Smith (L.S.) 
Leonard Horner (L.S.) 
KoBT. J, Saunders (L.S.) 
Westminster, June 1, 1843. 



"NAERATIVE OF THE EXPEDITION SENT BY 

HER MAJESTY'S GOVERNMENT TO THE 

RIVER NIGER IN 1841, UNDER 

THE COMMAND OF CAPTAIN 

H. D. TROTTER, R.U." 

BY CAPTAIN WILLIAM ALLEN, R.U., COMMANDER OF H.M.S. 

"WILBERFORCE," AND T. R. H. THOMSON, M.D., ONE OF 

THE MEDICAL OFFICERS OP THE EXPEDITION. 

PUBLISHED WITH THE SANCTION OP THE 

COLONIAL OFFICE AND THE ADMIRALTY. 

It might be laid down as a very good general rule of 
social and political guidance, that whatever Exeter Hall 
champions, is the thing by no means to be done. If it 
were harmless on a cursory view, if it even appeared to 
have some latent grain of common-sense at the bottom of 
it — which is a very rare ingredient in any of the varieties 
of gruel that are made thick and slab by the weird old 
women who go about, and exceedingly roundabout, on the 
Exeter Hall platform — such advocacy might be held to be 
a final and fatal objection to it, and to any project capable 
of origination in the wisdom or folly of man. 

The African Expedition, of which these volumes, contain 

1 "Narrative of the Expedition sent by Her Majesty's Govern- 
ment to the River Niger in 1841, under the command of Captain 
H. D. Trotter, R.U." By Captain William Allen, R.U., Com- 



48 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

the melancholy history, is in no respect an exception to the 
rule. Exeter Hall was not in its behalf, and it failed. 
Exeter Hall was hottest on its weakest and most hopeless 
objects, and in those it failed (of course) most signally. 
Not, as Captain Allen justly claims for himself and his 
gallant comrades, not through any want of courage and 
seK-devotion on the part of those to whom it was in- 
trusted; the sufferings of all, the deaths of many, the 
dismal wear and tear of stout frames and brave spirits, 
sadly attest the fact; — but because, if the ends sought to 
be attained are to be won, they must be won by other 
means than the exposure of inestimable British lives to 
certain destruction by an enemy against which no gallantry 
can contend, and the enactment of a few broad farces for 
the entertainment of a King Obi, King Boy, and other 
such potentates, whose respect for the British force is, 
doubtless, likely to be very much enhanced by their relish- 
ing experience of British credulity in such representations, 
and our perfect impotency in opposition to their climate, 
their falsehood, and deceit. 

The main ends to be attained by the Expedition were 
these : The abolition, in great part, of the Slave-trade, by 
means of treaties with native chiefs, to whom were to be 
explained the immense advantages of general unrestricted 
commerce with Great Britain in lieu thereof; the substi- 
tution of free for slave labor in the dominions of those 
chiefs ; the introduction into Africa of an improved system 
of agricultural cultivation; the abolition of human sacri- 
fices; the diffusion among those Pagans of the true doc- 

mander of H. M. S. Wilberforce, and T. R. H. Thomson, M.D., 
one of the medical officers of the Expedition. Published with the 
sanction of the Colonial Office and the Admiralty 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 49 

trines of Christianity ; and a few other trifling points, no 
less easy of attainment. A glance at this short list, and a 
retrospective glance at the great number of generations dur- 
ing which they have all been comfortably settled in our own 
civilized land, never more to be the subjects of dispute, will 
tend to materially remove any aspect of slight difficulty 
they may present. To make the treaties, certain officers of 
the Expedition were constituted her Majesty's Commis- 
sioners. To render them attractive to the native chiefs, a 
store of presents was provided. And to enforce them, " one 
or more small forts " were to be built, on land to be bought 
for the purpose on the banks of the Niger; which forts 
were, " to assist in the abolition of the Slave Trade, and 
further the innocent trade of her Majesty's subjects." 
The Niger was to be explored, the resources and produc- 
tions of the country were to be inquired into and reported 
on, and various important and scientific observations, as- 
tronomical, geographical, and otherwise, were to be made ; 
but these were by the way. A Model Farm was to be es- 
tablished by an agricultural society at home; and besides 
allowing stowage-room on board the ships for its various 
stores, implements, etc., the Admiralty granted a free pas- 
sage to Mr. Alfred Carr, a West Indian gentleman of col- 
or, engaged as its superintendent. By all these means 
combined, as Mr. Lustington and Sir Thomas Fowell Bux- 
ton wrote to Lord John Kussell, who was then Colonial 
Secretary, the people of Africa were "to be awakened to 
a proper sense of their own degradation." 

On this awakening mission three vessels were appointed. 

They were flat-bottomed iron steam vessels, built for the 

purpose. The Albert and the Wilherforce, each 139 feet 

4 inches in length, and 27 feet in breadth of beam, and 

4 



50 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

drawing 5 feet water, were in all respects exactly alike. 
The Soudan, intended for detached service, was much 
smaller, and drew a foot and a half less water. They were 
very ingeniously conceived, with certain rudder-tails and 
sliding keels for sea service ; but they performed most un- 
accountable antics in bad weather, and had a perverse ten- 
dency to go to leeward, which nothing would conquer. Dr. 
Reid fitted them up with what " My Lords" describe as an 
ingenious and costly ventilating apparatus, the preparation 
of which occasioned a loss of much valuable time, and the 
practical effect of which was to suffocate the crews. '" That 
truly amiable Prince," the Prince Consort, came on board 
at Woolwich, and gave a handsome gold chronometer to 
each of the three captains. The African Civilization So- 
ciety came down with a thousand pounds. The Church of 
England Missionary Society provided a missionary and a 
catechist. Exeter Hall, in a ferment, was forever block- 
ing up the gangway. At last, on the 12th of May, 1841, 
at half-past six in the morning, the line-of-battle ships 
anchored in Plymouth Sound gave three cheers to the Ex- 
pedition as it steamed away, unknowing, for " the Gate of 
the Cemetery." Such was the sailors' name, thereafter, for 
the entrance to the fatal river whither they were bound. 

At Sierra Leone, in the middle of June following, the 
interpreters were taken on board, together with some lib- 
erated Africans, their wives and children, who were en- 
gaged there by Mr. Carr as laborers on the Model Farm. 
Also, a large gang of Krumen to assist in working the ves- 
sels, and to save the white men as much as possible from 
exposure to the sun and heavy rains. Of these negroes— a 
faithful, cheerful, active, affectionate race — a very inter- 
esting account is given 5 which seems to render it clear that 



NAERATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 51 

they, under civilized direction, are the only hopeful human 
agents to whom recourse can ultimately be had for aid in 
working out the slow and gradual raising up of Africa. 
Those eminent Krumen, Jack Flying Pan, King George, 
Prince Albert, Jack Sprat, Bottle-of-Beer, Tom Tea-Kettle, 
the Prince of Wales, the Duke of York, and some four-score 
others, enrolled themselves on the ships' books, here, under 
Jack Andrews, their head man; and these being joined, at 
Cape Palmas, by Jack Smoke, Captain Allen's faithful 
servant and attendant in sickness in his former African ex- 
pedition, the complement was complete. Thence the Expe- 
dition made for Cape Coast Castle, where much valuable 
assistance was desired from Governor MacLean ; and thence 
for the Nun branch of the Niger — the Gate of the Cemetery.' 

' Most English readers will be as unwilling as the manly writers 
of these volumes to leave one spot at Cape Coast Castle, without a 
word of remembrance. 

"In passing across the square within the walls, an object of deep 
interest presents itself in the little space containing all that was 
mortal of the late Mrs. McLean ; the once well-known, amiable, and 
accomplished L. E. L. A plain marble slab, bearing the follow- 
ing inscription, is placed over the spot : 

Hie jacet sepultum 
Omne quod mortale fuit 
Letiti/e Elizabetii.e McLean, 
Quam, egregia ornatam indole, Musis 
Unice amatam. Omniumque amores 
Secum trahentem ; in ipso aitatis, flore 
Mors immatura rapuit. 
Die Octobris XV., MDCCCXXXVIIL, setatis XXXVL 
Quod spectas, viator, marmor vanum, 
Heu ! doloris monumentum, 
Conjux ma'rens erexit. 

"The beams of the setting sun throw a rich but subdued color- 



52 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

After a fortnight's voyage up the river the Royal resi- 
dence of King Obi was reached. A solemn conference with 
this sovereign was soon afterwards held on board the Al- 
bert. His Majesty was dressed in a sergeant-major's coat, 
given him by Lander, and a loose pair of scarlet trousers, 
presented to him on the same occasion, and a conical black 
velvet cap was stuck on his head in a slanting manner. 
The following extracts describe the process of 

TEEATY-MAKING WITH OBI. 

On being shown to the after part of the quarter-deck, where seats 
were provided for himself and the Commissioners, he sat down to 
collect his scattered ideas, which appeared to be somewhat bewil- 
dered ; and after a few complimentary remarks from Captain Trot- 
ter and the other Commissioners, the conference was opened. 

Captain Trotter, Senior Commissioner, explained to Obi Osai", 
that her Majesty the Queen of Great Britain had sent him and the 
three other gentlemen composing the Commission, to endeavor to 
enter into treaties with African ohiefs for the abolition of the trade 
in human beings, which her Majesty and all the British nation held 
to be an injustice to their fellow-creatures, and repugnant to the 
laws of God ; that the vessels which he saw were not trading-ships, 
but belonging to our Queen, and were sent, at great expense, ex- 
pressly to convey the Commissioners appointed by her Majesty, for 
the purpose of carrying out her benevolent intentions for the benefit 
of Africa. Captain Trotter therefore requested the King to give 
a patient hearing to what the Commissioners had to say to him on 
the subject. 

Obi expressed himself through his interpreter, or "mouth," much 

ing over the place, and as we stood in sad reflection on the fate of 
the gifted poetess, some fine specimens of the Hinindo Senegalensis, 
or African swallow, fluttered gracefully about, as if to keep watch 
over a spot sacred indeed to the muses ; while tlie noise of the sea, 
breaking on the not distant shore, seemed to murmur a requiem 
over departed genius. " 



NARRATIVE OP THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 53 

gratified at our visit ; that he understood what was said, and would 
pay attention. 

The Commissioners then explained that the principal object in 
inviting him to a conference was to point out the injurious effects 
to himself and to his people of the practice of selling their slaves, 
thus depriving themselves of their services forever, for a trifling 
sum ; vi^hereas, if these slaves were kept at home, and employed in 
the cultivation of the laud, in collecting palm-oil or other produc- 
tion of the country for commerce, they would prove a permanent 
source of revenue. Obi replied, that he was very willing to do 
away with the slave-trade if a better traffic could be substituted. 

Commissioners. — Does Obi sell slaves from his own dominions? 

Oci. — No ; they come from countries far away. 

CoMMissiONEKS. — Docs Obi make war to procure slaves? 

Obi. — When other chiefs quarrel with me and make war, I take 
all I can as slaves. 

Commissioners. — What articles of trade are best suited to your 
people, or what would you like to be brought to your country? 

Obi.— Cowries, cloth, muskets, powder, handkerchiefs, coral 
beads, hats — anything from the white man's coimtry will please. 

Commissioners. — You are the King of this country, as our Queen 
is the sovereign of Great Britain ; but she does not wish to trade 
with you ; she only desires that her subjects may trade fairly with 
yours. Would they buy salt? 

Obi. — Yes. 

Commissioners. — The Queen of England's subjects would be 
glad to trade for raw cotton, indigo, ivory, gums, camwood. Now 
have your people these things to offer in return for English trade- 
goods? 

Obi. — Yes. 

Cojimissioners. — Englishmen will bring everything to trade but 
rum or spirits, which are injurious. If you induce your subjects to 
cultivate the gi'ound, you will all become rich ; but if you sell 
slaves, the land will not be cultivated, and you will become poorer 
by the traffic. If you do all these things which we advise you for 
your own benefit, our Queen will grant j'ou for your own profit and 
revenue, one out of every twenty articles sold by British subjects in 
the Abdh territory, so that the more you persuade your people to 



54 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

exchange native produce for British goods, the richer you will be- 
come. You "will then have a regular profit, enforced by treaty, 
instead of trusting to a "Dash" or present, which depends on the 
•willingness of the traders. 

Obi. — I will agree to discontinue the slave-trade, but I expect 
the English to bring goods for traffic. 

Commissioners. — The Queen's subjects cannot come here to 
trade, unless they are certain of a proper supply of your produce. 

Obi. — I have plenty of palm-oil. 

Commissioners. — Mr. Schon, missionary, will explain to you in 
the Hu language what the Queen wishes, and if you do not under- 
stand it shall be repeated. 

Mr. Schon began to read the address drawn up for the purpose of 
showing the different tribes what the views of the Expedition were ; 
but Obi soon appeared to be tired of a palaver which lasted so 
much longer than those to which he was accustomed. He mani- 
fested some impatience, and at last said : " I have made you a prom- 
ise to drop this slave-trade, and do not wish to hear anything more 
about it. " 

Commissioners.— Our Queen will be much pleased if you do, and 
you will receive the presents which she sent for you. When people 
in the white man's country sign a treaty or agreement, they always 
abide by it. The Queen cannot come to speak to you, Obi Osai", 
but she sends us to make the treaty for her. 

Obi. — I can only engage my word for my own country. 

Commissioners. — You cannot sell your slaves if you wish, for 
our Queen has many war-ships at the mouth of the river, and Span- 
iards are afraid to come and buy here. 

Obi. — I understand. 

He seemed to be highly amused on our describing the difficulties 
the slave-dealers have to encounter in the prosecution of the trade ; 
and on one occasion he laughed immoderately when told that our 
cruisers often captured slave-ships, with the cargo on board. We 
suspected, however, that much of his amusement arose from his 
knowing that slaves were shipped off at parts of the coast little 
tliought of by us. The abundance of Brazilian rum in Ab6h 
showed that they often traded with nations who have avowedly no 
other object, 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 55 

It is not difficult to imagine tliat Obi was "highly 
amused" with the whole " palaver, " except when the recol- 
lection of its interposing between him and the presents made 
him restless. For nobody kneAv better than Obi what a 
joke it all was, as the result very plainly showed. 

Some of the presents were now brought in, which Obi looked at 
with evident pleasure. His anxiety to examine them completed his 
inattention to the rest of the palaver. 

CoMMissiONEKS. — These are not all the presents that will be given 
to you. We wish to know if you are willing to stop boats carrying 
slaves through the waters of your dominions. 

Obi. — Yes, very willing ; except those I do not see. 

Commissioners. — Also to prevent slaves being carried over your 
land. 

Obi. — Certainly ; but the English must furnish me and my people 
with arms, as my doing so will involve me in war with my neigh- 
bors. 

Obi then retired for a short time to consult with his headmen. 

Commissioners {o)i Jiis return). — Have you power to make an 
agreement with the Commissioners in the name of all your sub- 
jects? 

Obi. — I am the King. "What I say is law. Are there two Kings 
in England? There is only one here. 

Commissioners. — Understanding you have sovereign power, can 
you seize slaves on the river? 

Obi.— Yes. 

CoMSiissiONERS. — You must set them free. 

Obi. — Yes {s)iapping Ins fingers several times). 

Commissioners. — The boats must be destroyed. 

Obi. — I will break the canoe, but kill no one. 

Commissioners. — Suppose a man-of-war takes a canoe, and it is 
proved to be a slaver, the officer's word must be taken by the King. 
You, Obi, or some one for you, can be present to see justice done. 

Obi. — I understand. 

Commissioners. — Any new men coming henceforth to Aboh are 
not to be made slaves. 



66 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

Obi. — Very good. 

Commissioners. — If any King, or other person, sends down 
slaves. Obi must not buy them. 

Obi. — I will not go to market to sell slaves. 

Commissioners. — Any white men that are enslaved are to be made 
free. 

The Commissioners here alluded to the case of the Landers ; and 
asked Obi if he did not remember the circumstance of their being 
detained some time as slaves. Obi, turning round to his sons and 
headmen, appealed to them, and then denied all knowledge of Lan- 
der's detention. 

Commissioners. — British people who settled in Abtih must be 
treated as friends, in the same way as Obi's subjects would be if 
they were in England. 

Obi. — What you say to me I will hold fast and perform. 

Commissioners. — People may come here, and follow their own 
religion without annoyance? Our countrymen will be happy to 
teach our religion, without which blessing we should not be pros- 
perous as a nation, as we now are. 

Obi. — Yes, let them come ; we shall be glad to hear them. 

Commissioners. — British people may trade with your people; 
but whenever it may be in Aboh, one-twentieth part of the goods 
sold is to be given to the King. Are you pleased with this? 

Obi. — Yes. "JfaMa"— It is good (snajjping Ms fingers) . 

Commissioners. — Is there any road from Aboh to Benin? 

Obi. — Yes. 

Commissioners. — They must all be open to the English. 

Obi. — Yes. 

Commissioners. —All the roads in England are open alike to all 
foreigners. 

Obi. — In this way of trade I am agreeable. 

Commissioners. —Will Obi let the English build, cultivate, buy, 
and sell, without annoyance? 

Obi. — Certainly. 

CoMjnssiONERS.— If your people do wrong to them, will you 
punish them? 

Obi. — They shall be judged, and if guilty punished. 

Commissioners, — When the English do wrong, Obi must send 



NARRATIVE OP THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 67 

word to an English officer, wlio will come and hold a palaver. You 
must not punish white people. 

Obi. — I assent to this. {He now became restless and impatient. ) 

Commissioners.— If your people contract debts with the English 
they must be made to pay them. 

Obi. — They shall be punished if they do not. 

CoMMissiONEus. — The Queen may send an agent? 

Obi. — If any Englishman comes to reside, I will show him the 
best place to build a house and render him every assistance. 

CoMMissiONEBS. — Obi must also give every facility for forward- 
ing letters, etc., down the river, so that the English ofTicer who 
receives them may give a receipt, and also a reward for sending 
them. 

Obi. — Very good {snapinng Ids fingers) . 

Commissioners. — Have you any opportunity of sending to 
Bonny? 

Obi. — I have some misunderstanding with the people interme- 
diate between Aboh and Bonny ; but I can do it through the Brass 
people. 

Commissioners. — Will you agree to supply men-of-war with fire- 
wood, provisions, etc., at a fair and reasonable price? 

Obi. — Yes, certainly. 

The Commissioners requested Mr. Schon, the respected mission- 
ary, to state to King Obi, in a concise manner, tlw difference between 
the Christian religion and heathenism, together with some descriptioD 
of the settlement at Sierra Leone. 

Mu. ScnoN. — There is but one God. 

Obi. — i aliDays understood there were two.^ 

Mr. Schon recapitulated the Decalogue and the leading 
truths of the Christian faith, and then asked Obi if this 
was not a good religion, to which he replied, with a snap 
of his fingers, " Yes, very good" (makka). 

Obi concluded the conference by remarking very emphat- 
ically "that he wanted this palaver settled; that he was 

' Some former traveller— Lander, perhaps — had possibly bewil- 
dered Obi with the Athanasian Creed. 



58 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

tired of so much talking and that he wished to go on 
shore." He finally said, with great impatience, "that this 
Slave Palaver was all over now, and he didn't wish to hear 
anything more of it." 

The upshot of the Slave Palaver was that Obi agreed to 
every article of the proposed treaty, and plighted his troth 
to it then and there amidst a prodigious beating of tom- 
toms, which lasted all night. Of course he broke the treaty 
on the first opportunity (being one of the falsest rascals in 
Africa), and went on slave-dealing vigorously. When the 
Expedition became helpless and disabled, newly captured 
slaves, chained down to the bottoms of canoes, were seen 
passing along the river in the heart of this same Obi's 
dominions. 

The following is curious : 

OBI ON CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, 

2Sth. Agreeably to his promise, Obi Asai" went on board the Al- 
bert this morning, where he was received by Captain Trotter and the 
Commissioners, with whom he breakfasted. His dress was not so 
gay as on his visit of yesterday, being merely a cotton jacket and 
trousers, much in want of a laundress, a red cap on his head, and 
some strings of coral and teeth of wild beasts round his neck, 
wrists, and ankles. He entered frankly into the views previously 
explained to him, and assented unhesitatingly to all required from 
him. It was, however, necessary that the Treaty, which had been 
drawn up on the basis of the draft furnished by Lord John Russell 
with the addition of some articles relating especially to the free navi- 
gation of the river, should be again read and explained to Obi and 
his principal headmen, especially the heir presumptive and the 
chief ju-juman, much to their annoyance ; and as all this occupied 
a long while, apparently to very little purpose, he completely turned 
against ourselves the charge we made against the black people — of 
aot knowing the value of time, In agreeing to the additional ar- 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 59 

tide, binding the Chief and his people to the discontinuance of the 
horrid custom of sacrificing human beings, Obi very reasonably in- 
quired what should be done with those who might deserve death as 
punishment for the commission of great crimes. 

Something very like this question of Obi's has been 
asked, once or twice, by the very Government which sent 
out these "devil-ships," or steamers, to remodel his affairs 
for him; and the point has not been settled yet. 

Now let us review this Diplomacy for a moment. Obi, 
though a savage in a sergeant-major's coat, may claim with 
Master Slender, and perhaps with better reason, to be not 
altogther an ass. Obi knows, to begin with, that the Eng- 
lish Government maintains a blockade, the object of which 
is to prevent the exportation of slaves from his native 
coasts, and which is inefficient and absurd. The very men- 
tion of it sets him a-laughing. Obi, sitting on the quar- 
ter-deck of the Albert, looking slyly out from under his 
savage forehead and his conical cap, sees before him her 
Majesty's white Commissioners from the distant blockade- 
country gravely propounding, at one sitting, a change in 
the character of his people (formed, essentially, in the in- 
scrutable wisdom of God, by the soil they work on and the 
air they breathe) — the substitution of a religion it is utterly 
impossible he can appreciate or understand, be the mutual 
interpretation never so exact and .never so miraculously free 
from confusion, for that in which he has been bred, and 
with which his priests and jugglers subdue his subjects; the 
entire subversion of his whole barbarous system of trade 
and revenue — and the uprooting, in a word, of all his, and 
his nation's, preconceived ideas, methods, and customs. In 
return for this, the white men are to trade with him by 
means of ships that are to come there one day or other; 



60 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

and are to quell infractions of the treaty by means of other 
white men, who are to learn how to draw the breath of 
life there, by some strong charm they certainly have not 
discovered yet. Can it be supposed that on this earth 
there lives a man who better knows than Obi, leering round 
upon the river's banks, the dull dead-man's grove trees, 
the shiny and decaying earth, the rotting vegetation, that 
these are shadowy jjromises and shadowy threats, which 
he may give to the hot winds? In any breast in the 
white group about him, is there a dark presentiment of 
death (the pestilential air is heavier already with such 
whispers, to some noble hearts) half so certain as this 
savage's foreknowledge of the fate fast closing in? In the 
mind's eye of any officer or seaman looking on, is there a 
picture of the bones of white men bleaching in a pestilen- 
tial land, and of the timbers of their poor, abandoned, pil' 
laged ships, showing, on the shore, like gigantic skeletons, 
half so vivid as Obi's? "Too much palaver," says Obi, 
with good reason. " Give me the presents and let me go 
home, and beat my tom-toms all night long, for joy!" 

Yet these were the means by which the African people 
were to be awakened to a proper sense of their own degra- 
dation. For the conclusion of such treaties with such pow- 
ers, the useful lives of scholars, students, mariners, and 
officers — more precious than a wilderness of Africans — were 
thrown away! 

There was another monarch at another place on the Ni- 
ger, a certain Attah of Iddah, "whose feet, enclosed in 
very large red leather boots, surrounded with little bells, 
dangled carelessly over the side of the throne," who spoke 
through a State functionary, called the King's mouth, and 
who had this very orthodox notion of the Divine right: 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 61 

" God made me after his image ; I am all the same as God ; 
and he appointed me a King." With this good old sov- 
ereign a similar scene was enacted; and he, too, promised 
everything that was asked, and Avas particularly importu- 
nate to see the presents. He, also, was very much amused 
by the missionary's spectacles, it was supposed; and as 
royalty in these parts must not smile in public, the fan- 
bearers found it necessary to hide his face very often. The 
Attah dines alone — like the Pope — and is equally infallible. 
Some land for the Model Farm was purchased of him, and 
the settlement established. The reading of the deed was 
very patiently attended to, "unless," say the writers of 
these volumes, with the frankness which distinguishes 
them — ''unless we mistook apathy for such a laudable 
bearing. " 

So much is done towards the great awakening of the 
African people. By this time the Expedition has been in 
the river five weeks; fever has appeared on board of all 
the ships in the river; for the last three days especially, it 
has progressed with terrible rapidity. On board the Sou- 
dan only six persons can move about. On board the Albert 
the assistant surgeon is at the point of death. On board 
the Wilberforce several are nearly at the same pass. An- 
other day, and sixty, in all, are sick, and thirteen dead. 
" Nothing but muttering delirium or suppressed groans are 
heard on every side on board the vessels." Energy of char- 
acter and strength of hope are lost, even among those not 
yet attacked. One officer, remarkable for fortitude and 
resignation, burst into tears on being addressed, and being 
asked the reason, replies that it is involuntary weakness 
produced by the climate; though it afterwards appears 
that; " in addition to this cause, he has been disheartened, 



62 NARRATIVE OP THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

during a little repose snatched from his duties, by a fever- 
ish dream of home and family." An anxious consultation 
is held. Captain Trotter decides to send the sick back 
to the sea, in the Soudan, but Captain Allen knows the 
river will begin to fall straightway, and that the most un- 
healthy season will set in, and places his opinion on record 
that the ships had better all return, and make no further 
effort, at that time, to ascend the river. 

DEPARTmiE OF THE SICK. 

The Soudan was accordingly got ready with the utmost possible 
despatch to receive her melancholy cargo, and Commander W. Allen 
was directed to send his sick on board. That officer, however, feel- 
ing perfectly convinced from his former experience of the river that 
in a very short time H.M.S. Wilberforce would be reduced to the 
necessity of following the Soudan, requested permission to send 
such only of the sick as might desire to go ; especially as he consid- 
ered — in which his surgeon, Mr. Pritchett, concurred — that the re- 
moval of the men, in the state in which they were, would be attended 
with great risk. Only six expressed a wish to leave ; the others, 
sixteen in number, preferred to remain by their ship. One man, on 
being asked whether he would like to go, said he thought we had 
got into a very bad place, and the sooner we were out of it the 
better, but he would stay by his ship. 

In order to have as much air as possible for the sufferers, and to 
keep them from the other men, Commander W. Allen had a large 
screened berth fitted on the upper deck, in the middle of the vessel, 
well protected from the sun and the dews at night by thick awn- 
ings, from which was suspended a large punkah. 

Sunday, 19th. — The Soudan came alongside the Wilberforce to 
receive our invalids, who took a melancholy farewell of their offi- 
cers and messmates. 

Prayers were read to the crews of both vessels. It was an affect- 
ing scene. The whole of one side of the little vessel was covered 
with invalids, and the cabins were full of officers ; there was, indeed, 
no room for more. 



NARRATIVE OP THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 63 

The separation from so many of our companions under sucli cir- 
cumstances could not be otherwise than painful to all ; — the only 
cheering feature was in the hope that the attenuated beings who 
now departed could soon be within the influence of a more favor- 
able climate, and that we might meet under happier auspices. 

In a short time the steam was got up, and our little consort — 
watched by many commiserating eyes— rapidly glided out of view. 

One, two, or three days have elapsed since this change 
was effected, and now the Wilherforce has thirty-two men 
sick of the fever, leaving only thirteen, officers and seamen, 
capable of duty. She, too, returns to the sea, on Captain 
Allen's renewed protest and another council; and the Albert 
goes on up the melancholy river alone. 

THE WILBEllFORCE ON HER RETTJRN. 

We proceeded through these narrow and winding reaches with 
feelings very different to those we experienced in ascending the 
river. Then the elasticity of health and hope gave to the scenery 
a coloring of exceeding loveliness. The very silence and solitude 
had a soothing influence which invited to meditation and pleasing 
anticipations for the future. Now it was the stillness of death, — 
broken only by the strokes and echoes of our paddle-wheels and the 
melancholy song of the leadsmen, which seemed the knell and dirge 
of our dying comrades. The palm-trees, erst so graceful in their 
drooping leaves, were now gigantic hearse-like plumes. 

So she drops down to Fernando Po, where the Soudan is 
lying, on whose small and crowded decks death has been, 
and is still, busy. Commanding officer, surgeons, seamen, 
engineers, mariners, all sick, many dead. Captain Allen, 
with the sick on board the Wilherforce, sails for Ascension, 
as a last hope of restoring the sick; and the Soudan is sent 
back to assist the Albert. She meets her coming out of 
the Gate of the Cemetery ; thus : 



64 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 



THE ALBERT ON HER RETURN. 

It was a lovely morning, and the scenery about the river looked 
very beautiful, affording a sad contrast to the dingy and deserted 
look of the Albert. 

Many were of course the painful surmises as to the fate of those 
on board. On approaching, however, the melancholy truth was 
soon told. The fever had been doing its direst work ; several were 
dead, many dying, and of all the otlicers but two, Mr. McWilliam 
and Stanger, were able to move about. The former presented him- 
self and waved his hand, and one emaciated figure was seen to be 
raised up for a second. This was Captain Trotter, who in his anx- 
iety to look at the Soudan again, had been lifted out of his cot. 

A spectacle more full of painful contemplation could scarcely have 
been witnessed. Slowly and portentously, like a plague-ship filled 
with its dead and dying, onwards she moved in charge of her gen- 
erous pilot, Mr. Beecroft. Who would have thought that little 
more than two months previously she had entered that same river 
with an enterprising crew, full of life, and buoyant with bright 
hopes of accomplishing the objects on which all had so ardently 
entered? 

The narrative of the Albert's solitary voyage, -which oc- 
cupied about a month, is given from the journal of Dr. 
McWilliam, and furnishes, to our thinking, one of the most 
remarkable instances of quiet courage and unflinching con- 
stancy of purpose that is to be found in any book of travel 
ever written. The sickness spreading, Captain Trotter fall- 
ing very ill, officers, engineers, and men lying alike dis- 
abled, and the Albert's head turned, in the necessity of 
despair, once more towards the sea, the two doctors on 
board. Dr. McWilliam and Dr. Stanger — names that should 
ever be memorable and honored in the history of truly he- 
roic enterprise — took upon themselves, in addition to the 
duty of attending the sick, the task of navigating the ship 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 65 

down the river. The former took charge of her, the latter 
worked the engines, and, both persevering by day and 
night — through all the horrors of such a voyage, with their 
friends raving and dying around them, and some, in the 
madness of the fever, leajDing overboard — brought her in 
safety to the sea. We would fain hoi^e this feat would 
live, in Dr. Mc William's few plain, and modest words; 
and, better yet, in the grateful remembrance handed down 
by the survivors of this fatal expedition ; when the desper- 
ate and cruel of whole generations of the world shall have 
fallen into oblivion. 

Calling at the Model Farm as they came down the Niger, 
they found the superintendent, Mr. Carr, and the school- 
master and gardener — both Europeans — lying prostrate with 
fever. These were taken on board the Albert and brought 
away for the restoration of their health ; and the settlements 
—now mustering about forty natives, in addition to the 
people brought from Sierra Leone — was left in the charge 
of one Ralph Moore, an American negro emigrant. 

The rest of the sad story is soon told. The sea-breeze 
blew too late on many wasted forms, to shed its freshness on 
them for their restoration, and Death, Death, Death, was 
aboard the Albert day and night. Captain Trotter, as the 
only means of saving his life, was with difficulty prevailed 
on to return to England ; and after a long delay at Ascension 
and in the Bay of Amboise (in the absence of instructions 
from the Colonial office), and when the Expedition, under 
Captain Allen, was on the eve of another hopeless attempt 
to ascend the Niger, it was ordered home. It being nec- 
essary to revisit the Model Farm, in obedience to orders, 
Lieutenant Webb, Captain Allen's first officer, immediately 
volunteered for that service ; and, with the requisite num- 
5 



66 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

ber of officers and a black crew, took command of the Wil- 
berforce, and once again went boldly np the fatal Niger. 
Disunion and dismay were rife at the Model Farm, on their 
arrival there; Mr. Carr, who had returned from Fernando 
Po when restored to health, had been murdered by direc- 
tion of King Boy, it would appear, and not without 
strong suspicion of co-operation on the part of our friend 
Obi, and the settlement was abandoned. Obi (though he is 
somewhat unaccountably complimented by Dr. Mc William) 
came out in his true colors on the Wilberforce' s return, 
and, not being by any means awakened to a proper sense 
of his own degradation, appears to have conceived an amia- 
ble intention of destroying the crew and seizing the ship. 
Being baffled in this design, however, by the coolness and 
promptitude of Lieutenant Webb and his officers, the white 
men happily left him behind in his own country, where he 
is no doubt ready at this moment, if still alive, to enter into 
any treaty that may be proposed to him, with presents to 
follow ; and to be highly amused again on the subject of the 
Slave-trade, and to beat his tom-toms all night long for joy. 
The fever, which wrought such terrible desolation in this 
and the preceding Expedition, becomes a subject of painful 
interest to the readers of these volumes. The length to 
which our notice has already extended prevents our ex- 
tracting, as we had purposed, the account of it which is 
given in the present narrative. Of the predisposing causes, 
little can be positively stated ; for the most delicate chem- 
ical tests failed to detect, in the air or water, the presence 
of those deleterious gases which were very confidently sup- 
posed to exist in both. It is preceded either by a state of 
great prostration, or great excitement, and unnatural indif- 
ference 5 it develops itself on board ship about the fifteenth 



NARRATIVE OP THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 67 

day after the ascent of tlie river is commenced ; a close and 
sultry atmosphere, without any breeze stirring, is the atmos- 
phere most unfavorable to it; it appears to yield to cal- 
omel in the first instance, and strong doses of quinine after- 
wards, more than to any other remedies ; and it is remarkable 
that in cases of " total-abstinence " patients it seems from 
the first to be hopelessly and surely fatal. 

The history of this Expedition is the history of the Past, 
in reference to the heated visions of philanthropists for the 
railroad Christianization of Africa and the abolition of the 
Slave-trade. May no popular cry, from Exeter Hall or 
elsewhere, ever make it, as to one single ship, the history 
of the future ! Such means are useless, futile, and we will 
venture to add — in despite of hats broad-brimmed or shovel- 
shaped, and coats of drab or black, with collars or without 
— indeed. No amount of philanthropy has a right to 
waste such valuable life as was squandered here, in the 
teeth of all experience and feasible pretence of hope. Be- 
tween the civilized European and the barbarous African 
there is a great gulf set. 

The air that brings life to the latter brings death to the 
former. In the mighty revolutions of the wheel of time, 
some change in this regard may come about; but in this 
age of the world, all the white armies and white mission- 
aries of the world would fall, as withered reeds, before the 
rolling of one African river. To change the customs even 
of civilized and educated men, and impress them with new 
ideas, is — we have good need to know it — a most difficult 
and slow proceeding ; but to do this by ignorant and savage 
races is a work which, like the progressive changes of the 
globe itself, requires a stretch of years that dazzles in the 
looking at. It is not, we conceive, within the likely provi- 



68 NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 

dence of God that Christianity shall start to the banks of 
the Niger, until it shall have overflowed all intervening 
space. The stone that is dropped into the ocean of igno- 
rance at Exeter Hall must make its widening circles, one 
beyond another, until they reach the negroes' country in 
their natural expansion. There is a broad, dark sea be- 
tween the Strand in London, and the Niger, where those 
rings are not yet shining ; and through all that space they 
must appear, before the last one breaks upon the shore 
of Africa. Gently and imperceptibly the widening circle 
of enlightenment must stretch and stretch, from man to 
man, from people on to people, until there is a girdle 
round the earth ; but no convulsive effort, no far-off aim, 
can make the last great outside one first, and then come 
home at leisure to trace out the inner one. Believe it, 
African civilization, Church of England Missionary, and 
all other missionary societies! The work at home must 
be completed thoroughly or there is no hope abroad. To 
your tents, Israel! but see they are your own tents! 
Set them in order; leave nothing to be done there; and 
outpost will convey your lesson on to outpost until the 
naked armies of King Obi and King Boy are reached and 
taught. Let a knowledge of the duty that man owes to 
man, and to his God, spread thus, by natural degrees and 
growth of example, to the outer shores of Africa, and it 
will float in safety up the rivers, never fear! 

We will not do injustice to Captain Allen's scheme of 
future operations by reproducing it shorn of its fair propor- 
tions. As a most distinguished officer and a highly accom- 
plished gentleman, than whom there is no one living so well 
entitled to be heard on all that relates to Africa, he merits 
and assuredly will receive great attention. Y/e are not on 



NARRATIVE OF THE NIGER EXPEDITION. 69 

the ground we have just now indicated so sanguine as he; 
but there is sound wisdom in his idea of approaching the 
black man through the black man, and in his conviction that 
he can only be successfully approached by a studied refer- 
ence to the current of his own opinions and customs instead 
of ours. So true is this, that it is doubtful whether any 
European save Bruce — who had a perfectly marvellous ge- 
nius for accommodating himself, not only to the African 
character, but to every variety of character with which he 
came in contact — has ever truly won to himself a mingled 
sentiment of confidence, respect, and fear in that country. 
So little has our government profited by his example that 
one of the foremost objects of this very expedition is to 
repeat the self-same mistake with which Clapperton so 
astonished the King Boy and King Obi of his time, by 
running head foremost at the abolition of the Slave-trade; 
which, of all possible objects, is the most inconceivable, 
unpalatable, and astounding to these barbarians ! 

Captain Allen need be under no apprehension that the 
failure of the expedition will involve his readers in any 
confusion as to the sufferings and deserts of those who sac- 
rificed themselves to achieve its unattainable objects. No 
generous mind can peruse this narrative without a glow 
of admiration and sympathy for himself and all concerned. 
The quiet spot by Lander's tomb, lying beyond the paths 
of guava and the dark-leaved trees, where old companions 
dear to his heart lie buried side by side beneath the sombre 
and almost impenetrable brushwood, is not to be ungrate- 
fully remembered, or lightly forgotten. Though the Afri- 
can is not yet awakened to a proper sense of his degrada- 
tion, the resting-place of those brave men is sacred, and 
their history a solemn truth. [1848.] 



THE CHINESE JUNK. 

The shortest road to the Celestial Empire is by the 
Blackwall Eailway. You may take a ticket, through and 
back, for a matter of eighteen-pence. With every carriage 
that is cast off on the road — at Stepney, Limehouse, Pop- 
lar, West India Docks — thousands of miles of space are 
cast off too; the flying dream of tiles and chimney-pots, 
backs of squalid houses, frowzy pieces of waste ground, 
narrow courts and streets, swamps, ditches, masts of ships, 
gardens of dock-weed, and unwholesome little bowers of 
scarlet beans, whirls away in half a score of minutes. 
Nothing is left but China. 

How the flowery region ever got, in the form of the junk 
Keying, into the latitude and longitude where it is now to 
be found is not the least part of the marvel. The crew 
of Chinamen aboard the Keying devoutly believed that 
their good ship would arrive quite safe at the descried 
port, if they only tied red rags enough upon the mast, 
rudder, and cable. Perhaps they ran short of rags, through 
bad provision of stores; certain it is that they had not 
enough on board to keep them from the bottom, and would 
most indubitably have gone there, but for such x^oor aid as 
could be rendered by the skill and coolness of a dozen Eng- 
lish sailors, who brought this extraordinary craft in safety 
over the wide ocean. 

If there be any one thing in the world that it is not at all 
like, that thing is a ship of any kind. So narrow, so long, 



THE CHINESE JUNK, 71 

SO grotesque, so lo-\v in the middle, so high at each end 
(like a China pen-tray), with no rigging, with nowhere to 
go to aloft, with mats for sails, great warped cigars for 
masts, gaudy dragons and sea-monsfcers disporting them- 
selves from stem to stern, and, on the stern, a gigantic 
cock of impossible aspect, defying the world (as well he 
may) to produce his equal — it would look more at home at 
the top of a public building, at the top of a mountain, in an 
avenue of trees, or down in a mine, than afloat on the wa- 
ter. Of all unlikely callings Avith which imagination 
could connect the Chinese lounging on the deck, the most 
unlikely and the last would be the mariner's craft. Imag- 
ine a ship's crew, without a profile among them, in gauze 
pinafores and plaited hair; wearing stiff clogs, a quarter 
of a foot thick in the sole; and lying at night in little 
scented boxes, like backgammon-men or chess-pieces, or 
mother-of-pearl counters ! 

The most perplexing considerations obtrude themselves 
on your mind when you go down in the cabin. As, what 
became of all those lanterns hanging to the roof, when the 
junk was out at sea? Whether they dangled there, banging 
and beating against each other, like so many jester's baubles? 
Whether the idol, Chin Tee, of the eighteen arms, en- 
shrined in a celestial Puppet Show, in the place of honor, 
ever tumbled out in heavy weather? Whether the incense 
and the joss-stick still burnt before her with a faint per- 
fu]ue and a little thread of smoke, while the mighty waves 
were roaring all around? Whether that preposterous um- 
brella in the corner was always spread, as being a conven- 
ient maritime instrument for walking about the decks 
with in a storm? Whether all the cool and shiny little 
chairs and tables were continually sliding about and bruis- 



72 THE CHINESE JUNK. 

ing each other, and if not, why not? Whether anybody, 
on the voyage, ever read those two books printed in char- 
acters like bird-cages and fly-traps? Whether the Mandarin 
passenger. He Sing, who had never been ten miles from 
home in his life before, lying sick on a bamboo couch in 
a private china-closet of his ov/n (where he is now perpetu- 
ally writing autographs for inquisitive barbarians), ever 
began to doubt the potency of the goddess of the sea, 
whose counterfeit presentment, like a flowery monthly 
nurse, occupies the sailors' joss-house in the second gallery? 
Whether it is possible that the said Mandarin, or the artist 
of the ship, Sam Sing, Esquire, E.A., of Canton, can ever 
go ashore without a walking-staff of cinnamon, agreeably 
to the usage of their likenccses in British tea-shops? 
Above all, whether the hoarse old ocean can ever have been 
seriously in earnest with this floating toj^-shop, or merely 
played with it in lightness of spirit — roughly, but meaning 
no harm — as the bull did with the chiua-shoi^, on St. 
Patrick's day in the morning? 

Here, at any rate, is the doctrine of finality beautifully 
worked out, and shut up in a corner of a dock near the 
Whitebait-house at Blackwall, for the edification of men. 
Thousands of years have passed away, since the first Chi- 
nese junk was constructed on this model; and the last 
Chinese junk that was ever launched was none the better 
for that waste and dcjert of time. In all that interval, 
through all the immense extent of the strange kingdom of 
China — in the midst of its patient and ingenious, but never 
advancing art, and its diligent agricultural cul tivation — ^not 
one new twist or curve has been given to a ball of ivory; 
not one blade of experience has been grown. 

The general eye has opened no wider, and seen no far- 



THE CHINESE JUNK. 73 

ther than the miuute eye upon this vessel's prow, by means 
of which she is supposed to find her way ; or has been set 
in the flowery head to as little purpose, for thousands of 
years. Sir Eobert Inglis, member for the University of 
Oxford, ought to become Ty Kong or managing man of the 
Reying, and nail the red rag of his party to the mast for- 
ever. 

There is no doubt, it appears, that if any alteration took 
place, in this junk, or any other, the Chinese form of gov- 
ernment would be destroyed. It has been clearly ascer- 
tained by the wise men and law-givers that to make the 
cock upon the stern (the Grand Falcon of China) by a 
feather's breadth a less startling phenomenon, or to bring 
him within the remotest verge of ornithological possibility, 
would be to endanger the noblest institutions of the coun- 
try. For it is a remarkable circumstance in China (which 
is found to obtain nowhere else), that although its institu- 
tions are the perfection of human wisdom, and are the 
wonder and envy of the world by reason of their stability, 
they are constantly imperilled in the last degree by very 
slight occurrences. So, such wonderful contradictions as 
the neatness of the Reyinr/s cups and saucers, and the 
ridiculous rudeness of her guns and rudder, continue to 
exist. If any Chinese maritime generation were the wiser 
for the wisdom of the generation gone before, it is agreed 
upon by all the Ty Rongs in the navy that the Chinese 
constitution would immediately go by the board, and that 
the Church of the Chinese Bonzes would be effectually done 
for. 

It is pleasant, coming out from behind the wooden screen 
that incloses this interesting and remarkable sight (which 
all who can should see) to glance upon the mighty signs of 



74 THE CHINESE JUNK. 

life, enterprise, and progress that the great river and its 
busy banks present. It is pleasant, coming back from 
China by the Blackwall Eailway, to think that we trust 
no red rags in storms, and burn no joss-sticks before idols; 
that WE never grope our way by the aid of conventional 
eyes which have no sight in them; and that, in our civi- 
lization, we sacrifice absurd forms to substantial facts. The 
ignorant crew of the Reymg refused to enter on the ship's 
books, until " a considerable amount of silvered paper, tin- 
foil, and joss-sticks " had been laid in by the owners, for 
the iDurposes of their worship; but our seamen — far less 
our bishops, priests, and deacons — never stand out upon 
points of silvered paper and tin-foil, or the lighting up of 
joss-sticks upon altars! Christianity is not Chin-Teeism; 
and therein all insignificant quarrels as to means are lost 
sight of in remembrance of the end. 

There is matter for reflection aboard the Beying to last 
the voyage home to England again. [1848.] 



"THE DRUNK AED'S CHILDREN." 

A SEQUEL TO " THE BOTTLE." IN EIGHT PLATES. BY GEORGE 
CRUIKSHANK. 

A " Sequel to tlie Bottle "* seems to us to demand a few 
words by way of gentle protest. Few men have a better 
right to erect themselves into teachers of the people than 
Mr. George Cruikshank. Few men have observed the peo- 
ple as he has done, or known them better; few are more 
earnestly and honestly disposed to teach them for their 
good; and there are very,, very few artists, in England or 
abroad, who can approach him in his peculiar and remark- 
able power. 

But this teaching, to last, must be fairly conducted. It 
must not be all on one side. When Mr. Cruikshank shows 
us, and shows us so forcibly and vigorously, that side of 
the medal on which the people in their crimes and faults 
are stamped, he is bound to help us to a glance at that other 
side on which the government that forms the people, with 
all its faults and vices, is no less plainly impressed. 
Drunkenness, as a national horror, is the effect of many 
causes. Foul smells, disgusting habitations, bad work- 
shops and workshop customs, want of light, air, and water, 
the absence of all easy means of decency and health, are 
commonest among its common, every-day, physical causes. 

' "The Drunkard's Children. A Sequel to The Bottle. " In Eight 
Plates. By George Cruikshank. 



7G THE DEUNKARD'S CHILDREN. 

The mental weariness and languor so induced, the want of 
wholesome relaxation, the craving for so7ne stimulus and 
excitement, which is as much a part of such lives as the 
sun is; and, last and inclusive of all the rest, ignorance, 
and the need there is among the English people of reason- 
able, national training, in lieu of mere parrot-education, 
or none at all, are its most obvious moral causes. It would 
be as sound philosophy to issue a series of plates under the 
title of "The Physic Bottle, or the Saline Mixture," and, 
tracing the history of typhus fever by such means, to refer 
it all to the gin-shop, as it is to refer Drunkenness thither 
and to stop there. Drunkenness does not begin there. 
It has a teeming and reproachful history anterior to that 
stage ; and at the remediable evil in that history, it is the 
duty of the moralist, if he strikes at all, to strike deep and 
spare not. 

Hogarth avoided the Drunkard's Progress, we conceive, 
precisely because the causes of drunkenness among the poor 
were so numerous and widely spread, and lurked so sorrow- 
fully deep and far down in all human misery, neglect, and 
despair, that even his pencil could not bring them fairly 
and justly into the light. That he was never contented 
without giving all the effect, witness the Miser (his shoe 
new-soled with the binding of his Bible), dead before the 
Young Eake begins his career; the worldly father, listless 
daughter, impoverished nobleman, and crafty lawyer in the 
first plate of the "Marriage a la Mode;" the detestable 
advances in the Stages of Cruelty; and the progress down- 
ward of Thomas Idle! That he did not spare that kind of 
drunkenness which was of more " respectable " engender- 
ment, his midnight modern conversation, the election 
plates^ and a crowd of stupid aldermen and other guzzlers, 



THE drunkard's CHILDREN. 77 

amply testify. But after one immortal journey down Gin 
Lane he turned away in grief and sorrow — perhaps in hope 
of better things one day, from better laws, and schools, and 
poor men's homes — and went back no more. It is remark- 
able of that picture that, while it exhibits drunkenness in 
its most appalling forms, it forces on the attention of the 
spectator a most neglected, wretched neighborhood (the 
same that is only just now cleared away for the extension 
of Oxford Street), and an unwholesome, indecent, abject 
condition of life, worthy to be a Frontispiece to the late 
Keport of the Sanitary Commissioners, made nearly one 
hundred years afterward. We have always been inclined 
to think the purpose of this piece not adequately stated, 
even by Charles Lamb. " The very houses seem absolutely 
reeling," it is true; but they quite as powerfully indicate 
some of the more prominent causes of intoxication among 
the neglected orders of society, as any of its effects. There 
is no evidence that any of the actors in the dreary scene 
have ever been much better off than we find them. The 
best are pawning the commonest necessaries and tools of 
their trades, and the worst are homeless vagrants who give 
us no clue to their having been otherwise in bygone days. 
All are living and dying miserably. Nobody is interfering 
for prevention or for cure in the generation going out before 
us or the generation coming in. The beadle (the only 
sober man in the composition except the pawnbroker) is 
mightily indifferent to the orphan child crying beside its 
parents' coffin. The little charity-girls are not so well 
taught or looked after but that they can take to dram- 
driuking already. The church is very prominent and 
handsome, but coldly surveys these things in progress 
underneath the shadow of its tower (it was in the year of 



78 THE drunkard's CHILDREN. 

grace eighteen hundred and forty-eight that a Bishop of 
London first came out respecting something wrong in poor 
men's social accommodations), and is passive in the pic- 
ture. We take all this to have a meaning, and to the best 
of our knowledge it has not grown obsolete in a century. 

Whereas, to all such considerations Mr. Cruikshank gives 
the go-by. The hero of " The Bottle," and father of these 
children, lived in undoubted comfort and good esteem until 
he was some five-and-thirty years of age, when, happening, 
unluckily, to have a goose for dinner one day, in the bosom 
of his thriving family, he jocularly sent out for a bottle of 
gin, and persuaded his wife (until then a pattern of neat- 
ness and good housewifery) to take a little drop, after the 
stuffing, from which moment the family never left off 
drinking gin, and rushed down-hill to destruction very 
fast. 

Entertaining the highest respect for Mr. Cruikshank' s 
great genius, and no less respect for his motives in these 
publications, we deem it right on the appearance of a sequel 
to " The Bottle" to protest against this. First, because it 
is a compromising of a very serious and pressing truth ; sec- 
ondly, because it will, in time, defeat the end these pictures 
are designed to bring about. There is no class of society 
so certain to find out their weak place as the class to which 
they are especially addressed. It is particularly within 
their knowledge and experience. 

In the present series we trace the brother and sister, whom 
we left in that terrible representation of the father's mad- 
ness with which the first series closed, through the career 
of vice and crime then lowering before them. The gin- 
shop, beer-shop, and dancing-rooms receive them in turn. 
They are tried for a robbery. The boy is convicted, and 



THE drunkard's CHILDREN. 79 

sentenced to transportation; the girl acquitted. He dies, 
prematurely, on board the hulks; and she, desolate and 
mad, flings herself from London Bridge into the night- 
darkened river. 

The power of this closing scene is extraordinary. It 
haunts the remembrance like an awful reality. It is 
full of passion and terror, and we question whether any 
other hand could so have rendered it. Nor, although far 
exceeding all that has gone before, as such a catastrophe 
should, is it without the strongest support all through the 
story. The death-bed scene on board the hulks — the con- 
vict who is composing the face — and the other who is 
drawing the screen round the bed's head — are master- 
pieces, worthy of the greatest painter. The reality of the 
place, and the fidelity with which every minute object il- 
lustrative of it is presented, are quite surprising. But the 
same feature is remarkable throughout. In the final scene 
at the Old Bailey the eye may wander round the court, and 
observe everything that is a part of the place. The very 
light and atmosphere of the reality are reproduced with 
astonishing truth. So in the gin-shop and the beer-shop ; 
no fragment of the fact is indicated and slurred over, but 
every shred of it is honestly made out. It is curious, in 
closing the book, to recall the number of faces we have 
seen that have as much individual character and identity 
in our remembrance as if we had been looking at so many 
living people of flesh and blood. The man behind the bar 
in the gin-shop, the barristers round the table in court, the 
convicts already mentioned, will be, like the figures in the 
pictures of which the Spanish Friar spoke to Willie, reali- 
ties, when thousands of living shadows shall have passed 
away. May Mr. Cruikshank linger long behind to give us 



80 THE drunkard's CHILDREN. 

many more of such realities, and to do with simple means, 
such as are used here, what the whole paraphernalia and 
resources of Art could not effect, without a master-hand! 

The sequel to " The Bottle" is published at the same price 
as its predecessor. The eight large plates may be bought for 
a shilling! [1848.1 



THE AMERICAN PANORAMA. 

A VERT extraordinary exhibition is open at the Egyptian 
Hall, Piccadilly, under the title of "Banvard's Geographi- 
cal Panorama of the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers." 
With one or two exceptions, its remarkable claims to pub- 
lic notice seem scarcely to have been recognized as they 
deserve. We recommend them to the consideration of all 
holiday-makers and sight-seers this Christmas. 

It may be well to say what the panorama is not. It is 
not a refined work of art (nor does it claim to be, in Mr. 
Banvard's modest description); it is not remarkable for 
accuracy of drawing, or for brilliancy of color, or for subtle 
effects of light and shade, or for any approach to any of the 
qualities of those delicate and beautiful pictures by Mr. 
Stanfield which used, once upon a time, to pass before our 
eyes in like manner. It is not very skilfully set off by 
the disposition of the artificial light ; it is not assisted by 
anything but a piano-forte and a seraphine. 

But it is a picture three miles long, which occupies two 
hours in its passage before the audience. It is a picture of 
one of the greatest streams in the known world, whose course 
it follows for upwards of three thousand miles. It is a 
picture irresistibly impressing the spectator with a convic- 
tion of its plain and simple truthfulness, even though that 
were not guaranteed by the best testimonials. It is an 
easy means of travelling, night and day, without any in- 
convenience from climate, steamboat company, or fatigue, 
6 



82 THE AMERICAN PANORAMA. 

from New Orleans to tlie Yellowstone Bluffs (or from the 
Yellowstone Bluffs to New Orleans, as th.e case may be), 
and seeing every town and settlement upon tlie river's 
banks, and all the strange wild ways of life that are afloat 
upon its waters. To see this painting is, in a word, to 
have a thorough understanding of what the great American 
river is — except, we believe, in the color of its water — • 
and to acquire a new power of testing the descriptive accu- 
racy of its best describers. 

These three miles of canvas have been painted by one man, 
and there he is, present, pointing out what he deems most 
worthy of notice. This is history. Poor, untaught, wholly 
unassisted, he conceives the idea — a truly American idea 
— of painting *' the largest picture in the world." Some 
capital must be got for the materials, and the acquisition 
of that is his primary object. First, he starts *' a floating 
diorama " on the Wabash river, which topples over when 
people come to see it, and keeps all the company at the 
pumps for dear life. This entertainment drawing more 
water than money, and being set upon, besides, by robbers 
armed with bowie-knives and rifles, is abandoned. Then 
he paints a panorama of Venice, and exhibits it in the West 
successfully, until it goes down in a steamer on the West- 
ern waters. Then he sets up a museum at St. Louis, 
which fails. Then he comes down to Cincinnati, where he 
does no better. Then, without a farthing, he rows away 
on the Ohio in a small boat, and lives, like a wild man, 
upon nuts ; until he sells a revolving pistol which cost him 
twelve dollars for five and twenty. With the proceeds of 
this commercial transaction he buys a larger boat, lays in 
a little store of calicoes and cottons, and rows away again 
among the solitary settlers alongshore, bartering his goods 



THE AMERICAN PANORAMA. 83 

for beeswax. Thus, in course of time, he earns enough 
to buy a little skiff, and go to work upon the largest picture 
in the world ! 

In his little skiff he travels thousands of miles, with no 
companions but his pencil, rifle, and dog, making the pre- 
paratory sketches for the largest picture in the world. Those 
completed, he erects a temporary building at Louisville, 
Kentucky, in which to paint the largest picture in the 
world. Without the least help, even in the grinding of his 
colors, or the splitting of the wood for his machinery, he 
falls to work, aud keeps at work; maintaiaiag himself 
meanwhile, and buying more colors, wood, and canvas, by 
doing odd jobs in the decorative way. At last he finishes 
the largest picture in the world, and opens it for exhibition 
on a stormy night, when not a single " human " comes to 
see it. Not discouraged yet, he goes about among the 
boatmen, who are well acquainted with the river, and gives 
them free admissions to the largest picture in the world. 
The boatmen come to see it, are astonished at it, talk about 
it. " Our country " wakes up from a rather sullen doze at 
Louisville, and comes to see it too. The upshot is, that it 
succeeds ; and here it is in London, with its painter stand- 
ing on a little platform by its side explaining it; and prob- 
ably, by this time next year, it and he may be in Timbuctoo. 

Few can fail to have some interest in such an adventure 
and in such an adventurer, and they will both repay it 
amply. There is a mixture of shrewdness and simplicity 
in the latter which in very prepossessing; a modesty, an 
honesty, and an odd original humor, in his manner of tell- 
ing what he has to tell, that gives it a peculiar relish. The 
picture itself, as an indisputably true and faithful represen- 
tation of a wonderful region — wood and water, river and 



84 THE AMERICAN PANORAMA. 

prairie, lonely log-hut and clustered city rising in the for- 
est — is replete throughout. Its incidental revelations of 
the different states of society, yet in transition, prevailing 
at different points of these three thousand miles — slaves 
and free republicans, French and Southerners; immigrants 
from abroad, and restless Yankees and Down-Easters ever 
steaming somewhere; alligators, store-boats, show-boats, 
theatre-boats, Indians, buffaloes; deserted tents of extinct 
tribes, and bodies of dead Braves, with their pale faces 
turned up to the bright day, lying stiK and solitary in the 
wilderness, nearer and nearer to which the outposts of civ- 
ilization are approachiag with gigantic strides to tread their 
people down and erase their very trade from the earth's 
face — teem with suggestive matter. We are not disposed 
to think less kindly of a country when we see so much of 
it, although our sense of its immense responsibility may be 
increased. 

It would be well to have a panorama, three miles long, of 
England. There might be places in it worth looking at, 
a little closer than we see them now ; and worth the think- 
ing of, a little more profoundly. It would be hopeful, too, 
to see some things in England, part and parcel of a moving 
panorama : and not one that stood still, or had a disposition 
to go backward. 

[1848.] 



" THE POETRY OP SCIENCE, OE STUDIES OF THE 
PHYSICAL PHENOMENA OP NATURE." 

BY KOBERT HUNT. 

Judging from certain indications scattered here and 
there in this book, ' we presume that its author would not 
consider himself complimented by the remark that we are 
perhaps indebted for the publication of such a work to the 
author of the " Vestiges of the Natural History of Crea- 
tion," who, by rendering the general subject popular, and 
awakening an interest and spirit of inquiry in many minds, 
where these had previously lain dormant, has created a 
reading public — not exclusively scientific or philosophical — 
to whom such offerings can be hopefully addressed. This 
however, we believe to be the case ; and in this, as we con- 
ceive, the writer of that remarkable and well-abused book 
has not rendered his least important service to his own 
time. 

The design of Mr. Hunt's volume is striking and good. 
To show that the facts of science are at least as full of 
poetry as the most poetical fancies ever founded on an 
imperfect observation and a distant suspicion of them (as, 
for example, among the ancient Greeks) ; to show that if 
the Dryades no longer haunt the woods, there is, in every 
forest, in every tree, in every leaf, and in every ring on 

' " The Poetry of Science, or Studies of the Physical Phenomena of 
Nature. " By Robert Hunt. 



86 THE POETRY OP SCIENCE. 

every sturdy trunk, a beautiful and wonderful creation, 
always changing, always going on, always bearing testi- 
mony to the stupendous workings of Almighty Wisdom, 
and always leading the student's mind from wonder on to 
wonder, imtil he is wrapt and lost in the vast worlds of 
wonder by which he is surrounded from his cradle to his 
grave; it is a purpose worthy of the natural philosopher, 
and salutary to the s^airit of the age. To show that Sci- 
ence, truly expounding nature, can, like nature herself, 
restore in some new form whatever she destroys ; that, in- 
stead of binding us, as some would have it, in stern utili- 
tarian chains, when she has freed us from a harmless su- 
perstition, she offers to our contemplation something better 
and more beautiful, something which, rightly considered, is 
more elevating to the soul, nobler and more stimulating to 
the soaring fancy, is a sound, wise, wholesome object. If 
more of the learned men who have written on these themes 
had had it in their minds, they would have done more 
good, and gathered upon their track many followers on 
whom its feeblest and most distant rays have only now 
begun to shine. 

Science has gone down into the mines and coal-pits, and 
before the safety-lamp the Gnomes and Genii of those 
dark regions have disappeared. But in their stead, the 
process by which metals are engendered in the course of 
ages; the growth of plants which, hundreds of fathoms 
underground, and in black darkness, have still a sense of 
the sun's presence in the sky, and derive some portion of 
the subtle essence of their life from his influence ; the his- 
tories of mighty forests and great tracts of land carried now 
into the sea, by the same process which is active in the 
Mississippi and such great rivers at this hour, are made 



THE POETRY OP SCIENCE. 87 

familiar to us. Sirens, mermaids, shining cities glittering 
at the bottom of the quiet "seas and in deep lakes, exist no 
longer; but, in their place. Science, their destroyer, shows 
us whole coasts of coral reef constructed by the labors of 
minute creatures ; points to our own chalk cliffs and lime- 
stone rocks, as made of the dust of myriads of generations 
of infinitesimal beings that have passed away ; reduces the 
very element of water into its constituent airs, and recre- 
ates it at her pleasure. Caverns in rocks, choked with rich 
treasures shut up from all but the enchanted hand. Science 
has blown to atoms, as she can rend and rive the rocks 
themselves; but in those rocks she has found, and read 
aloud, the great stone book which is the history of the 
earth, even when darkness sat upon the face of the deep. 
Along their craggy sides, she has traced the footprints of 
birds and beasts whose shapes were never seen by man. 
From within them she has brought the bones, and pieced 
together the skeletons, of monsters that would have crushed 
the noted dragons of the fables at a blow. The stars that 
stud the firmament by night are watched no more from 
lonely towers by enthusiasts or impostors, believing or 
feigning to believe those great worlds to be charged with 
the small destinies of individual men down here ; but two 
astronomers, far apart, each looking from his solitary study 
up into the sky, observe, in a known star, a trembling 
which forewarns them of the coming of some unknown body 
through the realms of space, whose attraction at a certain 
period of its mighty journey causes that distiu-bance. In 
due time it comes, and passes out of the disturbing path; 
the old star shines at peace again; and the new one, ever 
more to be associated with the honored names of Le Verrier 
and Adams, is called Neptune! The astrologer has faded 



88 THE POETRY OF SCIENCE. 

out of the castle turret-room (which overlooks a railroad 
now), and forebodes no longer that because the light of 
yonder planet is diminishing my lord will shortly die : but 
the professor of an exact science has arisen in his stead, 
to prove that a ray of light must occupy a period of six 
years in travelling to the earth from the nearest of the fixed 
stars; and that, if one of the remote fixed stars were " blot- 
ted out of heaven " to-day, several generations of the mor- 
tal inhabitants of this earth must perish out of time, before 
the fact of its obliteration could be known to man ! 

This ample compensation, in respect of poetry alone, 
that Science has given us in return for what she has taken 
away, it is the main object of Mr. Hunt's book to eluci- 
date. The subject is very ably dealt with, and the object 
very well attained. We might object to an occasional dis- 
cursiveness, and sometimes we could have desired to be ad- 
dressed in a plainer form of words. Nor do we quite per- 
ceive the force of Mr. Hunt's objection (at p. 307) to certain 
geological speculations ; which we must be permitted to be- 
lieve many intelligent men to be capable of making, and 
reasonably sustaining, on a knowledge of certain geological 
facts ; albeit they are neither practical chemists nor palae- 
ontologists. But the book displays a fund of knowledge, 
and is the work of an eloquent and earnest man ; and, as 
such, we are too content and happy to receive it to enlarge 
on these points. We subjoin a few short extracts : 

now WE " COME LIKE SHADOWS, SO DEPART. " 

A plant exposed to the action of natural or artificial decomposi- 
tion passes into air, leaving but a few grains of solid matter behind 
it. An animal, in like manner, is gradually resolved into "thin 
air. " Muscle and blood and bones, having undergone the change, 



THE POETRY OF SCIENCE. 89 

are found to have escaped as gases, " leaving only a pinch of dust, " 
which belongs to the more stable mineral world. Our dependency 
on the atmosphere is therefore evident. We derive our substance 
from it — we are, after death resolved again, into it. "VVe are really 
but fleeting shadows. Animal and vegetable forms are little more 
than consolidated masses of the atmosphere. The sublime creations 
of the most gifted bard cannot rival the beauty of this, the highest 
and the truest poetry of science. Man has divined such changes by 
the unaided powers of reason, arguing from the phenomena which 
science reveals in unceasing action around him. The Grecian 
sage's doubt of his own identity was only an extension of a great 
truth beyond the limits of our reason. Romance and superstition 
resolve the spiritual man into a visible form of extreme ethereality 
in the spectral creations, "clothed in their own horror," by which 
their reigns have been perpetuated. 
When Shakespeare made his charming Ariel sing— 

" Full fathom five thy father lies ; 
Of his bones are coral made, 
Those are pearls that were his eyes ; 

Nothing of him that doth fade 
But doth suffer a sea change, 

Into something rich and strange, " 

he little thought how correctly he painted the chemical changes, by 
which decomposing animal matter is replaced by a siliceous or cal- 
careous formation. 

Why Mr. Hunt should be of opinion that Shakespeare 
"little thought" how wise he was, we do not altogether 
understand. Perhaps he founded the siipposition on Shake- 
speare' s not having been recognized as a practical chemist 
or palaeontologist. 

We conclude with the following passage, which seems 
to us strikingly suggestive of the shortness and hurry of 
our little life, which is rounded with a sleep and the calm 
majesty of nature. 



90 THE POETRY OP SCIENCE. 



RELATIVE IMPORTANCE OF TIME TO MAN AND NATURE. 

All things on the earth are the result of chemical combination. 
The operation by which the commingling of molecules and the in- 
terchange of atoms take place we can imitate in our laboratories ; 
but in nature they proceed by slow degrees, and, in general, in our 
hands they are distinguished by suddenness of action. In nature 
chemical power is distributed over a long period of time, and the 
process of change is scarcely to be observed. By acts we concen- 
trate chemical force, and expend it in producing a change which 
occupies but a few hours at most. 

[1848.] 



COURT CEREMONIES. 

The late Queen Dowager, whose death has given occasion 
for many public tributes to exalted worth, often formally 
and falsely rendered on similar occasions, and rarely, if ever, 
better deserved than on this, committed to writing eight 
years ago her wishes in reference to her funeral. This 
truly religious and most unaffected document has been pub- 
lished by her Majesty the Queen's directions. It is more 
honorable to the m.emory of the noble lady deceased than 
broadsides upon broadsides of fulsome panegyric, and is 
full of good example to all persons in this empire, but 
particularly, as we think, to the highest persons of all. 

I die in all humility, knowing well that we are all alike before 
the throne of God, and I request, therefore, that my mortal remains 
be conveyed to the grave without any pomp or state. They are to 
be moved to St. George's Chapel, Windsor, where I request to have 
as private and quiet a funeral as possible. 

I particularly desire not to be laid out in state, and the funeral to 
take place by daylight ; no procession ; the cofBn to be carried by 
sailors to the chapel. 

All those of my friends and relations, to a limited number, who 
wish to attend may do so ; my nephew, Prince Edward of Saxe- 
Weimar, Lords Howe and Denbigh, the Hon. William Ashley, Mr. 
Wood, Sir Andrew Barnard, and Sir D. Davies, with my dressers, 
and those of my Ladies who may wish to attend. 

I die in peace, and wish to be carried to the tomb in peace, and 
free from the vanities and the pomp of this world. 

I request not to be dissected, nor embalmed ; and desire to give as 
little trouble as possible. 

November, 1841. Adelaide R. 



92 COURT CEREMONIES. 

It may be questionable whether the " Ceremonial for the 
private interment of her late Most Excellent Majesty, Ade- 
laide the Queen Dowager, in the Eoyal Chapel of St. George 
at Windsor," published at the same time as this affecting 
paper, be quite in unison with the feelings it expresses. 
Uneasy doubts obtrude themselves upon the mind whether 
"her late Majesty's state carriage drawn by six horses, in 
which will be the crown of her late Majesty, borne on a 
velvet cushion," would not have been more in keeping with 
the fimeral requests of the late Mr. Ducrow. The pro- 
gramme, setting forth in four lines — 

THE CHIEF MOURNER, 

the Duchess of Norfolk 

(veiled) 

Attended by a Lady, 

is like a bad play -bill. The announcement how " the Arch- 
bishop having concluded the service, Garter will pronounce 
near the grave the style of Her late Majesty; after which 
the Lord Chamberlain and the Vice-Chamberlain of Her 
late Majesty's household will break their staves of office, 
and, kneeling, deposit the same in the Eoyal Vault," is 
more like the announcement outside a booth at a fair, re- 
specting what the elephant or the conjuror will do within, 
by-and-by, than consists with the simple solemnity of that 
last Christian service which is entered upon with the 
words : " We brought nothing into this world, and it is 
certain we can carry nothing out. The Lord gave, and the 
Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." 
We would not be misunderstood on this point, and we 
wish distinctly to express our full belief that the funeral 
of the good Dowager Queen was conducted with a proper 
absence of conventional absurdity. We are persuaded that 



COURT CEREMONIES. 93 

the highest personages in the country respected the last 
wishes so modestly expressed, and were earnest in impress- 
ing upon all concerned a desire for their exact fulfilment. 
It is not so much because of any inconsistencies on this 
particular occasion, as because the Lord Chamberlain's 
office is the last stronghold of an enormous amount of tom- 
foolery, which is infinitely better done upon the stage in 
" Tom Thumb, " which is cumbrous and burdensome to all 
outside the office itself, and which is negative for any good 
purpose and often positive for much harm, as making 
things ridiculous or repulsive which can only exist benefi- 
cially in the general love and respect, that we take this 
occasion of hoping that it is fast on the decline. 

This is not the first occasion on which we have observed 
upon the preposterous constraints and forms that set a 
mark upon the English Court among the nations of Europe, 
and amaze European Sovereigns when they first become its 
guests. In times that are marked beyond all others by 
rapidity of change, and by the condensation of centuries 
into years in respect of great advances, it is in the nature 
of things that these constraints and forms should yearly, 
daily, hourly, become more preposterous. What was obso- 
lete at first is rendered, in such circumstances, a thousand 
times more obsolete by every new stride that is made in the 
onward road. A Court that does not keep pace with a peo- 
ple will look smaller, through the tube which Mr. Stephen- 
son is throwing across the Menai Straits, than it looked 
before. 

It is typical of the English Court that its state dresses, 
though greatly in advance of its ceremonies, are always be- 
hind the time. We would bring it up to the time, that it 
may have the greater share in, and the stronger hold upon, 



94: COURT CEREMONIES. 

the affections of the time. The spectacle of a Court going 
down to Windsor by the Great Western Eailway, to do, 
from morning to night, what is five hundred years out of 
date ; or sending such messages to Garter by electric tele- 
graph as Garter might have received in the lists in the 
days of King Eichard the First, is not a good one. The 
example of the Dowager Queen, serving and improving on 
the example of the late Duke of Sussex, makes the present 
no unfit occasion for the utterance of a hope that these 
things are at last progressing, changing, and resolving 
themselves into harmony with all other things around 
them. It is particularly important that this should be 
the case when a new line of Sovereigns is stretching out 
before us. It is particularly important that this should 
be the case when the hopes, the happiness, the property, 
the liberties, the lives of innumerable people may, and in 
great measure must, depend on Eoyal Childhood not being 
too thickly hedged in, or loftily walled round, from a great 
range of human sympathy, access, and knowledge. There- 
fore we could desire to have the words of their departed 
relative, " We are all alike before the throne of God, " com- 
mended to the earliest understanding of our rising Princes 
and Princesses. Therefore we could desire to bring the 
chief of the Court ceremonies a little more into the outer 
world, and cordially to give him the greeting, 

My good Lord Chamberlain, 
Well are you welcome to this open air I 

[1849.] 



THE AGEICULTURAL INTEREST. 

The present Government, having shown itself to be par- 
ticularly clever in its management of Indictments for Con- 
spiracy, cannot do better, we think (keeping in its ad- 
ministrative eye the pacification of some of its most newly 
acquired supporters), than indict the whole manufacturing 
interest of the country for a conspiracy against the agricul- 
tural interest. As the jury ought to be beyond impeach- 
ment, the panel might be chosen from among the Duke of 
Buckingham's tenants, with the Duke of Buckingham 
himself as foreman ; and, to the end that the country might 
be quite satisfied with the judge, and have ample security 
beforehand for his moderation and impartiality, it would 
be desirable, perhaps, to make such a slight change in the 
working of the law (a mere nothing to a Conservative Gov- 
ernment, bent upon its end), as would enable the question 
to be tried before an Ecclesiastical Court, with the Bishop 
of Exeter presiding. The Attorney-General for Ire- 
land, turning his sword into a ploughshare, might conduct 
the prosecution ; and Mr, Cobden and the other traversers 
might adopt any ground of defence they chose, or prove or 
disprove anything they pleased, without being embarrassed 
by the least anxiety or doubt in reference to the verdict. 

That the country in general is in a conspiracy against 
this sacred but unhappy agricultural interest, there can be 
no doubt. It is not alone within the walls of Covent Gar- 



96 THE AGRICULTTJRAL INTEREST. 

den Theatre, or the Free Trade Hall at Manchester, or the 
Town Hall at Birmingham, that the cry " Repeal the Corn- 
laws!" is raised. It may be heard, moaning at night, 
through the straw-littered wards of Refuges for the Desti- 
tute ; it may be read in the gaunt and famished faces which 
make our streets terrible; it is muttered in the thankful 
grace pronounced by haggard wretches over their felon fare 
in jails; it is inscribed in dreadful characters upon the 
walls of Fever Hospitals; and may be plainly traced in 
every record of mortality. All of which proves that there 
is a vast conspiracy afoot, against the unfortunate agricul- 
tural interest. 

They who run, even upon railroads, may read of this 
conspiracy. The old stage-coachman was a farmer' s friend. 
He wore top-boots, understood cattle, fed his horses upon 
corn, and had a lively personal interest in malt. The en- 
gine-driver's garb, and sympathies, and tastes belong to the 
factory. His fustian dress, besmeared with coal-dust and 
begrimed with soot; his oily hands, his dirty face, his 
knowledge of machinery, all point him out as one devoted 
to the manufacturing interest. Fire and smoke and red- 
hot cinders follow in his wake. He has no attachment to 
the soil, but travels on a road of iron, furnace wrought. 
His warning is not conveyed in the fine old Saxon dialect 
of our glorious forefathers, but in a fiendish yell. He 
never cries " Yor-hip !" with agricultural lungs ; but jerks 
forth a manufactured shriek from a brazen throat. 

Where is the agricultural interest represented? From 
what phase of our social life has it not been driven, to the 
undue setting up of its false rival? 

Are the police agricultviral? The watchmen were. They 
wore woollen nightcaps to a man; they encouraged the 



THE AGRICULTURAL INTEREST. 97 

growth of timber, by patriotically adhering to staves and 
rattles of immense size ; tliey slept every night in boxes, 
which were but another form of the celebrated wooden 
walls of Old England ; they never woke up till it was too 
late — in which respect you might have thought them very 
farmers. How is it with the police? Their buttons are 
made at Birmingham ; a dozen of their truncheons would 
poorly furnish forth a watchman's staff; they have no 
wooden walls to repose between ; and the crowns of their 
hats are plated with cast-iron. 

Are the doctors agricultural? Let Messrs. Morison and 
Moat, of the Hygeian establishment at King's Cross, Lon- 
don, reply. Is it not, upon the constant showing of those 
gentlemen, an ascertained fact that the whole medical pro- 
fession have united to depreciate the worth of the Univer- 
sal Vegetable Medicines? And is this opposition to vege- 
tables, and exaltation of steel and iron instead, on the part 
of the regular practitioners, capable of any interpretation 
but one? Is it not a distinct renouncement of the agricul- 
tural interest, and a setting up of the manufacturing interest 
instead? 

Do the professors of the law at all fail in their truth to 
the beautiful maid whom they ought to adore? Inquire of 
the Attorney-General for Ireland. Inquire of that honor- 
able and learned gentleman, whose last public act was to 
cast aside the gray goose-quill, an article of agricultural 
produce, and take up the pistol, which, under the system 
of percussion locks, has not even a flint to connect it with 
farming. Or put the question to a still higher legal func- 
tionary, who, on the same occasion, when he should have 
been a reed, inclining here and there, as adverse gales of 
evidence disposed him, was seen to be a manufactured 
7 



98 THE AGRICULTURAL INTEREST. 

image on the seat of Justice, cast by Power, in most im- 
penetrable brass. 

The world is too much with us in this manufacturing in- 
terest, early and late; that is the great complaint and the 
great truth. It is not so with the agricultural interest, or 
what passes by that name. It never thinks of the suffer- 
ing world, or sees it, or cares to extend its knowledge of 
it ; or, so long as it remains a world, cares anything about 
it. All those whom Dante placed in the first pit or circle 
of the doleful regions might have represented the agricul- 
tural interest in the present Parliaments, or at quarter-ses- 
sions, or at meetings of the farmer's friends, or anywhere 
else. 

But that is not the question now. It is conspired 
against; and we have given a few proofs of the conspiracy, 
as they shine out of various classes engaged in it. An in- 
dictment against the whole manufacturing interest need 
not be longer, surely, than the indictment in the case of 
the Crown against O'Connell and others. Mr. Cobden 
may be taken as its representative — as indeed he is, by one 
consent, already. There may be no evidence; but that is 
not required. A judge and jury are all that is needed. 
And the Government know where to find them, or they 
gain experience to little purpose. [1844.] 



CRIME AND EDUCATION. 

I OFFER no apology for entreating the attention of the 
readers of the Daily News to an effort whicli has been 
making for some three years and a half, and which is mak- 
ing now, to introduce among the most miserable and neg- 
lected outcasts in London some knowledge of the common- 
est principles of morality and religion ; to commence their 
recognition as immortal human creatures, before the jail 
Chaplain becomes their only schoolmaster; to suggest to 
Society that its duty to this wretched throng, foredoomed 
to crime and punishment, rightfully begins at some dis- 
tance from the police office; and that the careless mainte- 
nance from year to year, in this the capital city of the 
world, of a vast, hopeless nursery of ignorance, misery, and 
vice — a breeding-place for the hulks and jails — is horrible 
to contemplate. 

This attempt is being made, in certain of the most ob- 
scure and squalid parts of the Metropolis ; where rooms are 
opened, at night, for the gratuitous instruction of all comers, 
children or adults, under the title of Rxi.GGED Schools. 
The name implies the purpose. They who are too ragged, 
wretched, filthy, and forlorn, to enter any other place; 
who could gain admission into no charity school, and who 
would be driven from any church-door, are invited to come 
in here, and find some people not depraved, willing to teach 
them something, and show them some sympathy, and 



100 CRIME AND EDUCATION. 

stretcli a hand out, whicli is not tlie iron hand of Law, for 
their correction. 

Before I describe a visit of my own to a Eagged School, 
and urge the readers of this letter for God's sake to visit 
one themselves and think of it (which is my main object), 
let me say that I know the prisons of London well; that 
I have visited the largest of them, more times than I could 
count; and that the children in them are enough to break 
the heart and hoj)e of any man. I have never taken a for- 
eigner or a stranger of any kind to one of these establish- 
ments, but I have seen him so moved at sights of the child 
offenders, and so affected by the contemplation of their 
utter renouncement and desolation outside the prison walls, 
that he has been as little able to disguise his emotion as if 
some great grief had suddenly burst upon him. Mr. Claes- 
TERTON and Lieutenant Tracet (than whom more intelli- 
gent and humane Governors of Prisons it would be hard, if 
not impossible, to find) know, perfectly well, that these 
children pass and repass through the prisons all their lives ; 
that they are never taught; that the first distinctions be- 
tween right and wrong are, from their cradles, perfectly 
confounded and perverted in their minds ; that they come 
of untaught parents, and will give birth to another un- 
taught generation ; that in exact proportion to their natural 
abilities are the extent and scope of their depravity ; and 
that there is no escape or chance for them in any ordinary 
revolution of human affairs. Happily, there are schools in 
these prisons now. If any readers doubt how ignorant the 
children are, let them visit those schools and see them at 
their tasks, and hear how much they knew when ohey were 
sent there. If they would know the produce of this seed, 
let them see a class of men and boys together, at their books 



CRIME AND EDUCATION. 101 

(as I have seen them in the House of Correction for this 
County of Middlesex), and mark how painfully the full- 
grown felons toil at the very shape and form of letters; 
their ignorance being so confirmed and solid. The contrast 
of this labor in the men, with the less blunted quickness 
of the boys; the latent shame and sense of degradation 
struggling through their dull attempts at infant lessons, 
and the universal eagerness to learn, impress me, in this 
passing retrospect, more painfully than I can tell. 

For the instruction, and as a first step in the reforma- 
tion, of such unhappy beings, the Eagged Schools were 
founded. I was first attracted to the subject, and indeed 
was first made conscious of their existence, about two years 
ago, or more, by seeing an advertisement in the papers 
dated from West Street, Saffron-hill, stating " That a room 
had been opened and supported in that wretched neighbor- 
hood for upwards of twelve months, where religious in- 
struction had been imparted to the poor," and explaining 
in a few words what was meant by Eagged Schools as a 
generic term, including, then, four or five similar places of 
instruction. I wrote to the masters of this particular 
school to make some further inquiries, and went myself 
soon afterward. 

It was a hot summer night ; and the air of Field-lane and 
Saffron-hill was not improved by such weather, nor were 
the people in those streets very sober or honest company. 
Being unacquainted with the exact locality of the school, I 
was fain to make some inquiries about it. These were very 
jocosely received in general; but everybody knew where it 
was, and gave the right direction to it. The prevailing idea 
among the loungers (the greater part of them the very sweep- 
ings of the streets and station-houses) seemed to be that the 



102 CRIME AND EDUCATION. 

teachers were quixotic, and the school upon the whole " a 
lark. " But there was certainly a kind of rough respect for 
the intention, and (as I have said) nobody denied the school 
or its "whereabouts, or refused assistance in directing to it. 

It consisted at that time of either two or three — I forget 
which — miserable rooms, up-stairs in a miserable house. 
In the best of these, the pupils in the female school were 
being taught to read and write; and, though there were 
among the number many wretched creatures steeped in 
degradation to the lips, they were tolerably quiet, and lis- 
tened with apparent earnestness and patience to their in- 
structors. The appearance of this room was sad and mel- 
ancholy, of course — how could it be otherwise! — but, on the 
whole, encouraging. 

The close, low chamber at the back, in which the boys 
were crowded, was so foul and stifling as to be, at first, al- 
most insupportable. But its moral aspect was so far worse 
than its physical that this was soon forgotten. Huddled 
together on a bench about the room, and shown out by some 
flaring candles stuck against the walls, were a crowd of boys, 
varying from mere infants to young men ; sellers of fruit, 
herbs, lucif er-matches, flints ; sleepers under the dry arches 
of bridges ; young thieves and beggars — with nothing natu- 
ral to youth about them : with nothing frank, ingenuous, 
or pleasant in their faces; low-browed, vicious, cunning, 
wicked; abandoned of all help but this; speeding down- 
wards to destruction ; and Unutterably Ignorant. 

This, Keader, was one room as full as it could hold; but 
these were only grains in sample of a Multitude that are 
perpetually sifting through these schools ; in sample of a 
Multitude who had within them once, and perhaps have 
now, the elements of men as good as you or I, and may 



CRIME AND EDUCATION. 103 

be infinitely better; in sample of a Multitude among 
whose doomed and sinful ranks (oh, think of this, and 
think of them!) the child of any man upon this earth, 
however lofty his degree, must, as by Destiny and Fate, 
be found, if, at its birth, it were consigned to such an 
infancy and nurture as these fallen creatures had! 

This was the Class I saw at the Kagged School. They 
could not be trusted with books; they could only be in- 
structed orally ; they were difficult of reduction to anything 
like attention, obedience, or decent behavior; their be- 
nighted ignorance in reference to the Deity, or to any so- 
cial duty (how could they guess at any social duty, being 
so discarded by all social teachers but the jailer and the 
hangman !) was terrible to see. Yet, even here, and among 
these, something had been done already. The Eagged 
School was of recent date and very poor ; but it had incul- 
cated some association with the name of the Almighty 
which was not an oath, and had taught them to look for- 
ward in a hymn (they sang it) to another life which would 
correct the miseries and woes of this. 

The new exposition I found in this Ragged School of 
the frightful neglect by the State of those whom it pun- 
ishes so constantly, and whom it might, as easily and less 
expensively, instruct and save, together with the sight I 
had seen there, in the heart of London, haunted me, and 
finally impelled me to an endeavor to bring these Institu- 
tions under the notice of the Government; with some faint 
hope that the vastness of the question would supersede the 
theology of the schools, and that the Bench of Bishops 
might adjust the latter question, after some small grant 
had been conceded. I made the attempt; and have heard 
no more of the subject, from that hour. 



104 CEIME AND EDUCATION. 

The perusal of an advertisement in yesterday's paper, 
announcing a lecture on the Kagged Schools last night, has 
led me into these remarks. I might easily have given them 
another form ; but I address this letter to you, in the hope 
that some few readers in whom I have awakened an inter- 
est, as a writer of fiction, may be, by that means, attracted 
to the subject, who might otherwise, unintentionally, pass 
it over. 

I have no desire to praise the system pursued in the 
Eagged Schools; which is necessarily very imperfect, if 
indeed there be one. So far as I have any means of judg- 
ing of what is taught there, I should individually object to 
it, as not being sufiBcientiy secular, and as presenting too 
many religious mysteries and difficulties to minds not suffi- 
ciently prepared for their reception. But I should very 
imperfectly discharge in myself the duty I wish to urge 
and impress on others, if I allowed any such doubt of mine 
to interfere with my appreciation of the efforts of these 
teachers, or my true wish to promote them by any slight 
means in my power. Irritating topics, of all kinds, are 
equally far removed from my purpose and intention. But 
I adjure those excellent persons who aid, munificently, in 
the building of New Churches, to think of these Ragged 
Schools ; to reflect whether some portion of their rich en- 
dowments might not be spared for such a purpose ; to con- 
template, calmly, the necessity of beginning at the begin- 
ning; to consider for themselves where the Christian 
Eeligion most needs and most suggests immediate help 
and illustration ; and not to decide on any theory or hear- 
say, but to go themselves into the Prisons and the Ragged 
Schools, and form their own conclusions. They will be 
shocked, pained, and repelled, by much that they learn 



CRIME AND EDUCATION. 105 

there ; but nothing they can learn will be one thousandth 
part so shocking, painful, and repulsive, as the contin- 
uance for one year more of those things as they have been 
for too many years already. 

Anticipating that some of the more prominent facts con- 
nected with the history of the Ragged Schools may become 
known to the readers of the Daily Neivs through your 
account of the lecture in question, I abstain (though in 
possession of some such information) from pursuing the 
question further, at this time. But if I should see occa- 
sion, I will take leave to return to it. 

[Letter to the Editors of the Daily News, February 4th, 
1846.] 



THE RISING GENERATION, 

A SERIES OF TWELVE DRAWINGS ON STONE. 
BY JOHN LEECH. 

rrom his Original Designs in the Gallery of Mr. Punch. 

LeecJi's Bising Generation. 

These are not stray crumbs that have fallen from Mr. 
Punch's well-provided table, but a careful reproduction by 
Mr. Leech, in a very graceful and cheerful manner, of one 
of his best series of designs. Admirable as the " Rising 
Generation" is in Mr. Punch's gallery, it shows to infinitely 
greater advantage in the present enlarged and separate form 
of publication. * 

It is to be remarked of Mr. Leech that he is the very 
first English caricaturist (we use the word for want of a 
better) who has considered beauty as being perfectly com- 
patible with his art. He almost always introduces into 
graphic sketches some beautful faces, or agreeable forms; 
and in striking out this course and setting this example, we 
really believe he does a great deal to refine and elevate that 
popular branch of art which the facilities of steam printing 
and wood-engraving are rendering more popular every day. 

» " The Rising Generation, a Series of Twelve Drawings on Stone. " 
By John Leech. From his Original Designs in the Gallery of Mr, 
Punch. 



THE RISING GENERATION. 107 

If we turn back to a collection of the works of Eowland- 
son or Gilray, we shall find, in spite of the great humor dis- 
played in many of them, that they are rendered wearisome 
and unpleasant by a vast amount of personal ugliness. 
Now, besides that it is a poor device to represent what is 
satirized as being necessarily ugly — which is but the re- 
source of an angry child or a jealous woman — it serves no 
purpose but to produce a disagreeable result. There is no 
reason why the farmer' s daughter in the old caricature who 
is squalling at the harpsichord (to the intense delight, by 
the by, of her worthy father, the farmer, whom it is her 
duty to please) should be squab and hideous. The satire 
on the manner of her education, if there be any in the 
thing at all, would be just as good if she were pretty. Mr. 
Leech would have made her so. The average of farmer's 
daughters in England are not impossible bumps of fat. 
One is quite likely to find a pretty girl in a farmhouse as 
to find an ugly one; and we think, with Mr. Leech, that 
the business of this style of art is with the pretty one. 
She is not only a pleasanter object in our portfolio, but we 
have more interest in her. We care more about what does 
become her, and does not become her. In Mr. Punch's 
Almanack for the new year, there is one illustration by Mr. 
Leech representing certain delicate creatures with bewitch- 
ing countenances, encased in several varieties of that amaz- 
ing garment, the ladies' paletot. Formerly these fair crea- 
tures would have been made as ugly and ungainly as 
possible, and there the point would have been lost, and 
the spectator, with a laugh at the absurdity of the whole 
group, would not have cared one farthing how such un- 
couth creatures disguised themselves, or how ridiculous 
they became. 



108 THE RISING GENERATION. 

But to represent female beauty as Mr. Leech represents 
it, an artist must nave a most delicate perception of it, and 
the gift of being able to realize it to us with two or three 
slight, sure touches of his pencil. This power Mr. Leech 
possesses, in an extraordinary degree. 

For this reason, we enter our protest against those of the 
" rising generation " — who are precociously in love, being 
made the subject of merriment by a pitiless and unsym- 
pathizing world. We never saw a boy more distinctly in 
the right than the young gentleman kneeling on the chair 
to beg a lock of hair from his pretty cousin, to take back 
to school. Madness is in her apron, and Virgil, dog' s-eared 
and defaced, is in her ringlets. Doubts may suggest them- 
selves of the perfect disinterestedness of this other young 
gentleman contemplating the fair girl at the piano — doubts 
engendered by his worldly allusion to " tin " (though even 
that may arise in his modest consciousness of his own in- 
ability to support an establishment) ; but that he should be 
" decidedly inclined to go and cut that fellow out" appears 
to us one of the most natural emotions of the human breast. 
The young gentleman with the dishevelled hair aud clasj)ed 
hands, who loves the transcendent beauty with the bou- 
quet, and can't be happy without her, is, to us, a withering 
and desolate spectacle, who co^dd be happy without her. 

The growing boys, or the rising generation, are not less 
happily observed and agreeably depicted than the grown 
women. The languid little creature who " hasn't danced 
since he was quite a boy, " is perfect, and the eagerness of 
the little girl whom he declines to receive for a partner at 
the hands of the glorious old lady of the house — her feet 
quite ready for the first position — her whole heart pro- 
jected into the quadrille — aud her glance peeping timidly 



THE RISING GENERATION. 109 

at him out of her flutter of hope and doubt — is quite de- 
lightful to look at. The intellectual juvenile who awakens 
the tremendous wrath of a Norma of private life, by con- 
sidering woman an inferior animal, is lecturing, this present 
Christmas, we understand, on the Concrete in connection 
with the Will. We recognized the legs of the philosopher 
who considers Shakespeare an overrated man, dangling 
over the side of an omnibus, last Tuesday. The scowling 
young gentleman who is clear that "if his governor don't 
like the way he goes on it, why, he must have chambers 
and so much a week, " is not of our acquaintance ; but we 
trust he is by this time in Van Diemen' s Land, or he will 
certainly come to Newgate. We should be exceedingly un- 
willing to stand possessed of personal property in a strong- 
box, and be in the relation of bachelor-uncle to that youth. 
We would on no account reside at that suburb of ill omen, 
Camberwell, under such circumstances, remembering the 
Barnwell case. 

In all his drawings, whatever Mr. Leech desires to do 
he does. The expression indicated, though indicated by 
the simplest means, is exactly the natural expression, and 
is recognized as such immediately. His wit is good- 
natured, and always the wit of a true gentleman. He has 
a becoming sense of responsibility and self-restraint; he 
imparts some pleasant air of his own to things not pleasant 
in themselves ; he is suggestive and full of matter, and he 
is always improving. Into the tone, as well as into the 
execution of what he does, he has brought a certain ele- 
gance which is altogether new, without involving any com- 
promise of what is true. He is an acquisition to popular 
art in England who has already done great service, and 
will, we doubt not, do a great deal more. Our best wishes 



110 THE RISING GENERATION. 

for the future, and our cordial feeling toward him for the 
past, attend him in his career. 

It is eight or ten years ago since a writer in the Quarterly 
Revieiv, making mention of Mr. George Cruikshank, com- 
mented, in a few words, on the absurdity of excluding such 
a man from the Eoyal Academy, because his works were 
not produced in certain materials, and did not occupy a 
certain space annually on its walls. Will no Members and 
Associates be found upon its books, one of these days, the 
labors of whose oils and brushes will have svuik into the 
profoundest obscurity, when the many pencil-marks of 
Mr. Cruikshank and of Mr. Leech will still be fresh in 
half the houses in the land? [1848.] 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

Why an honest republican, coming from the United 
States to England on a mission of inquiry into ploughs, 
turnips, mangel-wurzel, and live-stock, cannot be easy un- 
less he is forever exhibiting himself to his admiring coun- 
trymen, with a countess hanging on each arm, a duke or 
two walking deferentially behind, and a few old English 
barons (all his very particular friends) going on before, we 
cannot, to our satisfaction, comprehend. Neither is his 
facility of getting into such company quite intelligible; 
unless something of the spirit which rushes into print with 
a record of these genteel processions pervades the aristo- 
cratic as well as the republican breast, and tickles the noble 
fancy with a bird's-eye view of some thousands of Ameri- 
can readers across the water, poring, with open mouths 
and goggle-eyes, over descriptions of its OAvner's domes Lid 
magnificence. We are bound to confess, in justice to a 
stranger with Mr. Colman's opportunities, that we are not 
altogether free from a suspicion of this kind. 

Mr. Colman came here, as we have already intimated, 
charged with a mission of inquiry into the general agricul- 
tural condition of the country. In this capacity he wrote 
some reports very creditable to his good sense, expressed 
in plain nervous English, and testifying to his acquaintance 
with the rural writings of Cobbett. It would have been 
better for Mr. Colman, and more agreeable, we conceive, to 



112 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

all Americans of good sense and good taste, if he had con- 
tented himself with such authorship ; but in an evil hour he 
committed the two volumes before us,' in which — 

He talks so like a waiting gentlewoman, 

Of napkins, forks, and spoons (God save the mark !) 

that the dedication of his book to Lady Byron is an obvious 
mistake, and an outrage on the rights of Mr. N. P. Willis. 

Mr. Colman's letters have one very remarkable feature 
which our readers will probably never have observed before 
in any similar case. They were not intended for publica- 
tion. Of this unprecedented fact there is no doubt. He 
wrote them, without a twinkle of -his eye at the public, to 
some partial friends ; who were so delighted with them and 
talked so much about them that all his other friends cried 
out for copies. They ivould have copies. Now these may 
be excellent friends, but they are bitter bad judges : still 
they may be turned to good account ; for if Mr. Colman 
should ever, in future, write anything that is particularly 
agreeable to this audience, he may rely upon it that the 
nearest fire will be its fittest destination. 

We do not say but that there are parts of these letters 
which exhibit the writer in the character of a good-natured, 
kind-hearted private individual, though of a somewhat cum- 
brous and elephantine jocularity, and of a rather startling 
sentimentality — as when he goes to see the charity children 
assembled at St. Paul's, and has impulses, on account of 
their extraordinary beauty, to pitch himself out of the 
whispering-gallery head-foremost into the midst of those 
yoimg Christians ; a homage to youth and innocence neces- 

' " European Life and Manners, or Familiar Letters to Friends. " 
By Henry Colman. 3 vols. Boston. 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 113 

sarily involving the annihilation of the wearers of several 
undersized pairs of leather breeches. But what Mr. Colman 
may choose to write, in this private aspect of himself, to 
his friends, is a very different thing from what he is jus- 
tified in calling upon the public to read. A man may play 
at horses with his children, in his OAvn parlor, and give 
nobody offence; but if he should hire the Opera House in 
London, or the Theatre Franqais in Paris, for the exhibi- 
tion of that performance at so much a head, he would chal- 
lenge criticism, and might very justly be hissed. 

The one great impression on our letter-writer's mind, of 
which it does not appear at all probable that he will ever 
completely relieve himself, is made by the internal economy 
of an English nobleman's country-house. 

MR. COLMAN AT A GREAT COUNTRY MANSION. 

As soon as you arrive at the house, your name is announced, your 
portmanteau is immediately taken into your chamber, which the 
servant shows you, with every requisite convenience and comfort. 
At Lord Spencer's the watch opens your door in the night to see if 
all is safe, as his house was once endangered by a gentleman's read- 
ing in bed, and if he should find your light burning after you had 
retired, excepting the night-taper, or you reading in bed, without a 
single word he would stretch out a long extinguisher, and put it 
out. In the morning, a servant comes in to let you know the time 
in season for you to dress for breakfast. At half -past nine you go 
in to family prayers, if you find out the time. They are happy to 
have the guests attend, but they are never asked. The servants 
are all assembled in the room fitted for a chapel. They all kneel, 
and the master of the house, or a chaplain, reads the morning ser- 
vice. As soon as it is over they all wait until he and his guests 
retire, and then the breakfast is served. At breakfast there is 
no ceremony whatever. You are asked by the servant what you 
will have, tea or coffee, or you get up and help yourself. Dry 
toast, boiled eggs, and bread and butter are on the table, and on 
8 



114 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

the side-table you will find cold ham, tongue, beef, etc., to which 
you carry your own plate and help yourself, and come back to the 
breakfast-table and sit as long as you please. All letters or notes 
addressed to you are laid by your plate, and letters to be sent by 
mail are put in the post-box in the entry, and are sure to go. The 
arrangements for the day are then made, and parties are formed, 
horses and carriages for all the guests are found at the stables, and 
each one follows the bent of his inclination. When he returns, if 
at noon, he finds a side-table with an abundant lunch upon it if he 
chooses, and when he goes to his chamber for preparation for dinner, 
he finds his dress-clothes brushed and folded in the nicest manner, 
and cold water, and hot water, and clean napkins in the greatest 
abundance. 

One would think this sufficiently explicit, but here, a few 
pages further on, is — 

MR. COLMAN AGAIN AT A GREAT COUNTRY MANSION. 

In most families the hour of breakfast is announced to you before 
retiring, and the breakfast is entirely without ceremony. Your let- 
ters are brought to you in the morning, and the mail goes out every 
day. The postage of letters is always prepaid by those who write 
them, who paste double or single stamps upon them ; and it is con- 
sidered an indecorum to send a letter unpaid, or sealed with a wafer. 
Any expense incurred for you, if it be only a penny upon a letter, 
is at once mentioned to you, and you of course pay it. At break- 
fast the arrangements are made for the day ; you are generally left 
to choose what you will do, and horses and carriages are always at 
the service of the guests, or guns and implements for sporting, if 
those are their habits. There is your chamber, or the library, the 
billiard-room, or the garden, the park, or the village. You arc not 
looked for again, unless you make one of some party, until dinner- 
time, which is generally, in a nobleman's house, seven o'clock. 
Breakfast from nine to ten. Lunch, to which you go if you choose, 
which in truth is a dinner, though most things are cold, at half- past 
one ; coffee immediately after dinner, and tea and cake immediately 
after coffee. At eleven o'clock there is always a candle for each 
guest, placed on the sideboard or in the entry, with allumettes 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 115 

alongside of them, and at your pleasure you light your own candle, 
and bid good-night. In a Scotch family you are expected to shake 
hands on retiring, with all the party, and on meeting in the morn- 
ing. The English are a little more reserved, though, in general, 
the master of the house shakes hands with you. On a first intro- 
duction, no gentlemen shake hands, but simply bow to each other. 
In the morning you come down in undress, with boots, trousers 
of any color, frock-coat, etc. At dinner you are always expected to 
be in full dress : straight coat, black satin or white waistcoat, silk 
stockings and pumps, but not gloves ; and if you dine abroad in 
London, you keep your hat in your hand until you go in to dinner, 
when you give it to a servant, or leave it in an anteroom. The lady 
of the house generally claims the arm of the principal stranger, or the 
gentleman of the highest rank ; she then assigns the other ladies and 
gentlemen by name, and commonly waits until all her guests precede 
her in to dinner, though this is not invariable. The gentleman is ex- 
pected to sit near the lady whom he hands in. Grace is almost always 
said by the master, and it is done in the shortest possible way. Some- 
times no dishes are put upon the table until the soup is done with, 
but at other times there are two covers besides the soup. The soup 
is various ; in Scotland it is usually what they call hodge-podge, a 
mixture of vegetables with some meat. After soup, the fish-cover 
is removed, and this is commonly served round without any vege- 
tables, but certainly not more than one kind. After fish, come the 
plain joints, roast or boiled, with potatoes, peas or beans, and 
cauliflowers. Then sherry wine is handed by the servant to every 
one. German wine is offered to those who prefer it ; this is always 
drank in green glasses ; then come the entrees, which are a variety 
of French dishes, and hashes ; then champagne is offered ; after this 
remove, come ducks, or partridges, or other game ; after this the 
bonbons, puddings, tarts, sweetmeats, blanc-mange ; then cheese 
and bread, and a glass of strong ale is handed round ; then the re- 
moval of the upper cloth, and oftentimes the most delicious fruits 
and confectionery follow, such as grapes, peaches, melons, apples, 
dried fruits, etc., etc. After this is put upon the table a small bot- 
tle of Constantia wine, which is deemed very precious, and handed 
round in small wineglasses, or noyau, or some other cordial. Fin- 
ger-glasses are always furnished, though in some cases I have seen 



116 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

a deep silver plate filled with rosewater presented to each guest, in 
■which he dips the corner of his nankin, to wipe his lips or his fin- 
gers. No cigars or pipes are ever offered, and soon after the re- 
moval of the cloth the ladies retire to the drawing-room, the gentle- 
men close lip at tlie table, and after sitting as long as you please, 
you go into the drawing-room to have cofi'ee and then tea. The 
wines at table are generally of the most expensive quality : port, 
sherry, claret, seldom madeira ; but I have never heard any discus- 
sion about the character of wines, excepting that I have been 
repeatedly asked what wine we usually drank in America. 

In connection with this same establishment, we have the 
happiness of learning that the butler " takes care of all the 
wines, fruit, glasses, candlesticks, lamps, and plate;" also 
that he has an under-butler "for his adjunct." The ladies, 
it seems, " never wear a pair of white satin shoes or white 
gloves more than once." And we have a dim vision of the 
agitation of the tremendous depths of this social sea, which 
looks so smooth at top, when we are informed that " some 
of them (the ladies) if they find, on going into society, 
another 2^&'>'son of inferior rank wearing the same dress as 
theviselves " — which would certainly appear an inconven- 
ient proceeding — "the dress, upon being taken off, is at 
once thrown aside, and the lady's maid perfectly under- 
stands her perquisite." 

Having recovered our breath, impeded in the contempla- 
tion of this awful picture, and the mysterious shadow thrown 
around the lady's maid, we expect to find our American 
friend in some new scene ; and, indeed, we do find him, for 
a little time, in the company of Scotch gentlemen, who keep 
small ivory spoons in their pockets " to shove their snuff up 
their noses," and who likewise carry small brushes in their 
pockets to sweep their noses and upper lips with after- 
wards — which is well known to be a practice universal with. 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 117 

the bench and bar of Scotland, and with the principal mem- 
bei'S of the Scottish Universities, whose snuff is for the most 
part carried after them in coal-scuttles by Highlanders, 
who cannot be made to sneeze by any artificial process 
whatever. But our traveller's foot is hot upon his native 
heath in this society, and he is back again in no time. 

MR. COLMAN AGAIN IN A GREAT COUNTRY MANSION. 

The house is one of the most magnificent and ancient in the coim- 
try, having been long in the possession of the family. It was once 
the property of the Marquis of Rockingham, one of the most dis- 
tinguished ministers of the Crown in the war of the Revolution, and 
always an ardent friend of America. I think, upon the whole, it 
is upon the largest scale of anything I have yet seen. The house 
itself is six hundred and ten feet in length, and the width propor- 
tionate. I was forewarned that I should lose my way in it, and so 
I have done two or three times, until, at last, I have made sure of 
my own bedroom. The house is elegantly furnished, parts of it 
superbly, and the style of living is in keeping. I arrived about 
six, and, after a short walk with my noble host, the dressing-bell 
rung, and I was shown at once to my chamber. The chamber is a 
large and superb room, called the blue-room, because papered with 
elegant blue satin paper, and the bed and the windows hung with 
superb blue silk curtains. My i^ortmauteau had already been car- 
ried there, and the straps untied for opening ; a large coal fire was 
blazing ; candles were burning on the table, and water and every- 
thing else necessary for ablution and comfort. There was, like- 
wise, what is always to be found in an English house, a writing 
table, letter-paper, note-paper, new pens, ink, sealing-wax, and 
wax-taper, and a letter- box is kept in the house, and notice given to 
the guests always at what time the post will leave. 

Nor is his mind yet discharged of the mere froth and 
foam of that one idea, which must work henceforth with 
him, while memory lasts ; for, after travelling a few pages, 
we find — 



118 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 



,MB. COLMAN AGAIN AT A GREAT COUNTRY MANSION. 

Imagine an elegant dining-room, the table covered with the rich- 
est plate, and this plate filled with the richest viands which the 
culinary art and the vintage and the fruit-garden can supply ; imag- 
ine a horse at your disposal, a servant at your command to antici- 
pate every want ; imagine an elegant bed-chamber, a bright coal 
fire, fresh water in basins, in goblets, in tubs, napkins without stint 
as white as snow, a double mattress, a French bed, sheets of the 
finest linen, a canopy of the richest silk, a table portfolio, writing- 
apparatus and stationery, allumettes, a night-lamp, candles and sil- 
ver candlesticks, and beautiful paintings and exquisite statuary, 
and every kind of chair or sofa but a rocking-chair, and then you 
will have some little notion of the place where I now am. 

And yet a few pages more and here is — 

MR. COLMAN AT THE GREATEST COUNTRY MANSION OP ALL, 

I asked, when I retired, " What time do you breakfast ? " The Duke 
replied, " Just what time you please, from nine to twelve. " I al- 
ways came down at nine precisely, and found the Duchess at her 
breakfast. About half-past nine the Duke would come in, and the 
ladies, one by one, soon after. At breakfast, the side-table would 
have on it cold ham, cold chicken, cold pheasant or partridge, 
which you ask for, or to which, as is common, you get up and help 
yourself. On the breakfast-table were several kinds of the best 
bread possible, butter always fresh, made that morning, as I have 
found at all these houses, and if you ask for coffee or chocolate it 
would be brought to you in a silver coffee-pot, and you help your- 
self ; if for tea, you would have a silver urn to each guest, heated 
by alcohol, placed by you, a small teapot, and a small caddie of 
black and green tea to make for yourself, or the servant for you. 
The papers of the morning, from London (for a country j^aper is 
rarely seen), were then brought to you, and your letters, if any. 
At breakfast, the arrangements were made for the day, and if you 
were to ride, choose your mode, and at the minute the horses and 
servants would be at the door. 

At two o'clock is the lunch, which I was not at home to take. 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 119 

and very rarely do take. A lunch at such houses is in fact a din- 
ner ; the table is set at half-past one, not quite so large as for dinner. 
Commonly, there is roast meat, -warm or cold, cold chicken, cold 
beef, cold ham, bread, butter, cheese, fruit, beer, ale, and wines, 
and every one takes it as he pleases, standing, sitting, waiting for 
the rest, or not, and going away when he pleases ; dinner at seven, 
sometimes at eight, when all are congregated in the drawing-room, 
five minutes before the hour, in full dress. I have already told you 
the course at dinner, but at many houses there is always a bill of 
fare — in this case written, I had almost said engraved, on the most 
elegant embossed and colored paper, always in French, and passed 
round to the guests. 

" The Duke" meantime, it is to be presumed, keeping his 
noble eyes on Mr. Colman's waistcoat, until he satisfies his 
noble mind that it is not a waistcoat like his waistcoat; 
which would render it indispensable for his Grace instantly 
to depart from table, take it off in desperation, and bestow 
it on his valet. 

But there is one phase of the national character which 
impresses our good traveller more than any other. It is 
remarkable that the guests at a gentleman's house do not 
dash at the dishes, and contend with one another for " the 
fixings " they contain, but put their trust in Providence, 
and in the servants, and in the good time coming if they 
wait a little longer ; — it is a grave consideration that they 
have water to wash in, sheets to sleep in, paper to write 
letters on, and allumettes to light their sealing-wax by ; — it 
is matter for a philosopher's reflection that at breakfast 
you find the cold beef on the sideboard, and at night the 
chamber candlestick in the entry ; — but the distinctive mark 
of the national character, the centre prong in the trident of 
Britannia, the strong tuft in the mane of the British lion, 
is the national propensity to perform that humble house- 



120 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

hold service which is familiarly called "emptying the 
slops. " This, and the kindred national propensity to brush 
a man's clothes and polish his boots, whensoever and where- 
soever the clothes and boots can be seized without the man, 
are the noteworthy things that can never be effaced from 
an observant traveller's remembrance. 

"Princes and lords may flourish or may fade," 

even " the Duke, " with his f our-and-twenty silver tea-cad- 
dies all of a row, may be made hay of by the inexorable 
getter-in of human grass — but the ducal housemaid and 
the ducal boots-boy will flourish in immortal freshness. 

" I forgot to say, " writes Mr, Colman, and strange it is 
indeed that any man should forget the having such a thing 
to say — " I forgot to say, if you leave your chamber twenty 
times a day, after using your basin, you would find it clean, 
and the pitcher replenished on your return ; and that you 
cannot take your clothes off, but they are taken away, 
brushed, folded, pressed, and placed in the bureau; and 
at the dressing-hour, before dinner, you find your candles 
lighted, your clothes laid out, your shoes cleaned, and every- 
thing arranged for use." 

By and by he expatiates on the bell-rope being always 
within reach ; on " a worked night-cap " being " not unf re- 
quently " placed ready for you (though we suspect the 
Duchess of a personal attention to this article) ; on the un- 
wonted luxury of a bootjack; on the high civilization of a 
little copper tea-kettle; on the imposing solemnity of that 
complicated Institution known as dinner-napkins- — which, 
we are told, "are never left upon the table, but either 
thrown into your chair, or on the floor under the table, " — ■ 
but, faithful to the one great trait of Britain, he falls back 



AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 121 

on the boots and clothes forever " brushed and folded and 
laid out for use." 

Again and again we find Mr. Colman again at a great 
country mansion — those to which we have followed him 
having numerous successors. And again and again, after 
simmering in his " copper kettle of hot water," and flounder- 
ing in his " tub of cold, " he sinks into a gentle trance of 
admiration at the brushing of his clothes and cleaning of 
his boots. We could desire to have known whose blacking 
the Duke uses, and we must regard the maker's name as 
unaccountably omitted. It is one of the few such things 
Mr. Colman has forgotten to say. 

Much as we admire Mr. Colman in private life, we must 
confess to being a little staggered by his appearances in 
public. They are rare, but marvellous. His singular 
emotions at St. Paul's we have already referred to, but his 
experience of another public occasion is still more remark- 
aoie. 

MR. COLMAN AT THE OLD BAILEY, 

The judge, again and again, passed dreadful and heart-rending 
sentences upon some wretched boy, or some poor, miserable af- 
frighted woman ; and, after telling them, in the harshest manner, 
that they might congratulate themselves upon escaping so lightly, 
turned round and laurjlied heartily at the concern of the compassionate 
alderman, wJlo sat at his side and did wliat he could to stay his violence, 
and at the surprise and anguish of the poor convicts. 

Next to our curiosity in respect of the Duke's blacking- 
maker, and the conflict of our hopes and fears between 
Warren's blacking, 30 Strand, and Day and Martin's, 97 
High Holborn, we confess to a desire to be favored with 
the name of this judge. For we cannot help thinking that 
it must be Jeffreys, and that Mr. Colman, falling into a 



122 AN AMERICAN IN EUROPE. 

magnetic slumber one day, when they had taken away his 
boots, became clairvoyant as to the Bloody Assize. 

With this we think we may conclude. How Mr. Colman 
could espy no beggars on the roads in France, and how he 
could find out nothing in Paris, of all the cities upon earth, 
that had a poverty-stricken or vagabond aspect, we will not 
relate. We hope, and believe, that he writes better about 
things agricultural than about the topics of the Court Cir- 
cular'. We are chiefly sorry for the folly of his letters, be- 
cause we take him to be a man of better stuff than their 
contents would indicate; and because, in the still increas- 
ing facilities of friendly communication between the two 
sides of the Atlantic (long may they continue to increase, 
and to make the inhabitants of each shore better acquainted 
with the other, to their mutual improvement, forbearance, 
and advantage!) we feel for the many American gentlemen 
with an undoubted claim on the hospitality and respect of 
all classes of English society who stand committed by such 
very egregious slip-slop. [1849.] 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

I WILL take for the subject of this letter the effect of 
Capital Punishment on the commission of crime, or rather 
of murder; the only crime with one exception (and that a 
rare one) to which it is now applied. Its effect in prevent- 
ing crime, I will reserve for another letter; and a few of 
the more striking illustrations of each aspect of the subject, 
for a concluding one. 

The Effect of Capital Punishment on the 
Commission of Murder. 

Some murders are committed in hot blood and furious 
rage; some, in deliberate revenge; some, in terrible de- 
spair; some (but not many), for mere gain; some, for the 
removal of an object dangerous to the murderer's peace or 
good name ; some, to win a monstrous notoriety. 

On murders committed in rage, in the despair of strong 
affection (as when a starving child is murdered by its pa- 
rent), or for gain, I believe the punishment of death to have 
no effect in the least. In the two first cases, the impulse 
is a blind and wild one, infinitely beyond the reach of any 
reference to the punishment. In the last, there is little 
calculation beyond the absorbing greed of the money to be 
got. Courvoisier, for example, might have robbed his mas- 
ter with greater safety and with fewer chances of detection 
if he had not murdered him. But, his calculations going 



124 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

to the gain and not to the loss, he had no balance for the 
consequences of what he did. So, it would have been more 
safe and prudent in the woman who was hanged a few 
weeks since, for the murder in Westminster, to have simply 
robbed her old companion in an unguarded moment, as in 
her sleep. But, her calculation going to the gain of what 
she took to be a banknote, and the poor old woman living 
between her and the gain, she murdered her. 

On murders committed in deliberate revenge, or to re- 
move a stumbling-block in the murderer's path, or in an 
insatiate craving for notoriety, is there reason to suppose 
that the punishment of death has the direct effect of an 
incentive and an impulse? 

A murder is committed in deliberate revenge. The mur- 
derer is at no trouble to prepare his train of circumstances, 
takes little or no pains to escape, is quite cool and collected, 
perfectly content to deliver himself up to the Police, makes 
no secret of his guilt, but boldly says : " I killed him. I'm 
glad of it. I meant to do it. I am ready to die. " There 
was such a case the other day. There was such another 
case not long ago. There are such cases frequently. It 
is the commonest first exclamation on being seized. Now, 
what is this but a false arguing of the question, announc- 
ing a foregone conclusion, expressly leading to the crime, 
and inseparably arising out of the Punishment of Death? 
" I took his life. I give up mine to pay for it. Life for 
life; blood for blood. I have done the crime. I am ready 
with the atonement. I know all about it; it's a fair bar- 
gain between me and the law. Here am I to execute my 
part of it; and what more is to be said or done?" It is 
the very essence of the maintenance of this punishment for 
murder, that it does set life against life. It is in the es- 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 125 

sence of a stupid, weak, or otherwise ill-regulated mind (of 
such a murderer's mind, in short), to recognize in this set- 
off a something that diminishes the base and coward char- 
acter of murder. In a pitched battle, I, a common man, 
may kill my adversary, but he may kill me. In a duel, a 
gentleman may shoot his opponent through the head, but 
the opponent may shoot him too, and this makes it fair. 
Very well. I take this man's life for a reason I have, or 
choose to think I have, and the law takes mine. The law 
says, and the clergyman says, there must be blood for blood 
and life for life. Here it is. I pay the penalty. 

A mind incapable, or confounded in its perceptions — and 
you must argue with reference to such a mind, or you could 
not have such a murder — may not only establish on these 
grounds an idea of strict justice and fair reparation, but a 
stubborn and dogged fortitude and foresight that satisfy it 
hugely. Whether the fact be really so, or not, is a ques- 
tion I would be content to rest, alone, on the number of 
cases of revengeful murder in which this is well known, 
without dispute, to have been the prevailing demeanor of 
the criminal : and in Avhich such speeches and such absurd 
reasoning have been constantly uppermost with him. 
•'Blood for blood," and "Life for life," and such like bal- 
anced jingles, have passed current in people's mouths, from 
legislators'downward, until they have been corrupted into 
" Tit for tat, " and acted on. 

Next come the murders done, to sweep out of the way a 
dreaded or detested object. At the bottom of this class of 
crimes, there is a slow, corroding, growing hate. Violent 
quarrels are commonly found to have taken place between 
the murdered person and the murderer : usually of opposite 
sexes. There are witnesses to old scenes of reproach and 



126 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

recrimination, in wMch they were the actors ; and the mur^ 
derer has been heard to say, in this or that coarse phrase, 
"that he wouldn't mind killing her, though he should be 
hanged for it " — in these cases, the commonest avowal. 

It seems to me that in this well-known scrap of evi- 
dence there is a deeper meaning than is usually attached 
to it. I do not know, but it may be — I have a strong sus- 
picion that it is — a clew to the slow growth of the crime, 
and its gradual development in the mind. More than this : 
a clew to the mental connection of the deed with the pun- 
ishment to which the doer of that deed is liable, until the 
two, conjoined, give birth to monstrous and misshapen 
Murder. 

The idea of murder, in such a case, like that of self-de- 
struction in the great majority of instances, is not a new 
one. It may have presented itself to the disturbed mind 
in a dim shape and afar off; but it has been there. After 
a quarrel, or with some strong sense upon him of irritation 
or discomfort arising out of the continuance of this life in 
his path, the man has brooded over the unformed desire to 
take it, " though he should be hanged for it. " With the 
entrance of the Punishment into his thoughts, the shadow 
of the fatal beam begins to attend — not on himself, but on 
the object of his hate. At every new temptation, it is 
there, stronger and blacker yet, trying to terrify him. 
When she defies or threatens him, the scaffold seems to be 
her strength and vantage-ground. Let her not be too sure 
of that; "though he should be hanged for it." 

Thus, he begins to raise up, in the contemplation of this 
death by hanging, a new and violent enemy to brave. The 
prospect of a slow and solitary expiation would have no 
congeniality with his wicked thoughts, but this throttling 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 127 

and strangling has. There is always before him an ugly, 
bloody, scarecrow phantom, that champions her, as it were, 
and yet shows him, in a ghastly way, the example of mur- 
der. Is she very weak, or very trustful in him, or infirm, 
or old? It gives a hideous courage to what would be mere 
slaughter otherwise; for there it is, a presence always 
about her, darkly menacing him with that penalty whose 
murky secret has a fascination for all secret and unwhole- 
some thoughts. And when he struggles with his victim at 
the last, "though he should be hanged for it," it is a mer- 
ciless wrestle, not with one weak life only, but with that 
ever-haunting, ever-beckoning shadow of the gallows, too; 
and with a fierce defiance to it, after their long survey of 
each other, to come on and do its worst. 

Present this black idea of violence to a bad mind contem- 
plating violence ; hold up before a man remotely compass- 
ing the death of another person the spectacle of his own 
ghastly and untimely death by man's hands; and out of 
the depths of his own nature you shall assuredly raise up 
that which lures and tempts him on. The laws which reg- 
ulate those mysteries have not been studied or cared for, by 
the maintainers of this law; but they are paramount and 
will always assert their power. 

Out of one hundred and sixty-seven persons under sen- 
tence of Death in England, questioned at different times 
in the course of years, by an English clergyman in the per- 
formance of his duty, there were only three who had not 
been spectators of executions. 

We come, now, to the consideration of those murders 
which are committed, or attempted, with no other object 
than the attainment of an infamous notoriety. That this 
class of crimes has its origin in the Punishment of Death, 



128 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

■we cannot question; because (as we have already seen, and 
shall presently establish by another proof) great notoriety 
and interest attach, and are generally understood to attach, 
only to those criminals who are in danger of being exe- 
cuted. 

One of the most remarkable instances of murder origi- 
nating in mad self-conceit, and of the murderer's part in 
the repulsive drama, in which the law appears at such 
great disadvantage to itself and to society, being acted al- 
most to the last with a self-complacency that would be hor- 
ribly ludicrous if it were not utterly revolting, is presented 
in the case of Hocker. 

Here is an insolent, flippant, dissolute youth : aping the 
man of intrigue and levity: overdressed, overconfident, 
inordinately vain of his personal appearance : distinguished 
as to his hair, cane, snuff-box, and singing-voice : and un- 
happily the son of a working shoemaker. Bent on loftier 
flights than such a poor house-swallow as a teacher in a 
Sunday-school can take; and having no truth, industry, 
perseverance, or other dull work-a-day quality, to plume his 
wings eternal; he casts about him, in his jaunty way, for 
some mode of distinguishing himself — ^some means of get- 
ting that head of hair into the print-shops ; of having some- 
thing like justice done to his singing- voice and fine intel- 
lect; of making the life and adventures of Thomas Hocker 
remarkable ; and of getting up some excitement in connec- 
tion with that slighted piece of biography. The Stage? 
No. Not feasible. There has always been a conspiracy 
against the Thomas Hookers, in that kind of effort. It 
has been the same with Authorship in prose and poetry. 
Is there nothing else? A Murder, now, would make a 
noise in the papers ! There is the gallows to be sure ; but 



CAPITAL PtJNISHMENT. 129 

•without that, it would be nothing. Short of that, it 
wouldn't be fame. Well! We must all die at one time 
or other ; and to die game, and have it in print, is just the 
thing for a man of spirit. They always die game at tho 
Minor Theatres and the Saloons, and the people like it very 
much. Thurtell, too, died very game, and made a capital 
speech when he was tried. There's all about it in a book 
at the cigar-shop now. Come, Tom, get your name up! 
Let it be a dashing murder that shall keep the wood- 
engravers at it for the next two months. You are the boy 
to go through with it, and interest the town! 

The miserable wretch, inflated by this lunatic conceit, 
arranges his whole plan for publication and effect. It is 
quite an epitome of his experience of the domestic melo- 
drama or penny novel. There is the Victim Friend; the 
mysterious letter of the injured Female to the Victim 
Friend; the romantic spot for the Death- Struggle by night; 
the unexpected appearance of Thomas Hocker to the Po- 
liceman; the parlor of the Public House, with Thomas 
Hocker reading the paper to a strange gentleman; the 
Family Apartment, with a song by Thomas Hocker; the 
Inquest Eoom, with Thomas Hocker boldly looking on; 
the interior of the Marylebone Theatre, with Thomas 
Hocker taken into custody; the Police Office with 
Thomas Hocker " affable " to the spectators ; the interior 
of Newgate, with Thomas Hocker preparing his defence j 
the Court, where Thomas Hocker, with his dancing-master 
airs, is put upon his trial, and complimented by the Judge; 
the Prosecution, the Defence, the Verdict, the Black Cap, 
the Sentence — each of them a line in any Playbill, and 
how bold a line in Thomas Hooker's life! 

It is worthy of remark, that the nearer he approaches to 
9 



130 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

the gallows — the great last scene to which the whole of these 
effects have been working up — the more the overweening 
conceit of the poor wretch shows itself; the more he feels 
that he is the hero of the hour ; the more audaciously and 
recklessly he lies, in supporting the character. In public 
— at the condemned sermon — he deports himself as becomes 
the man whose autographs are precious, whose portraits are 
innumerable; in memory of whom, Avhole fences and gates 
have been borne away, in splinters, from the scene of mur- 
der. He knows that the eyes of Europe are upon him ; but 
he is not proud — only graceful. He bows, like the first 
gentleman in Europe, to the turnkey who brings him a 
glass of water; and composes his clothes and hassock as 
carefully as good Madame Blaize could do. In private — 
within the walls of the condemned cell — every word and 
action of his waning life is a lie. His whole time is di- 
vided between telling lies and writing them. If he ever 
have another thought, it is for his genteel appearance on 
the scaffold ; as when he begs the barber " not to cut his 
hair too short, or they won't know him when he comes 
out." His last proceeding but one is to write two romantic 
love-letters to women who have no existence. His last 
proceeding of all (but less characteristic, though the only 
true one) is to swoon away, miserably, in the arms of the 
attendants, and be hanged up like a craven dog. 

Is not such a history, from first to last, a most revolting 
and disgraceful one ; and can the student of it bring him- 
self to believe that it ever could have place in any record of 
facts, or that the miserable chief actor in it could have ever 
had a motive for his arrogant wickedness, but for the com- 
ment and the explanation which the Punishment of Death 
supplies ! 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 131 

It is not a solitary case, nor is it a prodigy, but a mere 
specimen of a class. The case of Oxford, who fired at Her 
Majesty in the Park, will be found, on examination, to re- 
semble it very nearly, in the essential feature. There is no 
proved pretence whatever for regarding him as mad; other 
than that he was like this malefactor, brimful of conceit, 
and a desire to become, even at the cost of the gallows (the 
only cost within his reach) the talk of the town. He had 
less mvention than Hocker, and perhaps was not so delib- 
erately bad ; but his attempt was a branch of the same tree 
and it has its root in the ground where the scaffold is 
erected. 

Oxford had his imitators. Let it never be forgotten, in 
the consideration of this part of the subject, how they were 
stopped. So long as their attempts invested them with the 
distinction of being in danger of death at the hangman's 
hands, so long did they spring up. When the penalty oh. 
death was removed, and a mean and humiliating punish- 
ment substituted in its place, the race was at an end, and 
ceased to be. 

We come, now, to consider the effect of Capital Punish- 
ment in the prevention of crime. 

Does it i)i"event crime in those who attend executions? 

There never is (and there never was) an execution at the 
Old Bailey in London, but the spectators include two large 
classes of thieves— one class who go there as they would go 
to a dog-fight, or any other brutal sport, for the attraction 
and excitement of the spectacle ; the other who make it a 
dry matter of business, and mix with the crowd solely to pick 
pockets. Add to these, the dissolute, the drunken, the 
most idle, profligate, and abandoned of both sexes — some 



132 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

moody, ill-conditioned minds, drawn thither by a fearful 
interest — and some impelled by curiosity, of whom the 
greater part are of an age and temperajnent rendering the 
gratification of that curiosity highly dangerous to them- 
selves and to society — and the great elements of the con- 
course are stated. 

Nor is this assemblage peculiar to London. It is the 
same in country towns, allowing for the different statistics 
of the population. It is the same in America. I was 
present at an execution in Eome, for a most treacherous 
and wicked murder, and not only saw the same kind of 
assemblage there, but, wearing what is called a shooting- 
coat, with a great many pockets in it, felt innumerable 
hands busy in every one of them, close to the scaffold. 

I have already mentioned that out of one hundred and 
sixty-seven convicts under sentence of death, questioned at 
different times in the performance of his duty by an Eng- 
lish clergyman, there were only three who had not been 
spectators of executions. Mr. Wakefield, in his "Facts 
Eelating to the Puuishment of Death," goes into the work- 
ing, as it were, of this sum. His testimony is extremely 
valuable, because it is the evidence of an educated and ob- 
serving man, who, before having personal knowledge of the 
subject and of Newgate, was quite satisfied that the Pun- 
ishment of Death should continue, but who, when he gained 
that experience, exerted himself to the utmost for its abo- 
lition, even at the pain of constant public reference in his 
own person to his own imprisonment. "It cannot be 
egotism," he reasonably observes, "that prompts a man 
to speak of himself in connection with Newgate." 

"Whoever will undergo the pain," says Mr. Wakefield, 
"of witnessing the public destruction of a fellow creature's 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 133 

life, in London, must be perfectly satisfied that in the great 
mass of spectators the effect of the punishment is to excite 
sympathy for the criminal and hatred of the law. ... I 
am inclined to believe that the criminals of London, spoken 
of as a class and allowing for exceptions, take the same 
sort of delight in witnessing executions as the sportsman 
and soldier find in the dangers of hunting and war. . . . 
I am confident that few Old Bailey Sessions pass without 
the trial of a boy whose first thought of crime occurred 
while he was witnessing an execution. . . . And one 
grown man, of great mental powers and superior education, 
who was acquitted of a charge of forgery, assured me that 
the first idea of committing a forgery occurred to him at 
the moment when he was accidentally witnessing the exe- 
cution of Fauntleroy. To which it may be added that 
Tauntleroy is said to have made precisely the same dec- 
laration in reference to the origin of his own criminality. 

But one convict "who was within an ace of being 
hanged," among the many with whom Mr. Wakefield con- 
versed, seems to me to have unconsciously put a question 
which the advocates of Capital Punishment would find it 
very difficult indeed to answer. " Have you often seen an 
execution?" asked Mr. Wakefield. "Yes, often." "Did 
it not frighten you?" " No. Whi/ should it ? " 

It is very easy and very natural to turn from this ruffian, 
shocked by the hardened retort ; but answer his question, 
why should it? Should he be frightened by the sight of 
a dead man? We are born to die, he says, with a careless 
triimiph. We are not born to the treadmill, or to servitude 
and slavery, or to banishment ; but the executioner has done 
no more for that criminal than nature may do to-morrow 
for the judge, and will certainly do, in her own good time. 



134 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

for judge and jury, counsel and witnesses, turnkeys, hang- 
man, and all. Should he be frightened by the manner of 
the death? It is horrible, truly, so horrible, that the law, 
afraid or ashamed of its own deed, hides the face of the 
struggling wretch it slays; but does this fact naturally 
awaken, in such a man, terror — or defiance? Let the same 
man speak. "What did you think then?" asked Mr. 
Wakefield. "Think? Why, I thought it was a ^ shame." 

Disgust and indignation, or recklessness and indifference, 
or a morbid tendency to brood over the sight until tempta- 
tion is engendered by it, are the inevitable consequences of 
the spectacle, according to the difference of habit and dis- 
position in those who believed it. Why should it frighten 
or deter? We know it does not. We know it from the 
police reports, and from the testimony of those who have 
experience of prison and prisoners, and we may know it, on 
the occasion of an execution, by the evidence of our own 
senses ; if we will be at the misery of using them for such 
a purpose. But why should it? Who would send his 
child or his apprentice, what tutor would send his scholars, 
or what master would send his servants, to be deterred from 
vice by the spectacle of an execution? If it be an example 
to criminals, and to criminals only, why are not the pris- 
oners in Newgate brought out to see the show before the 
debtors' door? Why, while they are made parties to the 
condemned sermon, are they rigidly excluded from the im- 
proving postscript of the gallows? Because an execution 
is well known to be an utterly useless, barbarous, and bru- 
talizing sight, and because the sympathy of all beholders, 
who have any sympathy at all, is certain to be always with 
the criminal, and never with the law. 

I learn from the newspaper accounts of every execution 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 135 

how Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. Somebody else, and Mr. So- 
forth shook hands with the culprit, but I never find them 
shaking hands with the hangman. All kinds of attention 
and consideration are lavished on the one ; but the other is 
universally avoided, like a pestilence. I want to know 
why so much sympathy is expended on the man who kills 
another in the vehemence of his own bad passions, and why 
the man who kills him in the name of the law is shunned 
and fled from? Is it because the murderer is going to die? 
Then by no means put him to death. Is it because the 
hangman executes a law, which, when they once come near 
it face to face, all men instinctively revolt from? Then 
by all means change it. There is, there can be, no preven- 
tion in such a law. . 

It may be urged that Public Executions are not intended 
for the benefit of those dregs of society who habitually at- 
tend them. This is an absurdity, to which the obvious an- 
swer is, So much the worse. If they be not considered 
with reference to that class of persons, comprehending a 
great host of criminals in various stages of development, 
they ought to be, and must be. To lose sight of that con- 
sideration is to be irrational, unjust, and cruel. All other 
punishments are especially devised, with a reference to the 
rooted habits, propensities, and antipathies of criminals. 
And shall it be said, out of Bedlam, that this last punish- 
ment of all is alone to be made an exception from the rule, 
even where it is shown to be a means of propagating vice 
and crime ! 

But there may be people who do not attend executions, 
to whom the general fame and rumor of such scenes is an 
example, and a means of deterring from crime. 

Who are they? We have seen that around Capital Pun- 



136 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

ishment there lingers a fascination, urging weak and bad 
people toward it, and imparting an interest to details con- 
nected with it, and with malefactors awaiting it or suffer- 
ing it, which even good and well-disposed people cannot 
withstand. We know that last-dying speeches, and New- 
gate calendars, are the favorite literature of very low intel- 
lects. The gallows is not appealed to, as an example in 
the instruction of youth (unless they are training for it) ; 
nor are there condensed accounts of celebrated executions 
for the use of national schools. There is a story in an old 
spelling-book, of a certain Don't Care, who was hanged at 
last, but it is not understood to have had any remarkable 
effect on crimes or executions in the generation to which it 
belonged, and with which it has passed away. Hogarth's 
idle apprentice is hanged; but the whole scene— with the 
unmistakable stout lady, drunk and pious, in the cast; the 
quarrelling, blasphemy, lewdness, and the boys picking his 
pocket — is a bitter satire on the great example ; as efficient 
then, as now. 

Is it efficient to prevent crime? The parliamentary re- 
turns demonstrate that it is not. I was engaged in making 
some extracts from these documents, when I found them so 
well abstracted in one of the papers published by the com- 
mittee on this subject established at Aylesbury last year, 
by the humane exertions of Lord Nugent, that I am glad 
to quote the general results from its pages : 

" In 1843, a return was laid on the table of the House of 
the commitments and executions for murder in England and 
Wales, during the 30 years ending with December, 1842 ; 
divided into five periods of six years each. It shows that 
in the last six years, from 1836 to 1842, during which 
there were only 50 executions, the commitments for mur- 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 137 

der were fewer by 61 than in the six years preceding with 
74 executions ; fewer by 63 than in the six years ending 
1830 with 75 executions ; fewer by 56 than in the six years 
ending 1824 with 94 executions; and fewer by 93 than 
in the six years ending 1818, when there was no less a 
number of executions than 122. But it may be said, per- 
haps, that, in the inference Ave draw from this return, we 
are substituting cause for effect, and that in each succes- 
sive cycle the number of murders decreased in consequence 
of the example of public executions in the cycle immedi- 
ately preceding, and that it was for that reason there were 
fewer commitments. This might be said with some color 
of truth, if the example had been taken from two successive 
cycles 07ily. But when the comparative examples adduced 
are of no less than five successive cycles, and the result 
gradually and constantly progressive in the same direction, 
the relation of facts to each other is determined beyond all 
ground for dispute, namely, that the number of these 
crimes has diminished in consequence of the diminution of 
the number of executions. More especially when it is also 
remembered that it was immediately after the first of these 
cycles of five years, when there had been the greatest num- 
ber of executions and the greatest number of murders, that 
the greatest number of persons were suddenly cast loose 
upon the country, without employ, by the reduction of the 
army and navy j that then came periods of great distress 
and great disturbance in the agricultural and manufactur- 
ing districts ; and above all, that it was during the subse- 
quent cycles that the most imj)ortant mitigations were 
effected in the law, and that the Pimishment of Death was 
taken away not only for crimes of stealth, such as cattle 
and horse stealing, and forgery, of which crimes corre- 



138 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

sponding statistics sliow likewise a corresponding decrease, 
but for the crimes of violence, too, tending to murder, sucli 
as are many of the incendiary offences, and such as are 
highway robbery and burglary. But another return, laid 
before the House at the same time, bears upon our argu- 
ment, if possible, still more conclusively. In Table 11, we 
have only the years which have occurred since 1810, in 
which all persons convicted of murder suffered death; and, 
compared with these an equal number of years in which 
the smallest proportion of persons convicted were executed. 
In the first case there were 66 persons convicted, all of 
whom underwent the penalty of death; in the second 83 
were convicted, of whom 31 only were executed. Now see 
how these two very different methods of dealing with the 
crime of murder affected the commission of it in the years 
immediately folloiving. The number of commitments for 
murder, in the four years immediately following those in 
which all persons convicted were executed, was 270. 

" In the four years immediately following those in which 
little more than one-third of the persons convicted were 
executed, there were but 222, being 48 less. If we com- 
pare the commitments in the following years with those 
in the first years, we shall find that, immediately after the 
examples of unsparing execution, the crime increased nearly 
18 jper cent., and that, after commutation was the practice 
and capital punishment the exception, it decreased 17 per 
cent. 

" In the same parliamentary return is an account of the 
commitments and executions in London and Middlesex, 
spread over a space of 32 years, ending in 1842, divided 
into two cycles of 16 years each. In the first of these, 34 
persons were convicted of murder, all of whom were exe- 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 139 

ctvted. In the second, 27 were convicted, and only 17 exe- 
cuted. The commitments for murder during the latter long 
period, with 17 executions, were more than one-half fewer 
than they had been in the former long period with exactly 
double the manher of executions. This appears to us to be 
as conclusive upon our argument as any statistical illus- 
tration can be upon any argument professing to place suc- 
cessive events in the relation of cause and effect to each 
other. How justly then is it said in that able and useful 
periodical work, now in the course of publication at Glas- 
gow, under the name of the 'Magazine of Popular Informa- 
tion on Capital and Secondary Punishment' : 'The greater 
the number of executions, the greater the number of mur- 
ders ; the smaller the number of executions, the smaller the 
number of murders. The lives of her Majesty's subjects 
are less safe with a hundred executions a year than with 
fifty ; less safe with fifty than with twenty-five. ' " 

Similar results have followed from rendering public exe- 
cutions more and more infrequent, in Tuscany, in Prussia, 
in Prance, in Belgium. Wherever capital punishments are 
diminished in their number, there, crimes diminish in their 
number too. 

But the very same advocates of the Punishment of Death 
who contend, in the teeth of all facts and figures, that it 
does prevent crime, contend in the same breath against its 
abolition because it does not! "There are so many bad 
murders," say they, "and they follow in such quick suc- 
cession, that the Punishment must not be repealed." 
Why, is not this a reason, among others, for rexDcaliug it? 
Does it not go to show that it is ineffective as an example ; 
that it fails to prevent crime; and that it is wholly 
inefficient to stay that imitation, or contagion, call it 



140 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

wliat you please, wliicli brings one murder on tlie heels of 
another? 

One forgery came crowding on another's heels m the 
same way, when the same punishment attached to that 
crime. Since it has been removed, forgeries have dimin- 
ished in a most remarkable degree. Yet, within five and 
thirty years. Lord Eldon, with tearful solemnity, imagined 
in the House of Lords, as a j)ossibility for their Lordships 
to shudder at, that the time might come when some vision- 
ary and morbid person might even propose the abolition of 
the punishment of Death for forgery. And when it was 
proposed. Lords Lyndhurst, Wynford, Tenterden,' and 
Eldon — all Law Lords — opposed it. 

The same Lord Tenterden manfully said, on another 
occasion and another question, that he was glad the sub- 
ject of the amendment of the laws had been taken up by 
Mr. Peel, " who had not been bred to the law ; for those 
who were, were rendered dull, by habit, to many of its de- 
fects!" I would respectfully submit, in extension of this 
text, that a criminal judge is an excellent witness against 
the Punishment of Death, but a bad witness in its favor ; 
and I will reserve this point for a few remarks in the next, 
concluding. Letter. 

The last English Judge, I believe, who gave expression 
to a public and judicial opinion in favor of the Punishment 
of Death, is Mr. Justice Coleridge, who in charging the 
Grand Jury at Hertford, last year, took occasion to lament 
the presence of serious crimes in the calendar, and to say 
that he feared that they were referable to the comparative 
infrequency of Capital Punishment. 

\} Printed "Tenderden" in the Daily News, iu error.— Ed.] 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 141 

It is not incompatible with the utmost deference and re- 
spect for an authority so eminent to say that, in this, Mr. 
Justice Coleridge was not supported by facts, but quite the 
reverse. He went out of his way to found a general as- 
sumption on certain very limited and partial grounds, and 
even on these grounds was wrong. For among the few 
crimes which he instanced, murder stood prominently 
forth. Now persons found guilty of murder are more cer- 
tainly and unsparingly hanged at this time, as the Parlia- 
mentary Eeturns demonstrate, than such criminals ever 
were. So how can the decline of public executions affect 
that class of crimes? As to persons committing murder, 
and yet not found guilty of it by juries, they escape solely 
because there are many public executions — not because 
there are none or few. 

But when I submit that a criminal judge is an excellent 
witness against Capital Punishment, but a bad witness in 
its favor, I do so on more broad and general grounds than 
apply to this error in fact and deduction (so I presume to 
consider it) on the part of the distinguished judge in ques- 
tion. And they are grounds which do not apply offensively 
to judges, as a class ; than whom there are no authorities 
in England so deserving of general respect and confidence, 
or so possessed of it, but which apply alike to all men in 
their several degrees and pursuits. 

It is certain that men contract a general liking for those 
things which they have studied at great cost of time and 
intellect, and their proficiency in which has led to their 
becoming distinguished and successfid. It is certain that 
out of this feeling arises, not only that passive blindness 
to their defects, of which the example given by my Lord 
Tenterden was quoted in the last letter, but an active dis- 



142 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

position to advocate and defend tliem. If it were other- 
wise, if it were not for this spirit of interest and partizan- 
ship, no single pursuit could have that attraction for its 
votaries which most pursuits in course of time establish. 
Thus legal authorities are usually jealous of innovations on 
legal principles. Thus it is described of the lawyer in the 
Introductory Discourse to the Description of Utopia, that 
he said of a proposal against Capital Punishment, 'This 
could never be so established in England but that it must 
needs bring the weal-public into great jeo]3ardy and haz- 
ard, ' and as he was thus saying, he shaked his head, and 
made a wry mouth, and so he held his peace." Thus the 
Kecorder of London, in 1811, objected to " the capital part 
being taken off" from the offence of picking pockets. 
Thus the Lord Chancellor, in 1813, objected to the re- 
moval of the penalty of death from the offence of stealing 
to the amount of five shillings from a shop. Thus Lord 
Ellenbourgh, in 1820, anticipated the worst effects from 
there being no punishment of death for stealing five shil- 
lings' worth of wet linen from a bleaching-ground. Thus 
the Solicitor General, in 1830, advocated the punishment 
of death for forgery, and " the satisfaction of thinking, " in 
the teeth of mountains of evidence from bankers and other 
injured parties (one thousand bankers alone!), "that he 
was deterring persons from the commission of crime, by 
the severity of the law." Thus, Mr. Justice Coleridge de- 
livered his charge at Hertford in 1845. Thus there were 
in the criminal code of England, in 1790, one hundred and 
sixty crimes punishable with death. Thus the lawyer has 
said, again and again, in his generation, that any change 
in such a state of things " must needs bring the weal-public 
into jeopardy and hazard." And thus he has, all through 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 143 

the dismal history, *' shaked his head, and made a wry- 
mouth, and held his peace." Except — a glorious exception! 
— when such lawyers as Bacon, More, Blackstone, Rom- 
illy, and — let us ever gratefully remember — in later times 
Mr. Basil Montagu, have striven, each in his day, within 
the utmost limits of the endurance of the mistaken feeling 
of the people or the legislature of the time, to champion 
and maintain the truth. 

There is another and a stranger reason still, why a crim- 
inal judge is a bad witness in favor of the Punishment of 
Death. He is a chief actor in the terrible drama of a trial, 
where the life or death of a fellow-creature is at issue. No 
one who has seen such a trial can fail to know, or can ever 
forget, its intense interest. I care not how painful this 
interest is to the good, wise judge upon the bench. I ad- 
mit its painful nature, and the judge's goodness and wisdom 
to the fullest extent — but I submit that his prominent share 
in the excitement of such a trial, and the dread mystery 
involved, has a tendency to bewilder and confuse the judge 
upon the general subject of that penalty. I know the sol- 
emn pause before the verdict, the hush and stilling of the 
fever in the court, the solitary figure brought back to the 
bar, and standing there, observed of all the outstretched 
heads and gleaming eyes, to be,' next minute, stricken dead, 
as one may say, among them. I know the thrill that goes 
round when the black cap is put on, and how there will be 
shrieks among the women, and a taking out of some one in 
a swoon; and, when the judge's faltering voice delivers 
sentence, how awfully the prisoner and he confront each 
other; two mere men, destined one day, however far re- 
moved from one another at this time, to stand alike as sup- 
pliants at the bar of God. I know all this ; I can imagine 



144 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

what the office of the judge costs, in this execution of it; 
but I say that in these strong accusations he is lost, and is 
unable to abstract the penalty, as a preventive or example, 
from an experience of it, and from associations surrounding 
it, which are and can be only his, and his alone. 

Not to contend that there is no amount of wig or ermine 
that can change the nature of the man inside ; not to say 
that the nature of a judge may be, like the dyer's hand, 
subdued to what it works in, and may become too used to 
this punishment of death, to consider it quite dispassion- 
ately; not to say that it may possibly be inconsistent to 
have, deciding as calm authorities in favor of death, judges 
who have been constantly sentencing to death; — I contend 
that for the reasons I have stated, alone, a judge, and espe- 
cially a criminal judge, is a bad witness for the punishment 
but an excellent witness against it, inasmuch as in the latter 
case his conviction of its inutility has been so strong and 
paramount as utterly to beat down and conquer these ad- 
verse incidents. I have no scruple in stating this position, 
because, for anything I know, the majority of excellent 
judges now on the bench may have overcome them, and 
may be opposed to the Punishment of Death under any 
circumstances. 

I mentioned that I would devote a portion of this letter 
to a few prominent illustrations of each head of objection 
to the Punishment of Death. Those on record are so very 
numerous that selection is extremely difficult; but in refer- 
ence to the possibility of mistake, and the impossibility of 
reparation, one case is as good (I should rather say as bad) 
as a hundred ; and if there were none but Eliza Penning's, 
that would be sufficient. Nay, if there were none at all, it 
would be enough to sustain this objection, that men of finite 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 145 

and limited judgment do inflict, on testimony which admits 
of doubt, an infinite and irreparable punishment. But 
there are on record numerous instances of mistake; many 
of them very generally known and immediately recogniz- 
able in the following summary, which I copy from the New 
York Report already referred to. 

" There have been cases in which groans have been heard 
in the apartment of the crime, which have attracted the 
steps of those on whose testimony the case has turned — 
when, on proceeding to the spot, they have found a man 
bending over the murdered body, a lantern in the left hand, 
and the knife yet dripping with the warm current in the 
blood-stained right, with horror-stricken countenance, and 
lips which, in the presence of the dead, seem to refuse to 
deny the crime in the very act of which he is thus surprised 
— and yet the man has been, many years after, when his 
memory alone could be benefited by the discovery, ascer- 
tained not to have been the real murderer ! * There have 
been cases in which, in a house in which were two persons 
alone, a murder has been commited on one of them — when 
many additional circumstances have fastened the imputation 
upon the other — and when, all apparent modes of access 
from without being closed inward, the demonstration has 
seemed complete of the guilt for which that other has suf- 
fered the doom of the law — yet suffered innocently ! There 
have been cases in which a father has been found murdered 
in an outhouse, the only person at home being a son, sworn 
by a sister to have been dissolute and undutiful, and anx- 
ious for the death of the father, and succession to the family 
property — when the track of his shoes in the snow is found 
from the house to the spot of the murder, and the hammer 

' Printed " murdered " in Daily News. — Ed. 
10 



146 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

with which it was committed (known as his own) found, on 
a search, in the corner of one of his private drawers, with 
the bloody evidence of the deed only imperfectly effaced 
from it — and yet the son has been innocent! — the sister, 
years after, on her death-bed, confessing herself the 
fratricide as well as the parricide. There have been cases 
in which men have been hung on the most positive testimony 
as to identity (aided by many suspicious circumstances), 
by persons familiar with their appearance, which have after- 
wards proved grievous mistakes, growing out of remarkable 
personal resemblance. There have been cases in which two 
men have been seen fighting in a field — an old enmity ex- 
isting between them — the one found dead, killed by a stab 
from a pitchfork, known as belonging to the other, and 
which that other had been carrying, the pitchfork lying 
by the side of the murdered man — and yet its owner has 
been afterward found not to have been the author of the 
murder of which it had been the instrument, the true mur- 
derer sitting on the jury that tried him. There have been 
cases in which an innkeeper has been charged by one of his 
servants with the murder of a traveller, the servant deposing 
to having seen his master on the stranger's bed, strangling 
him, and afterwards rifling his pockets — another servant 
deposing that she saw him come down at that time at a 
very early hour in the morning, steal into the garden, take 
gold from his pocket, and carefully wrapping it up bury it 
in a designated spot — on the search of which the ground is 
found loose and freshly dug, and a sum of thirty pounds in 
gold found buried according to the description — the master, 
who confessed the burying of the money, with many evi- 
dences of guilt in his hesitation and confusion, has been 
hung, of course, and proved innocent only too late. There 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 147 

have been cases in wliich a traveller has been robbed on the 
highway, of twenty guineas which he had taken the pre- 
caution to mark — one of these is found to have been paid 
away or changed by one of the servants of the inn which 
the traveller reaches the same evening — the servant is 
abou.t the height of the robber, who had been cloaked and 
disguised — his master deposes to his having been recently 
unaccountably extravagant and flush of gold — and on his 
trunk being searched the other nineteen marked guineas 
and the traveller's purse are found there, the servant being 
asleep at the time, half-druuk — he is of course convicted 
and himg, for the crime of which his master was the au- 
thor ! There have been cases in which a father and daugh- 
ter have been overheard in violent dispute — the words 
" barbarity,'^ " cmelty,^' and " death " being heard frequently 
to proceed from the latter — the former goes out, locking the 
door behind him — groans are overheard, and the words. 
Cruel father, thou, art the cause of 7ni/ death / '' — on the room 
being opened, she is found on the point of death from a 
wound in her side, and near her the knife with which it 
had been inflicted — and on being questioned as to her owing 
her death to her father, her last motion before expiring is 
an expression of assent — the father, on returning to the 
room, exhibits the usual evidences of guilt — he, too, is of 
course hung — and it is not till nearly a year afterwards 
that, on the discovery of conclusive evidence that it was a 
suicide, the vain reparation is made to his memory by the 
public authorities, of — waving a pair of colors over his 
grave in token of the recognition of his innocence." 

More than a hundred such cases are known, it is said in 
this Eeport, in English criminal jurisprudence. The same 
Eeport contains three striking cases of supposed criminals 



148 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

being unjustly hanged in America; and also five more in 
which, people whose innocence was not afterward established 
were put to death on evidence as purely circumstantial and 
as doubtful, to say the least of it, as any that was held to 
be sufficient in this general summary of legal murders. 
Mr. O'Connell defended, in Ireland, within five and twenty 
years, three brothers who were hanged for a murder of 
which they were afterward shown to have been innocent. 
I cannot find the reference at this moment, but I have seen 
it stated on good authority, that but for the exertions, I 
think, of the present Lord Chief Bacon, six or seven inno- 
cent men would certainly have been hanged. Such are the 
instances of wrong judgment which are known to us. How 
many more there may be, in which the real murderers never 
disclosed their guilt, or were never discovered, and where 
the odium of great crimes still rests on guiltless people 
long since resolved to dust in their untimely graves, no 
human power can tell. 

The effect of public executions on those who witness 
them requires no better illustration, and can have none, 
than the scene which any execution in itself presents, and 
the general Police-office knowledge of the offences arising 
out of them, I have stated my belief that the study of 
rude scenes leads to the disregard of human life, and to 
murder. Eeferring since that expression of opinion to the 
very last trial for murder in London, I have made inquiry, 
and am assured that the youth now under sentence of death 
in Newgate for the murder of his master in Drury Lane was 
a vigilant spectator of the three last public executions in 
this City. What effects a daily increasing familiarity with 
the scaffold, and with death upon it, wrought in Prance in 
the Great Eevolution everybody knows. In reference to 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 149 

this very question of Capital Punishment, Kobespierbe 
himself, before he was — 

" In blood stept in so far, " 

warned the National Assembly that in taking human life, 
and displaying before the eyes of the people scenes of 
cruelty and the bodies of murdered men, the law awakened 
ferocious prejudices, which gave birth to a long and grow- 
ing train of their kind. With how much reason this was 
said, let his own detestable name bear witness! If we 
would know how callous and hardened society, even in a 
peaceful and settled state, becomes to public executions 
when they are frequent, let us recollect how few they were 
who made the last attempt to stay the dreadful Monday- 
morning spectacles of men and women strung up in a row 
for crimes as different in their degree as our whole social 
scheme is different in its component parts, which, within 
some fifteen years or so, made human shambles of the Old 
Bailey. 

There is no better way of testing the effect of public exe- 
cutions on those who do not actually behold them, but who 
read of them and know of them, than by inquiring into 
their efficiency in preventing crime. In this respect they 
have always, and in all countries, failed. According to all 
facts and figures, failed. In Eussia, in Spain, in France, 
in Italy, in Belgium, in Sweden, in England, there has 
been one result. In Bombay, during the Eecordership of 
Sir James Macintosh, there were fewer crimes in seven 
years without one execution, than in the preceding seven 
years with forty-seven executions ; notwithstanding that in 
the seven years without capital punishment the population 
had greatly increased, and there had been a large accession 



150 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

to the numbers of the ignorant and licentious soldiery, with 
whom the more violent offences originated. During the 
four wickedest years of the Bank of England (from 1814 
to 1817, inclusive), when the one-pound note capital prose- 
cutions were most numerous and shocking, the number of 
forged one-pound notes discovered by the Bank steadily 
increased, from the gross amount in the first year of £10,- 
342, to the gross amount in the last of £28,412. But on 
every branch of this part of the subject — the inefficiency of 
capital punishment to prevent crime, and its efficiency to 
produce it — the body of evidence (if there were space to 
quote or analyze it here) is overpowering and resistless. 

I have purposely deferred until now any reference to 
one objection which is urged against the abolition of capi- 
tal punishment: I mean that objection which claims to rest 
on Scriptural authority. 

It was excellently well said by Lord Melbourne, that no 
class of persons can be shown to be very miserable and op- 
pressed, but some supporters of things as they are will im- 
mediately rise up and assert — not that those persons are 
moderately well to do, or that their lot in life has a reason- 
ably bright side — but that they are, of all sorts and condi- 
tions of men, the happiest. In like manner, when a certain 
proceeding or institution is shown to be very wrong indeed, 
there is a class of people who rush to the fountainhead at 
once, and will have no less authority for it than the Bible, 
on any terms. 

So, we have the Bible appealed to in behalf of Capital 
Punishment. So, we have the Bible produced as a distinct 
authority for Slavery. So, American representatives find 
the title of their country to the Oregon distinctly laid down 
in the Book of Genesis. So, in course of time, we shall 



CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 151 

find Repudiation, perhaps, expressly commanded in the 
Sacred Writings. 

It is enough for me to be satisfied, on calm inquiry and 
with reason, that an Institution or Custom is wrong and 
bad; and thence to feel assured that it cannot be a part 
of the law laid down by the Divinity who walked the earth. 
Though every other man who wields a pen should turn 
himself into a commentator on the Scriptures — not all their 
united efforts, pursued through our united lives, could ever 
persuade me that Slavery is a Christian law ; nor, with one 
of these objections to an execution, in my certain knowl- 
edge that Executions are a Christian law, my will is not 
concerned. I could not, in my veneration for the life and 
lessons of Our Lord, believe it. If any text appeared to 
justify the claim, I would reject that limited appeal and 
rest upon the character of the Redeemer, and the great 
scheme of His Religion, where, in its broad spirit made so 
plain — and not this or that disputed letter — we all jjut our 
trust. But, happily, such doubts do not exist. The case 
is far too plain. The Rev. Henry Christmas, in a recent 
pamphlet on this svibject, shows clearly that in five impor- 
tant versions of the Old Testament (to say nothing of ver- 
sions of less note) the words, "by man," in the often- 
quoted text, "Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall 
his blood be shed," do not appear at all. We know that 
the law of Moses was delivered to certain wandering tribes, 
in a peculiar and perfectly different social condition from 
that which prevails among us at this time. We know that 
the Christian Dispensation did distinctly repeal and annul 
certain portions of that law. We know that the doctrine 
of retributive justice or vengeance was plainly disavowed 
by the Saviour. We know that on the only occasion of an 



152 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. 

offender, liable by the law to death, being brought before 
Him for His judgment, it was not death. We know that 
He said, "Thou shalt not kill." And if we are still to 
inflict capital punishment because of the Mosaic law (under 
which it was not the consequence of a legal proceeding, but 
an act of vengeance from the next of kin, which would 
surely be discouraged by our later laws if it were revived 
among the Jews just now), it would be equally reasonable 
to establish the lawfulness of a plurality of wives on the 
same authority. 

Here I will leave this aspect of the question. I should 
not have treated of it at all, in the columns of a newspaper, 
but for the possibility of being unjustly supposed to have 
given it no consideration in my own mind. 

In bringing to a close these letters on a subject in con- 
nection with which there is happily very little that is new 
to be said or written, I beg to be understood as advocating 
the total abolition of the Punishment of Death, as a gen- 
eral principle, for the advantage of society, for the preven- 
tion of crime, and without the least reference to, or tender- 
ness for, any individual malefactor whomsoever. Indeed, 
in most cases of murder, my feeling toward the culprit is 
very strongly and violently the reverse, I am the more 
desirious to be so understood, after reading a speech made 
by Mr. Macaulay in the House of Commons last Tuesday 
night, in which that accomplished gentleman hardly seemed 
to recognize the possibility of anybody entertaining an 
honest conviction of the inutility and bad effects of Capital 
Punishment in the abstract, founded on inquiry and reflec- 
tion, without being the victim of "a kind of effeminate 
feeling." Without staying to inquire what there may be 
that is especially manly and heroic in the advocacy of the 



CAPITAL PX7NISHMENT. 153 

gallows, or to express my admiration of Mr. Calcraft, the 
hangman, as doubtless one of the most manly specimens 
now in existence, I would simply hint a doubt, in all good 
humor, whether this be the true Macaulat way of meet- 
ing a great question? One of the instances of effeminacy 
of feeling quoted by Mr. Macaulay, I have reason to think, 
was not quite fairly stated. I allude to the petition in 
Tawell's case. I had neither hand nor part in it myself; 
but, unless I am greatly mistaken, it did pretty clearly set 
forth that Tawell was a most abhorred villain, and that 
the House might conclude how strongly the petitioners 
were opposed to the Punishment of Death, when they 
prayed for its non-infliction even in such a case. 

[Letters to the Editor of the Daily Neivs, 1846.] 



«A PEELIMINAEY WOED." 

The name that we have chosen for this publication' 
expresses, generally, the desire we have at heart in origi- 
nating it. 

We aspire to live in the Household affections, and to be 
numbered among the Household thoughts of our readers. 
We hope to be the comrade and friend of many thousands 
of people, of both sexes, and of all ages and conditions, on 
whose faces we may never look. We seek to bring into 
innumerable homes, from the stirring world around us, the 
knowledge of many social wonders, good and evil, that are 
not calculated to render any of us less ardently persevering 
in ourselves, less tolerant of one another, less faithful in 
the progress of mankind, less thankful for the privilege of 
living in this summer-dawn of time. 

No mere utilibarian spirit, no iron binding of the mind 
to grim realities, will give a harsh tone to our Household 
Words. In the bosoms of the youug and old, of the well- 
to-do and of the poor, we would tenderly cherish that light 
of Fancy which is inherent in the human breast ; which, 
according to its nurture, burns with an inspiring flame, or 
sinks into a sullen glare, but which (or woe betide that 
day !) can never be extinguished. To show to all, that in 
all familiar things, even in those which are repellant on the 
surface, there is Romance enough, if we will find it out : — • 
to teach the hardest workers at this whirling wheel of toil, 
' BJou86luild Wwds. 



"a preliminary word." 155 

that their lot is uot necessarily a moody brutal fact, ex- 
cluded from the sympathies and graces of imagination ; to 
bring the greater and the lesser in degree, together, upon 
that wide field, and mutually dispose them to a better ac- 
quaintance and a kinder understanding — is one main object 
of our Household Words. 

The mightier inventions of this age are not, to our think- 
ing, all material, but have a kind of souls in their stupen- 
dous bodies which may find expression in Household Words. 
The traveller whom we accompany on his railroad or his 
steamboat journey may gain, we hope, some compensation 
for incidents which these later generations have outlived, 
in new associations with the Power that bears him onward ; 
with the habitations and the ways of life of crowds of his 
fellow creatures among whom he xjasses like the wind; 
even with the towering chimneys he may see, spurting out 
fire and smoke upon the prospect. The swart giants, 
Slaves of the Lamp of Knowledge, have their thousand and 
one tales no less than the Genii of the East ; and these in 
all their wild, grotesque, and fanciful aspects, in all their 
many phases of endurance, in all their many moving les- 
sons of compassion and consideration, we design to tell. 

Our Household Words will not be echoes of the present 
time alone, but of the past too, Neither will they treat of 
the hopes, the enterprises, triumphs, joys, and sorrows, of 
this country only, but, in some degree, of those of every 
nation upon earth. For nothing can be a source of real 
interest in one of them without concerning all the rest. 

We have considered what an ambition it is to be admitted 
into many houses with affection and confidence; to be re- 
gared as a friend by children and old people ; to be thought 
of in affliction and in happiness ; to people the sick-room 



156 "a peeliminaey word." 

with airy shapes " that give delight and hurt not, " and to 
be associated with the harmless laughter and the gentle 
tears of many hearths. We know the great responsibility 
of such a privilege; its vast reward; the pictures that it 
conjures up, in hours of solitary labor, of a multitude 
moved by one sympathy; the solemn hopes which it 
awakens in the laborer's breast, that he may be free from 
self-reproach in looking back at last upon his work, and 
that his name may be remembered in his race in time to 
come, and borne by the dear objects of his love with pride. 
The hand that writes these faltering lines, happily asso- 
ciated with some Household Words before to-day, has 
known enough of such experiences to enter in an earnest 
spirit upon this new task, and with an awakened sense of 
all it involves. 

Some tillers of the field into which we now come have 
been before us, and some are here whose high usefulness we 
readily acknowledge, and whose company it is an honor to 
join. But there are others here — Bastards of the Moun- 
tain, draggled fringe on the Eed Cap, Panders to the basest 
passions of the lowest natures — whose existence is a na- 
tional reproach. And these we should consider it our 
highest service to displace. 

Thus, we begin our career! The adventurer in the old 
fairy-story, climbing towards the summit of a steep emi- 
nence on which the subject of his search was stationed, was 
surrounded by a roar of voices, crying to him, from the 
stones in the way, to turn back. All the voices tve hear 
cry, "Go on!" The stones that call to us have sermons in 
them, as the trees have tongues, as there are books in the 
running brooks, as there is good in everything! They, and 
the Time, cry out to us to " Go on!" With a fresh heart, a 



"a preliminary word." 157 

light step, and a hopeful courage, we begin the journey. 
The road is not so rough that it need daunt our feet : the 
way is not so steep that we need stop for breath, and, look- 
ing faintly down, be stricken motionless. " Go on, " is all we 
hear, " Go on !" In a glow already, with the air from yonder 
height upon us, and the inspiriting voices joining in this 
acclamation, we echo back the cry, and go on cheerily ! 

[1850.] 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE.— I. 

As one half of the world is said not to know how the 
other half lives, so it may be affirmed that the upper half 
of the world neither knows nor greatly cares how the lower 
half amuses itself. Believing that it does not care mainly 
because it does not know, we purpose occasionally record- 
ing a few facts on this subject. 

The general character of the lower class of dramatic 
amusements is a very significant sign of a people, and a 
very good test of their intellectual condition. We design 
to make our readers acquainted in the first place with a few 
of our experiences under this head in the metropolis. 

It is probable that nothing will ever root out from among 
the common people an innate love they have for dramatic 
entertainment in some form or other. It would be a very 
doubtful benefit to society, we think, if it could be rooted 
out. The Polytechnic Institution in Regent Street, where 
an infinite variety of ingenious models are exhibited and 
explained, and where lectures comprising a quantity of use- 
ful information on many practical subjects are delivered, is 
a great public benefit and a wonderful place, but we think 
a people formed entirely in their hours of leisure by Poly- 
technic Institutions would be an uncomfortable community. 
We would rather not have to appeal to the generous sym- 
pathies of a man of five-and-twenty, in respect of some 
afiliction of which he had had no personal experience, who 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 159 

had passed all his holidays, when a boy, among cranks and 
cog-wheels. We should be more disposed to trust him if he 
had been brought into occasional contact with a Maid and 
a Magpie; if he had made one or two diversions into the 
Forest of Bondy ; or had even gone the length of a Christ- 
mas Pantomime. There is a range of imagination in most 
of us, which no amount of steam-engines will satisfy 5 and 
which The-great-exhibition-of-the-works-of-industry-of -all- 
nations, itself, will probably leave unappeased The lower 
we go, the more natural it is that the best-relished provi- 
sion for this should be found in dramatic entertainments ; as 
at once the most obvious, the least troublesome, and the 
most real, of all escapes out of the literal world. Joe 
Whelks, of the New Cut, Lambeth, is not much of a reader, 
has no great store of books, no very commodious room to 
read in, no very decided inclination to read, and no power 
at all of presenting vividly before his mind's eye what he 
reads about. But put Joe in the gallery of the Victoria 
Theatre ; show him doors and windows in the scene that 
will open and shut, and that people can get in and out of; 
tell him a story with these aids, and by the help of live 
men and women dressed up, confiding to him their inner- 
most secrets, in voices audible half a mile off; and Joe will 
unravel a story through all its entanglements, and sit there 
as long after midnight as you have anything left to show 
him. Accordingly, the Theatres to which Mr. Whelks re- 
sorts are always full ; and whatever changes of fashion the 
drama knows elsewhere, it is always fashionable in the 
New Cut. 

The question, then, might not unnaturally arise, one 
would suppose, whether Mr. Whelks' education is at all 
susceptible of improvement, through the agency of his 



160 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

theatrical tastes. How far it is improved at present, our 
readers shall judge for themselves. 

In affording them the means of doing so, we wish to dis- 
claim any grave imputation on those who are concerned in 
ministering to the dramatic gratification of Mr. Whelks. 
Heavily taxed, wholly unassisted by the state, deserted by 
the gentry, and quite unrecognized as a means of public 
instruction, the higher English Drama has declined. Those 
who would live to please Mr. Whelks, must please Mr. 
Whelks to live. It is not the Manager's province to hold 
the Mirror up to Nature, but to Mr. Whelks — the only per- 
son who acknowledges him. If, in like manner, the actor' s 
nature, like the dyer's hand, become subdued to what he 
works in, the actor can hardly be blamed for it. He grinds 
hard at his vocation, is often steeped in direful poverty, 
and lives, at the best, in a little world of mockeries! 
It is bad enough to give away a great estate six nights 
a- week, and want a shilling ; to preside at imaginary ban- 
quets, hungry for a mutton-chop ; to smack the lips over a 
tankard of toast and water, and declaim about the mellow 
produce of the sunny vineyard on the banks of the Ehine; 
to be a rattling young lover with the measles at home, and 
to paint sorrow over with burnt cork and rouge, without 
being called upon to despise his vocation too. If he can 
utter the trash to which he is condemned, with any relish, 
so much the better for him. Heaven knows ; and peace be 
with him! 

A few weeks ago, we went to one of Mr. Whelks' fa- 
vorite Theatres, to see an attractive Melo-Drama called 
" Mat Morning, or the Mystery of 1715, and the Mur- 
der !" We had an idea that the former of these titles might 
refer to the month in which either the Mystery or the Mur- 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 161 

der happened, but we found it to be the name of the hero- 
ine, the pride of Keswick Vale; who was called "May- 
Morning" (after a common custom among the English 
Peasantry) " from her bright eyes and merry laugh. " Of 
this young lady, it may be observed, in passing, that she 
subsequently sustained every possible calamity of human 
existence in a white muslin gown with blue tucks; and 
that she did every conceivable and inconceivable thing with 
a pistol, that could anyhow be effected by that description 
of firearms. 

The Theatre was extremely full. The prices of admis- 
sion were, to the boxes, a shilling ; to the pit, sixpence ; to 
the gallery, threepence. The gallery was of enormous di- 
mensions (among the company, in the front row, we ob- 
served Mr. Whelks) ; and overflowing with occupants. It 
required no close observation of the attentive faces, rising 
one above another, to the very door in the roof, and squeezed 
and jammed in, regardless of all discomforts, even there, to 
impress a stranger with a sense of its being highly desir- 
able to lose no possible chance of effecting any mental 
improvement in that great audience. 

The company in the pit were not very clean or sweet- 
savored, but there were some good-humored young me- 
chanics among them, with their wives. These were gener- 
ally accompanied by " the baby," insomuch that the pit was 
a perfect nursery. No effect made on the stage was so cu- 
rious, as the looking down on the quiet faces of these ba- 
bies fast asleep, after lookmg up at the staring sea of heads 
in the gallery. There were a good many cold fried soles in 
the pit, besides ; and a variety of flat stone bottles, of all 
portable sizes. 

The audience in the boxes was of much the same charac- 
11 



162 THE AMUSEMENTS OP THE PEOPLE. 

ter (babies and fish excepted) as the audience in the pit. 
A private in the Foot Guards sat in the next box ; and a 
personage who wore pins on his coat instead of buttons, 
and was in such a damp habit of living as to be quite 
mouldy, was our nearest neighbor. In several parts of the 
house we noticed some young pickpockets of our acquaint- 
ance ; but as they were evidently there as private individ- 
uals, and not in their public capacity, we were little dis- 
turbed by their presence. For we consider the hours of 
idleness passed by this class of society as so much gain to 
society at large; and we do not join in a whimsical sort of 
lamentation that is generally made over them, when they 
are found to be unoccupied. 

As we made these observations the curtains rose, and we 
were presently in possession of the following particulars : 

Sir George Elmore, a melancholy Baronet with every 
appearance of being in that advanced stage of indigestion 
in which Mr. Morrison's patients usually are, when they 
happen to hear, through Mr. Moat, of the surprising effect 
of his Vegetable Pills, was found to be living in a very 
large castle, in the society of one round table, two chairs, 
and Captain George Elmore, " his supposed son, the Child 
of Mystery, and the Man of Crime." The Captain, in ad- 
dition to an undutiful habit of bullying his father on all 
occasions, was a prey to many vices ; foremost among which 
may be mentioned his desertion of his wife, "Estella de 
Neva, a Spanish lady," and his determination unlawfully 
to possess himself of May Morning ; M. M. being then on 
the eve of marriage to Will Stanmore, a cheerful sailor, 
with very loose legs. 

The strongest evidence, at first, of the Captain's being 
the Child of Mystery and the Man of Crime was deducibie 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 1G3 

from his boots, which, being very high and wide, and ap- 
parently made of sticking-plaster, justified the worst the- 
atrical suspicions to his disadvantage. And indeed he 
presently turned out as ill as could be desired: getting 
into May Morning's Cottage by the window after dark, 
refusing to " unhand " May Morning when required to do 
so by that lady; waking May Morning's only surviving 
parent, a blind old gentleman with a black ribbon o"«er his 
eyes, whom we shall call Mr. Stars, as his name was stated 
in the bill thus * * *j and showing himself desperately 
bent on carrying off May Morning by force of arms. Even 
this was not the worst of the Captain ; for, being foiled in 
his diabolical purpose — temporarily by means of knives and 
pistols, providentially caught up and directed at him by 
May Morning, and finally, for the time being, by the ad- 
vent of Will Stanmore — he caused one Slink, his adherent, 
to denounce Will Stanmore as a rebel, and got that cheerful 
mariner carried off and shut up in prison. At about the 
same period of the Captain's career, there suddenly ap- 
peared in his father's castle a dark-complexioned lady of 
the name of Manuella, " a Zingara Woman from the Pyre- 
nean mountains; the wild wanderer of the heath, and the 
pronouncer of the prophecy," who threw the melancholy 
baronet, his supposed father, into the greatest confusion by 
asking him what he had upon his conscience, and by pro- 
nouncing mysterious rhymes concerning the Child of Mys- 
tery and the Man of Crime to a low trembling of fiddles. 
Matters were in this state when the Theatre resounded with 
applause, and Mr. Whelks fell into a fit of unbounded en- 
thusiasm, consequent on the entrance of "Michael the Men- 
dicant." 

At first we referred something of the cordiality with 



164 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

which Michael the Mendicant was greeted to the fact of 
his being " made up" with an excessively dirty face, which 
might create a bond of union between himself and a large 
majority of the audience. But it soon came out that Mi- 
chael the Mendicant had been hired in old time by Sir 
George Elmore, to murder his (Sir George Elmore's) elder 
brother — which he had done ; nothwithstanding which little 
affair of honor, Michael was in reality a very good fellow; 
quite a tender-hearted man; who, on hearing of the Cap- 
tain's determination to settle Will Stanmore, cried out, 
"What! morebel — ood!" and fell flat — overpowered by his 
nice sense of humanity. In like manner, in describing that 
small error of judgment into which he had allowed himself 
to be tempted by money, this gentleman exclaimed, "I 
ster-ruck him down, and fel-ed in er-orror!" and further 
he remarked, with honest pride, " I have liveder as a beg- 
gar — a roadersider vaigerant, but no Kerreime since then 
has stained these hands!" All these sentiments of the 
worthy man were hailed with showers of applause; and 
when, in the excitement of his feelings on one occasion, 
after a soliloquy, he " went oft' " on his hack, kicking and ■ 
shuffling along the ground, after the manner of bold spirits 
in trouble who object to be taken to the station-house, the 
cheering was tremendous. 

And to see how little harm he had done, after all! Sir 
George Elmore's elder brother was not dead. Not he! 
He recovered, after this sensitive creature had "fel-ed in 
er-orror," and, putting a black ribbon over his eyes to dis- 
guise himself, went and lived in a modest retirement with 
his only child. In short, Mr. Stars was the identical indi- 
vidual ! When Will Stanmore turned out to be the wrong- 
ful Sir George Elmore's son, instead of the Child of Mystery 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 165 

and Man of Crime, who turned out to be Michael's son (a 
change having been effected, in revenge, by the lady from 
the Pyrenean Mountains, who became the Wild Wanderer 
of the Heath, in consequence of the wrongful Sir George 
Elmore's perfidy to her and desertion of her), Mr. Stars 
went up to the Castle, and mentioned to his murdering 
brother how it was. Mr, Stars said it was all right; he 
bore no malice; he had kept out of the way, in order that 
his murdering brother (to whose numerous virtues he was 
no stranger) might enjoy the property; and now he would 
propose that they should make it up and dine together. 
The murdering brother inimedi.'.tely consented, embraced 
the Wild Wanderer, and it is supposed sent instructions to 
Doctors' Commons for a license to marry her. After which, 
they were all very comfortable indeed. For it is not much 
to try to murder your brother for the sake of his property, 
if you only suborn such a delicate assassin as Michael the 
Mendicant ! 

All this did not tend to the satisfaction of the Child of 
Mystery and Man of Crime, who was so little pleased by 
the general happiness that he shot Will Stanmore, now 
joyfully out of prison and going to be married directly to 
May Morning, and carried off the body, and May Morning 
to boot, to a lone hut. Here, Will Stanmore, laid out for 
dead at fifteen minutes past twelve, p.m., arose at seven- 
teen minutes past, infinitely fresher than most daisies, and 
fought two strong men single-handed. However, the Wild 
Wanderer, arriving with a party of male wild wanderers, 
who were always at her disposal — and the murdering 
brother arriving arm-in-arm with Mr. Stars — stopped the 
combat, confounded the Child of Mystery and Man of 
Crime, and blessed the lovers. 



166 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

The adventures of " Eed Eiven the Bandit " concluded 
the moral lesson of the evening. But, feeling by this time 
a little fatigued, and believing that we already discerned 
in the countenance of Mr. Whelks a sufficient confusion 
between right and wrong to last him for one night, we 
retired ; the rather as we intended to meet him shortly, at 
another place of dramatic entertainment for the people. 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE.— II. 

Mk. Whelks being much in the habit of recreating him- 
self at a class of theatres called " Saloons," we repaired to 
one of these, not long ago, on a Monday evenmg; Monday 
being a great holiday-night with Mr. Whelks and his 
friends. 

The Saloon in question is the largest in London (that 
which is known as The Eagle, in the City Koad, should be 
excepted from the generic term, as not presenting by any 
means the same class of entertainment), and is situate not 
far from Shoreditch Church. It announces " The People's 
Theatre," as its second name. The prices of admission 
are, to the boxes, a shilling; to the pit, sixpence; to the 
lower gallery, fourpence; to the upper gallery and back 
seats, threepence. There is no half-price. The opening 
piece on this occasion was described in the bills as " The 
greatest hit of the season, the grand new legendary and 
traditionary drama, combining supernatural agencies with 
historical facts, and identifying extraordinary superhuman 
causes with material, terrific, and powerful effects." All 
the queen's horses and all the queen's men could not have 
drawn Mr. Whelks into the place like this description. 
Strengthened by lithographic representations of the prin- 
cipal superhuman causes, combined with the most popular 
of the material, terrific, and powerful effects, it became 
irresistible. Consequently, we had already failed, once, in 
finding six square inches of room within the walls, to stand 



1G8 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

upon ; and when we now paid our money for a little stage- 
box, like a dry shower-bath, we did so in the midst of a 
stream of i^eople who persisted in paying theirs for other 
parts of the house in despite of the representations of the 
Money-taker that it was very full, everywhere. 

The outer avenues and passages of the People's Theatre 
bore abundant testimony to the fact of its being frequented 
by very dirty people. Within, the atmosphere was far 
from odoriferous. The place was crammed to excess in all 
parts. Among the audience were a large number of boys 
and youths, and a great many very young girls grown into 
bold women before they had well ceased to be children. 
These last were the worst features of the whole crowd, and 
were more prominent there than in any other sort of public 
assembly that we know of, except at a public execution. 
There was no drink supplied, beyond the contents of the 
porter-can (magnified in its dimensions, perhaps), which 
may be usually seen traversing the galleries of the largest 
Theatres as well as the least, and which was seen here 
everywhere. Huge ham-sandwiches, piled on trays like 
deals in a limber-yard, were handed about for sale to the 
hungry ; and there was no stint of oranges, cakes, brandy- 
balls, or other similar refreshments. The Theatre was 
capacious with a very large capable stage, well lighted, 
well appointed, and managed in a businesslike, orderly 
manner in all respects ; the perf orinances had begun so early 
as a quarter-past six, and had been then in progress for 
three-quarters of an hour. 

It was apparent here, as in the theatre we had previously 
visited, that one of the reasons of its great attraction was 
its being directly addressed to the common people, in the 
provision made for their seeing and hearing. Instead of 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. l69 

aeing put away in a dark gap in. the roof of an immense 
building, as in our once National Theatres, they were here 
in possession of eligible points of view, and thoroughly able 
to take in the whole performance. Instead of being at a 
great disadvantage in comparison with the mass of the 
jiudience, they were the audience, for whose accommodation 
the place was made. We believe this to be one great cause 
of the success of these speculations. In whatever way the 
common people are addressed, whether in churches, chapels, 
schools, lecture-rooms, or theatres, to be successfully ad- 
dressed they must be directly appealed to. No matter 
how good the feast, they will not come to it on mere suf- 
ferance. If, on looking round us, we find that the only 
things plainly and personally addressed to them, from 
quack medicines upwards, be bad or very defective things, 
— so much the worse for them and for all of us, and so 
much the more unjust and absurd the system which has 
haughtily abandoned a strong ground to such occupation. 

We will add that we believe these people have a right to 
be amused. A great deal that we consider to be unreason- 
able is written and talked about not licensing these places 
of entertainment. We have abeady intimated that we be- 
lieve a love of dramatic representations to be an inherent 
principle in human nature. In most conditions of human 
life of which we have any knowledge, from the Greeks to 
the Bosjesmen, some form of dramatic representation hasal* 
ways obtained. ' We have a vast respect for county magis^ 

^ In the remote interior of Africa, and among the North American 
Indians, this truth is exemplified in an equally striking manner. 
"Who that saw the four grim, stunted, abject Bush-people at the 
Egyptian Hall — with two natural actors among them out of that 
number, one a male and the other a female — can forget how some- 



170 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

trates, and for the Lord Chamberlain; but we render greater 
deference to such extensive and immutable experience, and 
think it will outlive the whole existing court and commis- 
sion. We would assuredly not bear harder on the four- 
penny theatre than on the four-shilling theatre, or the four- 
guinea theatre ; but we would decidedly interpose to turn 
to some wholesome account the means of instruction which 
it has at command, and we would make that office of Dra- 
matic Licenser, which, like many other offices, has become 
a mere piece of Court favor and dandy conventionality, a 
real, responsible, educational trust. We would have it ex- 
ercise a sound supervision over the lower drama, instead of 
stopping the career of a real work of art, as it did in the 
case of Mr. Chorley's play at the Surrey Theatre, but a 
few weeks since, for a sickly point of form. 

To return to Mr. Whelks. The audience, being able to 
see and hear, were very attentive. They were so closely 
packed that they took a little time in settling down after 
any pause ; but otherwise the general disposition was to lose 
nothing, and to check (in no choice language) any dis- 
turber of the business of the scene. 

On our arrival, Mr. Whelks had already followed Lady 
Hatton the Heroine (whom we faintly recognized as a mu- 
tilated theme of the late Thomas Ingoldsby) to the 
"Gloomy Dell and Suicide's Tree," where Lady H. had 
encountered the "apparition of the dark man of doom," 
and heard the "fearful story of the Suicide." She had 

thing human and imaginative gradually broke out on the little 
ugly man, when he was roused from crouching over the charcoal 
fire, into giving a dramatic representation of the tracking of a 
beast, the shooting of it with poisoned arrows, and the creature's 
death? 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 171 

also " signed the compact iu her own Blood, " beheld " the 
Tombs rent asunder," seen "skeletons start from their 
graves, and gibber, 'Mine, mine, forever!' " and undergone 
all these little experiences (each set forth in a separate line 
in the bill) in the compass of one act. It was not yet over, 
indeed, for we found a remote King of England, of the name 
of "Enerry," refreshing himself with the spectacle of a 
dance in a Garden, which was interrupted by the " thrilling 
appearance of the Demon." This "superhuman cause" 
(with black eyebrows slanting up into his temples, and 
red-foil cheekbones,) brought the Drop-Curtain down as 
we took possession of our Shower-Bath. 

It seemed, on the curtain's going up again, that Lady 
Hatton had sold herself to the Powers of Darkness, on very 
high terms, and was now overtaken by remorse, and by 
jealousy too; the latter passion being excited by the beau- 
tiful Lady Eodolpha, ward to the King. It was to urge 
Lady Hatton on to the murder of this young female (as 
well as we could make out, but both we and Mr.. Whelks 
found the incidents complicated) that the Demon appeared 
"once again in all his terrors." Lady Hatton had been 
leading a life of piety, but the Demon was not to have his 
bargain declared off, in right of any such artifices, and now 
offered a dagger for the destruction of Eodolpha. Lady 
Hatton hesitating to accept this trifle from Tartarus, the 
Demon, for certain subtle reasons of his own, proceeded to 
entertain her with a view of the " gloomy court-yard of a 
convent," and the apparitions of the "Skeleton Monk" 
and the "King of Terrors." Against these superhuman 
causes, another superhuman cause, to wit, the ghost of 
Lady H.'s mother, came into play, and greatly confounded 
the Powers of Darkness by waving the " sacred emblem " 



172 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

over the head of the else devoted Rodolpha, and causing 
her to sink into the earth. Upon this the Demon, losing 
his temper, fiercely invited Lady Hattou to " Be-old the 
tortiires of the damned!" and straightway conveyed her to 
a "grand and awful view of Pandemonium, and Lake of 
Transparent Eolling Fire," whereof, and also of "Prome- 
theus chained, and the Vulture gnawing at his liver," Mr. 
Whelks was exceedingly derisive. 

The Demon still failing, even there, and still finding the 
ghost of the old lady greatly in his way, exclaimed that 
these vexations had such a remarkable effect upon his 
spirit as to "sear his eyeballs," and that he must go 
"deeper down," which he accordingly did. Hereupon it 
appeared that it was all a dream on Lady Hatton's part, 
and that she was newly married and uncommonly happy. 
This put an end to the incongruous heap of nonsense, and 
set Mr. Whelks a^Dplauding mightily; for, except with the 
lake of transparent rolling fire (which was not half infernal 
enough for him), Mr. Whelks was infinitely contented 
with the whole of the proceedings. 

Ten thousand people, every week, all the year round, are 
estimated to attend this place of amusement. If it were 
closed to-morrow — if there were fifty such, and they were 
all closed to-morrow — the only result would be to cause 
that to be privately and evasively done which is now pub- 
licly done ; to render the harm of it much greater, and to 
exhibit the suppressive power of the law in an oppressive 
and partial light. The people who now resort here will he 
amused somewhere. It is of no use to blink that fact, or 
to make pretences to the contrary. We had far better 
apply ourselves improving the character of their amuse- 
ment. It would not be exacting much, or exacting any- 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 173 

thing very difficult, to require that the pieces represented 
in these Theatres should have, at least, a good, plain, 
healthy purpose in them. 

To the end that our experiences might not be supposed 
to be partial or unfortmiate, we went, the very next night, 
to the Theatre where we saw May Morning, and found Mr. 
Whelks engaged in the study of an " Original Old English 
Domestic and Eomantic Drama," called "Eva the Be- 
trayed, OR The Ladte of Lambythe." We proceed to 
develop the incidents which gradually unfolded themselves 
to Mr. Whelks' understanding. 

One Geoffrey Thoruley the younger, on a certain fine 
morning, married his father' s ward, Eva the Betrayed, the 
Ladye of Lambythe. She had become the Betrayed in 
right — or in wrong — of designing Geoffrey's machinations; 
for that corrupt individual, knowing her to be under prom- 
ise of marriage to Walter More, a young mariner (of whom 
he was accustomed to make slighting mention, as a " min- 
ion"), represented the said More to be no more, and 
obtained the consent of the too trusting Eva to their 
immediate union. 

Now it came to pass, by a singular coincidence, that on 
the identical morning of the marriage, More came home, 
and was taking a walk about the scenes of his boyhood — ^a 
little faded since that time — when he rescued " Wilbert 
the Hunchback " from some very rough treatment. This 
misguided person, in return, immediately fell to abusing 
his preserver in round terms, giving him to understand 
that he (the preserved) hated "manerkind, wither two 
eckerceptions, " one of them being the deceiving Geoffrey, 
whose retainer he was, and for whom he felt an uncon- 
querable attachment j the other, a relative, whom, in a sim- 



174 THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 

ilar redundancy of emphasis, adapted to the requiTetnents 
of Mr. Whelks, he called his "assister." This misan- 
thrope also made the cold-blooded declaration, " There was 
a timer when I loved my fellow-keretures till they deser- 
pised me. Now, I live only to witness man's disergherace 
and woman's misery!" In furtherance of this amiable pur- 
pose of existence, he directed More to where the bridal pro- 
cession was coming home from church, and Eva recognized 
More, and More reproached Eva, and there was a great to- 
do, and a violent struggling, before certain social villagers 
who were celebrating the event with morris-dances. Eva 
was borne off in a tearing condition, and the bill very truly 
observed that the end of that part of the business was 
"despair and madness." 

Geoffrey, Geoffrey, why were you already married to an- 
other! Why could you not be true to your lawful wife 
Katherine, instead of deserting her, and leaving her to 
come tumbling into public-houses (on account of weakness) 
in search of you ! You might have known what it would 
end in, Geoffrey Thornley ! You might have known that 
she would come up to your house on your wedding-day 
with her marriage-certificate in her pocket determined to 
expose you. You might have known beforehand, as you 
now very composedly observe, that you would have "but 
one course to pursue." That course clearly is to wind 
your right hand in Katherine' s long hair, wrestle with 
her, stab her, throw down the body behind the door (cheers 
from Mr. Whelks), and tell the devoted Hunchback to 
get rid of it. On the devoted Hunchback' s finding that it 
is the body of his "assister," and taking her marriage-cer- 
tificate from her pocket and denouncing you, of course 
you have still but one course to pursue, and that is to 



THE AMUSEMENTS OF THE PEOPLE. 175 

charge the crime upon him, and have him carried off with 
all speed into the " deep and massive dungeons beneath 
Thornley Hall." 

More having, as he was rather given to boast, " a goodly 
vessel on the lordly Thames, " had better have gone with it, 
weather permitting, than gone after Eva. Naturally, he 
got carried down to the dungeons, too, for lurking about, 
and got put into the next dungeon to the Hunchback, then 
expiring from poison. And there they were, hard and fast, 
like two wild beasts in dens, trying to get glimpses of each 
other through the bars, to the unutterable interest of Mr. 
Whelks. 

But when the Hunchback made himself known and when 
More did the same ; and when the Hunchback said he had 
got the certificate which rendered Eva's marriage illegal; 
and when More raved to have it given to him, and when 
the Hunchback (as having some grains of misanthropy in 
him to the last) persisted in going into his dying agonies 
in a remote corner of his cage, and took unheard of trouble 
not to die anywhere near the bars that were within More's 
reach, Mr. Whelks applauded to the echo. At last the 
Hunchback was persuaded to stick the certificate on the 
point of a dagger, and hand it in ; and that done, died ex- 
tremely hard, knocking himself violently about, to the very 
last gasp, and certainly making the most of all the life that 
was in him. 

Still More had yet to get out of his den before he could 
turn his certificate to any account. His first step was to 
make such a violent uproar as to bring into his presence a 
certain " Norman Eree Lance " who kept watch and ward 
over him. His second, to inform this warrior, in the style 
of the Polite Letter-Writer, that "circumstances had oc- 



17G THE AMUSEMENTS OP THE PEOPLE. 

curred" rendering it necessary that he should be immedi- 
ately let out. The warrior declining to submit himself to 
the force of these circumstances, Mr. More proposed to 
him, as a gentleman and a man of honor, to allow him 
to step out into the gallery, and there adjust an old feud 
subsisting between them, by single combat. The unwary 
Free Lance, consenting to this reasonable proposal, was shot 
from behind by the comic man, whom he bitterly designated 
as "a snipe" for that action, and then died exceedingly 
game. 

All this occurred in one day — the bridal day of the Ladye 
of Lambythe; and now Mr. Whelks concentrated all his 
energies into a focus, bent forward, looked straight in front 
of him, and held his breath. For, the night of the event- 
ful day being come, Mr. Whelks was admitted "to the 
bridal chamber of the Ladye of Lambythe," where he be- 
held a toilet table, and a particularly large and desolate 
four-post bedstead. Here the Ladye, having dismissed 
her bridesmaids, was interrupted in deploring her unhappy 
fate, by the entrance of her husband; and matters, under 
these circumstances, were proceeding to very desperate ex- 
tremities, when the Ladye (by this time aware of the exist- 
ence of the certificate) found a dagger on the dressing- 
table, and said, " Attempt to enfold me in thy pernicious 
embrace, and this poignard — !" etc. He did attempt it, 
however, for all that, and he and the Ladye were dragging 
one another about like wrestlers, when Mr. More broke 
open the door, and, entering with the whole domestic es- 
tablishment and a Middlesex magistrate, took him into 
custody and claimed his bride. 

It is but fair to Mr. Whelks to remark on one curious 
fact in this entertainment. When the situations were very 



THE AMUSEMENTS OP THE PEOPLE. 177 

strong indeed, they were very like what some favorite situ- 
ations in the Italian Opera would be to a profoundly deaf 
spectator. The despair and madness at the end of the first 
act, the business of the long hair, and the struggle in the 
bridal chamber, were as like the conventional passion of 
the Italian singers, as the orchestra was unlike the opera 
band, or its " hurries" unlike the music of the great com- 
posers. So do extremes meet; and so is there some hope- 
ful congeniality between what will excite Mr. Whelks and 
what will rouse a Duchess. [1850. ] 

12 



THE GUILD OF LITERATUEE AND AET. 

There are reasons, sufficiently obvious to our readers 
without explanation, whicli render the present a fitting 
place for a few words of remark on the proposed Institution 
bearing this name. 

Its objects, as stated in the public advertisement, are, 
" to encourage life assurance and other provident habits 
among authors and artists; to render such assistance to 
both, as shall never compromise their independence; and 
to found a new Institution where honorable rest from ar- 
duous labor shall still be associated with the discharge of 
congenial duties." 

The authors and artists associated in this endeavor would 
be but indifferent students of human nature, and would be 
but poorly qualified for the pursuit of their art, if they 
supposed it possible to originate any scheme that would 
be free from objection. They have neither the right, nor 
the desire, to take offence at any discussion of the details 
of their plan. All that they claim is such consideration 
for it as their character and position may justly demand, 
and such moderate restraint in regard of misconception or 
misrepresentation as is due to any body of gentlemen disin- 
terestedly associated for an honorable purpose. 

It is proposed to form a Society of Authors and Artists 
by profession, who shall all effect some kind of Insurance 
on their lives ; — whether for a hundred pounds or a thou- 
sand pounds — whether on high premiums terminable at a 



THE GUILD OP LITERATURE AND ART. 179 

certain age, or on premiums payable through, the whole of 
life — whether for deferred annuities, or for pensions to 
widows, or for the accumulation of sums destined to the 
education or portioning of children — is in this, as in all 
other cases, at the discretion of the individual insuring. 
The foundation of a New Life Insurance Ofi&ce, expressly 
for these purposes, would be, obviously, a rash proceed- 
ing, wholly im justifiable in the infancy of such a design. 
Therefore its proposers recommend one existing Insurance 
Office — firstly, because its constitution appears to secure to 
its insurers better terms than they can meet with elsewhere ; 
secondly, because in Life Insurance, as in most other things, 
a body of persons can obtain advantages which individuals 
cannot. The chief advantage thus obtained in this in- 
stance is stated in the printed Prospectus as a deduction 
of five per cent from all the premiums paid by Members of 
the Society to that particular office. It is needless to add 
that if an author or an artist be already insured in another 
office, or if he have any peculiar liking, in effecting a new 
insurance, for paying five per cent more than he need, he 
is at perfect liberty to insure where he pleases, and in right 
of any insurance whatever to become a Member of the 
Society if he will. 

But there may be cases in which, on account of impaired 
health or of advanced age at the present time, individuals 
desirious of joining the Society may be quite unable to ob- 
tain acceptance at any Life Office. In such instances the 
required qualification of Life Insurance will be dispensed 
with. In cases of proved temporary inability to meet a 
periodical jjayment due on an Insurance, the Society pro- 
poses to assist the insurer from its funds. 

" In connection with this Society, " the Prospectus pro- 



180 THE GUILD OF LITERATURE AND ART. 

ceeds, " by wliicli it is intended to commend and enforce 
the duties of prudence and foresight, esx^ecially incumbent 
on those whose income is wholly, or mainly, derived from 
the precarious profit of a profession, it is proposed to estab- 
lish and endow an Institute, having at its disposal certain 
salaries, to which certain duties will be attached; together 
with a limited number of free residences, which, though 
sufiiciently small to be adapted to a very moderate income, 
will be completed with due regard to the ordinary habits 
and necessary comforts of gentlemen. The ofi&ces of En- 
dowment will consist : 

"First, — Of a Warden, with a house and a salary of two 
hundred pounds a year ; 

"Second, — Of Members, with a house and one hundred 
and seventy pounds, or, without a house, two hundred 
pounds a year ; 

" Third, — Of Associates, with a salary of one hundred 
pounds a year. 

"For these ofi&ces all who are Insurers in the Society 
above mentioned are qualified to offer themselves as Candi- 
dates. Such Insurance is to be considered an indispensable 
qualification, saving in exceptional cases (should any such 
arise) where an individual can prove that he has made 
every effort to insure his life, but cannot find acceptance 
at any Life Office, by reason of impaired health, or of 
advanced age, at the date of his prospectus. 

"Each Member will be required to give, either person- 
ally or by a proxy selected from the Associates, with the 
approval of the Warden, three lectures in each year — one 
in London, the others at the Mechanics' Institutes, or some 
public building suited for the purpose, in the principal pro- 
vincial towns. Considering the many duties exacting time 



THE GUILD OF LITERATURE AND ART. 181 

and attention that will devolve on the Warden, he will not 
be required to give more than one lecture annually (which, 
if delivered by a proxy, he will, health permitting, be ex- 
pected to compose himself), and that in the Metropolis. 

"These lectures will be subject to the direction and con- 
trol of the managing body of the Endowment. They will 
usually relate to Letters or Art, and will invariably avoid 
all debatable ground of Politics or Theology. It will be 
the endeavor of the Committee to address them to points 
on which the public may be presumed to be interested, and 
to require dispassionate and reliable information — to make 
them, in short, an educational and improving feature of the 
time. 

" The duties of Associates will be defined and fixed by 
the Council (consisting of the Warden, the Members, and 
a certain number of the Associates themselves), according 
to the previous studies and peculiar talent of each — whether 
in gratuitous assistance to any learned bodies, societies for 
the diffusion of knowledge, etc., or, as funds increase, and 
the utilities of the Institution develop themselves, in co- 
operating toward works of national interest and importance, 
but on subjects of a nature more popidar, and at a price 
more accessible, than those which usually emanate from 
professed academies. It is well to add that while, on 
every account, it is deemed desirable to annex to the re- 
ceipt of a salary the performance of a duty, it is not in- 
tended that such duty should make so great a demand upon 
the time and labor, either of Member or Associate, as to 
deprive the public of their services in those departments in 
which they have gained distinction, or to divert their own 
efforts for independence from their accustomed professional 
pursuits. 



182 THE GUILD OP LITERATURE AND ART. 

" The design of the Institution proposed is, to select for 
the appointment of Members (who will be elected for life) 
those Writers and Artists of established reputation, and 
generally of mature years (or, if young, in failing health), 
to whom the income attached to the appointment may be 
an object of honorable desire; while the office of Associate 
is intended partly for those whose toils or merits are less 
known to the general public than their professional breth- 
ren, and partly for those, in earlier life, who give promise 
of future eminence, and to whom a temporary income of 
one hundred pounds a year may be of essential and perma- 
nent service. There are few men professionally engaged 
in Art or Letters, even though their labors may have raised 
them into comparative wealth, who cannot look back to 
some period of struggle in which an income so humble 
would have saved them from many a pang, and, perhaps, 
from the necessity of stooping their ambition to occupations 
at variance with the higher aims of their career. 

" An Associate may, therefore, be chosen for life, or for 
one or more years, according to the nature of his claims, 
and the discretion of the Electors." 

With the view of bringing this project into general no- 
tice. Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton (besides a gift of land) has 
written a new comedy, and presented it to the friends asso- 
ciated with him in the origination of the scheme. They 
will act it, first, before Her Majesty at Devonshire House, 
and afterward publicly. Over and above the profits that 
may arise from these dramatic representations, the copy- 
right of the comedy, both for acting and publishing, being 
unconditionally given to the Association, has already en- 
abled it to realize a handsome sum of money. 

Many of our readers are aware that this company of 



THE GUILD OF LITERATURE AND ART. 183 

amateur actors has been for some time in existence. Its 
public existence was accidental. It was originally formed 
for the private amusement of a leisure hour. Yielding to 
urgent entreaty, it then had the good fortune to render 
service to the Sanatorium, one of the most useful and most 
necessary Institutions ever founded in this country. It 
was subsequently enabled to yield timely assistance to three 
distinguished literary men, all of whom Her Majesty has 
since placed on the Pension List, and entirely to support 
one of them for nearly three years. It is now about to 
renew its exertions for the cause we have set forth. To 
say that its members do not merely seek their own enter- 
tainment and display (easily attainable by far less trouble- 
some and responsible means) is to award them the not very 
exalted praise of being neither fools nor impostors. 

The Guild of Literature and Art may be a good name or 
a bad name ; the details of this endowment — mere sugges- 
tions at present, and not to be proceeded with, until much 
work shall have been patiently done — may be perfect or 
most imperfect; the retirement proposed may be taken for 
granted to be everything that it is not intended to be; and 
still we conceive the real question to remain untouched. 
It is, whether Literature shall continue to be an exception 
from all other professions and pursuits, in having no re- 
source for its distressed and divided followers but in elee- 
mosynary aid ; or, whether it is good that they should be 
provident, imited, helpful of one another, and independent. 

No child can suppose that the profits of the comedy alone 
will be sufficient for such an Endowment as is sought to be 
established. It is expressly stated in the Prospectus that 
"for farther support to the Endowment by subscription, 
and especially by annual subscription, it is intended to 



184 THE GUILD OF LITERATURE AND ART. 

appeal to the Public. " If the Public will disembarrass the 
question of any little cobwebs that may be spun about it, 
and will confine it to this, it will be faithful to its ever 
generous and honest nature. 

There is no reason for affecting to conceal that the writer 
of these few remarks is active in the project, and is impelled 
by a zealous desire to advance what he knows to be a worthy 
object. He would be false to the trust placed in him, by 
the friends with whom he is associated, and to the secret 
experience of his daily life, and of the calling to which he 
belongs, if he had any dainty reserve in such a matter. 
He is one of an order beyond which he affects to be noth- 
ing. He knows — few men can know, he thinks, with bet- 
ter reason — that he does his duty to it in taking this part; 
and he wishes his personal testimony to tell for what it is 
worth. [1851.] 



WHOLE HOGS. 

The public market has been of late more than usually 
remarkable for transactions on the American principle in 
Whole and indivisible Hogs. The market has been heavy 
— not the least approach to briskness having been observed 
in any part of it; but the transactions, such as they have 
been, have been exclusively for Whole Hogs. Those who 
may only have had a retail inclination for sides, ribs, limbs, 
cheeks, face, trotters, snout, ears, or tail, have been re- 
quired to take the Whole Hog, sinking none of the offal, 
but consenting to it all — and a good deal of it too. 

It has been discovered that mankind at large can only be 
regenerated by a Teatotal Society, or by a Peace Society, 
or by always dining on Vegetables. It is to be particularly 
remarked that either of these certain means of regeneration 
is utterly defeated, if so much as a hair's breadth of the 
tip of either ear of that particular Pig be left out of the 
bargain. Qualify your water with a teaspoonful of wine 
or brandy — we beg pardon, alcohol — and there is no vii'tue 
in Temperance. Maintain a single sentry at the gate of 
the Queen's Palace, and it it is utterly impossible that you 
can be peaceful. Stew so much as the bone of a mutton 
chop in the pot with your vegetables, and you will never 
make another Eden out of a Kitchen Garden. You must 
take the whole Hog, Sir, and every bristle on him, or you 
and the rest of mankind will never be regenerated. 

Now, without inquiring at present whether means of 



186 WHOLE HOGS. 

regeneration that are so easily spoiled may not a little 
resemble the pair of dancing-shoes in the story, which the 
lady destroyed by walking across a room in them, we will 
consider the Whole Hog question from another point of 
view. 

First, stand aside to see the great Teatotal Procession 
come by. It is called a Temperance Procession — which is 
not an honest use of a plain word, but never mind that. 
Hurrah ! hurrah ! The flags are blue and the letters gold- 
en. Hurrah! hurrah! Here are a great many excellent, 
straightforward, thoroughly well-meaning, and exemplary 
people, four and four, or two and two. Hurrah ! hurrah ! 
Here are a great many children, also four and four, or two 
and two. Who are they? — They, Sir, are the Juvenile 
Temperance Bands of Hope. — Lord bless me! What are 
the Juvenile Temperance Bands of Hope? — They are the 
Infantine Brigade of Eegenerators of Mankind. — Indeed? 
Hurrah! hurrah! These young citizens being pledged to 
total abstinence, and being fully competent to pledge them- 
selves to anything for life ; and it being the custom of such 
young citizens' parents, in the existing state of unregener- 
ated society, to bring them up on ardent spirits and strong 
beer (both of which are commonly kept in barrels, behind 
the door, on tap, in all large families, expressly for persons 
of tender years, of whom it is calculated that seven-eighths 
always go to bed drunk) ; this is a grand show. So, again, 
Hurrah! hurrah! 

Who are these gentlemen walking two and two, with 
medals on their stomachs and bows in their buttonholes? 
— These, Sir, are the Committee. — Are they? Hurrah! 
hurrah ! One cheer more for the Committee ! Hoo-o-o-o- 
rah ! A cheer for the Eeverend Jabez Fireworks — fond of 



WHOLE HOGS. 187 

speaking; a cheer for the gentleman with the stand-up 
collar, Mr. Gloss — fond of speaking ; a cheer for the gen- 
tleman with the massive watchchain, who smiles so sweetly 
on the surrounding Eair, Mr. Glib — fond of speaking; a 
cheer for the rather dirty little gentleman who looks like 
a converted Hyaena, Mr. Scradger — fond of speaking; a 
cheer for the dark-eyed, brown gentleman, the Dove Dele- 
gate from America — fond of speaking; a cheer for the 
swarm who follow, blackening the procession, — Regener- 
ators from everywhere in general — all good men — all fond 
of speaking ; and all going to speak. 

I have no right to object, I am sure. Hurrah, hurrah! 

The Reverend Jabez Fireworks, and the great Mr. Gloss, 
and the popular Mr. Glib, and the eminent Mr. Scradger, 
and the Dove Delegate from America, and the distinguished 
swarm from everywhere, have ample opportunity (and profit 
by it, too) for speaking to their heart's content. For is 
there not to-day a Grand Demonstration Meeting ; and to- 
morrow another Grand Demonstration Meeting; and the 
day after to-morrow a Grand United Regenerative Zoologi- 
cal Visitation ; and the day after that a Grand Aggregate 
General Demonstration; and the day after that a Grand 
Associated Regenerative Breakfast; and the day after that 
a Final Grand Aggregate Compounded United and Associ- 
ated Steamboat River Demonstration ; and do the Regener- 
ators go anywhere without speaking, by the bushel? Still 
what offence to me? None. Still I am content to cry 
Hurrah! hurrah! If the Regenerators, though estimable 
men, be the most tiresome men (as speakers) under 
Heaven; if their sincerest and best followers cannot, 
in the infirmity of human nature, bear the infliction of 
such oratory, but occupy themselves in preference with 



188 WHOLE HOGS. 

tea and rolls, or resort for comfort to the less terrible 
society of Lions, Elephants, and Bears, or drown the 
Regenerative eloquence in the clash of brazen Bands; I 
think it sensible and right, and still exclaim, Hurrah ! 

But how, if with the matter of such eloquence, when any 
of it happens to be heard, and also happens not to be a 
singular compound of references to the Bible and selections 
from Joe Miller, I find, on drawing nearer, that I have 
some business? How, if I find that the distinguished 
swarm are not of that quiet class of gentlemen whom Mr. 
Carlyle describes as consuming their own smoke ; but that 
they emit a vast amount of smoke and blacken their neigh- 
bors very considerably? Then, as a neighbor myself, I have 
perhaps a right to speak? 

In Bedlam, and in all other madhouses. Society is de- 
nounced as being wrongfully combined against the patient. 
In Newgate, and in all other prisons, Society is denounced 
as being wrongfully combined against the criminal. In the 
speeches of the Reverend Jabez, and the other Regener- 
ators, Society is denounced as being wrongfully and wick- 
edly combined against their own particular Whole Hog — ■ 
who must be swallowed, every bristle, or there is no Pork 
in him. 

The proof? Society won't come in and sign the pledge; 
Society won't come in and recruit the Juvenile Temperance 
Bands of Hope. Therefore Society is fond of drunkenness, 
sees no harm in it, favors it very much, is a drunkard — 
a base, worthless, sensual, profligate brute. Fathers and 
mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, divines, 
jphysicians, lawyers, editors, authors, painters, poets, mu- 
sicians. Queens, lords, ladies, and commons, are all in 
league against the Regenerators, are all violently attached 



WHOLE HOGS. 189 

to drunkenness, are all the more dangerous if by any chance 
they be personal examples of temperance, in the real mean- 
ing of the word! — which last powerful steam-hammer of 
logic has become a pet one, and is constantly to be observed 
in action. 

Against this sweeping misrepresentation, I take the lib- 
erty of entering my feeble protest. With all respect for 
Jabez, for Gloss, for Glib, for Dove Delegate, and for 
Scradger, I must make so bold as to observe that when a 
Malay runs a-muck he cannot be considered in a temperate 
state of mind; also, that when a thermometer stands 
at ¥ever Heat, it cannot claim to indicate Temperate 
weather. A man, to be truly temperate, must be temper- 
ate in many respects — in the rejection of strong words no 
less than of strong drinks — and I crave leave to assert 
against my good friends the Eegenerators that, in such 
gross statements, they set a most intemperate example. I 
even doubt whether an equal number of drunkards, under 
the excitement of the strongest liquors, could set a worse 
example. 

And I would beg to put it seriously to the consideration 
of those who have sufficient powers of endurance to stand 
about the platform, listening, whether they think of this 
sufficiently? Whether they ever knew the like of this 
before? Whether they have any experience or knowledge 
of a good cause that was ever promoted by such bad means? 
Whether they ever heard of an association of people, delib- 
erately, by their chosen vessels, throwing overboard every 
effort but their own, made for the amelioration of the con- 
dition of men; unscrupulously vilifying all other laborers 
in the vineyard ; calumniously setting down as aiders and 
abettors of an odious vice which they know to be held in 



190 WHOLE HOGS. 

general abhorrence, and consigned to general shame, the 
great compact mass of the community — of its intelligence, 
of its morality, of its earnest endeavor after better things? 
If, upon consideration, they know of no such other ease, 
then the inquiry will perhaps occur to them, whether, in 
supporting a so conducted cause, they really be upholders 
of Temperance, dealing with words, which should be the 
signs for Truth, according to the truth that is in them? 

Mankind can only be regenerated, proclaim the fathers 
of the Whole Hog Number Two, by means of a Peace So- 
ciety. Well! I call out of the nearest Peace Society my 
worthy friend John Bates — an excellent workman and a 
sound man, lineally descended from that sturdy soldier of 
the same name who spake with King Henry the Fifth, on 
the night before the battle of Agincourt. " Bates," says I, 
"how about this Eegeneration? Why can it only be ef- 
fected by means of a Peace Society?" Says Bates in an- 
swer : " Because War is frightful, ruinous, and unchristian. 
Because the details of one battle, because the horrors of one 
siege, would so appal you, if you knew them, that probably 
you never could be happy afterward. Because man was 
not created in the image of his Maker to be blasted with 
gunpowder, or pierced with bayonets, or gashed with 
swords, or trampled under iron hoofs of horses into a pud- 
dle of mire and blood. Because War is a wickedness that 
always costs us dear. Because it wastes our treasure, hard- 
ens our hearts, paralyzes our industry, cripples our com- 
merce, occasions losses, ills, and devilish crimes, imspeak- 
able and out of number." Says I sadly, "But have I not, 
O Bates, known all this for this many a year?" " It may 
be so," says Bates; "then come into the Peace Society." 
Says I, "Why come in there, Bates?" Says Bates, "Be- 



WHOLE HOGS. 191 

cause we declare we won't have War or show of War. We 
won't have armies, navies, camps, or ships. England shall 
be disarmed, we say, and all these horrors ended." Says 
I, "How ended. Bates?" Says Bates, "By arbitration. 
We have a Dove Delegate from America, and a Mouse 
Delegate from France; and we are establishing a Bond of 
brotherhood, and that'll do it." "Alas! it will not do it. 
Bates. I, too, have thought upon the horrors of war, of 
the blessings of peace, and of the fatal distraction of men's 
minds from seeking them, by the roll of the drum and the 
thunder of the inexorable cannon. However, Bates, the 
world is not so far upon its course, yet, but that there are 
tyrants and oppressors left upon it, watchful to find Free- 
dom weak that they may strike, and backed by great 
armies. John Bates, look out toward Austria, look out 
toward Russia, look out toward Germany, look out toward 
the purple Sea, that lies so beautiful and calm beyond the 
filthy jails of Naples! Do you see nothing there?" Says 
Bates (like the sister in Blue Beard, but much more tri- 
umphantly), "I see nothing there, but dust;" — and this is 
one of the inconveniences of a fattened Whole and indivis- 
ible Hog, that it fills up the doorway, and its breeders can- 
not see beyond it. "Dust!" says Bates. I tell Bates that 
it is because there are, behind that dust, oppressors and 
oppressed, arrayed against each other — that it is because 
there are, beyond his Dove Delegate and his Mouse Dele- 
gate the wild beasts of the Forest — that it is because I 
dread and hate the miseries of tyranny and war — that it is 
because I would not be soldier-ridden, nor have other men 
so — that I am not for the disarming of England, and cannot 
be a member of his Peace Society ; admitting all his prem- 
ises, but denying his conclusion. Whereupon Bates, other- 



192 WHOLE HOGS. 

wise just and sensible, insinuates that, not being for his 
Whole and indivisible Hog, I can be for no part of his 
Hog; and that I have never felt or thought what his So- 
ciety now tells me it, and only it, feels and thinks as a new 
discovery ; and that when I am told of the new discovery I 
don't care for it! 

Mankind can only be regenerated by dining on Vege- 
tables. Why? Certain worthy gentlemen have dined, it 
seems, on vegetables for ever so many years, and are none 
the worse for it. Straightway, these excellent men, excited 
to the highest pitch, announce themselves by public adver- 
tisement as "Distinguished Vegetarians," vault upon a 
platform, hold a vegetable festival, and proceed to show, 
not without prolixity and weak jokes, that a vegetable diet 
is the only true faith, and that, in eating meat, mankind is 
wholly mistaken and partially corrupt. Distinguished Veg- 
etarians ! As the men who wear Nankeen trousers might 
hold a similar meeting, and become Distinguished Nankee- 
narians! But am I to have No meat? If I take a pledge 
to eat three cauliflowers daily in the cauliflower season, a 
peck of peas in the pea time, a gallon of broad Windsor 
beans daily when beans are " in, " and a young cabbage or 
so every morning before breakfast, with perhaps a little 
ginger between meals (as a vegetable substance, corrective 
of that windy diet), may I not be allowed half an ounce of 
beef -gravy to flavor my potatoes? Not a shred! Distin- 
guished Vegetarians can acknowledge no imperfect animal. 
Their Hog must be a Whole Hog, according to the fashion 
of the time. 

Now, we would so far renew the custom of sacrificing 
animals, as to recommend that an altar be erected to Our 
Country, at present sheltering so many of these very incon- 



WHOLE HOGS. 193 

venient and unwieldy Hogs, on which their grosser portions 
should be " burnt and purged away. " The Whole Hog of 
the Temperance Movement, divested of its intemperate as- 
sumption of iufallibility and of its intemperate determina- 
tion to run grunting at the legs of the general population 
of this empire, would be a far less unclean and a far more 
serviceable creature than at present. The Whole Hog of 
the Peace Society, acquiring the recognition of a community 
of feeling between itself and many who hold war in no less 
abhorrence, but who yet believe that, in the present era 
of the world, some preparation against it is a preservative 
of peace and a restraint upon despotism, would become as 
much enlightened as its learned predecessor, Toby of Im- 
mortal Memory. And if distinguished Vegetarians, of all 
kinds, would only allow a little meat, and if distinguished 
Fleshmeatariaus, of all kiads, would only yield a little veg- 
etable; if the former, quietly devouring the fruits of the 
earth to any extent, would admit the possible morality of 
mashed potatoes with beef — and if the latter would concede 
a little spinach with gammon ; and if both could manage to 
get on with a little less platforming — there being at present 
rather an undue preponderance of cry over wool — if all of 
us, in short, were to yield up something of our whole and 
entire animals, it might be very much the better in the 
end, both for us and for them. 

After all, my friends and brothers, even the best Whole 
and indivisible Hog may be but a small fragment of the 
higher and greater work, called Education? [1851.] 

13 



TRADING IN DEATH. 

Several years have now elapsed since it began to be 
clear to the comprehension of most rational men, that the 
English people had fallen into a condition much to be re- 
gretted, in respect of their Funeral customs. A system of 
barbarous show and expense was found to have gradually 
erected itself above the grave, which, while it could pos- 
sibly do no honor to the memory of the dead, did great dis- 
honor to the living, as inducing them to associate the most 
solemn of human occasions with unmeaning mummeries, 
dishonest debt, profuse waste, and bad example in an utter 
oblivion of responsibility. The more the subject was exam- 
ined, and the lower the investigation was carried, the more 
monstrous (as was natural) these usages appeared to be, 
both in themselves and in their consequences. No class of 
society escaped. The competition among the middle classes 
for superior gentility in Funerals — the gentility being esti- 
mated by the amount of ghastly folly in which the under- 
taker was permitted to run riot — descended even to the very 
poor : to whom the cost of funeral customs was so ruinous 
and so disproportionate to their means, that they formed 
Clubs among themselves to defray such charges. Many of 
these Clubs, conducted by designing villains who preyed 
upon the general infirmity, cheated and wronged the poor 
most cruelly ; others, by presenting a new class of tempta- 
tions to the wickedest natures among them, led to a new 
class of mercenary murders, so abominable in their ini- 



TRADING IN DEATH. 195 

quity, that language cannot stigmatize them with sufficient 
severity. That nothing might be wanting to complete the 
general depravity, hollowness, and falsehood, of this state 
of things, the absurd fact came to light that innumerable 
harpies assumed the titles of furnishers of Funerals, who 
possessed no Funeral furniture whatever, but who formed 
a long file of middlemen between the chief mourner and 
the real tradesman, and who hired out the trappings from 
one to another — passing them on like water-buckets at a 
fire — every one of them charging his enormous percentage 
on his share of the " black job. " Add to all this, the dem- 
onstration, by the simplest and plainest practical science, 
of the terrible consequences to the living, inevitably result- 
ing from the practice of burying the dead in the midst of 
crowded towns ; and the exposition of a system of indecent 
horror, revolting to our nature and disgraceful to our age 
and nation, arising out of the confined limits of such burial- 
grounds, and the avarice of their proprietors; and the 
culminating point of this gigantic mockery is at last ar- 
rived at. 

Out of such almost incredible degradation, saving that the 
proof of it is too easy, we are still very slowly and feebly 
emerging. There are now, we confidently hope, among the 
middle classes, many, who having made themselves ac- 
quamted with these evils through the parliamentary papers 
in which they are described, would be moved by no human 
consideration to perpetuate the old bad example ; but who 
will leave it as their solemn injunction on their nearest and 
dearest survivors, that they shall not, in their death, be 
made the instruments of infecting either the minds or the 
bodies of their fellow-creatures. Among persons of note 
such examples have not been wanting. The late Duke of 



196 TRADING IN DEATH. 

Sussex did a national service when he desired to be laid, 
in the equality of death, in the cemetery of Kensal Green, 
and not with the pageantry of a State Funeral in the Eoyal 
vault at Windsor. Sir Eobert Peel requested to be buried 
at Drayton. The late Queen Dowager left a pattern to 
every rank in these touching and admirable words : " I die 
in all humility, knowing well that we are all alike before 
the Throne of God; and I request, therefore, that my 
mortal remains be conveyed to the grave without any pomp 
or state. They are to be removed to St. George's Chapel, 
Windsor, where I request to have as private and quiet a 
funeral as possible. I particularly desire not to be laid out 
in state. I die in peace and wish to be carried to the tomb 
in peace, and free from the vanities and pomp of this world. 
I request not to be dissected or embalmed, and desire to 
give as little trouble as possible." 

With such precedents and such facts fresh in the general 
knowledge, and at this transition-time in so serious a chap- 
ter of our social history, the obsolete custom of a State Fu- 
neral has been revived, in miscalled " honor " of the late 
Duke of Wellington. To whose glorious memory be all 
true honor while England lasts! 

We earnestly submit to our readers that there is, and 
that there can be, no kind of honor in such a revival ; that 
the more truly great the man, the more truly little the cere- 
mony ; and that it has been, from first to last, a pernicious 
instance and encouragement of the demoralizing practice of 
trading in Death. 

It is within the knowledge of the whole public, of all 
diversities of political opinion, whether or no any of the 
Powers that be have traded in this Death — have saved it 
up, and petted it, and made the most of it, and reluctantly 



TRADING IN DEATH. 197 

let it go. On that aspect of the question we offer no further 
remark. 

But, of the general trading spirit which, in its inherent 
emi)tiness and want of consistency and reality, the long- 
deferred State Funeral has appropriately awakened, we will 
proceed to furnish a few instances all faithfully copied from 
the advertising columns of The Times. 

First, of seats and refreshments. Passing over that de- 
sirable first-floor where a party could be accommodated 
with "the use of a piano;" and merely glancing at the 
decorous daily announcement of " The Duke of Wellington 
Funeral Wine, " which was in such high demand that im- 
mediate orders were necessary; and also "The Duke of 
Wellington Funeral Cake, " which " delicious article" could 
only be had of such a baker ; and likewise " The Funeral 
Life Preserver, " which could only be had of such a tailor ; 
and further " the celebrated lemon biscuits, " at one and 
fourpence per pound, which were considered by the manu- 
facturer as the only infallible assuagers of the national 
grief ; let us pass in review some dozen of the more eligi- 
ble opportunites the public had of profiting by the occasion. 

LuDGATE Hill. — The fittings and arrangements for viewing this 
grand and solemnly imposing procession are now completed at this 
establishment, and those who are desirous of obtaining a fine and 
extensive view, combined with every personal convenience and 
comfort, will do well to make immediate inspection of the seats 
now remaining on hand. 

Funeral, including Beds the night previous. — To be let, a 
SECOND FLOOR, of three rooms, two windows, having a good view of 
the procession. Terms, including refreshment, 10 guineas. Single 
places, including bed and breakfast, from 15s. 

The Duke's Funeral. — A first-rate view for 15 persons, also 
good clean beds and a sitting-room on reasonable terms. 



198 TRADING IN DEATH. 

But above all let us not forget the 

Notice to Clergymen. — T. C, Fleet-street, has reserved 
for clergymen exclusively, upon condition only tJiat they ap- 
pear in their surplices, four front seats, at £1 each ; four 
second tier, at 15s. each ; four third tier, at 12s. M. ; four 
fourth tier, at 10s. ; four fifth tier, at 7s. &d. ; and four sixth 
tier, at 5s. All the other seats are respectively 40s., 30s., 20s., 
15s., 10s. 

The anxiety of this enterprising tradesman to get up a 
reverend tableau in his shop-window of four-and-twenty 
clergymen, all on six rows, is particularly commendable, 
and appears to us to shed a remarkable grace on the 
solemnity. 

These few specimens are collected at random from scores 
upon scores of such advertisements, mingled with descrip- 
tions of non-existent ranges of view, and with invitations 
to a few agreeable gentlemen who are' wanted to complete 
a little assembly of kindred souls, who have laid in abun- 
dance of "refreshments, wines, spirits, provisions, fruit, 
plate, glass, china," and other light matters too numerous 
to mention, and who keep "good fires." On looking 
over them we are constantly startled by the words in 
large capitals, "Would to God Night or Blugher 
WERE come!" which, referring to a work of art, are 
relieved by a legend setting forth how the lamented 
hero observed of it, in his characteristic manner, 'Very 
good; very good, indeed.'" Art! You too trading in 
Death! 

Then, autographs fall into their place in the State Fu- 
neral train. The sanctity of a seal, or the confidence of a 
letter, is a meaningless phrase that has no place in the 
vocabulary of the Traders in Death. Stop, trumpets, in 



TKADINa IN DEATH. 199 

the Dead March, and blow to the world how characteristic 
we autographs are ! 

Wellington Autographs. — Two consecutive letters of the 
Duke's (1843), highly characteristic and authentic, with the Corre- 
spondence, etc. , that elicited them, the whole forming quite a lite- 
rary curiosity, for £15. 

Wellington Autographs. — To be disposed of, two auto- 
graph letters of the Duke of Wellington, one dated Walmer 
Castle, 9th October, 1834, the other London, 17th May, 1843, with 
their post-marks and seals. 

Wellington. — Three original notes averaging 2^ pages each 
(not lithographs), seal, and envelopes, to be sold. Supposed to 
be the most characteristic of his Grace yet published. The highest 
sum above £30 for the two, or £20 for the one, which is distinct, 
will be accepted. 

Miss Lind's autograph would appear to have lingered in 
the shade until the Funeral Train came by, when it mod- 
estly stepped into the procession and took a conspicuous 
place. We are in doubt which to admire most : the inge- 
nuity of this little stroke of business ; or the affecting deli- 
cacy that sells " probably the last letter written by the late 
Duke " before the aged hand that wrote it, under some 
manly sense of duty, is yet withered in its grave ; or the 
piety of that excellent clergyman — did he appear in his 
surplice in the front row of T. C.'s shop-window? — who is 
so anxious to sell " striking testimony to the extent of His 
Grace's private charities;" or the generosity of that Good 
Samaritan who poured "six letters with envelopes and 
seals " into the wounds of the lady in distressed circum- 
stances. 

Lastly come the relics — precious remembrances worn 
next to the bereaved heart, like Hardy's miniature of Nel- 



200 TRADING IN DEATH. 

son, and never to be wrested from the advertisers but with 
ready money. 

Memento of the late Duke of Wellington. —To be disposed of, 
a lock of the late illustrious Duke's haik. Can be guaranteed. 
The highest offer will be accepted. Apply by letter prepaid. 

The Duke of Wellington. — A lock of haik of the late Duke 
of Wellington to be disposed of, now in the possession of a widow 
lady. Cut off the morning the Queen was crowned. Apply by 
letter, post-paid. 

Valuable Relic of the late Duke of Wellington. — A lady, 
having in her iDossession a quantity of the late illustrious Duke's 
HAIR, cut in 1841, is willing to part with a portion of the same for 
£25. Satisfactory proof will be given of its identity, and of how it 
came into the owner's possession, on application by letter, pre- 
paid. 

Relic of the Duke of Wellington for sale. — The son of the 
late well-known haircutter to His Grace the late Duke of Welling- 
ton, at Strathfieldsaye, has a small quantity of hair, that his father 
cut from the Duke's head, which he is willing to dispose of. Any 
one^ desirous of possessing such a relic of England's hero are re- 
quested to make their offer for the same, by letter. 

Relics of the late Duke of Wellington. — For sale, a waist- 
coat, in good preservation, worn by his Grace some years back, 
which can be well authenticated as such. 

Next, a very choice article — quite unique — the value of 
which may be presumed to be considerably enhanced by 
the conclusive impossibility of its being doubted in the 
least degree by the most suspicious mind. 

A Memento of the Duke of Wellington. — La Mort de Napo- 
leon, Ode d' Alexandre Manzoni, avec la Traduction en Fran9ais, 
par Edmond Angelini, de Venise. — A book, of which the above is 
the title, was torn up by the Duke and thrown by him from the 
carriage, in which he was riding, as he was passing through Kent : 
the pieces of the book were collected and put together by a person 



TRADING IN DEATH. 201 

who saw the Duke tear it and throw the same away. Any person 
desirous of obtaining the above memento will be communicated 
with. 

Finally, a literary production of astonishing brilliancy 
and spirit; without which, we are authorized to state, no 
nobleman's or gentleman's library can be considered com- 
plete. 

Duke of WEiiLiNGTON and Sir R. Peel. — A talented, interest- 
ing, and valuable woiik, on Political Economy and Free Trade, 
was published in 1830, and immediately bought up by the above 
statesmen, except one copy, which is now for disposal. Apply by 
letter only. 

Here, for the reader's sake, we terminate our quotations. 
They might easily have been extended through the whole 
of the present number of this journal. 

We believe that a State Funeral at this time of day — 
apart from the mischievously confusing effect it has on the 
general mind, as to the necessary union of funeral expense 
and pomp with funeral respect, and the consequent injury 
it may do to the cause of a great reform most necessary for 
the benefit of all classes of society — is, in itself, so plainly 
a pretence of being what it is not : is so unreal, such a sub- 
stitution of the form for the substance : is so cut and dried, 
and stale : is such a i^alpably got up theatrical trick : that 
it puts the dread solemnity of death to flight, and encour- 
ages these shameless traders in their dealings on the very 
coffin-lid of departed greatness. That private letters and 
other memorials of the great Duke of Wellington would 
still have been advertised and sold, though he had been 
laid in his grave amid the silent respect of the whole coun- 
try with the simple honors of a military commander, we do 
not doubt; but that, in that case, the traders would have 



202 TRADING IN DEATH. 

been discouraged from holding anything like this Public 
Fair and Great Undertaker's Jubilee over his remains, we 
doubt as little. It is idle to attempt to connect the frip- 
pery of the Lord Chamberlain's Office and the Herald's 
College, with the awful passing away of that vain shadow 
in which man walketh and disquieteth himself in vain. 
There is a great gulf set between the two which is set there 
by no mortal hands, and cannot by mortal hands be bridged 
across. Does any one believe that, otherwise, "the Sen- 
ate" would have been "mourning its hero" (in the like- 
ness of a French Field-Marshal) on Tuesday evening, and 
that the same Senate would have been in fits of laughter 
with Mr. Hume on Wednesday afternoon when the same 
hero was still in question and unburied? 

The mechanical exigencies of this journal render it nec- 
essary for these remarks to be written on the evening of 
the State Funeral. We have already indicated in these 
pages that we consider the State Funeral a mistake, and 
we hope temperately to leave the question here for temper- 
ate consideration. It is easy to imagine how it may have 
done much harm, and it is hard to imagine how it can have 
done any good. It is only harder to suppose that it can 
have afforded a grain of satisfaction to the immediate de- 
scendants of the great Duke of Wellington, or that it can 
reflect the faintest ray of lustre on so bright a name. If 
it were assumed that such a ceremonial was the general 
desire of the English people, we would reply that that as- 
sumption was founded on a misconception of the popular 
character, and on a low estimate of the general sense ; and 
that the sooner both were better appreciated in high places, 
the better it could not fail to be for us all. Taking for 
granted at this writing, what we hope may be assumed 



TRADING IN DEATH. 203 

without any violence to the truth ; namely, that the cere- 
monial was in all respects well conducted, 'and that the 
English people sustained throughout the high character 
they have nobly earned, to the shame of their silly de- 
tractors among their own countrymen; we must yet ex- 
press our hope that State Funerals in this land went down 
to their tomb, most fitly, in the tasteless and tawdry Car 
that nodded and shook through the streets of London on 
the eighteenth of November, eighteen hundred and fifty- 
two. And sure we are, with large consideration for oppo- 
site opinions, that when History shall rescue that very ugly 
machine — worthy to pass under decorated Temple Bar, as 
decorated Temple Bar was worthy to receive it — from the 
merciful shadows of obscurity, she will reflect with amaze- 
ment — remembering his true, manly, modest, self-contained, 
and genuine character — that the man who, in making it the 
last monster of its race, rendered his last enduring service 
to the country he had loved and served so faithfully, was 
Arthur, Duke of Wellington. [1852.] 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 

In our ninth volume/ it fell naturally in our way to 
make a few inquiries as to the abiding-place of that vague 
noun of multitude signifying many, The Public. We re- 
minded our readers that it is never forthcoming when it is 
the subject of a joke at the theatre: which is always per- 
ceived to be a hit at some other Public richly deserving it 
but not present. The circumstances of this time consid- 
ered, we cannot better commence our eleventh volume than 
by gently jogging the memory of that other Public : which 
is often culpably oblivious of its own duties, rights, and 
interests, and to which it is perfectly clear that neither we 
nor our readers are in the least degree related. We are the 
sensible, reflecting, prompt Public, always up to the mark 
■ — whereas that other Public persists in supinely lagging 
behind, and behaving in an inconsiderate manner. 

To begin with a small example lately revived by our 
friend. The Examiner newspaper. What can that other 
Public mean, by allowing itself to be fleeced every night of 
its life, by responsible persons whom it accepts for its ser- 
vants? The case stands thus. Bribes and fees to small 
ofiicials had become quite insu^jportable at the time when 
the great Railway Companies sprang into existence. All 
such abuses they immediately, and very much to their 
credit, struck out of their system of management; the 
keepers of hotels were soon generally obliged to follow in 
' Rouselwld Words, volume ix. , page 156, 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 205 

tMs rational direction; the Public (meaning always, that 
other one, of course) were relieved from a most annoying 
and exasperating addition to the hurry and worry of 
travel ; and the reform, as is in the nature of every reform 
that is necessary and sensible, extended in many smaller 
directions, and was beneficially felt in many smaller ways. 
The one persistent and unabashed defyer of it, at this mo- 
ment, is the Theatre — which pursues its old obsolete course 
of refusing to fulfil its contract with that other Public, 
unless that other Public, after paying for its box-seats or 
stalls, will also pay the wages of theatre-servants who buy 
their places that they may prey upon that other Public. 
As if we should sell our publisher's post to the highest 
bidder, leaving him to charge an additional penny or two^ 
pence, or as much as he could get, on every number of the 
Household Words with which he should graciously favor 
that other Public ! Within a week or two of this present 
writing, we paid five shillings, at nine o'clock in the even- 
ing, for our one seat at a pantomime; after our cheerful 
compliance with which demand, a hungry footpad clapped 
a rolled-up playbill to our breast, like the muzzle of a 
pistol, and positively stood before the door of which he 
was the keeper, to prevent our access (without forfeiture 
of another shilling for his benefit) to the seat we had pur- 
chased. Now, that other Public still submits to the gross 
imposition, notwithstanding that its most popular enter- 
tainer has abandoned all the profit derivable from it, and 
has x)lainly pointed out its manifest absurdity and extortion. 
And although to be sure it is universally known that the 
Theatre, as an Institution, is in a highly thriving and 
promising state, and although we have only to see a play, 
haphazard, to perceive that the great body of ladies and 



206 THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 

gentlemen representing it have educated themselves -witl) 
infinite labor and expense in a variety of accomplishments, 
and have really qualified for their calling in the true spirit 
of students of the Fine Arts; yet, we take leave to suggest 
to that other Public with which our readers and we are 
wholly unconnected, that these are no reasons for its being 
so egregiously gulled. 

We just now mentioned Railway Companies. That 
other Public is very jealous of Railway Companies. It is 
not unreasonable in being so, for it is quite at their mercy ; 
we merely observe that it is not usually slow to complain 
of them when it has any cause. It has remonstrated, in 
its time, about rates of Fares, and has adduced instances 
of their being undoubtedly too high. But has that other 
Public ever heard of a preliminary system from which the 
Eailway Companies have no escape, and which runs riot in 
squandering treasure to an incredible amount, before they 
have excavated one foot of earth or laid a bar of iron on 
the ground? Why does that other Public never begin at 
the beginning, and raise its voice against the monstrous 
charges of soliciting private bills in Parliament, and con- 
ducting inquiries before Committees of the House of Com- 
mons — allowed on all hands to be the very worst tribunals 
conceivable by the mind of man? Has that other public 
any adequate idea of the corruption, profusion, and waste, 
occasioned by this process of misgovernment? Supposing 
it were informed that, ten years ago, the average Parlia- 
mentary and law expenses of all the then existing Railway 
Companies amounted to a charge of seven hundred poimds 
a mile on every mile of railway made in the United King- 
dom, would it be startled? But, supposing it were told in 
the next breath, that this charge was really — not seven, 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 207 

but Seventeen Hundred Pounds a Mile, what would 
that other Public (on whom, of course, every farthing of 
it falls) say theu? Yet this is the statement, in so many 
words and figures, of a document issued by the Board of 
Trade, and which is now rather scarce — as well it may be, 
being a perilous cui'iosity. That other Public may learn 
from the same pages that on the Law and Parliamentary 
expenses of a certain Stone and Rugby Line, the Bill for 
which was lost (and the Line consequently not made after 
all), there was expended the modest little preliminary total 
of one hundred and forty-six thousand pounds ! That was 
in the joyful days when counsel learned in Parliamentary 
Law refused briefs marked with one-himdred-guinea fees, 
and accepted the same briefs mai-ked with one-thousand- 
guinea fees; the attorney making the neat addition of a 
third cipher, on the spot, with a presence of mind sugges- 
tive of his own little bill against that other Public (quite 
dissociated from us as aforesaid), at whom our readers and 
we are now bitterly smiling. That was also in the blessed 
times when, there being no Public Health Act, White- 
chapel paid to the tutelary deities, Law and Parliament, 
six thousand five hundred pounds, to be graciously allowed 
to pull down, for the public good, a dozen odious streets 
inhabited by Vice and Fever. 

Our Public know all about these things, and our Public 
are not blind to their enormity. It is that other Public, 
somewhere or other — where can it be? — which is alwaj^s 
getting itself humbugged and talked over. It has been in 
a maze of doubt and confusion, for the last three or four 
years, on that vexed question, the Liberty of the Press. 
It has been told by Noble Lords that the said Liberty is 
vastly inconvenient. No doubt it is. No doubt all Liberty 



208 THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 

is — to some people. Light is highly inconvenient to sucli 
as have their sufficient reasons for preferring darkness; and 
soap and water is observed to be a particular inconvenience 
to those who would rather be dirty than clean. But, that 
other Public finding the Noble Lords much given to harp- 
ing between whiles, in a sly dull way, on this string, be- 
came uneasy about it, and wanted to know what the har- 
pers would have — wanted to know, for instance, how they 
would direct and guide this dangerous Press. Well, now 
they may know. If that other Public will ever learn, their 
instruction -book, very lately published, is open before 
them. Chapter one is a High Court of Justice ; chapter 
two is a history of personal adventure, whereof they may 
hear more, perhaps, one of these days. The Queen's Eep- 
resentative in a most important part of the United King- 
dom — a thorough gentleman, and a man of unimpeachable 
honor beyond all kind of doubt' — knows so little of this 
Press, that he is seen in secret personal communication 
with tainted and vile instruments which it rejects, buying 
their praise with the public money, overlooking their dirty 
work, and setting them their disgraceful tasks. One of 
the great national departments in Downing Street is ex- 
hibited under strong suspicion of like ignorant and disrep- 
utable dealing, to purchase remote puffery among the most 
puff-ridden people ever propagated on the face of this 
earth. Our Public know this very well, and have, of 
course, taken it thoroughly to heart, in its many sugges- 
tive aspects ; but, when will that other Public — always lag- 
ging behindhand in some out-of-the-way place — become in- 
formed about it, and consider it, and act upon it? 

It is impossible to overstate the completeness with which 
our Public have got to the marrow of the true question aris- 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 209 

ing out of the condition of the British Army before Sebas- 
topol. Our Public knew perfectly that, making every 
deduction for haste, obstruction, and natural strength of 
feeling in the midst of goading experiences, the correspond- 
ence of The Times has revealed a confused heap of mis- 
management, imbecility, and disorder, under which the 
nation's bravery lies crushed and withered. Oicr Public 
is profoundly acquainted with the fact that this is not a new 
kind of disclosure, but that similar defection and inca- 
pacity have before prevailed at similar periods until the 
laboring age has heaved up a man strong enough to wrestle 
with the Misgovernment of England and throw it on its back. 
Wellington and Nelson both did this, and the next great 
General and Admiral — for whom we now impatiently wait, 
but may wait some time, content (if we can be) to know 
that it is not the tendency of our service, by sea or land, to 
help the greatest Merit to rise — must do the same and will 
assuredly do it, and by that sign ye shall know them. Our 
Public, reflecting deeply on these materials for cogitation, 
will henceforth hold fast by the truth, that the system of 
administering their affairs is innately bad ; that classes and 
families and interests have brought them to a very low 
pass; that the intelligence, steadfastness, foresight, and 
wonderful power of resource, which in private undertak- 
ings distinguish England from all other countries, have no 
vitality in its public business; that while every merchant 
and trader has enlarged his grasp and quickened his facul- 
ties, the Public Departments have been drearily lying in 
state, a mere stupid pageant of gorgeous cofi&ns and feebly 
burning lights ; and that the windows must now be opened 
wide, and the candles put out, and the coffins buried, and 
the daylight freely admitted, and the furniture made fire- 
14 



210 THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 

wood, and the dirt clean swept away. This is the lesson 
from which our Public is nevermore to be distracted by any 
artifice, we all know. But that other Public. What will 
they do? They are a human, generous, ardent Public ; but, 
will they hold like grim Death to the fiower Warning we 
have plucked from this nettle War? Will they steadily 
reply to all cajolers, that though every flannel waistcoat in 
the civilized, and every bearskin and buffalo-skin in the 
uncivilized, world had been sent out in these days to our 
ill-clad countrymen (and never reached them), they would 
not in the least affect the lasting question, or dispense wHh 
a single item of the amendment proved to be needful, and. 
until made, to be severely demanded, in the whole house' 
hold and system of Britannia? When the war is over, and 
that other Public, always ready for a demonstration, shall 
be busy throwing up caps, lighting up houses, beating 
drums, blowing trumpets, and making hundreds of miles 
of printed columns of speeches, will they be flattered and 
wordily pumped dry of the one plain issue left, or will 
they remember it? Oh, that other Public! If we — you, 
and I, and all the rest of us — could only make sure of that 
other Public! 

Would it not be a most extraordinary remissness on the 
part of that other Public, if it were content, in a crisis of 
uncommon difficulty, to laugh at a Ministry without a 
Head, and leave it alone? Would it not be a wonderful 
instance of the shortcomings of that other Public, if it were 
never seen to stand aghast at the supernatural imbecility of 
that authority to which, in a dangerous hour, it confided 
the body and soul of the nation? We know what a sight 
it would be to behold that miserable patient, Mr. Cabinet, 
specially calling his relations and friends together before 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 211 

Christmas, tottering on his emaciated legs in the last stage 
of paralysis, and feebly piping that if such and such pow- 
ers were not intrusted to him for instant use, he would 
certainly go raving mad of defeated patriotism, and pluck 
his poor old wretched eyes out in despair ; we know with 
what disdainful emotions we should see him gratified and 
then shuffle away and go to sleep ; to make no use of what 
he had got, and be heard of no more until one of his nurses, 
more irritable than the rest, should pull his weazen nose 
and make him whine — we know, what these experiences 
would be to us, and Bless us ! we should act upon them in 
round earnest — but where is that other Public, whose in- 
difference is the life of such scarecrows, and whom it would 
seem that not even plague, pestilence, and famine, battle, 
murder, and sudden death, can rouse? 

There is one comfort in all this. We English are not 
the only victims of that other Public. It is to be heard of, 
elsewhere. It got across the Atlantic, in the train of the 
Pilgrim Fathers, and has frequently been achieving wonders 
in America. Ten or eleven years ago, one Chuzzlewit was 
heard to say that he had found it on that side of the wa- 
ter, doing the strangest things. The assertion made all 
sorts of Publics angry, and there was quite a cordial com- 
bination of Publics to resent it and disprove it. But there 
is a little book of Memoirs to be heard of at the present 
time, which looks as if young Chuzzlewit had reason in 
him too. Does the " smart " Showman, who makes such a 
Mermaid, and makes such a Washington's Nurse, and 
makes such a Dwarf, and makes such a Singing Angel 
upon earth, and makes such a fortune, and, above all, 
makes such a book — does he address the free and enlight- 
ened Public of the great United States, the Public of State 



212 THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 

Schools, Liberal Tickets, First-chop Intelligence, and Uni- 
versal Education? No, no ! That other Public is the shark' s 
— prey. It is that other Public, down somewhere or other, 
whose bright particular star and stripe are not yet ascer- 
tained, which is so transparently cheated and so hardily 
outfaced. For that other Public, the hatter of New York 
outbid Creation at the auction of the first Lind seat. For 
that other Public, the Lind speeches were made, the tears 
shed, the serenades given. It is that other Public, always 
on the boil and ferment about anything or nothing, whom 
the travelling companion shone down upon from the high 
Hotel-Balconies. It is that other Public who will read, 
and even buy, the smart book in which they have so proud 
a share, and who will fly into raptures about its being cir- 
culated from the old Ocean Cliffs of the Old Granite State 
to the Eocky Mountains. It is indubitably in reference 
to that other Public that we find the following passage in 
a book called " American Notes" : 

"Another prominent feature is the love of 'smart' deal- 
ing, which gilds over many a swindle and gross breach of 
trust, many a defalcation, public and private; and enables 
many a knave to hold his head up with the best, who well 
deserves a halter — though it has not been without its retrib- 
utive operation; for this smartness has done more in a 
few years to impair the public credit and to cripple the pub- 
lic resources, than dull honesty, however rash, could have 
effected in a century. The merits of a broken speculation, 
or a bankruptcy, or of a successful scoundrel, are not gauged 
by its or his observance of the golden rule, ' Do as you 
would be done by,' but are considered with reference to 
their smartness. The following dialogue I have held a 
hundred times: 'Is it not a very disgraceful circumstance 



THAT OTHER PUBLIC. 213 

that such a man as So-and-So should be acquiring a large 
property by the most infamous and odious means; and, 
notwithstanding all the crimes of which he has been guilty, 
should be tolerated and abetted by your Citizens? He is 
a public nuisance, is he not?'' — 'Yes, sir.' — 'A convicted 
liar?' — 'Yes, sir.' — 'He has been kicked and cuffed and 
caned?' — 'Yes, sir.' — 'And he is utterly dishonorable, de- 
based, and profligate? ' — 'Yes, sir.' — 'In the name of won- 
der, then, what is his merit?' — 'Well, sir, he is a smart 
man.' " 

That other Public of our own bore their full share, and 
more, of bowing down before the Dwarf aforesaid, in de- 
spite of his obviously being too young a child to speak 
plainly : and xve, the Public who are never taken in, will 
not excuse their folly. So, if John on this shore, and 
Jonathan over there, could each only get at that trouble- 
some other Public of his, and brighten them up a little, it 
would be very much the better for both brothers. 

[1855.] 



OUE COMMISSION. 

The disclosures in reference to the adulteration of Food, 
Drinks, and Drugs, for which the public are indebted to 
the vigor and spirit of our contemporary The Lancet, lately 
inspired us -with the idea of originating a Commission to 
inquire into the extensive adulteration of certain other arti- 
cles which it is of the last importance that the country should 
possess in a genuine state. Every class of the general pub- 
lic was included in this large Commission ; and the whole 
of the analyses, tests, observations, and experiments, were 
made by that accomplished practical chemist, Mr. Bull. 

The first subject of inquiry was that article of universal 
consumption familiarly known in England as "Govern- 
ment." Mr. Bull produced a sample of this commodity, 
purchased about the midde of July in the present year, at 
a wholesale establishment in Downing Street. The first 
remark to be made on the sample before the Commission, 
Mr. Bull observed, was its excessive dearness. There was 
little doubt that the genuine article could be furnished to 
the public, at a fairer profit to the real producers, for about 
fifty per cent less than the cost-price of the specimen under 
consideration. In quality, the specimen was of an exceed- 
ingly poor and low description; being deficient in flavor, 
character, clearness, brightness, and almost every other 
requisite. It was what would be popularly termed wishy- 
washy, muddled, and flat. Mr. Bull pointed out to the 
Commission, floating on the top of this sample, a volatile 



OUR COMMISSION. 215 

ingredient, wliich he considered had no business there. It 
might be harmless enough, taken into the system at a de- 
bating-society, or after a public dinner, or a comic song; 
but in its present connection it was dangerous. It had 
come into vise as a ready means of making froth, but froth 
was exactly what ought not to be found at the top of this 
article, or indeed in any part of it. The sample before the 
Commission, was frightfully adulterated with immense m- 
fusions of the common weed called Talk. Talk, in such 
combination, was a rank Poison. He had obtained a precipi- 
tate of Corruption from this purchase. He did not mean 
metallic corruption, as deposits of gold, silver, or copper; 
but that species of corruption which, on the proper tests 
being applied, turned white into black, and black into 
white, and likewise engendered quantities of parasite ver- 
min. He had tested the strength of the sample, and foimd 
it not nearly up to the mark. He had detected the pres- 
ence of a Grey deposit in one large Department, which pro- 
duced vacillation and weakness ; indisposition to action to- 
day, and action upon compulsion to-morrow. He considered 
the sample, on the whole, decidedly unfit for use. Mr. 
Bull went on to say that he had purchased another speci- 
men of the same commodity at an opposition establishment 
over the way, which bore the sign of the British Lion, and 
proclaimed itself, with the aid of a Brass Band, as "The 
only genuine and patriotic shop ;" but that he had found 
it equally deleterious; and that he had not succeeded in 
discovering any dealer in the commodity under considera- 
tion who sold it in a genuine or wholesome state. 

The bitter drug called Public Offices formed the next 
subject of inquiry. Mr. Bull produced an immense num- 
ber of samples of this drug, obtained from shops in Down- 



216 OUR COMMISSION. 

ing Street, Whitehall, Palace Yard, the Strand, and else- 
where. Analysis had detected in every one of them from 
seventy-five to ninety-eight per cent of Noodledom. Noo- 
dledom was a deadly poison. An overdose of it would de- 
stroy a whole nation, and he had known a recent case where 
it had caused the death of many thousand men. It was 
sometimes called Eoutine, sometimes Gentlemanly Business, 
sometimes The Best Intentions, and sometimes Amiable In- 
capacity ; but, call it what you would, analysis always re- 
solved it into Noodledom. There was nothing in the whole 
united domains of the animal, vegetable, and mineral king- 
doms, so incompatible with all the functions of life as Noo- 
dledom. It was producible with most unfortunate ease. 
Transplant anything from soil and conditions it was fit for, 
to soil and conditions it was not fit for, and you immedi- 
ately had Noodledom. The germs of self -propagation con- 
tained within this baleful poison were incalculable : Noo- 
dledom uniformly and constantly engendering Noodledom, 
until every available inch of space was overrun by it. The 
history of the adulteration of the drug now before the Com- 
mission he conceived to be this: Every wholesale dealer 
in that drug was sure to have on hand, in beginning busi- 
ness, a large stock of Noodledom; which was extremely 
cheap and lamentably abundant. He immediately mixed 
the drug with the poison. Now, it was the peculiarity of 
the Public-Office trade that the wholesale dealers were con- 
stantly retiring from business and having successors. A 
new dealer came into possession of the already adulterated 
stock, and he, in his turn, infused into it a fresh quantity 
of Noodledom from his own private store. Then, on his 
retirement, came another dealer who did the same; then 
on his retirement another dealer who did the same; and so 



OUR COMMISSION. 217 

on. Thus many of the samples before the Commission 
positively contained nothing but Noodledom — enough, in 
short, to paralyze the whole country. To the question, 
whether the useful properties of the drug before the Com- 
mission were not of necessity impaired by these malprac- 
tices, Mr. Bull replied that all the samples were perni- 
ciously weakened, and that half of them were good for 
nothing. To the question, how he would remedy a state of 
things so much to be deplored, Mr, Bull replied that he 
would take the drug out of the hands of mercenary dealers 
altogether. 

Mr. Bull next exhibited three or four samples of Lawn- 
sleeves, warranted at the various establishments from which 
they had been procured to be fine and spotless, but evi- 
dently soiled and composed of inferior materials ill made 
up. On one pair, he pointed out extensive stains of prin- 
ter's ink, of a very foul kind; also a coarse interweaving, 
which on examination clearly betrayed, without the aid of 
the microscope, the fibres of the thistle. Old Bailey At- 
torneyism. A third pair of these sleeves, though sold as 
white, were really nothing but the ordinary Mammon pat- 
tern, chalked over — a fact which Mr. Bull showed to be 
beyond dispute, by merely holding them up to the light. 
He represented this branch of industry as over-stocked 
and in an unhealthy condition. 

There were then placed upon the table several samples 
of British Peasant, to which Mr. Bull expressed himself as 
particularly solicitous to draw the attention of the Commis- 
sion, with one plain object: the good of his beloved country. 
He remarked that with that object before him he would 
not inquire into the general condition, whether perfectly 
healthy or otherwise, of any of the samples now produced. 



218 OUR COMMISSION. 

He -would not ask, whether this specimen or that specimen 
might have been stronger, larger, better fitted for wear and 
tear, and less liable to early decay, if the human creature 
were reared with a little more of such care, study, and at- 
tention as were rightfully bestowed on the vegetable world 
around it. But the samples before the Commission had 
been obtained from every county in England, and, though 
brought from opposite parts of the kingdom, were alike de- 
ficient in the ability to defend their country by handling 
a gun or a sword, or by uniting in any mode of action, as 
a disciplined body. It was said in a breath that the Eng- 
lish were not a military people, and that they made (equally 
on the testimony of their friends and enemies) the best 
soldiers in the world. He hoped that in a time of war and 
common danger he might take the liberty of putting those 
opposite assertions into the crucible of Common Sense, con- 
suming the Humbug, and producing the Truth — at any rate 
he would, whether or no. Now, he begged to inform the 
Commission that, in the samples before them and thou- 
sands of others, he had carefully analyzed and tested the 
British Peasant, and had found him to hold in combina- 
tion just the same qualities that he always had possessed. 
Analyzing and testing, however, as a part of the inquiry, 
certain other matters not fairly to be separated from it, he 
(Mr. Bull) had found the said Peasant to have been some 
time ago disarmed by lords and gentlemen who were jeal- 
ous of their game, and by administrations — hirers of spies 
and suborners of false witnesses — who were jealous of their 
power. " So, if you wish to restore to these samples, " said 
Mr. Bull, " the serviceable quality that I find to be want- 
ing in them, and the absence of which so much surprises 
you, be a little more patriotic and a little less timorously 



OUR COMMISSION. 219 

selfish; trust your Peasant a little more; instruct him a 
little better, in a freeman's knowledge — not in a good 
child's merely; and you will soon have your Saxon Bow- 
men with percussion rifles, and may save the charges of 
your Foreign Legion." 

Having withdrawn the samples to which his observations 
referred — the production whereof, in connection with Mr. 
Bull's remarks, had powerfully impressed the assembled 
Commission, some of whom even went so far as to register 
vows on the spot that they would look into this matter 
some day — Mr. Bull laid before the Commission a great 
variety of extremely fine specimens of genuine British Job. 
He expressed his opinion that these thriving Plants upon 
the public property were absolutely immortal : so surpris- 
ingly did they flourish, and so perseveringly were they cul- 
tivated. Job was the only article he had found in England 
in a perfectly unadulterated state. He congratulated the 
Commission on there being at least one commodity enjoyed 
by Great Britain, with which nobody successfully meddled, 
and of which the Public always had an ample supply, 
unattended by the smallest prospect of failure in the 
perennial crop. 

On the subsidence of the sensation of pleasure with which 
this gratifying announcement was received, Mr. Bull in- 
formed the Commission that he now approached the most 
serious and the most discouraging part of his task. He 
would not shrink from a faithful description of the labori- 
ous and painful analysis which formed the crown of his 
labors, but he would prepare the Commission to be shocked 
by it. With these introductory words, he laid before them 
a specimen of Kepresentative Chamber. 

When the Commission had examined, obviously with 



220 OUR COMMISSION. 

emotions of the most poignant and painful nature, the 
miserable sample produced, Mr. Bull proceeded with his 
description. The specimen of Kepresentative Chamber, to 
which he invited their anxious attention, was brought from 
"Westminster Market. It had been collected there in the 
month of July in the present year. No particular counter 
had been resorted to more than another, but the whole mar- 
ket had been laid under contribution to furnish the sample. 
Its diseased condition would be apparent, without any sci- 
entific aids, to the most short-sighted individual. It was 
fearfully adulterated with Talk, stained with Job, and di- 
luted with large quantities of coloring matter of a false and 
deceptive nature. It was thickly overlaid with a varnish 
which he had resolved into its component parts, and had 
found to be made of Trash (both maudlin and defiant), 
boiled up with large quantities of Party Turpitude, and a 
heap of Cant. Cant, he need not tell the Commission, was 
the worst of poisons. It was almost inconceivable to him 
how an article in itself so wholesome as Eepresentative 
Chamber could have been got into this disgraceful state. 
It was mere Carrion, wholly unfit for human consumption, 
and calculated to produce nausea and vomiting. 

On being questioned by the Commission, whether, in ad- 
dition to the deleterious substances already mentioned, he 
had detected the presence of Humbug in the sample before 
them, Mr. Bull replied, "Humbug? Eank Humbug, in 
one form or another, pervades the entire mass." He went 
on to say that he thought it scarcely in human nature to 
endure, for any length of time, the close contemplation of 
this specimen : so revolting was it to all the senses. Mr. 
Bull was asked, whether he could account, first, for this 
alarming degeneracy in an article so important to the Pub- 



OUR COMMISSION. 221 

lie; and secondly, for its acceptance by the Public? — the 
Commission observing that however the stomachs of the 
people might revolt at it — and justly — still they did endure 
it, and did look on at the Market in which it was exposed. 
In answer to these inquiries Mr. Bull offered the following 
explanation : 

In respect of the wretched condition of the article itself 
(he said), he attributed that result, chiefly, to its being in 
the hands of those unprincipled wholesale dealers to whom 
he had already referred. When one of those dealers suc- 
ceeded to a business — or " came in," according to the slang 
of the trade — his first proceeding, after the adulteration of 
Public Office with Koodledom, was to consider how he 
could adulterate and lower his Eepresentative Chamber. 
This he did by a variety of arts, recklessly employing the 
dirtiest agents. Now, the trade had been so long in the 
hands of these men, and one of them had so uniformly imi- 
tated another (however violent their trade-opposition might 
be among themselves), in adulterating this commodity, that 
respectable persons who wished to do business fairly had 
been prevented from investing their capital, whatever it 
might be, in this branch of commerce, and had indeed been 
heard to declare in many instances that they would prefer 
the calling of an honest scavenger. Again, it was to be 
observed, that the before-mentioned dealers, being for the 
most part in a large Avay, had numbers of retainers, tenants, 
tradesmen, and workpeople, upon whom they put off their 
bad Eepresentative Chamber, by compelling them to take 
it whether they liked it or not. In respect of the accept- 
ance of this dreadful commodity by the Public, Mr. Bull 
observed that it was not to be denied that the Public had 
been much too prone to accept the coloring-matter in pref- 



223 OUR COMMISSION. 

erence to the genuine article. Sometimes it was Blood, 
and sometimes it was Beer; sometimes it was Talk, and 
sometimes it was Cant; but mere coloring-matter they 
certainly had too often looked for, when they should have 
looked for bone and sinew. They suffered heavily for it 
now, and he believed were penitent; there was no doubt 
whatever in his mind that they had arrived at the mute 
stage of indignation, and had thoroughly found this article 
out. 

One further question was put by the Commission : name- 
ly, what hope had the witness of seeing this necessary of 
English life restored to a genuine and wholesome state? 
Mr. Bull returned that his sole hope was in the Pub- 
lic's resolutely rejecting all coloring-matter whatsoever — in 
their being equally inexorable with the dealers, whether 
they threatened or cajoled — and in their steadily insisting 
on being provided with the commodity in a pure and useful 
form. The Commission then adjourned, in exceedingly low 
spirits, sine die. [1855.] 



THE WORTHY MAGISTRATE. 

Under this stereotyped title expressive of deference to 
the police-bench, we take the earliest opportunity afforded 
us by our manner of preparing this publication, of calling 
upon every Englishman who reads these pages to take no- 
tice what he is. The circulation of this journal comprising 
a wide diversity of classes, we use it to disseminate the in- 
formation that every Englishman is a drunkard. Drunken- 
ness is the national characteristic. Whereas the German 
people (when uncontaminated by the English), are always 
sober, the English, setting at nought the bright example 
of the pure Germans domiciled among them, are always 
drunk. The authority for this polite and faithful exposi- 
tion of the English character is a modern Solomon, whose 
temple rears its head near Drury Lane: the wise Mr. 
Hall, Chief Police Magistrate, sitting at Bow Street, 
Covent Garden, in the County of Middlesex, Barrister at 
Law. 

As we hope to keep this household word of Drunkard, 
affixed to the Englishman by the awful IVIr. Hall, from 
whom there is no appeal, pretty steadily before our readers, 
we present the very pearl discovered in that magisterial 
oyster. On Thursday, the ninth of this month of August, 
the following sublime passage evoked the virtuous laughter 
of the thief takers of Bow Street ! 

Mr. Hall. — Were yon sober, sh? 
Prosecutor. —Yes, certainly. 



234 THE WORTHY MAGISTRATE. 

Mr. Hall. — You must be a foreigner, then? 

Prosecutor. — I am a German. 

Mr. Hall. — Ah, tbat accounts for it. If you had been an Eng- 
lishman, you would have been drunk, for a certainty. 

Prosecutor (smiling) . — The Germans get drunk sometimes, I fear. 

Mr. Hall. — Yes, after they have resided any time in this country. 
They acquire our English habits. 

In reproducing these noble expressions, equally honor- 
able to the Sage who uttered them, and to the Country that 
endures them, we will correct half a dozen vulgar errors 
which, within our observation, have been rather prevalent 
since the great occasion on which the Oracle at Bow Street 
spake. 

1. It is altogether a mistake to suppose that if a magis- 
trate wilfully deliver himself of a slanderous aspersion, 
knowing it to be unjust, he is unfit for his post. 

2. It is altogether a mistake to suppose that if a magis- 
trate, in a fit of bile brought on by recent disregard of some 
very absurd evidence of his, so yield to his ill temper as to 
deliver himself, in a sort of mad exasperation, of such slan- 
derous aspersion as aforesaid, he is unfit for his post. 

3. It is altogether a mistake to suppose it to be very 
questionable whether, even in degraded Naples at this time, 
a magistrate could from the official bench insult and tra- 
duce the whole people without being made to suffer for it. 

4. It is altogether a mistake to suppose that it would be 
becoming in some one individual, out of between six and 
seven hundred national representatives, to be so far jeal- 
ous of the honor of his country, as indignantly to protest 
against its being thus grossly stigmatized. 

5. It is altogether a mistake to suppose that the Home 
Office has any association whatever with the general credit, 
the general self-respect, the general feeling in behalf of de- 



THE WORTHY MAGISTRATE. 225 

cent utterance, or the general resentment when the same is 
most discreditably violated. The Home Office is merely an 
ornamental institution supported out of the general pocket. 
6. It is altogether a mistake to suppose that Mr. Hall 
is anybody's business, or that we, the mere bone and sinew, 
tag-rag, and bobtail of England, have anything to do with 
him, but to pay him his salary, accept his justice, and 
meekly bow our heads to his high and mighty reproof. 

[1855.] 
15 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

This little instrument, remarkable for its curious twist, 
has been at work again. A small portion of the collective 
wisdom of the nation has affirmed the principle that there 
must be no collection or delivery of posted letters on a 
Sunday. The princi|)le was discussed by something less 
than a fourth of the House of Commons and affirmed by 
something less than a seventh. 

Having no doubt whatever that this brilliant victory is, 
in effect, the affirmation of the principle that there ought 
to be No Anything but churches and chapels on a Sunday ; 
or that it is the beginning of a Sabbatarian Crusade, out- 
rageous to the spirit of Christianity, irreconcilable with the 
health, the rational enjoyments, and the true religious feel- 
ing, of the community; and certain to result, if success- 
ful, in a violent reaction, threatening contempt and hatred 
of that seventh day which it is a great religious and social 
object to maintain in the popular affection; it would ill be- 
come us to be deterred from speaking out upon the subject, 
by any fear of being misunderstood, or by any certainty of 
being misrepresented. 

Confident in the sense of the country, and not unac- 
quainted with the habits and exigencies of the people, we 
approach the Sunday question, quite undiscomposed by the 
late storm of mad misstatement and all uncharitableness 
which cleared the way for Lord Ashley's motion. The 
preparation may be likened to that which is usually de- 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 227 

scribed iu the case of tlie Egyptian Sorcerer and the boy 
who has some dark liquid poured into the palm of his 
hand, which is presently to become a magic mirror. " Look 
for Lord Ashley. What do you see?" "Oh, here's some 
one with a broom!" "Well! what is he doing?" "Oh, 
he's sweeping away Mr. Rowland Hill! Now, there is a 
great crowd of people all sweeping Mr. Eowland Hill 
away ; and now, there is a red flag with Intolerance on it ; 
and now, they are pitching a great many Tents called 
Meetings. Now, the tents are all upset, and Mr. Eowland 
Hill has swept everybody else away. And oh! now, here's 
Lord Ashley, with a Resolution in his hand!" 

One Christian sentence is all-sufiicient with us, on the 
theological part of this subject. " The Sabbath was made 
for man, and not man for the Sabbath." No amount of 
signatures to petitions can ever sign away the meaning of 
those words; no end of volumes of Hansard's Parliament- 
ary Debates can ever affect them in the least. Move and 
carry resolutions, bring in bills, have committees, upstairs, 
downstairs, and in my lady's chamber; read a first time, 
read a second time, read a third time, read thirty thousand 
times ; the declared authority of the Christian dispensation 
over the letter of the Jewish Law, particularly in this es- 
pecial instance, cannot be petitioned, resolved, read, or 
committee'd away. 

It is important in such a case as this affirmation of a 
principle, to know what amount of practical sense and logic 
entered into its assertion. We will inquire. 

Lord Ashley (who has done much good, and whom we 
mention with every sentiment of sincere respect, though 
we believe him to be most mischievously deluded on this 
question), speaks of the people employed in the Country 



328 THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

Post-Ofl&ces on Sunday, as though, they were continually at 
work, all the livelong day. He asks whether they are to 
be " a Pariah race, excluded from the enjoyments of the 
rest of the community"? He presents to our mind's eye 
rows of Post-Office clerks, sitting, with dishevelled hair 
and dirty linen, behind small shutters, all Sunday long, 
keeping time with their sighs to the ringing of the church 
bells, and watering bushels of letters, incessantly passing 
through their hands, with their tears. Is this exactly the 
reality? The Upas tree is a figure of speech almost as 
ancient as our lachrymose friend the Pariah, in whom most 
of us recognize a respectable old acquaintance. Supposing 
we were to take it into our heads to declare in these House- 
hold Words, that every Post-Office clerk employed on Sun- 
day in the country is compelled to sit under his own par- 
ticular sprig of Upas, planted in a flower-pot beside him 
for the express purpose of blighting him with its baneful 
shade, should we be much more beyond the mark than 
Lord Ashley himself? Did any of our readers ever happen 
to post letters in the Country on a Sunday? Did they ever 
see a notice outside a provincial Post-Office, to the effect 
that the presiding Pariah would be in attendance at such 
an hour on Sunday, and not before? Did they ever wait 
for the Pariah, at some inconvenience, until the hour ar- 
rived, and observe him come to the office in an extremely 
spruce condition as to his shirt collar, and do a little sprink- 
ling of business in a very easy off-hand manner? We have 
such recollections ourselves. We have posted and received 
letters in most parts of this kingdom on a Sunday and we 
never yet observed the Pariah to be quite crushed. On the 
contrary, we have seen him at church, apparently in the 
best health and spirits (notwithstanding an hour or so of 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 239 

sorting, earlier in the morning), and we have met him out 
a-walking with the young lady to whom he is engaged, and 
we have known him to meet her again with her cousin, after 
the despatch of the Mails, and really conduct himself as if 
he were not particularly exhausted or afflicted. Indeed, 
how coiilcl he be so, on Lord Ashley's own showing? There 
is a Saturday before the Sunday. We are a people indis- 
posed, he says, to business on a Sunday. More than a 
million of people are known, from their petitions, to be 
too scrupulous to hear of such a thing. Few counting- 
houses or offices are ever opened on a Sunday. The Mer- 
chants and Bankers write by Saturday night's post. The 
Sunday night's post may be presumed to be chiefly limited 
to letters of necessity and emergency. Lord Ashley' s whole 
case would break down, if it were probable that the Post- 
office Pariah had half as much confinement on Sunday as 
the He-Pariah who opens my Lord's street-door when any- 
body knocks, or the She-Pariah who nurses my Lady's 
baby. 

If the London Post-Office be not opened on a Sunday, 
says Lord Ashley, why should the Post-Offices of provin- 
cial towns be opened on a Sunday? Precisely because the 
provincial towns are not London, we apprehend. Because 
London is the great capital, mart, and business-centre of 
the world; because in London there are hundreds of thou- 
sands of people, young and old, away from their families 
and friends; because the stoppage of the Monday's Post 
Delivery in London would stop, for many precious hours, 
the natural flow of the blood from every vein and artery in 
the world to the heart of the world, and its return from the 
heart through all those tributary channels. Because the 
broad difference between London and every other place in 



230 THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

England necessitated tlie distinction, and has perpetu- 
ated it. 

But, to say nothing of petitioners elsewhere, it seems 
that two hundred merchants and bankers in Liverpool 
" formed themselves into a committee, to forward the ob- 
ject of this motion." In the name of all the Pharisees 
of Jerusalem, could not the two hundred merchants and 
bankers form themselves into a committee to write or read 
no business-letters themselves on a Sunday— and let the 
Post-OfSce alone? The Government establishes a monop- 
oly in the Post-Office, and makes it not only difficult and 
expensive for me to send a letter by any other means, but 
illegal. What right has any merchant or banker to stop 
the course of any letter that I may have sore necessity to 
post, or may choose to post? If any one of the two hun- 
dred merchants and bankers lay at the point of death, on 
Sunday, would he desire his absent child to be written to 
— the Sunday Post being yet in existence? And how do 
they take upon themselves to tell us that the Sunday Post 
is not a " necessity, " when they know, every man of them, 
every Sunday morning, that before the clock strikes next, 
they and theirs may be visited by any one of incalculable 
millions of accidents, to make it a dire need? Not a ne- 
cessity? Is it possible that these merchants and bankers 
suppose there is any Sunday Post, from any large town, 
which is not a very agony of necessity to some one? I 
might as well say, in my pride of strength, that a knowl- 
edge of bone-setting in surgeons is not a necessity, because 
I have not broken my leg. 

There is a Sage of this sort in the House of Commons. 
He is of opinion that the Sunday Police is a necessity, but 
the Sunday Post is not. That is to say, in a certain house 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 231 

in London or Westminster, there are certain silver spoons, 
engraved with the family crest — a Bigot rampant — which 
would be pretty sure to disappear, on an early Sunday, if 
there were no Policemen on duty ; whereas the Sage sees 
no present probability of his requiring to write a letter into 
the country on a Saturday night — and, if it should arise, 
he can use the Electric Telegraph. Such is the sordid 
balance some professing Heathens hold of their own pounds 
against other men's X)ennies, and their own selfish wants 
against those of the community at large ! Even the Member 
for Birmingham, of all the towns in England, is afflicted 
by this selfish blindness, and, because he is " tired of read- 
ing and answering letters on a Sunday," cannot conceive 
the possibility of there being other people not so situated, 
to whom the Sunday Post may, under many circumstances, 
be an unspeakable blessing. 

The inconsequential nature of Lord Ashley's positions 
cannot be better shown than by one brief passage from 
his speech. " When he said the transmission of the Mail, 
he meant the Mail-bags ; he did not propose to interfere 
with the passengers." No? Think again. Lord Ashley. 

When the Honorable Member for Whitened Sepulchres 
moves his resolution for the stoppage of Mail Trains — in 
a word, of all Eailway travelling — on Simday; and when 
that Honorable Gentleman talks about the Pariah clerks 
who take the money and give the tickets, the Pariah en- 
gine-drivers, the Pariah stokers, the Pariah porters, the 
Pariah police along the line, and the Pariah flys waiting 
at the Pariah stations to take the Pariah passengers, to be 
attended by Pariah servants at the Pariah Arms and other 
Pariah Hotels; what will Lord Ashley do then? Envy in- 
sinuated that Tom Thumb made his giants first, and then 



233 THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

killed them, but you cannot do the like by your Pariahs. 
You cannot get an exclusive patent for the manuf a,cture and 
destruction of Pariah dolls. Other Honorable Gentlemen 
are certain to engage in the trade ; and when the Honorable 
Member for Whitened Sepulchres makes his Pariahs of all 
these iDBople, you cannot refuse to recognize them as being 
of the genuine sort, Lord Ashley. Railway and all other 
Sunday Travelling suppressed, by the Honorable Member 
for Whitened Sepulchres, the same Honorable Gentleman, 
who will not have been particularly complimented in the 
course of that achievement by the Times Newspaper, will 
discover that a good deal is done towards the Times of Mon- 
day, on a Sunday night, and v.dil Pariah the whole of that 
immense establishment. For this is the great inconven- 
ience of Pariah-making, that when you begin they spring 
up like mushrooms: insomuch, that it is very doubtful 
whether we shall have a house in all this land, from the 
Queen's Palace downward, which will not be found, on 
inspection, to be swarming with Pariahs. Not touch the 
Mails, and yet abolish the Mail-bags? Stop all those silent 
messengers of affection and anxiety, yet let the talking 
traveller, who is the cause of infinitely more employment, 
go? Why, this were to suppose all men Fools, and the 
Honorable Member for Whitened Sepulchres even a greater 
Noodle than he is ! 

Lord Ashley supports his motion by reading some peri- 
lous bombast, said to be written by a working-man — of 
whom the intelligent body of working-men have no great 
reason, to our thinking, to be proud — in which there is 
much about not being robbed of the boon of the day of 
rest; but, with all Lord Ashley's indisputably humane and 
benevolent impulses, we grieve to say we know no rob- 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 233 

ber whom tlie working-man, really desirous to preserve his 
Sunday, has so much to dread, as Lord Ashley himself. 
He is weakly lending the influence of his good intention to 
a movement which would make that day no day of rest — 
rest to those who are overwrought includes recreation, 
fresh air, change — but a day of mortification and gloom. 
And this not to one class only, be it understood. This is 
not a class question. If there be no gentleman of spirit in 
the House of Commons to remind Lord Ashley that the 
highflo^vn nonsense he quoted, concerning labor, is but an- 
other form of the stupidest socialist dogma, which seeks to 
represent that there is only one class of laborers on earth, 
it is well that the truth should be stated somewhere. And 
it is, indisputably, that three-fourths of us are laborers 
who work for our living; and that the condition of what 
we call the working-man has its parallel, at a remove of 
certain degrees, in almost all professions and pursuits. 
Running through the middle classes, is a broad deep vein 
of constant, compulsory, indispensable work. There are 
innumerable gentleman, and sons and daughters of gentle- 
man, constantly at work, who have no more hope of mak- 
ing f ortimes in their vocation than the working-man has in 
his. There are innumerable families in which the day of 
rest is the only day out of the seven, where innocent do- 
mestic recreations and enjoyments are very feasible. In 
our mean gentility, which is the cause of so much social 
mischief, we may try to separate ourselves, as to this ques- 
tion, from the working-man; and may very complacently 
resolve that there is no occasion for his excursion-trains 
and tea-gardens, because we don't use them; but we had 
better not deceive ourselves. It is impossible that we can 
cramp his means of needful recreation and refreshment. 



334 THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

without cramping our own, or basely cheating him. We 
cannot leave him to the Christian patronage of the Honor- 
able Member for Whitened Sepulchres, and take ourselves 
off. We cannot restrain him and leave ourselves free. 
Our Sunday wants are pretty much the same as his, though 
his are far more easily satisfied; our inclinations and our 
feelings are ]3retty much the same; and it will be no less 
wise than honest in us, the middle classes, not to be Janus- 
faced about the matter. 

What is it that the Honorable Member for Whitened 
Sepulchres, for whom Lord Ashley clears the way, wants 
to do? He sees on a Sunday morning, in the large towns 
of England, when the bells are ringing for church and 
chapel, certain unwashed, dim-eyed, dissipated loungers, 
hanging about the doors of public-houses, and loitering at 
the street corners, to whom the day of rest appeals in much 
the same degree as a sunny summer-day does to so many 
pigs. Does he believe that any weight of handcuffs on the 
Post-Office, or any amount of restriction imposed on de- 
cent people, will bring Sunday home to these? Let him 
go, any Sunday morning, from the new Town of Edinburgh, 
where the sound of a piano would be profanation, to the old 
Town, and see what Sunday is in the Canongate. Or let 
him get up some statistics of the drunken people in Glas- 
gow, while the churches are full — and work out the amount 
of Sabbath observance which is carried downward, by rigid 
shows and sad-colored forms. 

But there is another class of people, those who take lit- 
tle jaunts, and mingle in social little assemblages, on a Sun- 
day, concerning whom the whole constituency of Whitened 
Sepulchres, with their Honorable Member in the chair, find 
their lank hair standing on end with horror, and pointing, 



THE SUNDAY SCREW. 235 

as if they were all electrified, straight up to the skylights of 
Exeter Hall. In reference to this class, we "would whisper 
in the ears of the disturbed assemblage three short words, 
"Let well alone!" 

The English people have long been remarkable for their 
domestic habits, and their household virtues and affections. 
They are, now, beginning to be universally respected by 
intelligent foreigners who visit this country, for their un- 
obtrusive politeness, their good humor, and their cheerful 
recognition of all restraints that really originate in consid- 
eration for the general good. They deserve this testimony 
(which we have often heard, of late, with pride) most hon- 
orably. Long maligned and mistrusted, they proved their 
case from the very first moment of having it in their power 
to do so ; and have never, on any single occasion within our 
knowledge, abused any public confidence that has been re- 
posed in them. It is an extraordinary thing to know of a 
people systematically excluded from galleries and museums 
for years, that their respect for such places, and for them- 
selves as visitors to them, dates, without any period of 
transition, from the very day when their doors were freely 
opened. The national vices are surprisingly few. The 
people in general are not gluttons, nor drunkards, nor gam- 
blers, nor addicted to cruel sports, nor to the pushing of 
any amusement to furious and wild extremes. They are 
moderate, and easily pleased, and very sensible to all affec- 
tionate influences. Any knot of holiday-makers, without a 
large proportion of women and children among them, would 
be a perfect phenomenon. Let us go into any place of 
Sunday enjoyment where any fair representation of the 
people resort, and we shall find them decent, orderly, 
quiet, sociable among their families and neighbors. There 



236 THE SUNDAY SCREW. 

is a general feeling of respect for religion, and for religious 
observances. The cliurches and chapels are well filled. 
Very few x^eople who keep servants or apprentices leave 
out of consideration their opportunities of attending church 
or chapel; the general demeanor within those edifices is 
particularly grave and decorous; and the general recrea- 
tions without are of a harmless and simple kind. Lord 
Brougham never did Henry Brougham more justice than 
in declaring to the House of Lords, after the success of this 
motion in the House of Commons, that there is no country 
where the Sabbath is, on the whole, better observed than 
in England. Let the constituency of Whitened Sepulchres 
ponder, in a Christian spirit, on these things ; take care of 
their own consciences; leave their Honorable Member to 
take care of his ; and let well alone. 

For it is in nations as in families. Too tight a hand in 
these respects is certain to engender a disposition to break 
loose, and to run riot. If the private experience of any 
reader, pausing on this sentence, cannot furnish many un- 
happy illustrations of its truth, it is a very fortunate expe- 
rience indeed. Our most notable example of it, in England, 
is just two hundred years old. 

Lord Ashley had better merge his Pariahs into the body 
politic; and the Honorable Member for Whitened Sepul- 
chres had better accustom his jaundiced eyes to the Sunday 
sight of dwellers in towns, roaming in green fields, and 
gazing upon country prospects. If he will look a little 
beyond them, and lift up the eyes of his mind, perhaps he 
may observe a mild, majestic figure in the distance, going 
through a field of corn, attended by some common men who 
pluck the grain as they pass along, and whom their Divine 
Master teaches that he is the Lord, even of the Sabbath-Day. 

[1850.] 



A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 

A CHILD inquired of us, the other day, why a gentleman 
always said his first prayer in church, in the crown of his 
hat. We were reduced to the ignominious necessity of 
replying that we didn't know — but it was the custom. 

Having dismissed our young friend with a severe counte- 
nance (which we always assume under the like circum- 
stances of discomfiture), we began to ask ourself a few 
questions. 

Our first list had a Parliamentary reference. 

Why must an honorable gentleman always " come down " 
to this house? Why can't he sometimes " come up " — like 
a horse — or "come in" like a man? What does he mean 
by invariably coming down? Is it indispensable that he 
should " come down " to get into the House of Commons — ■ 
say, for instance, from Saint Albans? Or is that house on 
a lower level than most other houses? Why is he always 
"free to confess"? It is well known that Britons never, 
never, never will be slaves ; then why can't he say what he 
has to say, without this superfluous assertion of his free- 
dom? Why must an Irish Member always "taunt" the 
noble Lord with this, that, or the other? Can't he tell 
him of it civilly, or accuse him of it plainly? 3Iiist he so 
ruthlessly taimt him? Why does the Honorable Member 
for Groginhole call upon the Secretary of State for the 
Home Department to " lay his hand upon his heart, " and 
proclaim to the country such and such a thing? The Home 



238 A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 

Secretary is not in the habit of laying his hand upon his 
heart. When he has anything to proclaim to the country, 
he generally puts his hands under his coat-tails. Why is 
he thus personally and solemnly adjured to lay one of them 
on the left side of his waistcoat for any Honorable Mem- 
ber's gratification? What makes my Honorable friend, the 
Member for Gammonrif e, feel so acutely that he is required 
to "pin his faith" upon the measures of Her Majesty's 
Government? Is he always required to attach it in that 
particular manner only; and are needle and thread, hooks 
and eyes, buttons, wafers, sealing-wax, paste, bird-lime, 
gum, and glue, utterly prohibited to him? Who invested 
the unfortunate Speaker with all the wealth and poverty of 
the Empire, that he should be told, " Sir, when you look 
around you, and behold your seas swarming with ships of 
every variety of tonnage and construction — when you be- 
hold your flag waving over the forts of a territory so vast 
that the Sun never sets upon it — when you consider that 
your storehouses are teeming with the valuable products of 
the earth — and when you reflect that millions of your poor 
are held in the bonds of pauperism and ignorance, — can 
you, I ask, reconcile it to yourself; can you, I demand, 
justify it to your conscience; can you, I inquire, Sir, stifle 
the voice within you, by these selfish, these time-serving, 
these shallow, hollow mockeries of legislation?" It is 
really dreadful to have an innocent and worthy gentleman 
bullied in this manner. Again, why do "I hold in my 
hand" all sorts of things? Can I never lay them down, or 
carry them under my arm? There was a Fairy in the 
Arabian Nights who could hold in her hand a pavilion 
large enough to shelter the Sultan's army, but she could 
never have held half the petitions, blue books, bills, re- 



A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 239 

ports, returns, volumes of Hansard, and other miscellaneous 
papers, that a yevy ordinary Member for a very ordinary 
place will hold in his hand nowadays. Then, again, how 
did it come to be necessary to the Constitution that I should 
be such a very circuitous and prolix peer as to " take leave 
to remind you, my Lords, of what fell from the noble and 
learned lord on the opposite side of your Lordship's house, 
who preceded my noble and learned friend on the cross 
Benches when he addressed himself with so much ability 
to the observations of the Eight Eeverend Prelate near me, 
in reference to the measure now brought forward by the 
Noble Baron " — when, all this time, I mean, and only want 
to say, Lord Brougham? Is it impossible for my honorable 
friend the Member for Drowsyshire, to wander through his 
few dreary sentences immediately before the division, with- 
out premising that " at this late hour of the night and in 
this stage of the debate, " etc. ? Because if it be not im- 
possible, why does he never do it? And why, why, above 
all, in either house of Parliament must the English lan- 
guage be set to music — bad and conventional beyond any 
parallel on earth — and delivered, in a manner barely ex- 
pressible to the eye as follows : 

ni^ht 

U) 

Sir, when I came do this house 



Minis 

ty's 
I found Her jes 



Ma 



240 A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 

Is Parliament included in tlie Common Prayer-book under 
the denomination of "quires and places where they sing"? 
And if so wouldn't it be worth a small grant to make a 
national arrangement for instruction in the art by Mr. 
Hullah? 

Then consider the theatrical and operatic questions that 
arise likewise admitting of no solution whatever. 

No man ever knew yet, no man ever will know, why a 
stage-nobleman is bound to go to execution with a stride 
and a stop alternately, and cannot proceed to the scaffold 
on any other terms. It is not within the range of the lof- 
tiest intellect to explain why a stage-letter, before it can be 
read by the recipient, must be smartly rapped back, after 
being opened, with the knuckles of one hand. It is utterly 
unknown why choleric old gentlemen always have a trick 
of carrying their canes behind them, between the waist- 
buttons of their coat. Several persons are understood to 
be in Bedlam at the present time, who went distracted in 
endeavoring to reconcile the bran-new appearance of Mr. 
Cooper, in John Bull, bearing a highly polished surgical 
instrument-case under his arm, with the fact of his having 
been just fished out of the deep deep sea, in company with 
the case in question. Inexplicable phenomena continually 
arise at the Italian Opera, where we have ourself beheld (it 
was in the time of Eobert of Normandy) Nuns buried in 
garments of that perplexing nature that the very last thing 
one could x^ossibly suppose they had taken was a veil of 
any order. Who knows how it came about that the young 
Swiss maiden in the ballet should, as an established cus- 
tom, revolve, on her nuptial morning, so airily and often, 
that at length she stands before us for some seconds like 
a beautiful white muslin penwiper? Why is her bedcham- 



A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 241 

ber always immediately over the cottage-door? Why is she 
always awakened by three taps of her lover's hands? Why 
does her mother always spin? Why is her residence inva- 
riably near a bridge? In what Swiss canton do the hardy 
mountaineers pursue the chamois, in silk stockings, pumps, 
blue breeches, cherry-colored bows, and their shirt-sleeves? 
When the Tenor Prince is made more tenor by the near 
approach of death from steel or poison; when the Bass 
enemy growls glutted vengeance, and the Heroine (who was 
so glad in the beginning of her story to see the villagers 
that she had an irrepressible impulse to be always shaking 
hands with them) is rushing to and fro among the living 
and disturbing the wig of the dead; why do we always 
murmur our Bra-a-avo! or our Bra-a-ava! as the case may 
be, in exactly the same tone, at exactly the same places, 
and execute our little audience conventionalities with the 
punctuality and mechanism of the stage itself? Why does 
the Primo Buffo always rub his hands and tap his nose? 
When did mankind enter into articles of agreement that a 
most uncompromising and imcomfortable box, with the lid 
at a certain angle, should be called a mossy bank? Who 
first established an indissoluble connection between the 
Demon and the brass instruments? When the sailors be- 
come Bacchanalian, how do they do it out of such little 
mugs, replenished from pitchers that have always been 
turned upside down? Granted that the Count must go 
a-hunting, why must he therefore wear fur round the tops 
of his boots, and never follow the chase with any other weap- 
ons than a spear with a large round knob at the blunt end? 
Then, at public dinners and meetings, why must Mr. 
Wilson refer to Mr. Jackson as " my honorable friend, if 
he will permit me to call him so"? Has Wilsoa any doubt 
16 - 



242 A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 

about it? Why does Mr. Smithers say that he is sensible 
he has already detained you too long, and why do you say 
"No; go on!" when you know you are sorry for it directly 
afterwards? You are not taken by surprise when the Toast- 
master cries, in giving the Army and Navy " Upstanding 
gentlemen, and good fires" — then what do you laugh for? 
Ko man could ever say why he was greatly refreshed and 
fortified by forms of words, as " Eesolved. That this meet- 
ing respectfully but firmly views with sorrow and appre- 
hension, not unmixed with abhorrence and dismay" — but 
they do invigorate the patient in most cases like a cordial. 
It is a strange thing that the chairman is obliged to refer 
to " the present occasion" ; — that there is a horrible fasci- 
nation in the phrase which he can't elude. Also that there 
should be an unctuous smack and relish in the enunciation 
of titles, as " And I may be permitted to inform this com- 
pany that when I had the honor of waiting on His Koyal 
Highness, to ask His Koyal Highness to be pleased to be- 
stow his gracious patronage on our excellent Institution, 
His Royal Highness did me the honor to reply with that 
condescension which is ever His Royal Highness' most 
distinguishing characteristic" — and so forth. As to the 
singular circumstance that such and such a duty should 
not have been intrusted to abler hands than mine, every- 
body is familiar with that phenomenon, but it's very 
strange that it must be so ! 

Again, in social matters. It is all very well to wonder 
who invents slang phrases, referential to Mr. ^Ferguson or 
any such mythological personage, but the wonder does not 
stop there. It extends into Belgravia. Saint James' has 
its slang, and a great deal of it. Nobody knows who first 
drawled languidly, that so and so, or such and such a thing, 



A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 243 

was "good fun," or "capital fun," or "a — the best fun in 
the world, I'm told" — but some fine gentleman or lady did 
so, and accordingly a thousand do. They don't know why. 
We have the same mysterious authority for inquiring, in 
our faint way, if Cawberry is a nice person — if he is a 
superior person — for a romance being so charmingly hor- 
rible, or a woman so charmingly ugly — for the Hippopota- 
mus being quite charming in his bath, and the little Ele- 
phant so charmingly like its mother — for the glass palace 
being (do you know) so charming to me that I absolutely 
bore every creature with it — for those horrid sparrows not 
having built in the dear gutters, which are so charmingly 
ingenious — for a great deal more, to the same very charming 
purpose. 

When the old stage-coaches ran, and overturns took place 
in which all the passengers were killed or crippled, why 
was it invariably understood that no blame whatever was 
attributable to the coachman? In railway accidents of the 
present day, why is the coroner always convinced that a 
searching inquiry must be made, and the Railway authori- 
ties are affording every possible facility in aid of the eluci- 
dation of this xmhappy disaster? When a new building 
tumbles into a heap of ruin, why are architect, contractor, 
and materials, always the best that could be got for money, 
with additional precautions — as if that splendid termination 
were the triumph of construction, and all buildings that 
don't tumble down were failures? When a boiler bursts, 
why was it the very best of boilers ; and why, when some- 
body thinks that if the accident were not the boiler's fault 
it is likely to have been the engineer's, is the engineer then 
morally certain to have been the steadiest and skilfullest of 
men? If a public servant be impeached, how does it hap- 



244 A FEW CONVENTIONALITIES. 

pen that there never was such an excellent public servant 
as he will be shown to be by Eed-Tape-osophy ? If an 
abuse be brought to light, how does it come to pass that it 
is sure to be, in fact (if rightly viewed) a blessing? How 
can it be that we have gone on, for so many years, sur- 
rounding the grave with ghastly, ruinous, incongruous, and 
inexplicable mummeries, and curtaining the cradle with a 
thousand ridiculous and prejudicial customs? 

All these things are conventionalities. It would be well 
for us if there were no more and no worse in common use. 
But, having run the gauntlet of so manv, izx a breath, we 
must yield to the unconventional necessitr ^f taking breath, 
and stop here. [1851.] 



LIVELY TUKTLE. 

I HAVE a comfortable property. What I spend, I spend 
upon myself; and what I don't spend I save. Those are 
my principles. I am warmly attached to my principles, 
and stick to them on all occasions. 

I am not, as some people have represented, a mean man. 
I never denied myself anything that I thought I should 
like to have. I may have said to myself " Snoady " — that 
is my name — •" you will get those peaches cheaper if you 
wait till next week"; or, I may have said to myself, 
*' Snoady, you will get that wine for nothing, if you wait 
till you are asked out to dine" ; but I never deny myself 
anything. If I can't get what I want without buying it, 
and paying its price for it, I do buy it and pay its price 
for it. I have an appetite bestowed upon me ; and, if I 
baulked it, I should consider that I was flying in the face 
of Providence. 

I have no near relation but a brother. If he wants any- 
thing of me, he don't get it. All men are my brothers; 
and I see no reason why I should make his an exceptional 
case. 

I live at a cathedral town where there is an old corpora- 
tion. I am not in the Church, but it may be that I hold a 
little place of some sort. Never mind. It may be profit- 
able. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. It may, or it may not 
be a sinecure. I don't choose to say. I never enlightened 
my brother on these subjects, and I consider all men my 



246 LIVELY TURTLE. 

brothers. The Negro is a man and a brother — should I 
hold myself accountable for my position in life, to him? 
Certainly not. 

I often run up to London. I like London. The way I 
look at it is this. London is not a cheap place, but, on 
the whole, jou can get more of the real thing for your 
money there — I mean the best thing, whatever it is — than 
you can get in most places. Therefore, I say to the man 
who has got the money, and wants the thing, " Go to Lon- 
don for it, and treat yourself." 

When I go, I do it in this manner. I go to Mrs. Skim's 
Private Hotel and Commercial Lodging House, near Alders- 
gate Street, City (it is advertised in " Bradshaw's Eailway 
Guide, " where I first found it), and there I pay, " for bed 
and breakfast, with meat, two and ninepence per day, in- 
cluding servants. " Now, I have made a calculation, and I 
am satisfied that Mrs. Skim cannot possibly make much 
profit out of me. In fact, if all her patrons were like me, 
my opinion is, the woman would be in the Gazette next 
month. 

Why do I go to Mrs. Skim's when I could go to the 
Clarendon, you may ask? Let us argue that point. If I 
went to the Clarendon I could get nothing in bed but sleep ; 
could I? No. Now, sleep at the Clarendon is an expen- 
sive article; whereas sleep, at Mrs. Skim's, is decidedly 
cheap. I have made a calculation, and I don't hesitate to 
say, all things considered, that it's cheap. Is it an inferior 
article, as compared with the Clarendon sleep, or is it of 
the same quality? I am a heavy sleeper, and it is of the 
same quality. Then why should I go to the Clarendon? 

But as to breakfast? you may say. — Very well. As to 
breakfast. I could get a variety of delicacies for breakfast 



LIVELY TURTLE. 247 

at the Clarendon, that are out of the question at Mrs. 
Skim's. Granted. But I don't want to have them! My 
opinion is, that we are not entirely animal and sensual. 
Man has an intellect bestowed upon him. If he clogs that 
intellect by too good a breakfast, how can he properly exert 
that intellect in meditation, during the day, upon his din- 
ner? That's the point. We are not to enchain the soul. 
We are to let it soar. It is expected of us. 

At Mrs. Skim's, I get enough for breakfast (there is no 
limitation to the bread and butter, though there is to the 
meat), and not too much. I have all my faculties about 
me, to concentrate upon the object I have mentioned, and 
can say to myself besides, " Snoady, you have saved six, 
eight, ten, fifteen, shillings, already to-day. If there is 
anything you fancy for your dinner, have it. Snoady, you 
have earned your reward." 

My objection to London is, that it is the headquarters of 
the worst radical sentiments that are broached in England. 
I consider that it has a great many dangerous people in 
it. I consider the present publication (if it's Household 
Words) very dangerous, and I write this with the view of 
neutralizing some of its bad effects. My political creed is, 
let us be comfortable. We are all very comfortable as we 
are — / am very comfortable as I am — leave us alone ! 

All mankind are my brothers, and I don't think it Chris- 
tian — if you. come to that — to tell my brother that he is igno- 
rant, or degraded, or dirty, or anything of the kind. I 
think it's abusive and low. You meet me with the obser- 
vation that I am required to love my brother. I reply, " I 
do." I am sure I am always willing to say to my brother, 
"My good fellow, I love you very much; go along with 
you J keep to your own road; leave me to mine; whatever 



248 LIVELY TURTLE. 

is, is right; whatever isn't, is wrong; don't make a dis- 
turbance!" It seems to me, that this is at once the whole 
duty of man, and the only temper to go to dinner in. 

Going to dinner in this temper in the City of London, 
one day not long ago, after a bed at Mrs. Skim's, with 
meat-breakfast and servants included, I was reminded of 
the observation which, if my memory does not deceive me, 
was formerly made by somebody on some occasion, that 
man may learn wisdom from the lower animals. It is a 
beautiful fact, in my opinion, that great wisdom is to be 
learned from that noble animal the Turtle. 

I had made up my mind, in the course of the day I speak 
of, to have a Turtle dinner. I mean a dinner mainly com- 
posed of Turtle. Just a comfortable tureen of soup, with 
a pint of punch, and nothing solid to follow, but a tender 
juicy steak. I like a tender juicy steak. I generally say 
to myself when I order one, " Snoady, you have done 
right. " 

When I make up my mind to have a delicacy, expense is 
no consideration. The question resolves itself, then, into 
a question of the very best. I went to a friend of mine 
who is a Member of the Common Council, and with that 
friend I held the following conversation. 

Said I to him, " Mr. Groggles, the best Turtle is where?'* 

Says he, " If you want a basin for lunch, my opinion is, 
you can't do better than drop into Birch's." 

Said I, "Mr. Groggles, I thought you had known me 
better, than to suppose me capable of a basin. My inten- 
tion is to dine. A tureen." 

Says Mr. Groggles, without a moment's consideration, 
and in a determined voice, "Eight opposite the India 
House, Leadenhall Street." 



LIVELY TURTLE. 249 

We parted. My mind was not inactive during the day, 
and at six in the afternoon I repaired to the house of Mr. 
Groggles' recommendation. At the end of the passage, 
leadLag from the street into the coffee-room, I observed a 
vast and solid chest, in which I then supposed that a Turtle 
of unusual size might be deposited. But, the correspond- 
ence between its bulk and that of the charge made for my 
dinner, afterward satisfied me that it must be the till of 
the establishment. 

I stated to the waiter what had brought me there, and I 
mentioned Mr. Groggles' name. He feelingly repeated 
after me, "A tureen of Turtle, and a tender juicy steak." 
His manner, added to the manner of Mr. Groggles in the 
morning, satisfied me that all was well. The atmosphere 
of the coffee-room was odoriferous with Turtle and the 
steams of thousands of gallons, consumed within its walls, 
hung, in savory grease, upon their surface. I could have 
inscribed my name with a pen-knife, if I had been so dis- 
posed, in the essence of innumerable Turtles. I preferred 
to fall into a hungry reverie, brought on by the warm 
breath of the place, and to think of the West Indies and 
the Island of Ascension. 

My dinner came — and went. I will draw a veil over 
the meal, I will put the cover on the empty tureen, 
and merely say that it was wonderful — and that I paid 
for it. 

I sat meditating, when all was over, on the imperfect 
nature of our present existence, in which we can eat only 
for a limited time, when the waiter roused me with these 
words. 

Said he to me, as he brushed the crumbs off the table, 
"Would you like to see the Turtle, Sir?" 



250 LIVELY TURTLE. 

" To see what Turtle, waiter?" said I (calmly) to Mm. 

" The tanks of Turtle below, Sir, " said he to me. 

Tanks of Turtle ! Good Gracious ! " Yes ! " 

The waiter lighted a candle, and conducted me down- 
stairs to a range of vaulted apartments, cleanly whitewashed 
and illuminated with gas, where I saw a sight of the most 
astonishing and gratifying description; illustrative of the 
greatness of my native country. "Snoady," was my first 
observation to myself, " Eule Britannia, Britannia rules the 
waves!" 

There were two or three hundred Turtle in the vaulted 
apartments — all alive. Some in tanks, and some taking 
the air in long dry walks littered down with straw. They 
were of all sizes ; many of them enormous. Some of the 
enormous ones had entangled themselves with the smaller 
ones, and pushed and squeezed themselves into corners, 
with their fins over water-pipes, and their heads down- 
wards, where they were apoplectically struggling and 
splashing, apparently in the last extremity. Others were 
calm at the bottom of the tank ; others languidly rising to 
the surface. The Turtle in the walks littered down with 
straw were calm and motionless. It was a thrilling sight. 
I admire such a sight. It rouses my imagination. If you 
wish to try its effect on yours, make a call right opposite 
the India House any day you please — dine — pay — and ask 
to be taken below. 

Two athletic young men, without coats, and with the 
sleeves of their shirts tucked up to the shoulders, were in 
attendance on these noble animals. One of them, wrestling 
with the most enormous Turtle in company, and dragging 
him up to the edge of the tank, for me to look at, presented 
an idea to me which I never had before. I ought to ob- 



LIVELY TURTLE. 251 

serve that I like an idea. I say, when I get a new one, 
*'Snoady, book that!" 

My idea on the present occasion was, Mr. Grcggles ! It 
was not a Turtle that I saw, but Mr. Groggles. It was the 
dead image of Mr. Groggles. He was dragged up to con- 
front me, with his waistcoat — if I may be allowed the ex- 
pression — toward me ; and it was identically the waistcoat 
of Mr. Groggles. It was the same shape, very nearly the 
same color, only wanted a gold watch-chain and a bunch of 
seals, to Be the waistcoat of Mr. Groggles. There was 
what I should call a bursting expression about him in gen- 
eral, which was accurately the expression of Mr. Groggles. 
I had never closely observed a Turtle' s throat before. The 
folds of his loose cravat I found to be precisely those of 
Mr. Groggles' cravat. Even the intelligent eye — I mean 
to say, intelligent enough for a person of correct principles, 
and not dangerously so — was the eye of Mr. Groggles. 
When the athletic young man let him go, and, with a roll 
of his head, he flopped heavily down into the tank, it was 
exactly the manner of Mr. Groggles as I have seen him ooze 
away into his seat, after opposing a sanitary motion in the 
Court of Common Council! 

"Snoady,"! couldn't help saying to myself, "you have 
done it. You have got an idea, Snoady, in which a great 
principle is involved. I congratulate you!" I followed the 
young man, who dragged up several Turtle to the brinks of 
the various tanks. I found them all the same — all varie- 
ties of Mr. Groggles — all extraordinarily like the gentle- 
men who usually eat them. " Now, Snoady, " was my next 
remark, "what do you deduce from this?" 

"Sir," said I, "what I deduce from this is, confusion 
to those Eadicals and other Revolutionists who talk about 



252 LIVELY TURTLE. 

improvement. Sir, " said I, " what I deduce from this is, 
that there isn't this resemblance between the Turtles and 
the Groggleses for nothing. It's meant to show mankind 
that the proper model for a Groggles is a Turtle ; and that 
the liveliness we want in a Groggles is the liveliness of a 
Turtle, and no more." 

" Snoady," was my reply to this, "you have hit it. You 
are right!" 

I admired the idea very much, because, if I hate any- 
thing in the world, it's change. Change has evidently no 
business in the world, has nothing to do with it and isn't 
intended. What we want is (as I think I have mentioned) 
to be comfortable. I look at it that way. Let us be com- 
fortable, and leave us alone. Now, when the young man 
dragged a Groggles — I mean a Turtle — out of his tank, 
this was exactly what the noble animal expressed as he 
floundered back agaiu. 

I have several friends besides Mr. Groggles in the Com- 
mon Council, and it might be a week after this when I 
said, " Snoady, if I was you, I would go to that court, and 
hear the debate to-day." I went. A good deal of it was 
what I call a sound, old English discussion. One eloquent 
speaker objected to the French as wearing wooden shoes; 
and a friend of his reminded him of another objection to 
that foreign people, namely, that they eat frogs. I had 
feared, for many years, I am sorry to say, that these whole- 
some principles were gone out. How delightful to find 
them still remaining among the great men of the City of 
London, in the year one thousand eight hundred and fifty! 
It made me think of the Lively Turtle. 

But I soon thought more of the Lively Turtle. Some 
Radicals and Revolutionists have penetrated even to the 



LIVELY TURTLE. 253 

Common Council — wliich otherwise I regard as one of the 
last strongholds of our afflicted Constitution; and speeches 
were made, about removing Smithfield Market — which I 
consider to be a part of that Constitution — and about ap- 
pointing a Medical Officer for the City, and about preserv- 
ing the public health ; and other treasonable practices, op- 
posed to Church and State. These proposals Mr. Groggles, 
as might have been expected of such a man, resisted ; so 
■warmly, that, as I afterward understood from Mrs. Grog- 
gles, he had rather a sharp attack of blood to the head that 
night. All the Groggles party resisted them too, and it 
was a fine constitutional sight to see waistcoat after waist- 
coat rise up in resistance of them and subside. But what 
struck me in the sight was this. "Snoady," said I, "here 
is your idea carried out. Sir! These Kadicals and Eevolu- 
tionists are the athletic young men in shirt-sleeves, drag- 
ging the Lively Turtle to the edges of the tank. The Grog- 
gleses are the Turtle, looking out for a moment, and flopping 
down again. Honor to the Groggleses ! Honor to the Court 
of Lively Turtle ! The wisdom of the Tm-tle is the hope of 
England!" 

There are three heads in the moral of what I had to say. 
First, Turtle and Groggles are identical; wonderfully alike 
externally, wonderfully alike mentally. Secondly, Turtle 
is a good thing every way, and the liveliness of the Turtle 
is intended as an example for the liveliness of man; you 
are not to go beyond that. Thirdly, we are all quite com- 
fortable. Leave us alone! [1850.] 



A DECEMBER VISION. 

I SAW a mighty Spirit, traversing the world without any 
rest or pause. It was omnipresent, it was all-powerful, it 
had no compunction, no pity, no relenting sense that any 
appeal from any of the race of men could reach. It was 
invisible to every creature born upon the earth, save once 
to each. It turned its shaded face on whatsoever living 
thing, one time; and straight the end of that thing was 
come. It passed through the forest, and the vigorous tree 
it looked on shrunk away; through the garden, and the 
leaves perished and the flowers withered ; through the air, 
and the eagles flapped upon the wing and dropped ; through 
the "sea," and the monsters of the deep floated, great 
wrecks, upon the waters. It met the eyes of lions in their 
lairs, and they were dust ; its shadow darkened the faces of 
young children lying asleep, and they awoke no more. 

It had its work appointed it; it inexorably did what was 
appointed to it to do, and neither sped nor slackened. Called 
to, it went on unmoved, and did not come. Besought, by 
some who felt that it was drawing near, to change its 
course, it turned its shaded face upon them, even while 
they cried, and they were dumb. It passed into the midst 
of palace chambers, where there were lights, and music, 
pictures, diamonds, gold and silver; crossed the wrinkled 
and the gray, regardless of them, looked into the eyes of a 
bright bride ; and vanished. It revealed itself to the baby 
on the old crone's knee, and left the old crone wailing by 



A DECEMBER VISION. 255 

the fire. But, whether the beholder of its face were, now 
a King, or now a laborer, now a Queen, or now a seam- 
stress ; let the hand be palsied, be it on the sceptre, or the 
plough, or yet too small and nerveless to grasp anything : 
the Spirit never paused in its appointed work, and, sooner 
or later, turned its impartial face on all. 

I saw a Minister of State, sitting in his Closet; and, 
round about him, rising from the country which he gov- 
erned, up to the Eternal Heavens, was a low, dull howl of 
Ignorance. It was a wild, inexplicable mutter, confused, 
but full of threatening, and it made all hearers' hearts to 
quake within them. But, few heard. In the single city 
where this Minister of State was seated, I saw Thirty 
Thousand children, hunted, flogged, imprisoned, but not 
taught — who might have been nurtured by the wolf or bear, 
so little of humanity had they, within them or without — • 
all joining in this doleful cry. And, ever among them, as 
among all ranks and grades of mortals, in all parts of the 
globe, the Spirit went; and ever by thousands, in their 
brutish state, with all the gifts of God perverted in their 
breasts or trampled out, they died. 

The Minister of State, whose heart was pierced by even 
the little he could hear of these terrible voices, day and 
night rising to Heaven, went among the Priests and Teach- 
ers of all denominations, and faintly said : 

" Hearken to this dreadful cry I What shall we do to 
stay it?" 

One body of respondents answered, " Teach this!" 

Another said, "Teach that!" 

Another said, "Teach neither this nor that, but t'other!" 

Another quarrelled with all the three; twenty others 
quarrelled with all the four, and quarrelled no less bitterly 



256 A DECEMBER VISION. 

among themselves. The voices, not stayed by this, cried 
out day and night; and still, among those many thousands, 
as among all mankind, went the Spirit, who never rested 
from its labor ; and still, in brutish sort, they died. 

Then, a whisper murmured to the Minister of State : 

"Correct this for thyself. Be bold! Silence these 
voices, or virtuously lose thy power in the attempt to do it. 
Thou canst not sow a grain of good seed in vain. Thou 
knowest it well. Be bold, and do thy duty!" 

The Minister shrugged his shoulders, and replied, "It 
is a great wrong — But it will last my time." And so 
he put it from him. 

Then, the whisper went among the Priests and Teachers, 
saying to each, " In thy soul thou knowest it is a truth, O 
man, that there are good things to be taught, on which all 
men may agree. Teach those, and stay this cry." 

To which, each answered in like manner, " It is a great 
wrong — But it will last my time." And so he put it 
from him. 

1 saw a poisoned air, in which Life drooped. I saw Dis- 
ease, arrayed in all its store of hideous aspects and appal- 
ling shapes, triumphant in every alley, by-way, court, 
back-street, and poor abode, in every place where human 
beings congregated — in the proudest and most boastful 
places, most of all. I saw innumerable hosts, foredoomed 
to darkness, dirt, pestilence, obscenity, misery, and early 
death. I saw, wheresoever I looked, cunning preparations 
made for defacing the Creator's Image, from the moment 
of its appearance here on earth, and stamping over it the 
image of the Devil. I saw, from those reeking and perni- 
cious stews, the avenging consequences of such Sin issuing 
forth, and penetrating to the highest places. I saw the 



A DECEMBER VISION. 257 

rich struck down in their strength, their darling children 
weakened and withered, their marriageable sons and 
daughters perish in their prime. I saw that not one miser- 
able wretch breathed out his poisoned life in the deepest 
cellar of the most neglected town, but, from the surrounding 
atmosphere, some particles of his infection were borne 
away, charged with heavy retribution on the general guilt. 

There were many attentive and alarmed persons looking 
on, who saw these things too. They were well clothed, 
and had purses in their pockets ; they were educated, full 
of kindness, and loved mercy. They said to one another, 
"This is horrible, and shall not be!" and there was a stir 
among them to set it right. But, opposed to these, came a 
small multitude of noisy fools and greedy knaves, whose 
harvest was in such horrors; and they, with impudence 
and turmoil, and with scurrilous jests at misery and death, 
repelled the better lookers-on, who soon fell back, and 
stood aloof. 

There, the whisper went among those better lookers-on, 
saying, "Over the bodies of those fellows, to the remedy!" 

But each of them moodily shrugged his shoulders, and 
replied, " It is a great wrong — But it will last my time!" 
And so they j)ut it from them. 

I saw a great library of laws and law-proceedings, so 
complicated, costly, and unintelligible, that, although num- 
bers of lawyers united in a public fiction that these were 
wonderfully just and equal, there was scarcely an honest 
man among them but who said to his friend, privately 
consulting him, " Better put up with a fraud or other in- 
jury than grope for redress through the manifold blind 
turnings and strange chances of this system?" 

I saw a portion of the system, called (of all things) 
17 



258 A DECEMBER VISION. 

Equity, -wliich was ruin to suitors, ruin to property, a 
shield for wrong-doers having money, a rack for right- 
doers having none; a by-word for delay, slow agony of 
mind, despair, impoverishment, trickery, confusion, insup- 
portable injustice. A main part of it, I saw prisoners wast- 
ing in jail; mad peo^^le babbling in hospitals; suicides 
chronicled in the yearly records ; orphans robbed of their 
inheritance; infants righted (perhaps) when they were 
gray. 

Certain lawyers and laymen came together, and said to 
one another, " In only one of these our Courts of Equity, 
there are years of this dark perspective before us at the 
present moment. We must change this." 

Uprose, immediately, a throng of others. Secretaries, 
Petty Bags, Hanapers, Chafe-waxes, and what not, singing 
(in answer), " Kule Britannia," and " God save the Queen," 
making flourishing speeches, pronouncing hard names, 
demanding committees, commissions, commissioners, and 
other scarecrows, and terrifying the little band of innova- 
tors out of their five wits. 

Then, the whisper went among the latter, as they shrunk 
back, saying, " If there is any wrong within the universal 
knowledge, this wrong is. Goon! Set it right!" 

Whereon, each of them sorrowfully thrust his hands in 
his pockets, and replied, " It is indeed a great wrong; — 
But it will last my time!" and so they put it from them. 

The Spirit with its face concealed, summoned all the peo- 
ple who had used this phrase about their Time, into its 
presence. Then, it said, beginning with the Minister of 
State : 

" Of what duration is your Time?" 

The Minister of State replied, " My ancient family has 



A DECEMBER VISION. 259 

always been long-lived. My father died at eighty -four; 
my grandfather, at ninety-two. We have the gout, but 
bear it (like our honors) many years." 

"And you," said the Spirit to the Priests and Teachers, 
"what may your Time be?" 

Some believed that they were so strong, as that they 
should number many more years than three score and ten ; 
others were the sous of old incumbents who had long out- 
lived youthful expectants. Others, for any means they 
had of calculating, might be long-lived or short-lived — 
generally (they had a strong persuasion) long. So, among 
the well-clothed lookers-on. So, among the lawyers and 
laymen. 

"But every man, as I understand you, one and all," said 
the spirit, "has his Time?" 

"Yes!" they exclaimed together. 

" Yes, " said the Spirit ; " and it is — Eternity ! Who- 
soever is a consenting party to a wrong, comforting himself 
with the base reflection that it will last his time, shall bear 
his portion of that wrong throughout All Time. And, in 
that hour when he and I stand face to face, he shall sui-ely 
know it, as my name is Death!" 

It departed, turning its shaded face hither and thither 
as it passed along upon its ceaseless work, and blighting all 
on whom it looked. 

Then Avent among many trembling hearers the whisper, 
saying, " See, each of you, before you take your ease, 
wicked, selfish men, that what will ' last your time ' be 
Just enough to last forever!" [1850.] 



TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. 

Sir : — In your paper of Saturday you thought it worth 
while to refer to an article on my "American Notes," pub- 
lished in the recent number of the Edinburgh Review, for the 
purpose of commenting on a statement of the reviewer's in 
reference to the English and American press, with which I 
have no further concern than that I know it to be a very 
monstrous likening of unlike things. 

I am anxious to give to another misrepresentation made 
by the same writer, whosoever he may be — which is per- 
sonal to myself — the most public and positive contradiction 
in my power ; and I shall be really obliged to you if you 
will allow me to do this through the medium of your 
columns. 

He asserts " that if he be rightly informed, I went to 
America as a kind of missionary in the cause of interna- 
tional copyright. " I deny it wholly. He is wrongly in- 
formed; and reports, without inquiry, a picee of informa- 
tion which I could only characterize by using one of the 
shortest and strongest words in the language. Upon my 
honor, the assertion is destitute of any particle, aspect, or 
coloring of truth. 

It occurred to me to speak (as other English travellers 
connected with literature had done before me) of the exist- 
ing laws — or rather want of laws — on the subject of inter- 
national copyright, when I found myself in America, sim- 
ply because I had never hesitated to denounce their injustice 



TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. 261 

while at home ; because I thought it a duty to English wri- 
ters, that their case should be fairly represented ; and be- 
cause, inexperienced at that time in the American people, I 
believed that they would listen to the truth, even from one 
presumed to have an interest in stating it, and would not 
long refuse to recognize a principle of common honesty, 
even though it happened to clash with a miserably short- 
sighted view of their own profit and advantage. 
I am. Sir, your obliged Servant, 

Charles Dickens. 
1 Devonshu-e Terrace, Sunday, January 15. 

Devonshire Terrace, York Gate, Regent'' s Park, 

28th March, 18U. 
Gentlemen : 

I beg to assure you that it gives me great satisfaction to 
have the honor of enrolling my name among the Vice-Presi- 
dents of your association. 

My engagements will not permit, I regret to say, of my 
attending your meeting at the Hanover Square Rooms, on 
Monday evening. But, though absent in the body, I am 
with you in the spirit there and always. I believe that the 
objects you have in view are not of greater importance to 
yourselves than to the welfare and happiness of society — ^in 
general; to whom the comfort, happiness, and intelligence 
of that large class of industrious persons whose claims you 
advocate, is, if rightly understood, a matter of the highest 
moment and loftiest concern. 

I understand the late-hour system to be a means of de- 
priving very many young men of all reasonable opportuni- 
ties of self-culture and improvement, and of making their 
labor irksome, weary, and oppressive. I understand the 



263 TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. 

early -hour system to be a means of lightening their labor 
without disadvantage to any body or any thing, and of ena- 
bling them to improve themselves, as all rational creatures 
are intended to do, and have a right to do ; and therefore I 
hold that there is no more room for choice or doubt between 
the two, than there is between good and bad, or right and 
wrong. 

I am, Gentlemen, your faithful Servant, 

Charles Dickens. 
The Committee of the 
Metropolitan Drapers^ Association. 



THE FRIEND OE THE LIONS. 

We are m the Studio of a friend of ours, whose Imowl- 
edge of all kinds of Beasts and Birds has never been sur- 
passed, and to whose profound acquaintance with the whole 
Animal Kingdom every modern picture-gallery and every 
print-shop, at home and abroad, bears witness. ' We have 
been wanted by our friend as a model for a Rat-catcher. 
We feel much honored, and are sitting to him in that 
distinguished capacity, with an awful Bulldog much too 
near us. 

Our friend is, as might be expected, the particular friend 
of the Lions in the Zoological Gardens, Regent's Park, 
London. On behalf of that Royal Family dear to his heart 
he offers — standing painting away at his easel, with his own 
wonderful vigor and ease — a few words of friendly remon- 
strance to the Zoological Society. 

You are an admirable society (says our friend, throwing 
in, now a bit of our head, and now a bit of the Bulldog's), 
and you have done wonders. You are a society that has 
established in England a national menagerie of the most 
beautiful description, and that has placed it freely and in 
a spirit deserving of the highest commendation within the 
reach of the great body of the people. You are a society 
rendering a real service and advantage to the public, and 
always most sensibly and courteously represented by your 
excellent Mitchell. 

' This is evidently a reference to Sir Edwin Landseer, R. A. 



264 THE FRIEND OF THE LIONS. 

Then why (proceeds our friend) don't you treat your 
Lions better? 

In the earnestness of his inquiry, our friend looks harder 
than usual at the Bulldog. The Bulldog immediately droops 
and becomes embarrassed. All dogs feel that our friend 
knows all their secrets, and that it is utterly hopeless to 
attempt to take him in. The last base action committed 
by this Bulldog is on his conscience, the moment our friend 
fixes him. " What? You did, eh?" says our friend to the 
Bulldog. The Bulldog licks his lips with the greatest ner- 
vousness, winks his red eyes, balances himself afresh on his 
bandy forelegs, and becomes a spectacle of dejection. He 
is as little like his vagabond self as that remarkable breed 
which the French call a houledogue. 

Your birds (says our friend, resuming his work, and ad- 
dressing himself again to the Zoological Society) are as 
happy as the day is — he was about to add, long, but glances 
at the light and substitutes — short. Their natural habits 
are perfectly understood, their structure is well-considered, 
and they have nothing to desire. Pass from your birds to 
those members of your collection whom Mr. Rogers used 
to call, "our poor relations." Of course I mean the Mon- 
keys. They have an artificial climate carefully prepared for 
them. They have the blessing of congenial society care- 
fully secured to them. They are among their own tribes 
and connections. They have shelves to skip upon, and 
pigeon-holes to creep into. Graceful ropes dangle from the 
upper beams of their sitting-rooms, by which they swing 
for their own enjoyment, the fascination of the fair sex, 
and the instruction of the inquiring minds of the rising 
generation. Pass from our poor relations to that beast, 
the Hippopotamus. — What do you mean? 



THE FRIEND OF THE LIONS. 265 

The jlast inquiry is addressed, not to the Zoological So- 
ciety, but to the Bulldog, who has deserted his position, 
and is sneaking away. Passing his brush into the left 
thumb on which he holds his palette, our friend leisurely 
walks up to the Bulldog, and slaps his face! Even we, 
whose faith is great, expect to see him next moment with 
the Bulldog hanging on to his nose; but the Bulldog is 
abjectly polite, and would even wag his tail if it had not 
been bitten off in his infancy. 

Pass, I was saying (coolly pursues our friend at his easel 
again), from our poor relations to that impersonation of sen- 
suality, the Hippopotamus. How do you provide for him? 
Could he find on the banks of the Nile such a villa as you 
have built for him on the banks of the Regent's canal? 
Could he find, in his native Egypt, an appropriately fur- 
nished drawing-room, study, bath, wash-house, and spa- 
cious pleasure-ground, all en suite, and always ready? I 
think not. Now, I beseech your managing committee and 
your natural philosophers, to come with me and look at the 
Lions. 

Here our friend seizes a piece of charcoal and instantly 
produces, on a new canvas standing on another easel near, 
a noble Lion and Lioness. The Bulldog (who deferentially 
resumed his position after having his face slapped) looks 
on in manifest uneasiness, lest this new proceeding should 
have something to do with him. 

There! says our friend, throwing the charcoal away. 
There they are! The majestic King and Queen of quad- 
rupeds. The British Lion is no longer a fictitious creature 
in the British coat of arms. You produce your British 
Lion every year from this royal couple. And how, with 
all the vast amount of resources, knowledge, and ex- 



266 THE FRIEND OF THE LIONS. 

perience at your command, how do you treat these your 
great attractions? From day to day, I find the noble crea- 
tures patiently wearing out their weary lives in narrow 
spaces where they have hardly room to turn, and con- 
demed to face in the roughest weather a bitter Nor'west- 
erly aspect. Look at those wonderfully constructed feet, 
with their exquisite machinery for alighting from springs 
and leaps. What do you conceive to be the kind of ground 
to which those feet are, in the great foresight of nature, 
least adapted? Bare, smooth, hard boards, perhaps like 
the deck of a ship? Yes. A strange reason why you 
should choose that and no other flooring for their dens ! 

Why, Heaven preserve us ! (cries our friend, frightening 
the Bulldog very much) do any of you keep a cat? Will 
any of you do me the favor to watch a cat in a field or gar- 
den, on a bright sunshiny day — how she crouches in the 
mold, rolls in the sand, basks in the grass, delights to vary 
the surface upon which she rests, and change the form of 
the substance upon which she takes her ease. Compare 
such surfaces and substances with the one uniform, unyield- 
ing, unnatural, unelastic, inappropriate piece of human car- 
pentery upon which these beautiful animals, with their vexed 
faces, pace and pace, and pass each other two hundred and 
fifty times an hour. 

It is really incomprehensible (our friend proceeds), in 
you who should be so well acquainted with animals, to call 
these boards — or that other uncomfortable boarded object 
like a Mangle with the inside taken out — a Bed, for crea- 
tures with these limbs and these habits. That, a Bed for 
a Lion and Lioness, which does not even give them a chance 
of being bruised in a new place? Learn of your cat again, 
and see how she goes to bed. Did you ever find her, or 



THE FRIEND OF THE LIONS. 367 

any living creature, go to bed, without rearranging to the 
whim and sensation of the moment the materials of the 
bed itself? Don't you, the Zoological Society, punch and 
poke your pillows, and settle into suitable places in your 
beds? Consider then, what the discomfort of these magni- 
ficent brutes must be, to whom you leave no diversity of 
choice, no power of new arrangement, and as to whose un- 
changing and unyieldiug beds you begin with a form and 
substance that have no parallel in their natiiral lives. If 
you doubt the pain they must endure, go to museums and 
colleges where the bones of lions and other animals of the 
feline tribe who have lived in captivity under similar cir- 
cumstances, are preserved ; and you will find them thickly 
encrusted with a granulated substance, the result of long 
lying upon unnatural and uncomfortable planes. 

I will not be so pressing as to the feeding of my Eoyal 
Friends (pursues the Master), but even there I think you 
are wrong. You may rely upon it, that the best-regulated 
families of Lions and Lionesses don't dine every day punc- 
tually at the same hour, in their natural state, and don't 
always keep the same kind and quantity of meat in the 
larder. However, I will readily waive that question of 
board, if you will only abandon the other. 

The time of the sitting being out, our friend takes his 
palette from his thumb, lays it aside with his brush, 
ceases to address the Zoological Society, and releases the 
Bulldog and myself. Having occasion to look closely at 
the Bulldog's chest, he turns that model over as if he were 
made of clay (if I were to touch him with my little finger 
he would pin me instantly), and examines him without the 
smallest regard to his personal wishes or convenience. The 
Bulldog, having humbly submitted, is shown to the door. 



268 THE FRIEND OF THE LIONS. 

"Eleven precisely, to-morrow," says our friend, "or it 
will be the worse for you." The Bulldog respectfully 
slouches out. Looking out of the window, I presently see 
him going across the garden, accompanied by a particularly 
ill-looking proprietor with a black eye — my prototype, I pre- 
sume — again a ferocious and audacious Bulldog, who will 
evidently kill some other dog before he gets home. 

[1856.] 



THE DEMEANOR OF MURDERERS. 

The recent trial of the greatest villain that ever stood in 
the Old Bailey dock, ' has produced the usual descriptions 
inseparable from such occasions. The public has read from 
day to day of the murderer's complete self-possession, of 
his constant coolness, of his profound composure, of his 
perfect equanimity. Some describers have gone so far as 
to represent him occasionally rather amused than other- 
wise by the proceedings ; and all the accounts that we have 
seen concur in more or less suggesting that there is some- 
thing admirable, and diflBcult to reconcile with guilt, in the 
bearing so elaborately set forth. 

As whatever tends, however undesignedly, to insinuate 
this uneasy sense of incongruity into any mind, and to in- 
vest so abhorrent a ruffian with the slightest tinge of hero- 
ism, must be prejudicial to the general welfare, we revive 
the detestable subject with the hope of showing that there 
is nothing at all singular in such a deportment, but that it 
is always to be looked for and counted on, in the case of a 
very wicked murderer. The blacker the guilt, the stronger 
the probability of its being thus carried off. 

In passing, we will express an opinion that Nature never 
writes a bad hand. Her writing, as it may be read in the 
human countenance, is invariably legible, if we come at all 
trained to the reading of it. Some little weighing and com- 
paring are necessary. It is not enough in turning our eyes 

' Palmer, the Rugely Poisoner. 



270 THE DEMEANOR OP MURDERERS. 

on the demon in the Dock to say he has a fresh color, or a 
high head, or a bluff manner, or what not, and therefore he 
does not look like a murderer, and we are surprised and 
shaken. The physiognomy and conformation of the Poi- 
soner whose trial occasions these remarks were exactly in 
accordance with his deeds; and every guilty consciousness 
he had gone on storing up in his mind had its mark upon 
him. 

We proceed, within as short a compass as possible, to 
illustrate the position we have placed before our readers in 
the first paragraph of this paper. 

The Poisoner's demeanor was considered exceedingly re- 
markable, because of his composure under trial, and be- 
cause of the confident expectation of acquittal which he 
professed to the last, and under the influence of which he, 
at various times during his incarceration, referred to the 
plans he had entertained for the future when he should be 
free again. 

Can any one, reflecting on the matter for five minutes, 
suppose it possible — we do not say probable, but possible — 
that in the breast of this Poisoner there were surviving, in 
the days of his trial, any lingering traces of sensibility, or 
any wrecked fragment of the quality which we call senti- 
ment? Can the profoundest or the simplest man alive be- 
lieve that in such a heart there could have been left, by that 
time, any touch of Pity? An objection to die, and a special 
objection to be killed, no doubt he had; and with that ob- 
jection very strong within him for divers very weighty rea- 
sons, he was — not quite composed. Distinctly not quite 
composed, but, on the contrary, very restless. At one time, 
he was incessantly pulling on and pulling off his glove; at 
another time, his hand was constantly passing over and 



THE DEMEANOR OF MURDERERS. 271 

over his face ; and the thing most instanced in proof of his 
composure, the perpetual writing and scattering about of 
little notes, which, as the verdict drew nearer and nearer, 
thickened from a sprinkling to a heavy shower, is in itself 
a proof of miserable restlessness. Beyond this emotion, 
which any lower animal would have, with an apprehension 
on it of a similar fate, what was to be expected from such 
a creature, but insensibility? I poison my friend in his 
drink, and I poison my friend in his bed, and I poison my 
wife, and I poison her memory, and do you look to Me, at 
the end of such a career as mine, for sensibility? I have 
not the power of it even in my own behalf, I have lost the 
manner of it, I don't know what it means, I stand contemp- 
tuously wondering at you x^eople here when I see you moved 
by this affair. In the Devil's name, man, have you heard 
the evidence of that chambermaid whose tea I should like 
to have the sweetening of? Did you hear her describe the 
agonies in which my friend expired? Do you know that it 
was my trade to be learned in poisons, and that I foresaw 
all that, and considered all that, and knew, when I stood 
at his bedside looking down upon his face turned to me for 
help on its road to the grave through the frightful gate then 
swinging on its hinges, that in so many hours or minutes 
all those horrors would infallibly ensue? Have you heard 
that, after my poisonings, I have had to face the circum- 
stances out, with friends and enemies, doctors, undertakers, 
all sorts of men, and have uniformly done it ; and do you 
wonder that I face it out with you? Why not? What 
right or reason can you have to expect anything else of 
me? Wonder ! You might wonder, indeed, if you saw me 
moved, here now before you. If I had any natural human 
feeling for my face to express, do you imagine that those 



272 THE DEMEANOR OF MURDERERS. 

medicines of my prescribing and administering would ever 
have been taken from my hand? Why, man, my demeanor 
at this bar is the natural companion of my crimes, and, if 
it were a little different from what it is, you might even 
begin reasonably to doubt whether I had ever committed 
them! 

The Poisoner had a confident expectation of acquittal. 
We doubt as little that he really had some considerable 
hope of it, as we do that he made a pretence of having more 
than he really had. Let us consider, first, if it be wonder- 
ful that he should have been rather sanguine. He had 
poisoned his victims according to his carefully laid plans; 
he had got them buried out of his way ; he had murdered, 
and forged, and yet kept his place as a good fellow, and a 
sporting character; he had made a capital friend of the 
coroner, and a serviceable traitor of the postmaster ; he was 
a great public character, with a special Act of Parliament 
for his trial; the choice spirits of the Stock Exchange were 
offering long odds in his favor, and, to wind up all, here 
was a tip-top Counsellor bursting into tears for him, saying 
to the jury, three times over, " You dare not, you dare not, 
you dare not!" and bolting clean out of the course to de- 
clare his belief that he was innocent. With all this to en- 
courage him, with his own Derby-day division of mankind 
into knaves and fools, and with his own secret knowledge 
of the difficulties and mysteries with which the proof of 
Poison had been, in the manner of the Poisoning, sur- 
rounded, it would have been strange indeed if he were not 
borne up by some idea of escape. But, why should he 
have professed himself to have more hope of escape than 
he really entertained? The answer is because it belongs 
to that extremity that the villain in it should not only de- 



THE DEMEANOR OP MURDERERS. 273 

clare a strong expectation of acquittal liimself, but should 
try to infect all the people about him with it. Besides 
having an artful fancy, not wholly without foundation, 
he disseminates by that means an impression that he is 
innocent; to surround himself in his narrowed world with 
this fiction is, for the time being, to fill the jail with a 
faintly rose-colored atmosphere, and to remove the gallows 
to a more agreeable distance. Hence, plans are laid for 
the future, communicated with an engaging candor to turn- 
keys, and discussed in a reliant spirit. Even sick men and 
women, over whom natural death is imx^ending, constantly 
talk with those about them on precisely the same prin- 
ciple. 

It may be objected that there is some slight ingenuity in 
our endeavors to resolve the demeanor of this Poisoner 
into the same features as the demeanor of every other very 
wicked and very hardened criminal in the same strait, but 
that a i^arallel would be better than argument. We have 
no difficulty in finding a parallel ; we have no difficulty in 
finding scores, beyond the almost insuperable difficulty of 
finding, in the criminal records, as deeply dyed a mur- 
derer. To embarrass these remarks, however, with refer- 
ences to cases that have passed out of the general memory, 
or have never been widely known, would be to render the 
discussion very irksome. We will confine ourselves to a 
famous instance. We will not even ask if it be so long 
ago since Rush was tried, that his demeanor is forgotten. 
We will call Thurtell into court, as one of the murderers 
best remembered in England. 

With the difference that the circumstances of Thurtell' s 
guilt are not comparable in atrocity with those of the Poi- 
soner's, there are points of strong resemblance between the 
18 



274 THE DEMEANOR OP MURDERERS. 

two meu. Each was born in a fair station, and educated in 
conformity with it; each murdered a man with whom he 
had been on terms of intimate association, and for whom 
he professed a friendship at the time of the murder ; both 
were members of that vermin-race of outer bettors and 
blacklegs, of whom some worthy samples were presented 
on both trials, and of whom, as a community, mankind 
would be blessedly rid, if they could all be, once and for 
ever, knocked on the head at a blow. Thurtell's demeanor 
was exactly that of the Poisoner's. We have referred to 
the newspapers of his time in aid of our previous knowl- 
edge of the case ; and they present a complete confirmation 
of the simple fact for which we contend. From day to day, 
during his imprisonment before his trial, he is described as 
"collected and resolute in his demeanor," as "rather mild 
and conciliatory in his address," as being visited by 
" friends whom he receives with cheerfulness, " as " remain- 
ing firm and unmoved, " as " increasing in confidence as the 
day which is to decide his fate draws nigh, " as " speaking of 
the favorable result of the trial with his usual confidence. " 
On his trial, he looks " particularly well and healthy." His 
attention and composure are considered as wonderful as the 
Poisoner's ; he writes notes as the Poisoner did ; he watches 
the case with the same cool eye ; he " retains that firmness 
for which, from the moment of his apprehension, he has 
been distinguished" ; he " carefully assorts his papers on a 
desk near him"; he is (in this being singular) his own 
orator, and makes a speech in the manner of Edmund 
Kean, on the whole not very unlike that of the leading 
counsel for the Poisoner, concluding, as to his own inno- 
cence, with a So help me God ! Before his trial, the Poi- 
soner says he will be at the coming race for the Derby. 



THE DEMEANOR OP MURDERERS. 275 

Before his trial, Thurtell says " that after his acquittal he 
will visit his father, and will propose to him to advance the 
portion which he intended for him, upon which he will re- 
side abroad." (So Mr. Manning observed, under similar 
circumstances, that when all the nonsense was over, and 
the thing wound up, he had an idea of establishing himself 
in the West Indies). When the Poisoner's trial is yet to 
last another day or so, he enjoys his half-pound of steak 
and his tea, wishes his best friends may sleep as he does, 
and fears the grave "no more than his bed." (See the 
Evening Hymn for a Young Child.) When Thurtell' s trial 
is yet to last another day or so, he takes his cold meat, tea, 
and coffee, and " enjoys himself with great comfort" ; also, 
on the morning of his execution, he wakes from as innocent 
a slumber as the Poisoner's, declaring that he has had an 
excellent night, and that he hasn't dreamed "about this 
business." Whether the parallel will hold to the last, 
as to "feeling very well and very comfortable," as to 
"the firm step and perfect calmness," as to "the man- 
liness and correctness of his general conduct," as to 
"the countenance imchanged by the awfulness of the 
situation" — not to say as to bowing to a friend from 
the scaffold "in a friendly but dignified manner" — 
our readers will know for themselves when we know 
too. 

It is surely time that people who are not in the habit of 
dissecting such appearances, but who are in the habit of 
reading about them, should be helped to the knowledge 
that in the worst examples they are the most to be ex- 
pected and the least to be wondered at. That there is no 
inconsistency in them and no fortitude in them. That 
there is nothing in them but cruelty and insensibility. 



276 THE DEMEANOR OP MURDERERS. 

That they are seen because the man is of a piece with his 
misdeeds ; and that it is not likely that he ever could have 
committed the crimes for which he is to suffer, if he had 
not this demeanor to present, in standing publicly to answer 
for them. [1856.] 



CURIOUS MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH 
REVIEW. 

The Edinburgh Review in an article in its last number, 
on "The License of Modern Novelists," is angry with Mk. 
Dickens and other modern novelists, for not confining 
themselves to the mere amusement of their readers, and 
for testifying in their works that they seriously feel the 
interest of true Englishmen in the welfare and honor of 
their country. To them should be left the making of easy 
occasional books for idle young gentlemen and ladies to 
take up and lay down on sofas, drawing-room tables, and 
window-seats; to the Edinburgh Review should be reserved 
the settlement of all social and political questions and the 
strangulation of all complainers. Mr. Thackeray may 
write upon Snobs, but there must be none in the superior 
government departments. There is no positive objection 
to Mr. Reade having to do, in a Platonic way, with a Scot- 
tish fishwoman or so; but he must by no means connect 
himself with Prison Discipline. That is the inalienable 
property of official personages; and, until Mr. Reade can 
show that he has so much a-year, paid quarterly, for un- 
derstanding (or not understanding) the subject, it is none 
of his, and it is impossible that he can be allowed to deal 
with it. 

The name of Mr. Dickens is at the head of this page, and 
the hand of Mr. Dickens whites this paper. He will shel- 
ter himself under no affectation of being any one else, in 



278 MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 

having a few words of earnest but temperate remonstrance 
with the Ed'mhurgh Review, before pointing out its curious 
misprint. Temperate, for the honor of Literature; tem- 
perate, becavise of the great services which the Ediiiburgh 
Review rendered in its time to good literature, and good 
government ; temperate in remembrance of the loving affec- 
tion of Jeffrey, the friendship of Sydney Smith, and the 
faithful sympathy of both. 

The license of Modern Novelists is a taking title. But 
it suggests another, the License of Modern Eeviewers. 
Mr. Dickens' libel on the wonderfully exact and vigorous 
English government, which is always ready for any emer- 
gency, and which, as everybody knows, has never shown 
itself to be at all feeble at a pinch within in the memory 
of men, is License in a novelist. Will the Edinburgh Re- 
view forgive Mr. Dickens for taking the liberty to point out 
what is License in a Eeviewer? 

"Even the catastrophe iu 'Little Dorrit' is evidently borrowed 
from the recent fall of houses in Tottenham Court Road, which 
happens to have appeared in the newspapers at a convenient period. " 

Thus, the Eeviewer. The Novelist begs to ask him 
whether there is no license in his writing those words and 
stating that assumption as a truth, when any man accus- 
tomed to the critical examination of a book cannot fail, at- 
tentively turning over the pages of " Little Dorrit, " to ob- 
serve that the catastrophe is carefully prepared for them 
from the very first presentation of the old house in the 
story ; that when Eigaud, the man who is crushed by the 
fall of the house, first enters it (hundreds of pages before 
the end), he is beset by a mysterious fear and shuddering; 
that the rotten and crazy state of the house is laboriously 



MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 279 

kept before the reader, whenever the house is shown ; that 
the way to the demolition of the man and the house to- 
gether is paved all through the book with a painful mi- 
nuteness and reiterated care of preparation, the necessity 
of which (in order that the thread may be kept in the 
reader's mind through nearly two years) is one of the 
adverse incidents of that serial form of publication? It 
may be nothing to the question that Mr. Dickens now pub- 
licly declares, on his word and honor, that that catastrophe 
was written, was engraven on steel, was printed, had passed 
through the hands of compositors, readers for the press, 
and pressmen, and was in type and in proof in the Print- 
ing House of Messrs. Bradbury and Evans, before the 
accident in Tottenham Court Road occurred. But it is 
much to the question that an honorable reviewer might 
have easily traced this out in the internal evidence of the 
book itself before he stated, for a fact, what is utterly and 
entirely, in every particular and respect, untrue. More; 
if the Editor of the Edinburgh Revieia (imbending from the 
severe official duties of a blameless branch of the Circumlo- 
cution Office) had happened to condescend to cast his eye 
on the passage and had referred even its mechanical proba- 
bilities and improbabilities to his publishers, those expe- 
rienced gentlemen must have warned him that he was 
getting into danger; must have told him that on a com- 
parison of dates, and with a reference to the number printed 
of " Little Dorrit, " with that very incident illustrated, and 
to the date of the publication of the completed book in a 
volume, they hardly perceived how Mr. Dickens could have 
waited, with such a desperate Micawberism, for a fall of 
houses in Tottenham Court Road to get him out of his 
difficulties, and yet could have come up to time with the 



280 MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 

needful punctuality. Does the Edinburgh Review make no 
charges at random? Does it live in a blue and yellow glass 
house, and yet throw such big stones over the roof? Will 
the licensed Reviewer apologize to the Licensed Novelist, 
for Jiis little Circumlocution OflB.ce? Will he " examine the 
justice" of his own "general charges," as well as Mr. 
Dickens' ? Will he apply his own words to himself, and 
come to the conclusion that it really is " a little curious to 
consider what qualifications a man ought to possess, before 
he could with any kind of propriety hold this language"? 

The Novelist now proceeds to the Reviewer's curious 
misprint. The Reviewer, in his laudation of the great offi- 
cial departments, and in his indignant denial of there being 
any trace of a Circumlocution Office to be detected among 
them all, begs to know, " What does Mr. Dickens think of 
the whole organization of the Post Office and of the system 
of cheap Postage?" Taking St. Martins-le-grand in tow, 
the wrathful Circumlocution steamer, puffing at Mr. Dickens 
to crush him with all the weight of that first-rate vessel, de- 
mands, " To take a single and well-known example, how does 
he account for the career of Mr. Rowland Hill? A gen- 
tleman in a private and not very conspicuous position writes 
a pamphlet recommending what amounted to a revolution 
in a most important department of the Government. Did 
the Circumlocution Office neglect him, traduce him, break 
his heart, and ruin his fortune? They adopted his scheme, 
and gave him the leading share in carrying it out, and yet 
this is the government which Mr. Dickens declares to be a 
sworn foe to talent, and a systematic enemy to ingenuity." 

The curious misprint, here, is the name of Mr. Rowland 
Hill. Some other and perfectly different name must have 
been sent to the printer. Mr. Rowland Hill ! Why, if Mr. 



MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 281 

Rowland Hill were not, in toughness, a man of a hundred 
thousand ; if he had not had in the struggles of his career 
a steadfastness of purpose overriding all sensitiveness, and 
steadily staring grim despair out of countenance, the Cir- 
cumlocution Office would have made a dead man of him 
long and long ago. Mr. Dickens, among his other darings, 
dares to state, that the Circumlocution Office most heartily 
hated Mr. Rowland Hill; that the Circumlocution Office 
most characteristically opposed him as long as opposition 
was in any way possible; that the Circumlocution Office 
would have been most devoutly glad if it could have har- 
ried Mr. Rowland Hill' s soul out of his body, and consigned 
him and his troublesome penny project to the grave to- 
gether. 

Mr. Rowland Hill ! ! Now, see the impossibility of Mr. 
Rowland Hill being the name which the Edinhxirgh Review 
sent to the printer. It may have relied on the forbearance 
of Mr. Dickens toward living gentlemen, for his being 
mute on a mighty job that was jobbed in that very Post- 
Office when Mr. Rowland Hill was tahoo there, and it 
shall not rely upon his courtesy in vain, though there be 
breezes on the southern side of mid-Strand, London, in 
which the scent of it is yet strong on quarter-days. But, 
the Edinburgh Review never can have put up Mr. Rowland 
Hill for the putting down of Mr. Dickens' idle fiction of a 
Circimilocution Office. The *' license " would have been too 
great, the absurdity would have been too transparent, the 
Circumlocution Office dictation and partisanship would have 
been much too manifest. 

" The Circumlocution Office adopted his scheme, and gave 
him the leading share iu carrying it out." The words are 
clearly not applicable to Mr. Rowland Hill. Does the Re- 



282 MISPKINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 

viewer remember the history of Mr. Rowland Hill's scheme? 
The Novelist does, and will state it here, exactly ; in spite 
of its being one of the eternal decrees that the Reviewer, 
in virtue of his license, shall know everything, and that 
the Novelist, in virtue of his license, shall know nothing. 

Mr. Rowland Hill published his pamphlet on the estab- 
lishment of one uniform penny postage, in the beginning of 
the year eighteen hundred and thirty-seven. Mr. Wallace, 
member for Greenock, who had long been opposed to the 
then existing Post-Of&ce system, moved for a Committee 
on the subject. Its appointment was opposed by the Gov- 
ernment — or, let us say, the Circumlocution Office — but was 
afterward conceded. Before that Committee, the Circum- 
locution Office and Mr. Rowland Hill were perpetually in 
conflict on questions of fact ; and it invariably turned out 
that Mr. Rowland Hill was always right in his facts, and 
that the Circumlocution Office was always wrong. Even 
on so plain a point as the average number of letters at that 
very time passing through the Post Office, Mr. Rowland 
Hill was right, and the Circumlocution Office was wrong. 

Says the Edinburgh Review, in what it calls a " general " 
way, " The Circumlocution Office adopted his scheme." Did 
it? Not just then, certainly; for, nothing whatever was 
done, arising out of the inquiries of that Committee. But 
it happened that the Whig Government afterward came to 
be beaten on the Jamaica question, by reason of the Radi- 
cals voting against them. Sir Robert Peel was commanded 
to form a Government, but failed, in consequence of the 
difficulties that arose (our readers will remember them) 
about the Ladies of the Bedchamber. The Ladies of the 
Bedchamber brought the Whigs in again, and then the 
Radicals (being always for the destruction of everything) 



MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 283 

made it one of the conditions of their rendering their sup- 
port to the new Whig Government that the penny postage 
should be adopted. This was two years after the appoint- 
ment of the Committee ; that is to say, in eighteen hundred 
and thirty-nine. The Circumlocution Office had, to that 
time, done nothing toward the penny postage, but oppose, 
delay, contradict, and show itself uniformly wrong. 

"They adopted his scheme, and gave him the leading 
share in carrying it out." Of course they gave him the 
leading share in carrying it out, then, at the time when 
they adopted it, and took the credit and popularity of it? 
Not so. In eighteen hundred and thirty-nine, Mr. Row- 
land Hill was appointed — not to the Post Office, but to the 
Treasury. Was he appointed to the Treasury to carry 
out his own scheme? No. He was appointed " to advise." 
In other words, to instruct the ignorant Circumlocution 
Office how to do without him, if it by any means could. 
On the tenth of January, eighteen hundred and forty, the 
penny-postage system was adopted. Then, of course, the 
Circumlocution Office gave Mr. Rowland Hill " the leading 
share in carrying it out"? Not exactly, but it gave him 
the leading share in carrying himself out : for in eighteen 
hundred and forty-two it summarily dismissed Mr. Row- 
land Hill altogether! 

When the Circumlocution Office had come to that pass on 
its patriotic course so much admired by the Edinburgh Re- 
view, of protecting and patronizing Mr. Rowland Hill, whom 
any child who is not a Novelist can perceive to have been its 
peculiar livoUge; the public mind (always perverse) became 
much excited on the subject. Sir Thomas Wilde moved 
for another Committee. Circumlocution Office interposed. 
Nothing was done. The public subscribed and presented 



284 MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 

to Mr. Eowland Hill, Sixteen Thousand Pounds. Circum- 
locution Office remained true to itself and its functions. 
Did nothing ; would do nothing. It was not until eighteen 
hundred and forty-six, four years afterward, that Mr. Eow- 
land Hill was appointed to a place in the Post-Office. Was 
he appointed, even then, to the " leading share in carrying 
out " his scheme? He was permitted to creep into the Post- 
Office up the back stairs, through having a place created 
for him. This post of dignity and honor, this Circumlo- 
cution Office crown, was called " Secretary to the Post- 
master General"; there being already a Secretary to the 
Post-Office, of whom the Circumlocution Office had de- 
clared, as its reason for dismissing Mr. Eowland Hill, that 
his functions and Mr. Eowland Hill's could not be made to 
harmonize. 

They did not harmonize. They were in perpetual dis- 
cord. Penny postage is but one reform of a number of 
Post-Office reforms effected by Mr. Eowland Hill; and 
these, for eight years longer, were thwarted and opposed 
by the Circumlocution Office, tooth and nail. It was not 
until eighteen hundred and fifty-four, fourteen years after 
the appointment of Mr. Wallace's Committee, that Mr. 
Eowland Hill (having, as was openly stated at the time, 
threatened to resign and to give his reasons for doing so), 
was at last made sole Secretary at the Post-Office, and the 
inharmonious secretary (of whom no more shall be said) 
was otherwise disposed of. It is only since that date of 
eighteen hundred and fifty-four, that such reforms as the 
amalgamation of the general and district posts, the division 
of London into ten towns, the earlier delivery of letters all 
over the country, the book and parcels post, the increase of 
letter-receiving houses everywhere, and the management of 



MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 285 

the Post-Office with a greatly increased efficiency, have been 
brought about by Mr. Kowland Hill for the public benefit 
and the public convenience. 

If the Edinburgh Review could seriously want to know 
" how Mr. Dickens accounts for the career of Mr. Eowland 
Hill," Mr. Dickens would account for it by his being a 
Birmingham man of such imperturbable steadiness and 
strength of purpose, that the Circumlocution Office, by its 
utmost endeavors, very feebly tried, could not weaken his 
determination, sharpen his razor, or break his heart. By 
his being a man in whose behalf the public gallantry was 
roused, and the public spirit awakened. By his having a 
project, in its nature so plainly and directly tending to the 
immediate benefit of every man, woman, and child in the 
State that the Circumlocution Office could not blind them, 
though it could for a time cripple it. ■ By his having thus, 
from the first to the last, made his way in spite of the Cir- 
cumlocution Office, and dead against it as his natural enemy. 

But, the name is evidently a curious misprint and an un- 
fortunate mistake. The Novelist will await the Reviewer's 
correction of the press, and substitution of the right name. 

Will the Edinburgh Review also take its next opportunity 
of manfully expressing its regret that in too distempered a 
zeal for the Circumlocution Office it has been betrayed, as 
to that Tottenham Court Road assertion, into a hasty sub- 
stitution of untruth for truth; the discredit of which it 
might have saved itself if it had been sufficiently cool and 
considerate to be simply just? It will, too, possibly have 
much to do by that time in championing its Circumlocution 
Office in new triumphs on the voyage out to India (God 
knows that the Novelist has his private as well as his pub- 
lic reasons for writing the foreboding with no triumphant 



286 MISPRINT IN THE EDINBURGH REVIEW. 

heart!); but even party occupation, the reviewer's license, 
or the editorial plural, does not absolve a gentleman from a 
gentleman's duty, a gentleman's restraint, and a gentle- 
man's generosity. 

Mr. Dickens will willingly do his best to " account for" 
any new case of Circumlocution Office j)i'otection that the 
Review may make a gauntlet of. He may be trusted to do 
so, he hopes, with a just respect for the Review, for him- 
self, and for his calling; beyond the sound, healthy, legit- 
imate uses and influences of which, he has no ^surpose to 
serve, and no ambition in life to gratify. [1857.] 



PEESONAL. 

Three- AND-TWENTT years have passed since I entered on 
my present relations with the Public. They began when I 
was so young that I find them to have existed for nearly a 
quarter of a century. 

Through all that time I have tried to be as faithful to the 
public as they have been to me. It was my duty never to 
trifle with them, or deceive them, or presume upon their 
favor, or do anything with it but work hard to justify it. 
I have always endeavored to discharge that duty. 

My conspicuous position has often made me the subject 
of fabulous stories and imaccountable statements. Occa- 
sionally, such things have chafed me, or even wounded me ; 
but I have always accepted them as the shadows insepara- 
ble from the light of my notoriety and success. I have 
never obtruded any such personal uneasiness of mine upon 
the generous aggregate of my audience. 

For the first time in my life, and I believe for the last, 
I now deviate from the principle I have so long observed, 
by presenting myself in my own Journal in my own private 
character, and entreating all my brethren (as they deem 
that they have reason to think well of me, and to know 
that I am a man who has ever been unaffectedly true to 
our common calling) to lend their aid to the dissemination 
of my present words. 

Some domestic trouble of mine, of long-standing, on 
which I will make no further remark than that it claims to 
be respected, as being of a sacredly private nature, has 
lately been brought to an arrangement, which involves no 



388 PERSONAL. 

^nger or ill-will of any kind, and the whole origin, prog- 
ress, and surrounding circumstances of which have been 
throughout within the knowledge of my children. It is 
amicably composed, and its details have now but to be for- 
gotten by those concerned in it. 

By some means, arising out of wickedness, or out of folly, 
or out of inconceivable wild chance, or out of all three, this 
trouble has been made the occasion of misrepresentations, 
most grossly false, most monstrous, and most cruel — in- 
volving not only me, but innocent persons dear to my 
heart, and innocent persons of whom I have no knowledge, 
if, indeed, they have any existence — and so widely spread 
that I doubt if one reader in a thousand will peruse these 
lines by whom some touch of the breath of these slanders 
will not have passed, like an unwholesome air. 

Those who know me and my nature, need no assurance 
under my hand that such calumnies are as irreconcilable 
with me as they are, in their frantic incoherence, with one 
another. But there is a great multitude who know me 
through my writings, and who do not know me otherwise, 
and I cannot bear that one of them should be left in doubt, 
or hazard of doubt, through my poorly shrinking from tak- 
ing the unusual means to which I now resort, of circulating 
the Truth. 

I most solemnly declare, then — and this I do both in my 
own name and in my wife's name — that all the lately whis- 
pered rumors touching the trouble at which I have glanced 
are abominably false. And that whosoever repeats one of 
them after this denial will lie as wilfully and as foully 
as it is possible for any false witness to lie, before Heaven 
and earth. Charles Dickens. 

[1858.] 



"ALL THE YEAE ROUND." 

After the appearance of the present concluding Number 
of Household Words, this publication will merge into the 
new weekly publication, All the Year Bound, and the title, 
Household Words, will form a part of the title-page of All 
the Year Round. 

The Prospectus of the latter Journal described it in 
these words : 

" Address. 

" Nine years of Household Words, are the best practical 
assurance that can be offered to the public, of the spirit 
and objects of All the Year Round. 

" In transferring myself, and my strongest energies, from 
the publication that is about to be discontinued, to the pub- 
lication that is about to be begiin, I have the happiness of 
taking with me the staff of writers with whom I have la- 
bored, and all the literary and business co-operation that 
can make my work a pleasure. In some important re- 
spects, I am now free greatly to advance on past arrange- 
ments. Those I leave to testify for themselves in due 
course. 

" That fusion of the graces of the imagination with the 
realities of life, which is vital to the welfare of any com- 
munity, and for which I have striven from week to week 
as honestly as I could during the last nine years, will con- 
tinue to be striven for 'all the year round.' The old 
weekly cares and duties become things of the Past, merely 
19 



290 "all the year round." 

to be assumed, witli an increased love for them and brighter 
hopes springing out of them, in the Present and the Future. 

" I look, and plan, for a very much wider circle of read- 
ers, and yet again for a steadily expanding circle of readers, 
in the projects I hope to carry through 'all the year round.' 
And I feel confident that this expectation will be realized 
if it deserve realization. 

" The task of my new Journal is set, and it will steadily 
try to work the task out. Its pages shall show to what 
good purpose their motto is remembered in them, and with 
how much of fidelity and earnestness they tell 

" The Story of ouk Lives ekom Year to Year, 

"Charles Dickens." 

Since this was issued, the Journal itself has come into 
existence, and has spoken for itself five weeks. Its fifth 
Number is published to-day, and its circulation, moderately 
stated, trebles that now relinquished in Ilo^isehold Words. 

In referring our readers, henceforth, to All the Year 
Round, we can but assure them afresh of our unwearying 
and faithful service, in what is at once the work and the 
chief pleasure of our life. Through all that we are doing, 
and through all that we design to do, our aim is to do our 
best in sincerity of purpose, and true devotion of spirit. 

We do not for a moment suppose that we may lean on 
the character of these pages, and rest contented at the point 
where they stop. We see in that point but a starting-place 
for our new journey; and on that journey, with new pros- 
pects opening out before us everywhere, we joyfully pro- 
ceed, entreating our readers — without any of the pain of 
leave-taking incidental to most journeys — to bear us com- 
pany All the Year Eound. [1859.] 



A LAST HOUSEHOLD WORD. 

The first page of tlie first of these Nineteen Volumes was 
devoted to a Preliminary Word from the writer by whom 
they were projected, under whose constant supervision they 
have been produced, and whose name has been (as his pen 
and himself have been) inseparable from the Publication 
ever since. 

The last page of the last of these Nineteen Volumes is 
closed by the same hand. 

He knew perfectly well, knowing his own rights, and 
his means of attaining them, that it could not he but that 
this Work must stop, if he chose to stop it. He therefore 
announced, many weeks ago, that it would be discontinued 
the day on which this final Number bears date. The Pub- 
lic have read a great deal to the contrary, and will observe 
that it has not in the least affected the result. 

[1859.] 



OCCASIONAL EEGISTER. 

WANTED. 

VERY PAETICULARLY; the chief engineer of the 
steamship Bagofca, who ordered a man to be roasted 
to death at a furnace. Which order was obeyed, under cir- 
cumstances of brutality, both active and passive, so abom- 
inable, that the earth can hardly be expected to produce 
grains and fruits after their several kinds while the said 
engineer remains unhanged upon it. 

If this should meet the eye of the magistrate who per- 
mitted that murderer to go at large on bail, he is informed 
that he is not likely to hear of anything to his advantage. 

THE REASON WHY London aldermanic justice, in the 
current month of April, sentenced a ruffian, for a se- 
ries of perfectly unprovoked assaults of a most violent de- 
scription, beginning with a respectable young woman and 
ending with the police in general, to one month' s imprison- 
ment only. The attention of Mr. Alderman Mechi is 
invited. 

THE PHILANTHROPISTS who are so benevolent as 
to open the public-houses, free of expense, at election 
time. Also, the good Samaritans who pay arrears of rent 
for people, at about the same period. 

IN ACTION, an original English play of any description 
within the limits of the United Kingdom of Great 
Britain and Ireland. 



OCCASIONAL REGISTER. 293 

A PEW IDEAS for the walls of the Eoyal Academy. 
One hundred cart-loads of fancy dresses, dolls, and 
old furniture, may be taken in exchange. 

SOME NEWER TUB for the whale-taking trade, than 
a cry of Eevolution to catch a pension. Address, . 
Buckinghamshire. 

BY THE EEVEEEND GENTLEMAN who took upon 
himself to write to TJie Times, proclaiming (quite 
erroneously) a certain living person to be the author of a 
certain anonymous work of genius, any Excuse, be it ever 
so small, for that impertinence. 

A LOUDLY EXPRESSED public opinion, to clear 
away the Metropolitan Board of Works with its 
whole crew of jobbers and idlers. If the above opinion is 
not produced, the London ratepayers will be sold, and will 
have to pay heavy charges. 



FOUND. 



A 
A 



LWAYS. An immense flock of gulls to believe in 
preposterous advertisements. 

GEEAT DEAL OF MONEY belonging to nobody, 
on its way to boroughs and counties to do nothing. 



THE DIGNITY of the Lord Mayor of London. This 
jewel, after being mislaid for many years and sup- 
posed lost, has been discovered, in the brightest condition, 
in a setting of Golden Wire. The article may be seen, any 
morning, at the Mansion House. It is not permitted to be 
handled, but must be contemplated through the microscope. 



294 OCCASIONAL REGISTER. 

IN THE PUBLISHING and Book Trade, lately, sev- 
eral Tracts and Pamphlets, in the titles of which the 
most sacred names and subjects are treated with a horrible 
familiarity, and are indecently set forth as if in play-bills. 
It is earnestly hoped that they will not be sold to pay the 
expenses. 

MISSING. 

ON ALL OCCASIONS, the man who is responsible for 
anything done ill in the public service. He will 
particularly oblige by coming forward. 

THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT, from the Bible of a 
Right Reverend Prelate. The loss was dtscovered 
on or about the 30th of March and 4th of April, when ref- 
erence to the Divine Homily was much needed, in a corre- 
spondence with a dissenting father, relative to the burial 
of his little child in his own family grave. As the posses- 
sion of these leaves of the New Testament, by their bereaved 
owner, is of importance to society, restoration is earnestly 
solicited. Please to communicate with Samuel, at the 
Soap Warehouse, St. James' Court. 

[1859.] 



FIVE NEW POINTS OF CEIMINAL LAW. 

The existing Criminal Law has been found in trials for 
Murder to be so exceedingly basty. unfair, and oppressive 
— in a word, to be so very objectionable to the amiable per- 
sons accused of that thoughtless act — that it is, we under- 
stand, the intention of the Government to bring in a Bill 
for its amendment. We have been favored with an outline 
of its probable provisions. 

It will be grounded on the profound principle that the 
real offender is the Murdered Person; but for whose ob- 
stinate persistency in being murdered, the interesting 
fellow-creature to be tried could not have got into 
trouble. 

Its leading enactments may be expected to resolve them- 
selves under the following heads : 

1. There shall be no Judge. Strong representations 
have been made by highly popular culprits that the pres- 
ence of this obtrusive character is prejudicial to their best 
interests. The Court will be composed of a political gen- 
tleman, sitting in a secluded room commanding a view of 
St. James' Park, who has already more to do than any 
human creature can, by any stretch of the human imagina- 
tion, be supposed capable of doing. 

2. The Jury to consist of Five Thousand Five Hundred 
and Fifty -five Volunteers. 

3. The Jury to be strictly prohibited from seeing either 
the accused or the witnesses. They are not to be sworn. 



296 FIVE NEW POINTS OF CRIMINAL LAW. 

They are on no account to hear the evidence. They are to 
receive it, or such representations of it, as may happen to 
fall in their way; and they will constantly write letters 
about it to all the Papers. 

4. Supposing the trial to be a trial for Murder by poison- 
ing, and supposing the hypothetical case, or the evidence, 
for the prosecution to charge the administration of two 
poisons, say Arsenic and Antimony; and supposing the 
taint of Arsenic in the body to be possible but not probable, 
and the presence of Antimony in the body to be an abso- 
lute certainty ; it will then become the duty of the Jury to 
confine their attention solely to the Arsenic, and entirely 
to dismiss the Antimony from their minds. 

5. The symptoms preceding the death of the real offen- 
der (or Murdered Person) being described in evidence by 
medical practitioners who saw them, other medical practi- 
tioners who never saw them shall be required to state 
whether they are inconsistent with certain known diseases 
— hut, they shall never he asked ivhether they are not exactly 
consistent with the administration of Poison. To illustrate 
this enactment in the proposed Bill by a case : — A raging 
mad dog is seen to run into the house where Z lives alone, 
foaming at the mouth. Z and the mad dog are for some 
time left together in that house under proved circum- 
stances, irresistibly leading to the conclusion that Z has 
been bitten by the dog. Z is afterwards found lying on his 
bed in a state of hydrophobia, and with the marks of the 
dog's teeth. Now, the symptoms of that disease being 
identical with those of another disease called Tetanus, 
which might supervene on Z's running a rusty nail into a 
certain part of his foot, medical practitioners who never 
saw Z shall bear testimony to that abstract fact, and it 



FIVE NEW POINTS OF CRIMINAL LAW. 297 

shall then be incumbent on the Registrar-General to certify 
that Z died of a rusty nail. 

It is hoped that these alterations in the present mode of 
procedure will not only be quite satisfactory to the accused 
person (which is the first great consideration), but will also 
tend, in a tolerable degree, to the welfare and safety of 
Society. For it is not sought in this moderate and prudent 
measure to be wholly denied that it is an inconvenience to 
Society to be poisoned overmuch. [1859.] 



"THE TATTLESNIVEL BLEATER." 

The pen is taken in hand on the present occasion, by a 
private individual (not wholly unaccustomed to literary 
composition), for the exposure of a conspiracy of a most 
frightful nature ; a conspiracy which, like the deadly Upas- 
tree of Java, on which the individual produced a poem in 
his earlier youth (not wholly devoid of length), which was 
so flatteringly received (in circles not wholly unaccustomed 
to form critical opinions), that he was recommended to 
publish it, and would certainly have carried out the sugges- 
tion, but for private considerations (not wholly unconnected 
with expense). 

The individual who undertakes the exposure of the gi- 
gantic conspiracy now to be laid bare in all its hideous de- 
formity, is an inhabitant of the town of Tattlesnivel^ — a 
lowly inhabitant, it may be, but one who, as an Englishman 
and a man, will ne'er abase his eye before the gaudy and 
the mocking throng. 

Tattlesnivel stoops to demand no championship from her 
sons. On an occasion in History, our bluff British mon- 
arch, our Eighth Eoyal Harry, almost went there. And 
long ere the periodical in which this exposure will aj)pear 
had sprung into being, Tattlesnivel had unfurled that stand- 
ard which yet waves upon her battlements. The standard 
alluded to is The Tattlesnivel Bleater, containing the lat- 
est intelligence, and state of markets, down to the hour of 
going to press, and presenting a favorable local medium for 



"the tattlesnivel bleater," 299 

advertisers, on a graduated scale of charges, considerably 
diminishing in proportion to the guaranteed number of 
insertions. 

It were bootless to expatiate on the host of talent engaged 
in formidable phalanx to do fealty to the Bleater. Suffice 
it to select, for present purposes, one of the most gifted and 
(but for the wide and deep ramifications of an un-English 
conspiracy) most rising, of the men who are bold Albion's 
pride. It were needless, after this preamble, to point the 
finger more directly at the London Correspondent of 
The Tattlesnivel Bleater. 

On the weekly letters of that Correspondent, on the flex- 
ibility of their English, on the boldness of their grammar, 
on the originality of their quotations (never to be found as 
they are printed, in any book existing), on the priority of 
their information, on their intimate acquaintance with the 
secret thoughts and unexecuted intentions of men, it would 
ill become the humble Tattlesnivellian who traces these 
words, to dwell. They are graven in the memory; they 
are on the Bleater^ s file. Let them be referred to. 

But, from the infamous, the dark, the subtle conspiracy 
which spreads its baleful roots throughout the land, and 
of which the Bleater'' s London Correspondent is the one 
sole subject, it is the purpose of the lowly Tattlesnivellian 
who undertakes this revelation, to tear the veil. Nor will 
he shrink from his self-imposed labor, Herculean though 
it be. 

The conspiracy begins in the very Palace of the Sovereign 
Lady of our Ocean Isle. Leal and loyal as it is the proud 
vaunt of the Bleater' s readers, one and all, to be, the in- 
habitant who pens this exposure does not personally im- 
peach, either her Majesty the Queen, or the illustrious 



300 "the tattlesnivel bleater." 

Prince Consort. But, some silken-clad smoothers, some 
purple parasites, some fawners in frippery, some greedy 
and begartered ones in gorgeous garments, he does impeach 
• — ay, and wrathfuUy! Is it asked on what grounds? 
They shall be stated. 

The Bleater'' s London Correspondent, in the prosecution 
of his important inquiries, goes down to Windsor, sends in 
his card, has a confidential interview with her Majesty and 
the illustrious Prince Consort. For a time, the restraints 
of Eoyalty are thrown aside in the cheerful conversation of 
the Bleater' s London Correspondent, in his fund of infor- 
mation, in his flow of anecdote, in the atmosphere of his 
genius; her Majesty brightens, the illustrious Prince Con- 
sort thaws, the cares of State and the conflicts of Party are 
forgotten, lunch is proposed. Over that unassuming and 
domestic table, her Majesty communicates to the Bleater' s 
London Correspondent that it is her intention to send his 
Eoyal Highness the Prince of Wales to inspect the top of 
the Great Pyramid — thinking it likely to improve his 
acquaintance with the views of the people. Her Majesty 
further communicates that she has made up her royal mind 
(and that the Prince Consort has made up his illustrious 
mind) to the bestowal of the vacant Garter, let us say on 
Mr. Koebuck. The younger Eoyal children having been 
introduced at the request of the Bleater' s London Corre- 
spondent, and having been by him closely observed to pre- 
sent the usual external indications of good health, the 
happy knot is severed, with a sigh the Eoyal bow is once 
more strung to its full tension, the Bleater' s London Corre- 
spondent returns to London, writes his letter, and tells 
The Tattlesnivel Bleater what he knows. All Tattlesnivel 
reads it and knows that he knows it. But, does his Eoyal 



"the tattlesnivel bleater." 301 

Highness tlie Prince of Wales ultimately go to the top of 
the Great Pyramid? Does Mr. Roebuck ultimately get 
the Garter? No. Are the younger Eoyal children even 
ultimately fountl to be well? On the contrary, they have 
— and on that very day had — the measles. Why is this? 
Because the Conspirators against the Bleater' s London Cor- 
respondent have stepped in with their dark machinations. 
Because her Majesty and the Prince Consort are artfully 
induced to change their minds, from north to south, from 
east to west, immediately after it is known to the conspira- 
tors that they have put themselves in communication with 
the Bleater^s London Correspondent. It is now indig- 
nantly demanded, by whom are they so tampered with? 
It is now indignantly demanded, who took the responsibil- 
ity of concealing the indisposition of those Eoyal children 
from their Eoyal and Illustrious parents, and of bringing 
them down from their beds, disguised, expressly to con- 
found the London Correspondent of The Tattlesnivel Bleat- 
er? Who are those persons, it is again asked? Let not 
rank and favor protect them. Let the traitors be exhibited 
in the face of day ! 

Lord John Eussell is in this conspiracy. Tell us not 
that his Lordship is a man of too much spirit and honor. 
Denunciation is hurled against him. The proof? The 
proof is here. 

The Time is panting for an answer to the question, Will 
Lord John Eussell consent to take office under Lord Palm- 
erston? Good. The London Correspondent of The Tat- 
tlesnivel Bleater is in the act of writing his weekly letter, 
finds himself rather at a loss to settle this question finally, 
leaves off, puts his hat on, goes down to the lobby of the 
House of Commons, sends in for Lord John Eussell, and 



303 "the tattlesnivel bleater." 

has him out. He draws his arm through his Lordship's, 
takes him aside, and says, "John, will you ever accept 
office under Palmerston?" His Lordship replies, " I will 
not." The Bleater^s London -Correspondent retorts, with 
the caution such a man is bound to use, " John, think again ; 
say nothing to me rashly; is there any temper here?" His 
Lordship replies calmly, "None whatever." After giving 
him time for reflection, the Bleater^ s London Correspondent 
says, *' Once more, John, let me put a question to you. 
Will you ever accept office under Palmerston?" His Lord- 
ship answers (note the exact expressions), "Nothing shall 
induce me ever to accept a seat in a Cabinet of which Palm- 
erston is the Chief." They part, the London Correspon- 
dent of The Tattlesnivel Bleater finishes his letter, and — 
always being withheld by motives of delicacy, from plainly 
divulging his means of getting accurate information on 
every subject, at first hand — puts in it this passage: "Lord 
John Eussell is spoken of, by blunderers, for Foreign 
Affairs ; but I have the best reasons for assuring your read- 
ers, that" (giving prominence to the exact expressions, it 
will be observed) " ' nothing will ever induce him to 

ACCEPT A SEAT IN A CABINET OF WHICH PalMERSTON IS 

THE Chief.' On this you may implicitly rely." What 
happens? On the very day of the publication of that num- 
ber of the Bleater — the malignity of the conspirators being 
even manifested in the selection of the day — Lord John 
Russell takes the Foreign Office! Comment were super- 
fluous. 

The people of Tattlesnivel will be told, have been told, 
that Lord John Eussell is a man of his word. He may be, 
on some occasions ; but, when overshadowed by this dark 
and enormous growth of conspiracy, Tattlesnivel knows 



"the tattlesnivel bleater." 303 

him to be otherwise. " I happen to be certain, deriving 
my information from a source which cannot be doubted to 
be authentic," wrote the London Correspondent of the 
Bleater, within the last year, " that Lord John Russell bit- 
terly regrets having made that explicit speech of last Mon- 
day. " These are not roundabout phrases ; these are plain 
words. What does Lord John Eussell (apparently by acci- 
dent), within eight-and-forty hours after their diffusion 
over the civilized globe? Eises in his place in Parliament, 
and unblushingly declares that if the occasion could arise 
five hundred times, for his making that very speech, he 
would make it five hundred times ! Is there no conspiracy 
here? And is this combination against one who would be 
always right if he were not proved always wrong, to be 
endured in a country that boasts of its freedom and its fair- 
ness? 

But the Tattlesnivellian who now raises his voice against 
intolerable oppression may be told that, after all, this is 
a political conspiracy. He may be told, forsooth, that Mr. 
Disraeli's being in it, that Lord Derby's being in it, that 
Mr. Bright' s being in it, that every Home, Foreign, and 
Colonial Secretary's being in it, that every ministry's and 
every opposition's being in it, are but proofs that men will 
do in politics what they would do in nothing else. Is this 
the plea? If so, the rejoinder is, that the mighty conspir- 
acy includes the whole circle of Artists of all kinds, and 
-comprehends all degrees of men, down to the worst criminal 
and the hangman who ends his career. For all these are 
intimately known to the London Correspondent of The Tat- 
tlesnivel Bleater, and all these deceive him. 

Sir, put it to the proof. There is the Bleater on the file 
— documentary evidence. Weeks, months, before the Ex- 



304 "the tattlesnivel bleater." 

hibition of the Eoyal Academy, the Bleater' s London Cor- 
respondent knows the subjects of all the leading pictures, 
knows what the painters first meant to do, knows what they 
afterward substituted for what they first meant to do, 
knows what they ought to do and won't do, knows what 
they ought not to do and will do, knows to a letter from 
whom they have commissions, knows to a shilling how much 
they are to be paid. Now, no sooner is each studio clear 
of the remarkable man to whom each studio-occupant has 
revealed himself as he does not reveal himself to his nearest 
and dearest bosom friend, than conspiracy and fraud begin. 
Alfred the Great becomes the Fairy Queen ; Moses viewing 
the Promised Land, turns out to be Moses going to the 
Pair ; Portrait of His Grace the Archbishop of Canterbury, 
is transformed, as if by irreverent enchantment of the dis- 
senting interest, into A Favorite Terrier, or Cattle Grazing; 
and the most extraordinary work of art in the list described 
by the Bleater is coolly sponged out altogether, and assert- 
ed never to have had existence at all, even in the most 
shadowy thoughts of its executant! This is vile enough, 
but this is not all. Picture-buyers then come forth from 
their secret positions, and creep into their places in the 
assassin-multitude of conspirators. Mr. Baring, after ex- 
pressly telling the Bleater'' s London Correspondent that he 
had bought No. 39 for one thousand guineas, gives it up to 
somebody unknown for a couple of hundred pounds; The 
Marquis of Lansdowne pretends to have no knowledge 
whatever of the commissions to which the London Corre- 
spondent of the Bleater swore him, but allows a Railway 
Contractor to cut him out for half the money. Similar ex- 
amples might be multiplied. Shame, shame, on these menl 
Is this England? 



"the tattlesnivel bleater." 305 

Sir, look agaiu at Literature. The Bleater^s London 
Correspondent is not merely acquainted with all the emi- 
nent writers, but is in possession of the secrets of their 
souls. He is versed in their hidden meanings and refer- 
ences, sees their manuscripts before publication, and knows 
the subjects and titles of their books when they are not be- 
gun. How dare those writers turn upon the eminent man 
and depart from every intention they have confided to him? 
How do they justify themselves in entirely altering their 
manuscripts, changing their titles, and abandoning their 
subjects? Will they deny, in the face of Tattlesnivel, that 
they do so? If they have such hardihood, let the file of 
the Bleater strike them dumb. By their fruits they shall 
be known. Let their works be compared with the antici- 
patory letters of the Bleater's London Correspondent, and 
their falsehood and deceit will become manifest as the sim ; 
it will be seen that they do nothing which they stand 
pledged to the Bleater' s London Correspondent to do; it 
will be seen that they are among the blackest parties in 
this black and base conspiracy. This will become apparent, 
sir, not only as to their public proceedings but as to their 
private affairs. The outraged Tattlesnivellian who now 
drags this infamous combination into the face of day, 
charges those literary persons with making away with their 
property, imposing on the Income Tax Commissioners, 
keeping false books, and entering into sham contracts. 
He accuses them on the unimpeachable faith of the London 
Correspondent of The Tattlesnivel Bleater. With whose 
evidence they will find it impossible to reconcile their own 
account of any transaction of their lives. 

The national character is degenerating under the influ- 
ence of the ramifications of this tremendous conspiracy. 
^0 



306 "the tattlesnivel bleater." 

Forgery is committed, constantly. A person of note — any 
sort of person of note — dies. The Bleater' s London Corre- 
spondent knows wliat his circumstances are, what his sav- 
ings are (if any), who his creditors are, all about his chil- 
dren and relations, and (in general, before his body is cold) 
describes his will. Is that will ever proved? Never! 
Some other will is substituted; the real instrument, de- 
stroyed. And this (as has been before observed) is Eng- 
land! 

Who are the workmen and artificers, enrolled upon the 
book of this treacherous league? From what funds are 
they paid, and with what ceremonies are they sworn to se- 
crecy? Are there none such? Observe what follows. A 
little time ago the Bleater' s London Correspondent had this 
passage: "Boddleboy is pianoforte-playing at St. Janua- 
rius' Gallery, with pretty tolerable success! He clears 
three hundred pounds per night. Not bad this!!" The 
builder of St. Januarius' Gallery (plunged to the throat 
in the conspiracy) met with this piece of news, and ob- 
served, with characteristic coarseness, "that the Bleater' s 
London Correspondent was a Blind Ass. " Being pressed 
by a man of spirit to give his reasons for this extraordinary 
statement, he declared that the Gallery, crammed to suffo- 
cation, would not hold two hundred pounds, and that its 
expenses were, probably, at least half what it did hold. 
The man of s^jirit (himself a Tattlesnivellian) had the 
Gallery measured within a week from that hour, and it 
would not hold two hundred pounds ! Now, can the poorest 
capacity doubt that it had been altered in the mean time? 

And so the conspiracy extends, through every grade of 
society, down to the condemned criminal in prison, the 
hangman, and the Ordinary. Every famous murderer with- 



"the tattlesnivel bleater." 307 

in the last ten years has desecrated his last moments by 
falsifying his confidences imparted specially to the London 
Correspondent of The Tattlesnivel Bleater; on every such 
occasion, Mr. Calcrafthas followed the degrading example; 
and the reverend Ordinary, forgetful of his cloth, and 
mindful only (it would seem, alas!) of the conspiracy, has 
committed himself to some account or other of the criminal's 
demeanor and conversation, which has been diametrically 
opposed to the exclusive information of the London Cor- 
respondent of the Bleater. And this (as has been before 
observed) is Merry England! 

A man of true genius, however, is not easily defeated. 
The Bleater'' s London Correspondent, probably beginning to 
suspect the existence of a plot against him, has recently 
fallen on a new style, which, as being very difficult to 
countermine, may necessitate the organization of a new 
conspiracy. One of his masterly letters, lately, disclosed 
the adoption of this style — which was remarked with pro- 
found sensation throughout Tattlesnivel — in the following 
passage : " Mentioning literary small-talk, I may tell you 
that some new and extraordinary rumors are afloat concern- 
ing the conversations I have previously mentioned, alleged 
to have taken place in the first floor front (situated over 
the street-door), of Mr. X. Ameter (the poet so well known 
to your readers), in which X. Ameter' s great uncle, his 
second son, his butcher, and a corpulent gentleman with 
one eye universally respected at Kensington, are said not 
to have been on the most friendly footing; I forbear, how- 
ever, to pursue the subject further, this week, my informant 
not beiQg able to supply me with exact particulars. " 

But enough, sir. The inhabitant of Tattlesnivel who 
has taken pen in hand to expose this odious association of 



308 "the tattlesnivel bleater." 

unprincipled men against a shining (local) character, turns 
from it with disgust and contempt. Let him in few words 
strip the remaining flimsy covering from the nude object of 
the conspirators, and his loathsome task is ended. 

Sir, that object, he contends, is evidently twofold. 
First, to exhibit the London Correspondent of The Tattle- 
snivel Bleater in the light of a mischievous Blockhead who, 
by hiring himself out to tell what he cannot possibly know, 
is as great a public nuisance as a Blockhead in a corner can 
be. Second, to suggest to the men of Tattlesnivel that it 
does not improve their town to have so much Dry Eubbish 
shot there. 

Now, sir, on both these points Tattlesnivel demands in 
accents of Thunder, Where is the Attorney-General? Why 
doesn't The Times take it up? (Is the latter in the con- 
spiracy? It never adopts his views, or quotes him, and 
incessantly contradicts him.) Tattlesnivel, sir, remember- 
ing that our forefathers contended with the Norman at 
Hastings, and bled at a variety of other places that will 
readily occur to you, demands that its birthright shall not 
be bartered away for a mess of pottage. Have a care, sir, 
have a care! Or Tattlesnivel (its idle Eifles piled in its 
scouted streets) may be seen ere long, advancing with its 
Bleater to the foot of the Throne, and demanding redress 
for this conspiracy, from the orbed and sceptred hands of 
Majesty itself! [1859.] 



THE ELECTION FOE EINSBURY. 

To the Editor of The Daily News. 

Sib : — Beiug here for a day or two, I have observed in 
your paper of yesterday (which fell in my way this morn- 
ing) an account of a meeting of Einsbury electors, in which 
it was discussed whether I should be invited to become a 
candidate for that borough. I may save some trouble if 
you will kindly allow me to confirm the sensible gentleman 
who doubted at that meeting whether I was " quite the sort 
of man for Einsbury." I am not at all the sort of man, 
for I believe nothing would induce me to offer myself as a 
parliamentary representative of that place, or any other 
under the sun. — I am, etc., 

Charles Dickens. 

Newcastle-on-Ttne, November 21st, 1861. 



THE YOUNG MAN FEOM THE COUNTRY. 

A SONG of the hour, now in course of being sung and 
whistled in every street, the other day reminded tlie writer 
of these words — as he chanced to pass a fag-end of the song 
for the twentieth time in a short London walk — that twenty 
years ago a little book on the United States, entitled 
"American Notes," was published by "A Young Man from 
the Country, " who had just seen and left it. 

This Young Man from the Country fell into a deal of 
trouble, by reason of having taken the liberty to believe 
that he perceived in America downward popiilar tendencies 
for which his young enthusiasm had been anything but pre- 
pared. It was in vain for the Young Man to offer in ex- 
tenuation of his belief that no stranger could have set foot 
on those shores with a feeling of livelier interest in the 
coTmtry, and stronger faith in it, than he. Those were the 
days when the Tories had made their Ashburton treaty, 
and when Whigs and Radicals must have no theory dis- 
turbed. All three parties waylaid and mauled the Young 
Man from the Country, and showed that he knew nothing 
about the country. 

As the Young Man from the Country had observed in the 
Preface to his little book, that he " would bide his time, " 
he took all this in silent part for eight years. Publishing 
then a cheap edition of his book, he made no stronger pro- 
test than the following : 

"My readers have opportunities of judging for them- 



THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 311 

selves whether the influences and tendencies which I dis- 
trusted in America have any existence but in my imagina- 
tion. They can examine for themselves whether there has 
been anything in the public career of that country during 
these past eight years, or whether there is anything in its 
present position, at home or abroad, which suggests that 
those influences and tendences really do exist. As they 
find the fact, they will judge me. If they discern any evi- 
dences of wrong-going in any direction that I have indicated, 
they will acknowledge that I had reason in what I wrote. 
If they discern no such thing, they will consider me alto- 
gether mistaken. I have nothing to defend, or to explain 
away. The truth is the truth; and neither childish absur- 
dities, nor imscrupulous contradictions, can make it other- 
wise. The earth would still move round the sun, though 
the whole Catholic Church said No." 

Twelve more years having since passed away, it may, 
now at last, be simply just toward the Young Man from 
the Country, to compare what he originally wrote with 
recent events and their plain motive powers. Treating of 
the House of Eepresentatives at Washington, he wrote thus : 

" Did I recognize, in this assembly, a body of men, who, 
applying themselves in a new world to correct some of the 
falsehoods and vices of the old, purified the avenues to 
Public Life, paved the dirty ways to Place and Power, 
debated and made laws for the Common Good, and had no 
party but their Country? 

" I saw, in them, the wheels that move the meanest per- 
version of virtuous Political machinery that the worst tools 
ever wrought. Despicable trickery at elections; under- 
handed tamperings with public officers; cowardly attacks 
upon opponents, with scurrilous newspapers for shields, 



312 THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 

and hired pens for daggers ; shameful trucklings to merce- 
nary knaves, whose claim to be considered is, that every 
day and week they sow new crops of ruin with their venal 
types, which are the dragon's teeth of yore, in everything 
but sharpness ; aidings and abettings of every bad inclina- 
tion in the popular mind, and artful suppressions of all its 
good influences ; such things as these, and in a word Dis- 
honest Faction in ibs most depraved and most unblush- 
ing form, stared out from every corner of the crowded 
hall. 

" Did I see among them the intelligence and refinement, 
the true, honest, patriotic heart of America? Here and 
there were drops of its blood and life, but they scarcely 
colored the stream of desperate adventurers which sets that 
way for profit and for pay. It is the game of these men, 
and of their profligate organs, to make the strife of politics 
so fierce and brutal, and so destructive of all self-respect 
in worthy men, that sensitive and delicate-minded persons 
shall be kept aloof, and they, and such as they, be left to 
battle out their selfish views unchecked. And thus this 
lowest of all scrambling fights goes on, and they who in 
other countries would, from their intelligence and station, 
most aspire to make the laws, do here recoil the farthest 
from that degradation. 

" That there are, among the representatives of the people 
in both Houses, and among all parties, some men of high 
character and great abilities, I need not say. The foremost 
among those politicians who are known in Europe have 
been already described, and I see no reason to depart from 
the rule I have laid down for my guidance, of abstaining 
from all mention of individuals. It will be sufficient to 
add, that to the most favorable accounts that have been 



THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 313 

written of them, I fully and most heartily subscribe; and 
that personal intercourse and free communication have bred 
within me, not the result predicted in the very doubtful 
proverb, but increased admiration and respect." 

Toward the end of his book, the Young Man from the 
Country thus expressed himself concerning its people : 

"They are, by nature, frank, brave, cordial, hospitable, 
and affectionate. Cultivation and refinement seem but to 
enhance their warmth of heart and ardent enthusiasm ; and 
it is the possession of these latter qualities in a most re- 
markable degree which renders an educated American one 
of the most endearing and most generous of friends. I 
never was so won upon as by this class ; never yielded up 
my full confidence and esteem so readily and pleasurably, 
as to them ; never can make again, in half a year, so many 
friends for whom I seem to entertain the regard of half a 
life. 

" These qualities are natural, I implicitly believe, to the 
whole people. That they are, however, sadly sapped and 
blighted in their growth among the mass, and that there 
are influences at work which endanger them still more, and 
give but little present promise of their healthy restoration, 
is a truth that ought to be told. 

" It is an essential part of every national character to 
pique itself mightily upon its faults, and to deduce tokens 
of its virtue or its wisdom from their very exaggeration. 
One great blemish in the popular mind of America, and the 
prolific parent of an innumerable brood of evils, is Uni- 
versal Distrust. Yet the American citizen plumes liimseK 
upon this spirit, even when he is sufiiciently dispassionate 
to perceive the ruin it works ; and will often adduce it, in 
spite of his own reason, as an instance of the great sagacity 



314 THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 

and acuteness of the people, and their superior shrewdness 
and independence. 

"'You carry/ says the stranger, 'this jealousy and dis- 
trust into every transaction of public life. By repelling 
worthy men from your legislative assemblies, it has bred 
up a class of candidates for the suffrage, who, in their 
every act, disgrace your Institutions and your people's 
choice. It has rendered you so fickle, and so given to 
change, that your inconstancy has passed into a proverb; 
for you no sooner set up an idol firmly, than you are sure 
to pull it down and dash it into fragments : and this, be- 
cause directly you reward a benefactor, or a public servant, 
you distrust him, merely because he is rewarded; and im- 
mediately apply yourselves to find out, either that you have 
been too bountiful in your acknowledgments, or he remiss 
in his deserts. Any man who attains a high place among 
you, from the President downward, may date his downfall 
from that moment; for any printed lie that any notorious 
villain pens, although it militate directly against the char- 
acter and conduct of a life, appeals at once to your distrust, 
and is believed. You will strain at a gnat in the way of 
trustfulness and confidence, however fairly won and well 
deserved, but you will swallow a whole caravan of camels, 
if they be laden with unworthy doubts and mean suspicions. 
Is this well, think you, or likely to elevate the character of 
the governors or the governed among you?' 

" The answer is invariably the same : ' There's freedom of 
opinion here, you know. Every man thinks for himself, 
and we are not to be easily overreached. That's how our 
people come to be suspicious. ' 

" Another prominent feature is the love of ' smart ' deal- 
ing : which gilds over many a swindle and gross breach of 



THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 315 

trust; many a defalcation, public and private; and enables 
many a knave to hold his head up with the best, who well 
deserves a halter : though it has not been without its retrib- 
utive operation, for his smartness has done more in a few 
years to impair the public credit, and to cripple the public 
resources, than dull honesty, however rash, could have 
effected in a century. The merits of a broken speculation 
or a bankruptcy or of a successful scoundrel are not gauged 
by its or his observance of the golden rule, ' Do as you would 
be done by,' but are considered with reference to their 
smartness, I recollect, on both occasions of our passing 
that ill-fated Cairo on the Mississippi, remarking on the 
bad effects such gross deceits must have been when they 
exploded, in generating a want of confidence abroad, and 
discouraging foreign investment ; but I was given to under- 
stand that this was a very smart scheme by which a deal of 
money had been made : and that its smartest feature was, 
that they forgot these things abroad, in a very short time, 
and speculated again, as freely as ever. The following 
dialogue I have held a hundred times: 'Is it not a very 
disgraceful circumstance that such a man as So-and-So 
should be acquiring a large property by the most infamous 
and odious means, and, notwithstanding all the crimes of 
which he has been guilty, should be tolerated and abetted 
by your citizens? He is a public nuisance, is he not?' 
* Yes, sir.' 'A convicted liar?' 'Yes, sir.' 'He has been 
kicked, and cuffed, and caned?' 'Yes, sir.' 'And he is 
utterly dishonorable, debased, and profligate?' 'Yes, sir.' 
'In the name of wonder, then, what is his merit?' 'Well, 
sir, he is a smart man.' 

" But the foul growth of America has a more tangled root 
than this ; and it strikes its fibres deep in its licentious Press. 



316 THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY. 

"Schools may be erected, East, West, North, and South; 
pupils be taught, and masters reared, by scores upon scores 
of thousands; colleges may thrive, churches may be 
crammed, temperance may be diffused, and advancing 
knowledge in all other forms walk through the land with 
giant strides ; but while the newspaper press of America is 
in, or near, its present abject state, high moral improve- 
ment in that country is hopeless. Year by year, it must 
and will go back ; year by year, the tone of public opinion 
must sink lower down ; year by year, the Congress and the 
Senate must become of less account before all decent men ; 
and year by year, the memory of the Great Fathers of the 
Revolution must be outraged more and more, in the bad life 
of their degenerate child. 

" Among the herd of journals which are published in the 
States, there are some, the reader scarcely need be told, of 
character and credit. From personal intercourse with ac- 
complished gentlemen connected with publications of this 
class, I have derived both pleasure and profit. But the 
name of these is Few, and of the others Legion ; and the 
influence of the good is powerless to counteract the mortal 
poison of the bad. 

" Among the gentry of America; among the well-informed 
and moderate ; in the learned professions ; at the bar and 
on the bench ; there is, as there can be, but one opinion, in 
reference to the vicious character of these infamous journals. 

It is sometimes contended — I will not say strangely, for 
it is natural to seek excuses for such a disgrace — that their 
influence is not so great as a visitor would suppose. I 
must be pardoned for saying that there is no warrant for 
this plea, and that every fact and circumstance tends 
directly to the opposite conclusion. 



THE YOUNG MAN PROM THE COUNTRY. 317 

" When any man, of any grade of desert in intellect or 
character, can climb to any public distinction, no matter 
what, in America, without first grovelling down upon the 
earth, and bending the knee before this monster of deprav- 
ity ; when any private excellence is safe from its attacks ; 
when any social confidence is left unbroken by it, or any 
tie of social decency and honor is held in the least regard ; 
when any man in that Free Country has freedom of opinion, 
and presumes to think for himself, and speak for himself, 
without humble reference to a censorship which, for its 
rampant ignorance and base dishonesty, he utterly loathes 
and despises in his heart ; when those who most acutely feel 
its infamy and the reproach it casts upon the nation, and 
who most denounce it to each other, dare to set their heels 
upon, and crush it openly, in the sight of all men ; then, I 
will believe that its influence is lessening, and men are re- 
turning to their manly senses. But while that Press has 
its evil eye in every house, and its black hand in every ap- 
pointment in the State, from a president to a postman; 
while, with ribald slander for its only stock in trade, it is 
the standard literature of an enormous class, who must find 
their reading in a newspaper, or they wUl not read at all; 
so long must its odium be upon the country's head, and so 
long must the evil it works be plainly visible in the 
Republic." 

The foregoing was written in the year eighteen hundred 
and forty-two. It rests with the reader to decide whether 
it has received any confirmation, or assumed any color of 
truth, in or about the year eighteen hundred and sixty -two. 

[1862.] 



AN ENLIGHTENED CLERGYMAN.' 

At various places in Suffolk (as elsewhere) penny read- 
ings take place " for the instruction and amusement of the 
lower classes." There is a little town in Suffolk called 
Eye, where the subject of one of these readings was a tale 
(by Mr. Wilkie Collins) from the last Christmas number 
of this journal, entitled "Picking up Waifs at Sea." It 
appears that the Eye gentility was shocked by the introduc- 
tion of this rude piece among the taste and musical classes 
of that important town, on which the eyes of Europe are 
always notoriously fixed. In particular, the feelings of the 
vicar's family were outraged; and a Local Organ (say. The 
Tattlesnivel Bleater) consequently doomed the said piece to 
everlasting oblivion, as being of an " injurious tendency" ! 

When this fearful fact came to the knowledge of the un- 
happy writer of the doomed tale in question, he covered his 
face with his robe, previous to dying decently under the 
sharp steel of the ecclesiastical gentility of the terrible town 
of Eye. But the discovery that he was not alone in his 
gloomy glory revived him, and he still lives. 

For, at Stowmarket, in the aforesaid county of Suffolk, 
at another of these penny readings, it was announced that 
a certain juvenile sketch, culled from a volume of sketches 
(by Boz) and entitled "The Bloomsbuby Christening," 

' The Christmas number here referred to is " Tom Tiddler's 
Ground" (1861), where is described the incident of two births on 
board ship. 



AN ENLIGHTENED CLERGYMAN. 319 

would be read. Hereupon the clergyman of that place took 
heart and pen, and addressed the following terrific epistle 
to a gentleman bearing the very appropriate name of Gud- 
geon: 

•' Stowmarket Vicarage, February 25, 1861. 

" Sir : — My attention has been directed to a piece called 
'The Bloomsbury Christening,' which you propose to read 
this evening. Without presuming to claim any interference 
in the arrangement of the readings, I would suggest to you 
whether you have on this occasion sufficiently considered 
the character of the composition you have selected. I 
quite appreciate the laudable motive of the promoters of the 
readings to raise the moral tone amongst the working class 
of the town, and to direct this taste in a familiar and pleas- 
ant manner. * The Bloomsbury Christening' cannot possi- 
bly do this. It trifles with a sacred ordinance, and the lan- 
guage and style, instead of improving the taste, has a direct 
tendency to lower it. 

" I appeal to your right feeling whether it is desirable to 
give publicity to that which must shock several of your 
audience and create a smile amongst others, to be indulged 
in only by violating the conscientious scruples of their 
neighbors. 

" The ordinance which is here exposed to ridicule is one 
which is much misunderstood and neglected amongst many 
families belonging to the Church of England, and the mode 
in which it is treated in this chapter cannot fail to appear 
as giving a sanction to, or at least excusing, such neglect. 

" Although you are pledged to the public to give this sub- 
ject, yet I cannot but believe that they would fully justify 
your substitution of it for another did they know the cir- 
cumstances. An abridgment would only lessen the evil in 



320 AN ENLIGHTENED CLEEGYMAN. 

a degree, as it is not only the style of the writing but the 
subject itself which is objectionable. 

" Excuse me for troubling you, but I felt that, in common 
with yourself, I have a grave responsibility in the matter, 
and I am most truly yours, T. S. Coles. 

"To Mr. J. Gudgeon." 

It is really necessary to explain that this is not a bad 
joke. It is simply a bad fact. [1862. ] 



EATHER A STRONG DOSE.^ 

"Doctor John Campbell, the minister of the Taber- 
nacle Chapel, Einsbury, and editor of The British Banner, 
etc., with that massive vigor which distinguishes his style," 
did, we are informed by Mr, Howitt, " deliver a verdict in 
the Banner, for November, 1852, of great importance and 
favor to the table-rapping cause. We are not informed 
whether the Public, sitting in judgment on the question, 
reserved any point in this great verdict for subsequent con- 
sideration; but the verdict would seem to have been re- 
garded by a perverse generation as yet not quite final, inas- 
much as Mr. Howitt finds it necessary to reopen the case, 
a round ten years afterward, in nine hundred and sixty- 
two stiff octavo pages, published by Messrs. Longman and 
Company. 

Mr. Howitt is in such a bristling temper on the Super- 
natural subject, that we will not take the great liberty of 
arguing any point with him. But — with the view of assist- 
ing him to make converts — we will inform our readers, on 
his conclusive authority, what they are required to believe, 
premising what may rather astonish them in connection 
with their views of a certain historical trifle, called the 

1 The work upon which this article is based is entitled "The His- 
tory of the Supernatural in all Ages and Nations, and in all Churches, 
Christian and Pagan, demonstrating a Universal Faith, " by William 
Hewitt, 1863. This book is again referred to in the nest paper, 
" The Martyr Medium. " 
^1 



322 RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 

Eeformation, that their present state of unbelief is all the 
fault of Protestantism, and that " it is high time, therefore, 
to protest against Protestantism." 

They will please to believe, by way of an easy beginning, 
all the stories of good and evil demons, ghosts, prophecies, 
communication with spirits, and practice of magic, that 
ever obtained, or are said to have ever obtained, in the 
North, in the South, in the East, in the West, from the 
earliest and darkest ages as to which we have any hazy in- 
telligence, real or supposititious, down to the yet imfinished 
displacement of the Eed Men in North America. They will 
please to believe that nothing in this wise was changed by 
the fulfilment of our Saviour's mission upon earth; and 
further, that what Saint Paul did can be done again, and 
has been done again. As this is not much to begin with, 
they will throw in at this point rejection of Faraday and 
Brewster, and "poor Palet," and implicit acceptance 
of those shining lights, the Reverend Charles Beecher, 
and the Reverend Henry Ward Beecher (" one of the 
most vigorous and eloquent preachers of America"), and 
the Reverend Adin Ballou. 

Having thus cleared the way for a healthy exercise of 
faith, our advancing readers will next proceed especially to 
believe in the old story of the Drummer of Tedworth, in the 
inspiration of George Fox, in " the spiritualism, prophecies, 
and prevision" of Huntington the coal porter (him who 
prayed for the leather breeches which miraculously fitted 
him), and even in the Cock-lane Ghost. They will please 
wind up, before fetching their breath, Avith believing that 
there is a close analogy between rejection of any such plain 
and proved facts as those contained in the whole foregoing 
catalogue, and the opposition encountered by the inventors 



RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 323 

of railways, lighting by gas, microscopes and telescopes, 
and vaccination. This stinging consideration they will 
always carry rankling in their remorseful hearts as they 
advance. 

As touching the Cock-lane Ghost, our conscience-stricken 
readers will please particularly to reproach themselves for 
ever having supposed that important spiritual manifestation 
to have been a gross imposture which was thoroughly de- 
tected. They will please to believe that Dr. Johnson be- 
lieved in it, and that, in Mr. Howitt's words, he "appears 
to have had excellent reasons for his belief." With a view 
to this end, the faithful will be so good as to obliterate 
from their Boswells the following passage: "Many of 
my readers, I am convinced, are to this hour under an im- 
pression that Johnson was thus foolishly deceived. It will 
therefore surprise them a good deal when they are informed 
upon undoubted authority that Johnson was one of those 
by whom the imposture was detected. The story had be- 
come so popular, that he thought it should be investigated, 
and in this research he was assisted by the Eev. Dr. 
Douglas, now Bishop of Salisbury, the great detector of 
impostures" — and therefore tremendously obnoxious to Mr. 
Howitt — " who informs me that after the gentlemen who 
went and examined into the evidence were satisfied of its 
falsity, Johnson wrote in their presence an account of it, 
which was published in the newspapers and Gentleman'' s 
Magazine, and undeceived the world." But as there will 
still remain another highly inconvenient passage in the 
Boswells of the true believers, they must likewise be at the 
trouble of cancelling the following also, referring to a later 
time: "He (Johnson) expressed great indignation at the 
imposture of the Cock-lane Ghost, and related with much 



324 EATHER A STRONG DOSE. 

satisfaction how he had assisted in detecting the cheat, and 
had published an account of it in the newspapers." 

They will next believe (if they be, in the words of Cap- 
tain Bobadie, " so generously minded") in the transatlantic 
trance-speakers " who professed to speak from direct inspi- 
ration," Mks. Coea Hatch, Mrs. Henderson, and Miss 
Emma Hardinge ; and they will believe in those eminent 
ladies having " spoken on Sundays to five hundred thousand 
hearers" — small audiences, by the way, compared with the 
intelligent concourse recently assembled in the city of New 
York, to do honor to the Nuptials of General the Honorable 
T. Barnum Thumb. At about this stage of their spiritual 
education, they may take the opportunity of believing in 
" letters from a distinguished gentleman of New York, in 
which the frequent appearance of the gentleman's deceased 
wife and of Dr. Franklin, to him and other well-known 
friends, are unquestionably unequalled in the annals of the 
marvellous." Why these modest appearances should seem 
at all out of the common way to Mr. Howitt (who would be 
in a state of flaming indignation if we thought them so), 
we could not imagine, until we found on reading further, 
" it is solemnly stated that the witnesses have not only seen 
but touched these spirits, and handled the clothes and hair 
of Franklin." Without presuming to go Mr. Hewitt's 
length of considering this by any means a marvellous ex- 
perience, we yet venture to confess that it has awakened in 
our mind many interesting speculations touching the pres- 
ent whereabouts in space of the spirits of Mr. Hewitt's 
own separated boots and hats. 

The next articles of belief are Belief in the moderate 
figures of " thirty thousand media in the United States in 
1853" ; and in two million live hundred thousand spiritual- 



RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 325 

ists in tlie same country of composed minds, in 1855, 
" professing to have arrived at their conviction of spiritual 
communication from personal experience"; and in "an 
average rate of increase of three hundred thousand per 
annum," still in the same country of calm philosophers. 
Belief in spiritual knockings, in all manner of American 
places, and, among others, in the house of "a Doctor 
Phelps at Stratford, Connecticut, a man of the highest 
character for intelligence," says Mr. Howitt, and to whom 
we willingly concede the possession of far higher intelli- 
gence than was displayed by his spiritual knocker, " in fre- 
quently cutting to pieces the clothes of one of his boys," 
and in breaking " seventy-one panes of glass" — unless, in- 
deed, the knocker, when in the body, was connected with 
the tailoring and glazing interests. Belief in immaterial 
performers playing (in the dark, though; they are obsti- 
nate about its being in the dark) on material instruments of 
wood, catgut, brass, tin, and parchment. Your belief is 
further requested in " The Kentucky Jerks. " The spirit- 
ual achievements thus euphoniously denominated " appear, " 
says Mr. Howitt, "to have been of a very disorderly kind." 
It appears that a certain Mr. Doke, a Presbyterian clergy- 
man, "was first seized by the jerks," and the jerks laid 
hold of Mr. Doke in that unclerical way and with that 
scant respect for his cloth, that they " twitched him about 
in a most extraordinary manner, often when in the pulpit, 
and caused him to shout aloud, and run out of the pulpit 
into the woods, screaming like a madman. When the fit 
was over, he returned calmly to his pulpit and finished the 
service" — the congregation having waited, we presume, 
and edified themselves with the distant bellowings of Doke 
in the woods, until he came back again, a little warm and 



326 RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 

hoarse, but otherwise in fine condition. " People were often 
seized at hotels, and at table would, on lifting a glass to 
drink, jerk the liquor to the ceiling; ladies would at the 
breakfast-table suddenly be compelled to throw aloft their 
coffee, and frequently break the cup and saucer." A cer- 
tain venturesome clergyman vowed that he would preach 
down the Jerks, " but he was seized in the midst of his 
attempt, and made so ridiculous that he withdrew himself 
from further notice" — an example much to be commended. 
That same favored land of America has been particularly 
favored in the development of " innumerable mediums, " and 
Mr. Howitt orders you to believe in Daniel Douglas 
Home, Andrew Davis Jackson, and Thomas L. Harris, 
as "the three most remarkable, or most familiar, on this 
side of the Atlantic." Concerning Mr. Home, the articles 
of belief (besides removal of furniture) are. That through 
him raps have been given and communications made from 
deceased friends. That " his hand has been seized by spirit 
influence, and rapid communications written out, of a sur- 
prising character to those to whom they were addressed." 
That at his bidding "spirit hands have appeared which 
have been seen, felt, and recognized frequently, by persons 
present, as those of deceased friends." That he has been 
frequently lifted up and carried, floating "as it were" 
through a room, near the ceiling. That in America, " all 
these phenomena have displayed themselves in greater force 
than here" — which we have not the slightest doubt of. 
That he is " the planter of spiritualism all over Europe." 
That " by circumstances that no man could have devised, 
he became the guest of the Emperor of the Ereuch, of the 
King of Holland, of the Czar of Eussia, and of many lesser 
princes." That he returned from "this unpremeditated 



RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 327 

missionary tour," "endowed with competence"; but not 
before, "at the Tuileries, on one occasion when the Em- 
peror, Empress, a distinguished lady, and himself only 
were sitting at table, a hand appeared, took up a pen, and 
wrote, in a strong and well-known character, the word 
Napoleon-. The hand was then successively presented to 
the several personages of the party to kiss." The stout be- 
liever, having disposed of Mr. Home, and rested a little, 
will then proceed to believe in Andrew Davis Jackson, 
or Andrew Jackson Davis (Mr. Howitt, having no 
Medium at hand to settle this difference and reveal the right 
name of the seer, calls him by both names), who merely 
" beheld all the essential natures of things, saw the interior 
of men and animals, as perfectly as their exterior ; and de- 
scribed them in language so correct, that the most able 
technologists could not surpass him. Ho pointed out the 
proper remedies for all the complaints, and the shops where 
they were to be obtained" ; — in the latter respect appearing 
to hail from an advertising circle, as we conceive. It was 
also in this gentleman's limited department to " see the 
metals in the earth, " and to have " the most distant regions 
and their various productions present before him. " Hav- 
ing despatched this toagh case, the believer will pass on to 
Thomas L. Harris, and will swallow Mm easily, together 
with " whole epics" of his composition ; a certain work " of 
scarcely less than Miltonic grandeur, " called the " Lyric of 
the Golden Age" — a lyric pretty nigh as long as one of Mr. 
Howitt's volumes — dictated by Mr. (not Mrs.) Harris to 
the publisher in ninety -four hours; and several extempore 
sermons, possessing the remarkably lucid property of being 
"full, unforced, out-gushing, unstinted, and absorbing." 
The candidate for examination in pure belief will then pass 



328 KATHER A STRONG DOSE. 

in to the spirit-photograpliy department; tMs, again, will 
be found iu so-favored America, under the superintendence 
of Medium Mumler, a photographer of Boston : who was 
" astonished" (though, on Mr. Howitt' s showing, he surely 
ought not to have been) " on taking a photograph of him- 
self, to find also by his side the figure of a young girl, which 
he immediately recognized as that of a decased relative." 
The circumstance made a great excitement. Numbers of 
persons rushed to his rooms, and many have found deceased 
friends photographed with themselves. (Perhaps Mr. 
Mumler, too, may become " endowed with competence" in 
time. Who knows?) Finally, the true believers in the 
Gospel according to Howitt, have, besides, but to pin their 
faith on "ladies who see spirits habitually," "on ladies 
who know they have a tendency to soar in the air on suffi- 
cient provocation," and in a few other gnats to be taken 
after their camels, and they shall be pronounced by Mr. 
Howitt not of " the stereotyped class of minds, " and not 
partakers of "the astonishing ignorance of the press," and 
shall receive a first-class certificate of merit. But before 
they pass through this portal into the temple of Serene 
Wisdom, we, halting blind and helpless on the steps, beg 
to suggest to them what they must at once and forever dis- 
believe. They must disbelieve that in the dark times, 
when very few were versed in what are now the mere 
recreations of Science, and when those few formed a priest- 
hood class apart, any marvels were wrought by the aid of 
concave mirrors and a knowledge of the properties of certain 
odors and gases, although the self-same marvels could be 
reproduced before their eyes at the Polytechnic Institution, 
Kegent Street, London, any day in the year. They must 
by no means believe that Conjuring and Ventriloquism are 



RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 329 

old trades. They must disbelieve all Philosophical Tran- 
sactions containing the records of painful and careful in- 
quiry into now familiar disorders of the senses of seeing 
and hearing, and into the wonders of somnambulism, epi- 
lepsy, hysteria, miasmatic influence, vegetable poisons de- 
rived by whole communities from corrupted air, diseased 
imitation, and moral infection. They must disbelieve all 
such awkward leading cases as the case of the Woodstock 
Commissioners and their man, and the case of the identity 
of the Stockwell Ghost with the maid-servant. They must 
disbelieve the vanishing of champion haunted houses (ex- 
cept, indeed, out of Mr. Howitt's book), represented to 
have been closed and ruined for years, before one day's in- 
quiry by four gentlemen associated with this Journal, and 
one hour's reference to the local Rate-books. They must 
disbelieve all possibility of a human creature on the last 
verge of the dark bridge from Life to Death, being mys- 
teriously able, in occasional cases, so to influence the mind 
of one very near and dear, as vividly to impress that mind 
with some disturbed sense of the solemn change impending. 
They must disbelieve the possibility of the lawful existence 
of a class of intellects which, humbly conscious of the 
illimitable power of God and of their own weakness and 
ignorance, never deny that He can cause the souls of the 
dead to revisit the earth, or that He can cause any awful 
or wondrous thing to be; but do deny the likelihood of 
apparitions or spirits coming here upon the stupidest of 
bootless errands, and producing credentials tantamount to a 
solicitation of our vote and interest and next proxy, to get 
them into the Asylum for Idiots. They must disbelieve 
the right of Christian people who do not protest against 
Protestantism, but who hold it to be a barrier agamst the 



330 RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 

darkest superstitions tliat can enslave the soul, to guard 
with jealousy all approaches tending down to Cock-lane 
Ghosts and such-like infamous swindles, widely degrading 
when widely believed in; and they must disbelieve that 
such people have the right to know, and that it is their 
duty to know, wonder-workers by their fruits, and to test 
miracle-mongers by the tests of probabilitj'-, analogy, and 
common sense. They must disbelieve all rational explana- 
tions of thoroughly proved experiences (only) which appear 
supernatural, derived from the average experience and 
study of the visible world. They must disbelieve the 
specialty of the Master and the Disciples, and that it is a 
monstrosity to test the wonders of show-folk by the same 
touchstone. Lastly, they must disbelieve that one of the 
best accredited chapters in the history of mankind is the 
chapter that records the astonishing deceits continually 
practised, with no object or purpose but the distorted pleas- 
ure of deceiving. 

We have summed up a few — not nearly all — of the articles 
of belief and disbelief to which Mr. Howitt most arrogantly 
demands an implicit adherence. To uphold these, he uses 
a book as a Clown in a Pantomime does, and knocks every- 
body on the head Avith it who comes in his way. Moreover, 
he is an angrier personage than the Clown, and does not 
experimentally try the effect of his red-hot poker on your 
shins, but straightway runs you through the body and soul 
with it. He is always raging to tell you that if you are 
not Howitt you are Atheist and Anti-Christ. He is the 
sans-culotte of the Spiritual Eevolution, and will not hear 
of your accepting this point and rejecting that; down your 
throat with them all, one and indivisible, at the point of 
the pike. No Liberty, Totality, Fraternity, or Death ! 



RATHER A STRONG DOSE. 331 

Without presuming to question that " it is high time to 
protest against Protestantism" on such very substantial 
grounds as Mr. Howitt sets forth, we do presume to think 
that it is high time to protest against Mr. Howitt' s spirit- 
ualism, as being a little in excess of the peculiar merit of 
Thomas L. Harris' sermons, and somewhat too " full, out- 
gushing, unstinted, and absorbing." [1863.] 



THE MAETYE MEDIUM. 

"Aftek the valets, the master!" is Mr. Fechter's 
rallying cry in the XDicturesque, romantic drama which 
attracts all London to the Lyceum Theatre. After the 
worshippers and puffers of Mr. Daniel Douglas Home, 
the spirit medium, comes Mr. Daniel Douglas Home him- 
self, in one volume. And we must, for the honor of Liter- 
ature, plainly express our great surprise and regret that he 
comes arm in arm with such good company as Messrs. 
Longman and Company. 

We have already summed up Mr. Home's demand on 
the public capacity of swallowing, as sounded through the 
war-denouncing trumpet of Mr. Howitt, and it is not our 
intention to revive the strain as performed by Mr. Home, 
on his own melodious instrument. We notice, by the way, 
that in that part of the Fantasia where the hand of the 
First Napoleon is supposed to be reproduced, recognized, 
and kissed, at the Tuileries, Mr. Home subdues the florid 
effects one might have expected after Mr. Howitt' s execu- 
tion, and brays in an extremely gentle manner. And yet 
we observe Mr. Home to be in other things very reliant on 
Mr. Howitt, of whom he entertains as gratifying an opinion 
as Mr. Howitt entertains of him : dwelling on his " deep 
researches into this subject," and of his "great work now 
ready for the press," and of his "eloquent and forcible" 
advocacy, and else of his " elaborate and almost exhaustive 



THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 833 

work," which Mr. Home trusts will be "extensively read." 
But, indeed, it would seem to be the most reliable charac- 
teristic of the Dear Spirits, though very capricious in other 
particulars, that they always form their circles into what 
may be described, in worldly terms, as A Mutual Admira- 
tion and Complimentation Company (Limited). 

Mr. Home's book is entitled, "Incidents in My Life." 
We will extract a dozen sample passages from it, as varia- 
tions on, and phrases of harmony in, the general strain for 
the Trumpet, which we have promised not to repeat. 

1. Mk. Home is Supernaturally Nursed. 

"I cannot remember when first I became subject to the 
curious phenomena which have now for so long attended 
me, but my aunt and others have told me that when I was 
a baby my cradle was frequently rocked, as if some kind 
guardian spirit was attending me in my slumbers." 

2. Disrespectful Conduct of Mr. Home's Aunt Never- 
theless. 

" In her uncontrollable anger she seized a chair and threw 
it at me." 

3. Punishment of Mr. Home's Aunt. 

" Upon one occasion as the table was being thus moved 
about of itself, my aunt brought the family Bible, and plac- 
ing it on the table, said, 'There, that will soon drive the 
devils away ' ; but to her astonishment the table only moved 
in a more lively manner, as if pleased to bear such a 
burden." (We believe this is constantly observed in pul- 
pits and church reading-desks, which are invariably lively.) 



334 THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 

" Seeing this she was greatly incensed, and, determined to 
stop it, she angrily placed her whole weight on the table, 
and was actually lifted up with it bodily from the floor." 

4. Triumphant Effect of this Discipline on Mr. 
Home's Aunt. 

" And she felt it a duty that T should leave her house, 
and which I did." 

5. Mr. Home's Mission. 

It was communicated to him by the spirit of his mother, 
in the following terms: "Daniel, fear not; my child, God 
is with you, and who shall be against you? Seek to do 
good : be truthful and truth-loving, and you will prosper, 
my child. Yours is a glorious mission — you will convince 
the infidel, cure the sick, and console the weeping." It is 
a coincidence that another eminent man, with several mis- 
sions, heard a voice from the Heavens blessing him, when 
he also was a youth, and saying, " You will be rewarded, 
my son, in time." This Medium was the celebrated Baron 
Munchausen, who relates the experience in the opening of 
the second chapter of the incidents in his life. 



6. Modest Success of Mr. Home's Mission. 

" Certainly these phenomena, whether from God or from 
the devil, have in ten years caused more converts to the 
great truths of immortality and angel communion, with all 
that flows from these great facts, than all the sects in 
Christendom have made during the same period." 



THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 335 



7. Whax the First Composers say of the Spirit Music, 
TO Mr. Home. 

" As to the music, it has been my good fortune to be on 
intimate terms with some of the first composers of the day, 
and more than one of them have said of such as they have 
heard, that it is such music as only angels could make, and 
no man cordd write it." 

These " first composers" are not more particularly named. 
We shall therefore be happy to receive and file at the office 
of this journal, the testimonials in the foregoing terms of 
Dr. Sterndale Bennett, Mr. Balfe, Mr. MacFarren, 
Mr. Benedict, Mr. Vincent Wallace, Signor Costa, M. 
AuBER, M. Gounod, Signor Rossini, and Signor Verdi. 
We shall feel obliged to Mr. Alfred Mellon, who is no 
doubt constantly studying this wonderful music, under the 
Medium's auspices, if he will note on paper, from memory, 
say, a single sheet of the same. Signor Giulio Eegondi 
■will then perform it, as correctly as a mere mortal can, on 
the Accordeon, at the next ensuing concert of the Philhar- 
monic Society; on which occasion the before-mentioned 
testimonials will be conspicuously displayed in the front of 
the orchestra. 

8. Mr. Home's Miraculous Infant. 

" On the 26th April, old style, or 8th May, according to 
our style, at seven in the evening and as the snow was fast 
falling, our little boy was born at the tovra house, situated 
on the Gagarinesquay, in St. Petersburg, where we were 
still staying. A few hours after his birth, his mother, the 



336 THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 

nurse, and I heard for several hours the warbling of a bird 
as if singing over him. Also that night, and for two or 
three nights afterward, a bright starlike light, which was 
clearly visible from the partial darkness of the room, in 
which there was only a night-lamp burning, appeared 
several times directly over its head, where it remained for 
some moments, and then slowly moved in the direction of 
the door, where it disappeared. This was also seen by each 
of us at the same time. The light was more condensed 
than those which have been so often seen in my presence 
upon previous and subsequent occasions. It was brighter 
and more distiactly globular. I do not believe that it came 
through my mediumship, but rather through that of the 
child, who has manifested on several occasions the presence 
of the gift. I do not like to allude to such a matter, but as 
there are more strange things in Heaven and earth than are 
dreamt of, even in my philosophy, I do not feel myself at 
liberty to omit stating that, during the latter part of my 
wife's pregnancy, we thought it better that she should not 
join in Seances, because it was found that whenever the 
rappings occurred in the room, a simultaneous movement of 
the child was distinctly felt, perfectly in unison with the 
sounds. When there were three sounds, three movements 
were felt, and so on, and when five sounds were heard, 
which is generally the call for the alphabet, she felt the 
five internal movements, and she would frequently, when 
we were mistaken in the latter, correct us from what the 
child indicated." 

We should ask pardon of our readers for sullying our 
paper with this nauseous matter, if without it they could 
adequately understand what Mr. Home' s book is. 



THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 337 

9. Cagliostro's Spirit Calls on Mr. Home. 

Prudently avoiding the disagreeable question of his giving 
himself, both in this state of existence and in his spiritual 
circle, a name to which he never had any pretensions what- 
ever, and likewise prudently suppressing any reference to 
his amiable weaknesses as a swindler and an infamous 
trafficker in his own wife, the guileless Mr. Balsamo de- 
livered, in a " distinct voice, " this distinct celestial utter- 
ance — unquestionably punctuated in a supernatural manner : 
" My power was that of a mesmerist, but, all misimderstood 
by those about me, my biographers have even done me 
injustice, but I care not for the untruths of earth." 

10. Oracular State of Mr. Home. 

" After various manifestations, Mr. Home went into the 
trance, and, addressing the person present, said: 'You ask 
what good are such trivial manifestations, such as rapping, 
table moving, etc.? God is a better judge than we are 
what is fitted for humanity, immense results may spring 
from trivial things. The steam from a kettle is a small 
thing, but look at the locomotive ! The electric spark from 
the back of a cat is a small thing, but see the wonders of 
electricity! The raps are small things, but their results 
will lead you to the Spirit World, and to eternity ! Why 
should great results spring from such small causes? Christ 
was born in a manger. He was not born a king. When 
you tell me why He was born in a manger, I will tell you 
why these manifestations, so trivial, so undignified as they 
appear to you, have been appointed to convince the world 
of the truth of spiritualism!' " 

Wonderful ! Clearly direct Inspiration ! — And yet, per- 
22 



338 THE MAETYR MEDIUM. 

haps, hardly worth the trouble of going " into the trance" 
for, either. Amazing as the revelation is, we seem to have 
heard something like it from more than one personage who 
was wide awake. A quack doctor, in an open barouche 
(attended by a barrel organ and two footmen in brass 
helmets), delivered just such another address within our 
hearing, outside a gate of Paris, not two months ago. 

11. The Testimony of Mr. Home's Boots. 

" The lady of the house turned to me and said abruptly, 
* Why, you are sitting in the air ' ; and on looking we found 
that the chair remained in its place, but that I was elevated 
two or three inches above it, and my feet not touching the 
floor. This may show how utterly unconscious I am at 
times to the sensation of levitation. As is usual when I 
had not got above the level of the heads of those about me, 
and when they change their position much — as they fre- 
quently do in looking wistfully at such a phenomenon — I 
came down again, but not till I had remained so raised 
about half a minute from the time of its being first seen. 
I was now impressed to leave the table, and was soon 

carried to the lofty ceiling. The Count de B left his 

place at the table, and coming under where I was, said, 
'Now, young Home, come and let me touch your feet.' 
I told him I had no volition in the matter, but perhaps the 
spirits would kindly allow me to come down to him. They 
did so, by floating me down to him, and my feet were soon 
in his outstretched hands. He seized my boots, and now 
I was again elevated, he holding tightly, and pulling at 
my feet, till the boots I wore, which had elastic sides, came 
off and remained in his hands." 



THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 339 



12. The Uncombative Nature of Mr. Home. 

As there is a maudlin complaint in this book, about men 
of Science being hard upon "the ' Orphan' Home," and as 
the " gentle and uncombative nature" of this Medium in a 
martyred point of view is pathetically commented on by the 
anonymous literary fiend who supplies him with an Intro- 
duction and appendix — rather at odds with Mr, Howitt, 
who is so mightily triumphant about the same Martyr's 
reception by crowned heads, and about the competence he 
has become endowed with — we cull from Mr. Home's book 
one or two illustrative flowers. Sir David Brewster (a 
pestilent unbeliever) " has come before the public in few 
matters which have brought more shame upon him than his 
conduct and assertions upon this occasion, in which he 
manifested not only a disregard for truth, but also a dis- 
loyalty to scientific observation, and to the use of his own 
eyesight and natural faculties." The same unhappy Sir 
David Brewster's "character may be the better known, not 
only for his untruthful dealing with this subject, but also 
in his own domain of science, in which the same unfaithful- 
ness to truth will be seen to be the characteristic of his 
mind." Again, he "is really not a man over whom victory 
is any honor." Again, "not only he, but Professor Far- 
aday have had time and ample leisure to regret that they 
should have so foolishly pledged themselves," etc. A Far- 
aday a fool in the sight of a Home ! That unjust judge 
and whited wall. Lord Brougham, has his share of this 
Martyr Medium's uncombativeness. In order that he 
might not be compelled to deny Sir David's statements, he 
found it necessary that he should be silent, and " I have 



340 THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 

some reason to complain that his Lordship preferred sacri- 
ficing me to his desire not to immolate his friend." Mr. 
Arago also came of£ with very doubtful honors from 
a wrestle with the uncombative Martyr ; who is perfectly 
clear (and so are we, let us add) that scientific men are 
not the men for his purpose. Of course, he is the butt 
of "utter and acknowledged ignorance," and of "the 
most gross and foolish statements," and of "the unjast 
and dishonest" and of "the press-gang," and of crowds 
of other alien and combative adjectives, participles, and 
substantives. 

Nothing is without its use, and even this odious book 
may do some service. Not because it coolly claims for the 
writer and his disciples such powers as were wielded by the 
Saviour and the Apostles ; but because it sees no difference 
between twelve table-rappers in these days, and "twelve 
fishermen" in those; not because it appeals for precedents 
to statements extracted from the most ignorant and 
wretched of mankind, by cruel torture, and constantly 
withdrawn when the torture was withdrawn; but because 
it sets forth such a strange confusion of ideas as is pre- 
sented by one of the faithful when, writing of a certain 
sprig of geranium handed by an invisible hand, he adds in 
ecstasies, " tvldch tve have planted aiid it is groivbig, so that 
it is no delusion, no fairy money turned into dross or leaves" 
— as if it followed that the conjurer's half-crowns really 
did become invisible and in that state fly, because he after- 
ward cuts them out of a real orange; or as if the conjurer's 
pigeon, being, after the discharge of his gun, a real live 
pigeon fluttering on the target, must therefore conclusively 
be a pigeon, fired, whole, living, and unshattered, out of the 
gun! — not because of the exposure of any of these weak- 



THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 341 

nesses, or a thousand such, are these moving incidents in 
the life of the Martyr Medium, and similar productions, 
likely to prove useful, but because of their uniform abuse 
of those who go to test the reality of these alleged phe- 
nomena, and who come away incredulous. There is an old 
homely proverb concerning pitch and its adhesive character, 
which we hope this significant circumstance may impress 
on many minds. The writer of these lines has lately heard 
overmuch touching young men of promise in the imagina- 
tive arts, "towards whom Martyr Mediums, assisting at 
evening parties, feel themselves " drawn. " It may be a 
hint to such young men to stick to their own drawing, as 
being of a much better kind, and to leave Martyr Mediums 
alone in their glory. 

As there is a good deal in these books about "lying 
spirits, " we will conclude by putting a hypothetical case. 
Supposing that a Medium (Martyr or otherwise) were 
established for a time in the house of an English gentleman 
abroad; say, somewhere in Italy. Supposing that the 
more marvellous the Medium became, the more suspicious 
of him the lady of the house became. Supposing that the 
lady, her distrust once aroused, were particularly struck 
by the medium's exhibiting a persistent desire to commit 
her, somehow or other, to the disclosure of the manner of 
the death, to him unknown, of a certain person. Suppos- 
ing that she at length resolved to test the Medium on this 
head, and, therefore, on a certain evening mentioned a 
wholly supposititious manner of death (which was not the 
real manner of death, nor anything at all like it) within the 
range of his listening ears. And supposing that a spirit 
presently afterwards rapped out its presence, claiming to be 
the sjjirit of that deceased person, and claiming to have 



342 THE MARTYR MEDIUM. 

departed this life in that supposititious way. Would that 
be a lying spirit? Or would it be a something else, taint- 
ing all that Medium's statements and suppressions, even if 
they were not in themselves of a manifestly outrageous 
character? [1863.] 



EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION. 

THE KEV. CPIAUXCY HARE TOWNSHEND. 

Mr. Chaunct Hare Townshend died in London, on the 
25th of February, 1868. His will contained the following 
passage : 

"I appoint my friend Charles Dickens, of Gads' Hill 
Place, in the County of Kent, Esquire, my literary execu- 
tor ; and beg of him to publish without alteration as much 
of my notes and reflections as may make known my 
opinions on religious matters, they being such as I verily 
believe would be condusive to the happiness of mankind." 

In pursuance of the foregoing injunction, the Literaiy 
Executor so appointed (not previously aware that the publi- 
cation of any Religious Opinions would be enjoined upon 
him), applied himself to the examination of the numerous 
papers left by his deceased friend. Some of these were in 
Lausanne, and some were in London. Considerable delay 
occurred before they could be got together, arising out of 
certain claims preferred, and formalities insisted on, by the 
authorities of the Canton de Vaud. 

When at length the whole of his late friend's papers 
passed into the Literary Executor's hands, it was found 
that "Religious Opinions" were scattered up and down 
through a variety of memoranda and note-books, the gradual 
accumulation of years upon years. Many of the following 
papers were carefully transcribed, numbered, corrected, 



344 EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION. 

and prepared for the press ; but many more were dispersed 
fragments, originally written in pencil, afterward inked 
over, the intended sequence of which, in the writer's mind, 
it was extremely difficult to follow. These again were 
intermixed with journals of travel, fragments of poems, 
critical essays, voluminous correspondence, and old school 
exercises and college themes, having no kind of connection 
with them. To publish such materials "without altera- 
tion," was simply impossible. But finding everywhere 
internal evidence that Mr. Townshend' s Eeligious Opinions 
had been constantly meditated and reconsidered with great 
pains and sincerity throughout his life, the Literary Exe- 
cutor carefully compiled them (always in the writer's exact 
words), and endeavored in piecing them together to avoid 
needless repetition. He does not doubt that Mr. Town- 
shend held the clew to a precise plan, which would have 
greatly simplified the presentation of these views ; and he 
has devoted the first section of this volume to Mr. Town- 
shend' s own notes of his comprehensive intentions. Proofs 
of the devout spirit in which they were conceived, and of 
the sense of responsibility with which he worked at them, 
abound through the whole mass of papers. 

Mr. Townshend' s varied attainments, delicate tastes, and 
amiable and gentle nature, caused him to be beloved 
through life by the variously distinguished men who were 
his compeers at Cambridge long ago. To his Literary Exe- 
cutor, he was always a warmly attached and sympathetic 
friend. To the public, he has been a most generous bene- 
factor, both in his munificent bequest of his collection of 
precious stones to the South Kensington Museum, and in 
the devotion of the bulk of his property to the education of 
poor children. [1869.] 



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Gordon in China and the Soudan 

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New Amsterdam Book Company'' s List 7 

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A Bibliography of Gilbert White of Sel= 
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By EDWARD A. MARTIN, F.G.S., author of "Amidst 

Nature's Realms, " " The Story of a Piece of Coal," 

Etc. $1.50. 

Gilbert White's remarkable book, "The Natural History of 
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Fiction 

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stamped in fire bronze and gold, $i.50' 

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We have often wondered why the famous legend of El Do- 
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cry is general that all possible themes have long ago been 
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to have thought the quest as hopeless as the adventurers found 
it. The omission has now been made good; the hidden city 
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from a thirteen-page review.) 

Is an exceptionally fascinating book. * * * We know 
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8 New Amsterdam Book Company s List 

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New Amsterdam Book Company' s List 9 

Nephele 

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10 New Amsterdam, Book Company s List 

A Stable for Nightmares 

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